Dudes, first of all, hello. Second of all, I must apologise for abandoning you for three weeks without any warning. I went on holiday to the land of the haggis, aka Scotland. I came back with many a souvenir such as a little bagpipe magnet with plays an irritating tune when you press it. I then zoomed off to summer camp for five days.
Anyway, I kept meaning to tell you that I would be gone but, mothers nagging me to 'pack instead of being on that blasted computer' and all that jazz. Anyway. Stewart shall be beetling off to school soon, save the Death Eaters from torment for a while.
And I know that some of you may be a little upset to learn that Barty will be making himself scarce for a while too. As he needs to impersonate an ex auror and teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. However, lest you forget that every Death Eater has to have a computer, so he may send the gang e-mails.
I have a cunning plan about Barty actually, for those of you who knows what happens to him after he is discovered, you will know that he has a rather nasty encounter with a Death Eater, aka, having his soul sucked out. Nasty bussiness. But will Barty have his soul sucked out after all? Will he, probably one of the most popular Death Eaters, leave for eternity in the land of the souless? Would I do that to you? Well, you're going to have to wait a little less than a year to find out I'm afraid. Until then, worry youself senseless, endure sleepless nights of tossing and turning thinking about it. Or you could just read about the others. Because I shall give you one little clue. Barty does have some uses for his owls you know, and would be prepared for Death Eater attacks ever since he left Azkaban...
Anyway, on with the current story and not with one a year from now. I hope I'll still be writing these stories then. If I'm not, you are at perfect liberty to come and beat me up until I tell you what happens to Barty.
Right. I shall now stop talking about Barty. This chapter is called simply: The Death Eaters play Quidditch. Says it all. Read on, if you dare.
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The Death Eaters play Quidditch
One common love shared among many wizards, is the game of Quidditch. Quidditch can bring together wizards from all walks of life, you would be hard pressed to find a wizard who hasn't heard of it.
Of course, this was no exception for the Death Eaters, and all of them loved it. Voldemort, who had never actually played it, had watched it often enough and found himself highly entertained, his favourite parts being when people were knocked unconcious by Bludgers.
The Lestranges had played it on several occasions, Rodolphus had been on the Slytherin team at Hogwarts, and had later taught his brother to play. Admittedly, Rabastan was not very good at all, and had some teeth knocked out thanks to hitting himself with his Beater's bat.
Wormtail had often gone along to James Potter's Quidditch matches when he was at school. He had never really understood it, but James was so amazing at flying, he just couldn't miss a single one. He had never tried it himself, but his friends had always assured him that it was fantastic.
Lucius had watched Draco practising on the Quidditch pitch at the back of their house many times, and Barty had followed it since he was a boy.
"Minions!" Voldemort called, the Death Eaters hurried into the room.
"Now I know how excited you all are about our little 'field trip' to the Quidditch World Cup soon," he said. There was a sea of grinning faces. "So I arranged a little get together with the Order for a game."
The grins were wiped away at once.
"No!" Wormtail squeaked. "Sirius and Remus will give me nasty looks!"
"I don't particularly want to meet Sirius or Nymphadora," Bellatrix said with a glare.
"They all think I'm dead!" Barty protested.
"SILENCE!" Voldemort yelled. The room fell quiet. "It is quite simple. We can wear our masks so people won't recognise us, and Bellatrix, you can play something completely different to Black and Tonks so you don't run into them."
They nodded slowly.
"Smashing!" Voldemort said. "So let's grab our brooms then eh?"
(Two hours later...)
"I am not being a cheerleader Lucius," Snape said flatly from the sidelines. "I am sitting down and giving non musical support."
"Spoil sport," Lucius said.
Snape sighed and drew out another very boring looking book.
Meanwhile, Voldemort was giving the team a pep talk.
"WE WILL DESTROY THEM!" He yelled. "WE WILL PULVERISE THEM! BY THE TIME WE'RE FINISHED THERE WON'T BE ANYTHING LEFT EXCEPT FOR A PILE OF FLAT SHOES! WIN!"
The six others stared at him. Rodolphus and Rabastan had been chosen to be beaters. Bellatrix had had a loud shouting match with Barty about being the keeper, and won. So Barty was stuck being a Chaser, along with Wormtail and Dolohov. And Voldemort was the Seeker.
It was not long after this little team talk that the Order arrived. The Death Eaters were about to pull on their masks, when they realised with horror that they had left them lying on the kitchen table.
"Crud!" Barty cried, ducking behind Rabastan as Dumbledore glanced his way. Wormtail gave a little frightened squeak as Sirius Black and Remus Lupin gave him nasty glares. And Bellatrix seemed to be having some sort of glaring competition with Nymphadora Tonks, which was only broken when Tonks tripped over Kingsely's broomstick.
"Ought to be more careful," Alastor Moody said from nearby. "Plenty of wizards broken their necks tripping over broomsticks."
"Thanks, Mad Eye," Tonks replied uncertainly, standing up.
The other Death Eaters noticed Voldemort stare at Moody for a minute before walking over to Barty and whispering something in his ear. Barty nodded and fixed the ex auror with an unwavering gaze.
Meanwhile, on the sidelines, Snape was trying not to lose his temper with Mundungus Fletcher who was talking constantly. Snape was being engulfed frequently in a cloud of green smoke from his pipe, and wrinkled his nose in disgust as the smell of burnt socks wafted through the air.
"You're a beater?" Bellatrix was laughing. "We better watch out for flying clubs then."
"You better watch out for flying clubs, yes," Tonks replied with a glare.
"Just make sure you don't hit yourself sweetie," Bellatrix smiled nastily.
Tonks looked as though she was about to leap on Bellatrix when Remus, sensing danger, grabbed her.
"Aww," Bellatrix laughed. "The little werewolf come to save you? How sweet."
"A little help Sirius," Remus said as Tonks' temper got even worse.
"I'll just watch if you don't mind, mate," Sirius replied. "Bella's had it coming to her for years. Let her go for heaven's sake."
"I'd rather not," Remus replied as Tonks struggled stubbornly.
"Oh I bet you wouldn't," Sirius smirked.
"I didn't mean it like that," Remus blushed. "I-"
"Death Eaters!" Came a shout, and everyone stopped their hiding, glaring, fighting, reading and smoking to listen. Dumbledore was speaking.
"Please choose a team captain!" He shouted.
Voldemort walked up, and stood next to the headmaster.
"Thanks for the jam," he said. Dumbledore nodded.
"Heads or tails?" He asked.
Voldemort looked confused.
"It's muggle money," Dumbledore replied. "I got it from Arthur Weasley. Apparantly this is called a two pence piece. Isn't it fantastic? Anyway, on one side is the head of the Queen, and on the other is a decoration of some sort. You say heads or tails, I flip it, and whoever guesses right gets to choose which side of the pitch to play on."
"Er, tails," Voldemort said.
Dumbledore flipped it.
"Heads I'm afraid old boy," he said. "Better luck next time though, eh?"
Voldemort glared at Dumbledore's back as he turned around to talk to his team.
"Now is everyone here?" Dumbledore asked.
The Order looked around.
"OI DUNG!" Sirius yelled to Mundungus who was still chatting to a now rather peeved looking Snape. "GET OVER HERE!"
Mundungus hurried over, Snape gave a sigh of relief and went back to reading his book.
"Who's the referee?" Voldemort asked.
The others looked around.
"Can't be one of us," Sirius replied. "There's only just enough of us to make one team."
The Death Eaters looked around, then Barty had a diabollical idea.
"SEVVY!" He yelled. "YOU'RE REF!"
The Order turned to stare at him, and Barty pointedly turned to face the other way. Moody gave him a very odd look.
"Turn around sonny," he said.
"I'd rather not," Barty replied in a high pitched voice.
But at that moment, everyone was distracted by the struggle that was going on on the sidelines.
Lucius was trying to pull the book out of Snape's hands.
"I am NOT being referee," Snape said.
"You're a double agent anyway Snape," Lucius reminded him. "You'll be nice and fair."
Snape grudgingly marched up to the box of balls, glancing wistfully over his shoulder back at his book.
"Teams, take your positions," he said flatly. The two teams did, shooting each other nasty glares as they did so. "And... GO!" Snape released the balls, threw up the Quaffle and the match began.
Voldemort went shooting up at once to find the Snitch, there it was! Just in front of Dumbledore's face. He shot towards it, only to realise to his dismay that it wasn't the Snitch, it was the glinting gold from Dumbledore's half moon spectacles.
"Careful Tom," Dumbledore said with a twinkling smile. "You won't find the Snitch by flying at the other team's seeker.
"You're Seeker?" Voldemort asked, in a mixture of fury and shock.
"Of course," Dumbledore replied. "I always had a knack for the game in my day."
Meanwhile, Barty was having some problems. He had the Quaffle, and was being chased by Moody and Sirius, depserately trying to hide his face with the ball as he did so.
"I'll have that," Sirius said as he snatched the Quaffle away. Barty gave a squeak of fear as Moody glanced back at him suspiciously. He saw Moody do a double take in astonishment.
"Crouch?" He asked in amazement. Luckily for Barty. Moody crashed into one of the goalposts before he could reply.
"No, Rabastan, you swing it like this," Rodolphus was explaining to his brother, who was waving the bat around in a rather dangerous fashion.
He demonstrated and sent a Bludger flying towards Voldemort.
"Lestrange!" Voldemort yelled as he swerved out of the way, narrowly avoiding the Bludger. "What are you doing?"
"Sorry!" Rodolphus said.
Bellatrix was having some fun taunting Tonks.
"You couldn't hit that Bludger if your life depended on it!" Bellatrix said. "Which it probably does actually."
Tonks was trying to remain calm, but was getting steadily angrier, and, as on of the Bludgers shot towards her, she took one hard whack at it and tried to send it shooting towards Bellatrix.
However her aim was not that good, and instead of hitting the Keeper, it nearly hit one of the Chasers. One of the Chasers on her team.
"Oh my God, Remus I'm so sorry!" She said as he dived out of the way. He gave her a weak smile and caught the Quaffle from Sirius. Bellatrix, who was too busy laughing to pay any attention to the Quaffle, was surprised when she saw something red fly past her through one of the hoops.
"Goal for the Order!" Snape called from below.
"Damn!" Bellatrix snarled.
"You better shape up," Voldemort shouted at her. "Or I'll replace you with Crouch!"
"With who?" Dumbledore asked in surprise.
Moody swivelled around to look at Barty, who tried to hide behind Dumbledore.
"Now dear boy," said Dumbledore. "Hiding won't help. You know he has a magical eye."
"It is you!" Moody snarled. "Come here, you torturing scum!"
Barty's face went pale and shot off, Moody close behind.
Meanwhile, Voldemort was having some difficulty finding the Snitch and was getting rather fed up. So he decided to find it the easy way.
"Accio Snitch!" He cried.
"You can't do that!" Kingsely said.
"Well I just did!" Voldemort cackled. "Death Eaters RULE!"
"Snape," Kingsely shouted. "Wasn't that illegal?"
"Yes, it was actually," Snape replied. "Sorry Mr Riddle, but that's cheating."
Voldemort shot Snape a very dangerous look.
The Chasers for the Death Eaters team, minus one, were working their way towards the Order's goals. Dolohov and Wormtail passed the Quaffle to each other, avoiding the Order Chasers, also minus one.
"Where's Mad Eye?" Sirius asked.
"Where's Barty?" Dolohov added.
"Who cares?" Wormtail said.
The Chasers shrugged and carried on.
"WAKE UP DUNG!" Sirius yelled as Dolohov and Wormtail threw the Quaffle towards the goal. Mundungus had fallen asleep, leaning against the posts.
"Wot?" He said, waking up, and zoomed to the side as the Quaffle came towards him. "Blimey, don't knock me block off!"
"You were supposed to save it," Remus sighed.
"Oh, sorry guv'nor."
"Goal for the Death Eaters!" Snape called. "One all!"
Voldemort knew he had to get the Snitch. One of his Death Eaters was currently trying to outfly a paranoid ex auror, another was having trouble actually hitting the Bludgers, and another was trying to make his life as difficult as possible by not allowing spells in the game.
Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of what he knew was not the golden glint from Dumbledore's hald moon spectacles. It was the golden glint of the Snitch, and it was hovering just above Snape's head.
Voldemort had no time to lose, he shot towards Snape as fast as he could, Snape raised an eyebrow as he came flying towards him, stepped neatly out of the way and Voldemort collided rather painfully with the ground.
"Ouch," all of the players groaned.
Suddenly, two people shot into view, in the form of Barty flying as fast as he could, being followed closely by Moody who was shouting loudly.
"COME HERE YOU FILTHY, TORTURING, FOUL-"
"Careful Mad Eye," Sirius said. "You're beginning to sound like my dear old Mum."
Rabastan and Rodolphus seemed to be having a loud argument over who hit the last Bludger, Bellatrix and Tonks were shooting hexes at each other. Kingsely had whacked a Bludger at Wormtail who had fallen off his broom, Dolohov was trying to curse Moody as he sped around after his best friend, Sirius and Lupin were trying to curse Dolohov, and Mundungus had fallen asleep again.
Dumbledore just hovered, his eyes twinkling. Voldemort was still lying motionless on the ground, and Snape had gone back to reading his book.
"WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?" Came a shriek from nearby.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and cowered in fear at the furious little figure with red hair and an apron marching over.
"WHEN I SAID YOU COULD PLAY QUIDDITCH IN MY BACK GARDEN I DIDN'T MEAN THIS YELLING!" Molly Weasley shouted at the top of her lungs. "YOU WALTZ IN HERE, STICK UP THESE POLES AND THROW BALLS AROUND AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO START FIGHTING ON MY LAND! I WON'T HAVE IT! WHATEVER PETTY PROBLEMS YOU LOT HAVE WITH EACH OTHER YOU ARE AT PERFECT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS THEM, BUT DO SO SOMEWHERE ELSE!"
Dumbledore just twinkled at her.
"OUT! NOW!" She yelled.
"Molly," Dumbledore began calmly, but jumped when the fierce woman turned on him.
"YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!" She said.
"AND YOU!" She turned to Voldemort who had just managed to pull himself up from the ground. "THEY DIDN'T TELL ME THEY WERE BRINGING DEATH EATERS HERE! GET OUT!" She grabbed the sharp end of Voldemort's broken broomstick and began beating him furiously with it. Voldemort hurried away as fast as possible, the Death Eaters in tow, the yells of Mrs Weasley could be heard far from The Burrow, as she ranted on at the Order.
"Mental note," Voldemort said to himself when they got home, rather bruised. "Don't mess with the Weasleys."
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(Sniggers.)
I'm not entirely sure if Tonks was in the Order in Harry's fourth year, but in my story she is. Just livens things up a little. I shall write another one a lot sooner, perhaps even tonight to make it up to you guys.