A/N:
Hello my lovley readers. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! I did and I am looking forward to a great New Year. Now...let's see if our fav. couple has made amends...this is a long one Enjoy! I want to thank Jewelsie for her review because she was from the area and she gave me the location for this chapter. Thanks for the inspiration.
Kittyisme0341 you rock and I love ya
As always I own nothing, we all know the great SM does. No copyright infringement intended.
Bella POV
I had to be dreaming. I felt as though this couldn't be my reality. Edward said it was over. How? Why? I just didn't understand.
I remembered riding into town, coming to the general store, talking with Rosalie and Esme and then after that…nothing.
I opened my eyes slowly, not really sure where I was. I looked around the room and found that nothing was familiar to me. I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye and when I turned to see what it was I was met with Esme's kind smile.
"Good Morning dear." She whispered.
"Mrs. Cullen, where am I?"
"You are still at the Hale's Bella. You were completely exhausted, so we put you to sleep here in their spare room." She was talking quietly, as if she was worried I would break down again.
"Oh, I feel awful for putting the Hale's out like this. I really should get up and start figuring out what to do next." I muttered.
"Bella, please talk to me sweetie. You know you can't leave, not when you don't know all that is going on. It's not like you to just tuck tail and run like this. I think there is more to the story then you are telling us."
Wow Esme really was good. How could she tell I was battling with myself? Could I tell her what I was worrying about?
"Esme, what else could there be? I told you what I heard Edward say. He said it was over. I know I am not good enough for him and he finally figured it out himself." I looked down at my knotted hands, my heart breaking.
"What? Isabella Swan how could you say something like that?" she scolded me.
"Mrs. Cullen….I…I am not good enough for him. He needs a quiet, sweet woman to keep his home and children not someone like me." I couldn't look at her, the humiliation was too much.
"Bella, what are you talking about, there is no one in this world sweeter than you and you are such a loving, caring woman, you're perfect for him."
"NO! I'm not! You don't understand Mrs. Cullen, I know why Edward doesn't want me anymore…I'm…I'm too wanton. I practically threw myself at him the other night." I bellowed.
She sat there blinking at me, her face expressionless.
"You see I had a nightmare the other night and Edward heard me screaming. He came in to comfort me….I couldn't help myself. He was so sweet and loving and he looked so handsome and I tried…. but he stopped me and….."
My confession was cut off by the loud cackling laughter of Mrs. Cullen.
"Mrs. Cullen, why are you laughing at me?" I said, hurt that she could laugh at my situation. I did not find it funny at all!
"Bella honey, I know you are young and all of these feelings are confusing to you but believe me when I say that Edward loves you, every part of you."
"I don't understand." I told her because I was truly baffled.
"Bella, I know Alice has talked to you some about the physical feelings you have had in the past. That is all normal. Your wanting Edward is not a bad thing. Yes, it is right to wait until marriage but….all people men and women battle these feelings. Sometimes people give in to those thoughts but just because Edward stopped, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have those same desires. He was trying to protect you. He would never ruin your reputation like that and his love for you made him stop. I am sure it was just as hard for him as it was for you. Did you feel like he was rejecting you?"
"At first I didn't but as the day wore on I kept thinking about it and I felt so bad having these lascivious feelings. I didn't think it was normal and that Edward would be appalled with me. I tried to push it back in my mind and I did really, until I heard him with Alice." I frowned.
"Oh Bella, you did nothing wrong. All of those feelings you have are proof of your love for Edward and it is your body's way of reacting to that love. It is perfectly natural and you will find as your love grows so will those feelings."
I couldn't believe it. Those feelings would grow! I already felt as if I was on fire when Edward touched me. I couldn't imagine it being stronger that that.
"Sweetie I will let you in on a little secret. Men think of the same things…all of the time. Men seem to think more about loving than they do anything else." She chuckled.
I was so surprised. Wow. I really needed to learn much more about all this.
"Mrs. Cullen, would you mind telling me what you told Alice about loving a man. I just feel so lost and I really need to know what's going on." I pleaded with her.
"Of course my dear." She came over and sat on the bed with me.
Esme and I sat in the tiny spare room and talked for an hour about all the ways a man and woman could love each other. My head was spinning with all of this information. I really didn't know anything so I was very happy that Esme told me all of the things I needed to know. I truly would have been in for a surprise if she didn't.
I still didn't know why Edward said those things yesterday, I needed to find out.
"Mrs. Cullen, thank you for talking with me about this, I really appreciate it but I don't know if it will even matter now." I muttered sadly.
"Bella, before I came here I sent Dr. Cullen to the ranch to find out what happened. He came across Edward on the road to town. He was looking for you. No one knew where you were and they went off searching for you."
My eyes widened in shock. Oh I felt horrible that I worried everyone so much but I couldn't stay there if Edward didn't want me anymore.
"Bella dear, I can't tell you everything because it is not my place to say but I will tell you that Edward loves you very much. He came here last night, he looked in on you to make sure you were ok and he looked so sad, he was really worried about you. He told me that he didn't understand why you would run away."
"What…but I heard…." I sputtered.
"You heard wrong dear. I can't say anything more but I will tell you that Edward stayed with his uncle last night and he said he would be here this morning to talk to you." She smiled a knowing smile.
Edward was coming! I needed to get up and get dressed. I couldn't let him see me like this.
"Oh Mrs. Cullen I need to get ready, I don't want him to see me such a mess."
"Well let's get you ready we will make you look gorgeous for him."
I jumped off the bed and hugged Esme with all that I had.
"Thank you so much, even though I miss my Mama terribly I will always thank god that he bought you into my life."
"Oh Bella, thank you, I love you sweet girl. Now let's get you ready for my nephew."
Edward POV
Leaving Bella at the Hale's was torture. I wanted nothing more than to sit there and watch her all night. What if she ran again? Why did she think I wouldn't love her anymore?
I loved her so much it hurt sometimes. The ache in my chest when we were apart was always reminding me that even though she wasn't with me in body she was with me in my heart.
Uncle and I got to his house and he immediately offered me a drink.
"No thank you Uncle Carlisle, I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore. I need to be good for Bella, having her in my life has made me realize that I don't need that anymore."
"Well I am glad to hear it my boy." He sat down on the chair in his study looking at me with a strange expression on his face.
"What is it Uncle? You look like you have something to say."
"Have a seat Edward…I know you are worried about Bella but your aunt will take good care of her. I just wanted to ask if you have any idea as to why Bella would run."
"No, not at all. I could understand that she overheard part of the conversation and that it sounded bad but I think My Bella would have had a say about that. She would have told me to my face how she felt. There has to be something else." I pondered over and over in my mind what it could be.
"Well rest assured your Aunt Esme will get to the bottom of it. She has a knack for finding out information." He chuckled.
"I hope so, for the life of me I can't figure out why she left." I frowned, thinking of Bella leaving.
"Well try to get some rest tonight and we will get this whole mess fixed tomorrow." Uncle Carlisle rose from his chair and patted my shoulder.
"Goodnight Uncle."
"Goodnight Edward."
He left me in the study while he went to bed but I was too anxious to let sleep claim me yet. I paced the study running the last 24 hours over in my mind trying to think of anything that would have upset Bella.
Bella seemed fine yesterday, even after her horrible nightmare. Shit I wonder if her nightmares were bothering her…no, that didn't make any sense. I knew they were bad but that wouldn't lead her to believe I didn't want her anymore.
It was just the opposite really. After holding her in my arms that night trying to comfort her, my need for her was quite strong. I couldn't believe how right she felt in my arms, in that bed. When she asked me to touch her I almost died. Touching her would have driven me over the edge and I was already precariously dangling from it as it was.
I walked out of the study and sat on the front steps hoping the night air would calm me. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander, trying anything to get myself to relax. I sat there with my thoughts racing around in my mind.
My eyes sprang open when the realization hit me. I turned Bella down last night. I rejected her. Oh shit! She must think I didn't want her and then upon hearing Alice and I she….crap. This is my fault; I made her feel unwanted, even though that is not anywhere close to being true. Fuck I need to fix this.
How could that lovely creature ever think I didn't want her. My god I have never wanted another woman like I did Isabella. I am in a constant state of arousal near her…hell I don't even need to be around her and she has me hard at just the thought of her name.
I stood and decided I needed to get some sleep, tomorrow I was getting up early, going back to the ranch and getting everything I needed to make sure that Bella will never doubt that I want or love her. I planned on proposing to her tomorrow and that is what I am damn well going to do!
I was surprised how fast sleep had claimed me and when I woke before dawn my mind was determined.
I went downstairs surprised to already see my uncle eating breakfast.
"Well someone is up early I see." My uncle jested.
"I could say the same for you too."
"Ahh my boy I am up before the sun everyday, plus it is hard to sleep without your aunt beside me." He smiled wistfully.
"I am sorry that I have caused this whole mess and that my aunt had to leave your side Uncle Carlisle."
"Nonsense Edward, we are glad to be of help. Why do you say that you caused this mess? Did you remember something last night that would have upset Isabella?" He quirked his eyebrow at me.
"Yes I think I have…." I proceeded to tell him about Bella's nightmare and what happened after.
"Edward I know it is difficult for you to understand, but it is a good thing to know how much you and Bella desire each other and what you did was perfectly appropriate. I am sure she understood that. Your aunt and I were very similar to you and Bella. We had a hard time….restraining ourselves before we wed. I think your aunt was struggling more than I, for young women their inexperience and lack of understanding these things makes their feelings more confusing. As men we know a vast deal more and since we sometimes have more experience these feelings are met with understanding but for women, most of them no nothing about loving a man and when they feel it for the first time it can be very powerful. So please don't blame yourself, this is just how nature works and in time all will be right."
Wow my uncle was such a smart man. I only hoped that one day I possessed his great awareness of all these things.
"When you put it that way it does make more sense but I am afraid that Isabella thinks I do not want her anymore due to my rejection, but I will correct that today. I am heading back to the ranch for a bit. I have some things to do and prepare so that when I return Isabella Swan will have no doubt how I feel anymore."
"That a boy! Go and get what you need to from the ranch and I will go the Hale's and check in on the ladies."
"Thank you Uncle. I'll be back soon." I shook his hand and ran out to get my horse.
On the ride back to the ranch I thought about what I needed to accomplish. I hoped Alice was awake by the time I arrived so that she could help me.
I rode up to the house and was happy to see Alice coming through the door to greet me.
"Edward! Your home…where's Bella?" She looked at me quizzically.
"Alice lets go inside and I will fill you in."
As we worked to get all of the things I needed I told Alice what happened.
She felt so bad about the conversation we had in the study and how Bella misunderstood what was happening. I assured her it wasn't her fault and that I was now going to make this right.
I gathered up my things and I loaded them into the carriage. I kissed Alice on the cheek and she wished me luck. As I drove away I waved goodbye to her, thanking her again for all of her help.
It was time…I rode into to town and stopped in front of the General Store. I climbed out of the carriage and took a deep breath steeling myself and trying to calm my nerves. I longingly looked up at the upstairs windows knowing that my love was up there and that by the end of today she would be hopefully be my fiancé.
Bella POV
I paced the upstairs bedroom dressed and waiting for Edward to come. Esme and Rosalie helped me get ready since my nerves were hindering the process.
Rosalie did my hair, curling my long tresses and placing delicate combs into it keeping the hair out of my face.
Rosalie lent me one of her dresses since I didn't pack anything with me. I only had my work dress and that is not how I wanted to see Edward.
Esme asked if she could pin up the hem so I didn't trip, since Rosalie was a few inches taller than me. While she worked on the dress, Rosalie applied some color to my cheeks and lips. Esme and Rosalie helped me into the deep blue dress, buttoning me up and primping me as if I were going to a ball.
When I was finished I stared at my reflection in the mirror and was shocked at my appearance.
It was me but I appeared so different. For the first time I looked like a grown woman, not the young girl that I usually saw when I stared at my reflection.
Esme came up behind me looking at me in the mirror.
"Bella you are a vision, my poor nephew won't know what hit him." she giggled.
Rosalie joined in on the laughter.
"Oh Bella that man is going to fall more in love with you the minute he lays his eyes on you."
I blushed profusely, turning around to look at the ladies.
"Thank you both for being so kind to me and for being such wonderful friends. I don't know what I would have done without either of you." I said with tears in my eyes.
"Now, now...no crying young lady. You want to be able to see my nephew looking your best, not with a red nose." Esme kissed me on the forehead in that motherly way of hers that made me feel loved and safe.
I heard a carriage approaching and I stilled. Rosalie flew to the window and peered out.
"It's Edward." She smiled.
The butterflies in my stomach were going insane at the moment and I feared I would faint. What would he say to me, would he be upset that I ran away? I felt all of the blood drain from my face.
Esme, noticing my distress grabbed my hand.
"Bella look at me."
I looked up and met her unwavering gaze.
"All will be well, just remember to be honest about your feelings and to listen to him….without jumping to conclusions." She added with a smile.
I knew I had a horrible habit of doing just that and yesterday was undeniable proof of that fact.
"I know….I am just so nervous." I took a stuttering breath, trying to quiet my nerves.
"I am going to go down and say hi to my nephew….try to relax dear. Come down in a few minutes once you have calmed down." Esme stood and gave me a hug of reassurance.
When the door closed I looked at Rosalie with fearful eyes.
"Oh Rosalie I am so scared. What if I have driven him away with my stupidity?"
"Isabella Swan! You listen to me. Stop this right now….that man loves YOU. I have known Edward for many years and I have never and I repeat never seem him this happy or carefree. That is because of you and you alone. Now get it through your head once and for all….you make him happy and loved and now you need to go out there and prove to him once and for all that you believe in him and yourself." She had fierceness in her eyes that truthfully, scared me a little.
I was awed at her strength and thankful for it also.
"I know you are right….I am done being a silly little girl. I am a woman and I need to start acting like one." I stood up straighter and took one last look in the mirror. I saw before me a woman and now was the time for me to behave like one, one worthy of Edward Cullen's love.
"Thank you Rosalie, I'm ready now."
She kissed my cheek and smiled.
I opened the door and slowly descended the stairs. Each step I took my nerves started to abate. I knew now that I wasn't scared anymore; I was ready to face whatever happened.
I got to the bottom of the stairs and when I did I saw Edward come around the corner to greet me.
OH DEAR LORD! He was dressed in a suit…hair combed back, smelling oh so good. I had to hold onto the banister for support. My knees went weak and I had all to do not to run into his arms.
He was standing there with his mouth open….gaping at me. I think our faces mirrored each other.
He took a tentative step toward me, then another, until he stood right in front of me.
"Bella" he whispered as his hand came up to touch my cheek. His touch was so light, like I was made of glass and he was afraid to break me. I slowly lifted my hand and placed it atop of his.
"Edward" I choked, trying not to cry.
"You look so beautiful."
"I could say the same about you; you look so dashing in that suit." I smiled shyly.
"Bella, I have so much to say to you…I…I was hoping you would take a ride with me so we could talk. I have somewhere special I would love to show you." He looked a little scared, worrying about my reaction. I would leave him with no doubt.
"I would go happily with you Edward Cullen… anywhere."
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles with such tenderness.
He placed my hand in the crook of his arm and he led me out to the carriage. He helped me up and then climbed up next to me.
We drove in silence for a few moments. I needed to apologize to him and let go of this guilt.
"Edward…I…I am so sorry about yesterday. I was stupid and reckless and I know that you will find it hard to forgive me for my doubting you but I wanted you to know how very sorry I am for all of it." I bit my lip trying to hold back the sob I wanted to let out.
I looked down in my lap fearful of the look on his face, I didn't want to see the disappointment or hurt in his eyes.
"Bella, love…look at me."
I slowly looked up to meet his gaze. He smiled.
"I have to apologize too you also. I know I have done some things the wrong way but I never want you to doubt how much I love you and want you."
"Edward…I…I….this is so hard to say. It is so embarrassing."
I looked down and wrung my hands nervously.
"You can tell me anything Bella." He earnestly declared.
I glanced up at him and smiled.
"I know Edward, it is just hard for me to say this…the reason I ran yesterday….it was not only about what I thought I overheard you say but it was….it was that I thought you couldn't love me anymore after I threw myself at you that night you came to comfort me from my nightmare. I was sure that I disgusted you by my wanton ways and that you would not want someone like that to be yours." I meekly confessed.
Edward's face was stone. He was looking at the road, not meeting my gaze. I began to worry, maybe it was true…maybe he didn't think I was good enough.
"Edward, I understand if that is true and if you don't think I am good enough to be yours I…."
"What? How could you say that Bella, you are perfect for me… I thought you ran away because I rejected you and that you thought I didn't want you anymore. That is the furthest from the truth. I love that you desire me so….I yearn for you just as much. I was always afraid that you would have thought me some kind of monster if I showed you how much you affect me. My love for you is so strong that it is sometimes painful…I want you so much that I worried you be scared off if I let myself go, even a little. I struggled with my desire for you that night, I wanted you so badly but I knew that we couldn't cross that line. It wouldn't have been right. I only want to do what is right by you. I love you so much I could never hurt you that way. Never."
"Oh Edward, I am so sorry…I was so naïve…I thought only of myself and not how you were feeling. I never wanted to hurt you or make you feel bad. I love you too, so much. The thought of causing you pain hurts me and yet that is exactly what I did. Please forgive me."
"Bella, there is nothing to forgive. The only thing we have to be sorry for is that we did not talk to each other about it, but hopefully we have learned from this and I know I will never withhold my feelings like that again."
"I agree, and I will promise not to jump to conclusions. I will talk to you first, I never want to hurt you again."
Edward pulled the horses to a stop in the middle of the road. I looked around wondering why we had done that.
It came clear to me as he leaned over and placed his lips on mine. He kissed me until I had no breath left in me.
"I love you Bella…always believe that."
"I love you too Edward, forever."
He started the carriage again and I wondered where we were headed.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"It's a surprise." He winked at me.
"OK" I beamed back.
We drove for a few more minutes just enjoying being in each others company.
Soon enough Edward pulled the carriage off of the main road and down a path.
He stopped the horses again and pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket.
"Do you trust me love? I want to cover your eyes for a few minutes until we get there."
I nodded my head. I trusted him completely.
He tied the handkerchief around my head and I was in darkness. It was an odd sensation riding like that but I could hear the birds, the swish of the leaves in the breeze. It was wonderful.
Soon I could hear water, lots of water.
The carriage stopped and Edward jumped off.
"Keep your eyes closed love. I will be right back, stay there." His kissed the tip of my nose taking me by surprise. I jumped a little. He chuckled. Cheeky bastard.
I waited…trying to be patient but I was having difficulty with that.
I could hear him at the back of the carriage and then a few moments later he was at my side.
"I am going to help you down ok?" I nodded, to anxious to speak.
I took his hand as he helped me stand, and then he grabbed my waist, hoisting me down.
As soon as my feet touched the ground Edward's lips found mine.
"I love you Isabella Swan."
He took my hand and walked me a few paces. He stopped suddenly and I could really hear the water rushing.
"Let me take this off now, but keep your eyes closed, ok." He untied the cloth and slowly lifted it off my eyes.
He was quiet for a moment and then he whispered in my ear.
"Open your eyes."
I slowly opened them trying to adjust to the sunlight. I gasped.
In front of me was the most spectacular waterfall I had ever seen. It was so high and majestic. The mountain stood out, water flowing effortlessly over the top.
I turned and beamed at him.
"This is stunning. I love it." I looked up at him kissing him on the cheek.
I walked around and soon spotted a blanket with a picnic basket on top of it with a few pillows lying around.
"Oh Edward, this is amazing. Where are we?"
"This is Casper Mountain. I was riding out a few years back and happened upon it. I fell in love with this place, whenever I felt like I needed to seek some peace I would come here and look at the waterfall for hours. It is one of my favorite places and I wanted to share it with you."
He led me to the blanket and we sat down watching the water cascading over the mountain. It was magnificent.
Edward opened the picnic basket and began to make us something to nibble on. This was perfect….he was perfect.
After we ate we laid back on the pillows and watched the clouds moving overhead, listening to the rushing water. It was so serene and I wanted this day to never end.
Edward rolled over and ran his finger over my cheek.
"You are so beautiful Bella. I love seeing you like this."
"This has been the best day of my life Edward. Thank you so much for bringing me here."
"Well the day is not over yet and I want to show you something." He held out his hand to help me up.
We walked hand in hand for awhile as he led me to wherever we were going. I didn't ask him since I knew he wouldn't tell me. He would lift my hand and kiss my palm, he would wrap his arm around me and kiss my temple. All of these loving touches warmed my heart and my love for him was bursting at the seams.
We walked down a path through some trees where we came upon the bottom of the waterfall where the water was pooling. It was so loud but the beauty of it erased the sounds from head.
Edward pulled me toward a group of rocks and sat me down. I looked up at him and he suddenly seemed anxious…I was about to ask what was the matter when he all of a sudden he dropped to one knee in front of me.
Tears began to well in my eyes…I was struggling to see him through my tears. I felt his fingers wipe the moisture away.
I looked into his eyes and I stopped breathing for a moment. The love shining in them was indescribable.
He held his hand out, grasping mine and with his other hand he held a beautiful diamond ring. It was exquisite.
"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you so much. You came into my life and shook me to my core. I never thought I would love anyone, I didn't even think I was capable of loving anyone but you…you have proved me wrong. I will love you every day for the rest of my life and beyond. Please do me the honor of becoming my wife, my soul, my eternal love. Marry me?"
"Yes….Yes I will marry you… nothing would make me happier than to be your wife."
He slipped the ring onto my finger telling me how it was his mother's. My heart swelled with love and pride. He wanted me to have something of his Mama's and the tears began to fall again. I gazed up at him with watery eyes; my smile was as large as the waterfall in front of us.
"Oh Edward, it's perfect, I will love and cherish it forever."
Edward picked me up and crushed his lips to mine. I held his face in my hands showing him with my kiss all of the love, passion and devotion I had for him.
"I love you…I love you." He whispered between kisses.
"As I love you….so much." I replied.
We held each other tightly relishing in our happiness. I was going to be Mrs. Edward Cullen. I smiled.
Oh how I hoped that it was going to happen soon.
End Note: YAY! Now let me know what you thought. I hope everyone has a safe, happy, healthy new year. See you in 2011