Alex was sitting at home flipping through a magazine. Basically doing nothing when there was a knock on the door. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Come in, door's open."

Harper walked in with a bag of groceries, "You shouldn't keep your door unlocked like that. Anybody could walk in. "

She didn't move from the sofa and kept flipping through the magazine, "Like you?"

"I can leave if you want me to." Her pregnant friend gestured, "And take all these yummy things I bought for us to home.."

This causes Alex to snap her head up and look at her curiously. She couldn't remember when she had eaten anything sweet or fattening. Not because she didn't have any money. She was just too lazy to go to the store and when she did go- it was with Justin. He was all about the 'healthy lifestyle' forcing her to buy carrots and whatnot, "Mint chocolate chip ice cream?" Her eyes glimmered as she looked at her friend. Harper nodded and walked into the kitchen with the bag. She pulled out the tub of ice cream and opened it. The redhead walked back into the living room and sat next to her on the sofa before handing her a spoon.

Alex scooped a handful of ice cream out of the tub and allowed the tasty treat fill her senses. Harper eyed her suspiciously, waiting for her to spill the beans.

"What?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Nothing…"

"Right… I know that face Harper. Spit it out."

She lowered her head and then looked Alex in the eye, "I guess I don't have to be worried about you anymore."

"Why would you be worried about me?" She replied innocently, trying to remain calm and in control.

"Well you know.." Her friend bit her lip anxiously, "After what I saw. When you were packing your stuff."

Alex took a deep breath," What? Oh, I'm fine.. great actually. In fact, I'm really, really … well.. Great."

"Ok. Great. It's great you're great."

The subject made Alex uneasy and Harper couldn't tell what was going on. Truthfully she was probably not ready to hear it, but for some reason curiosity got the best of her.

"I was just wondering.." She started carefully, "If you wanted to talk to me about it."

"Harper," Alex took her hand, "I don't think.. I don't think that would be smart."

"I'm sure whatever it is it isn't as bad as you think. Look at what we've all been through this year… surely whatever you have to say isn't that bad."

Uncomfortable, Alex gets up. She paced around room then finally faced Harper. She was waiting patiently for her to respond," I'm in love with Justin."

She doesn't say anything. She glared at her, then slowly gets off the sofa, "You mean you're in love with guy who just happens to have the same name as your brother right?" The brunette laughed at her reaction and shook her head like it wasn't a big deal. Harper stood there her eyes wide from shock, "What are you thinking? What's is the matter with you?" She was confused, disoriented and hurt, "You just didn't get enough of drama the first few hundred times that you needed another hit? Alex you promised!"

"Oh come on!" Alex's voice changed pitches, going higher and slightly whining, "You've known for ages. Stop trying to pretend that you didn't see this coming. Besides it's not just me."

As much as she hated it- her words were true. She couldn't pretend that she didn't see this coming, but still Harper had always believed in the good of people.. She just didn't want to believe it. As naïve as that sounded it was what she thought. The idea of them made her heart wanted to shrivel up. Her eyes wanted to tear. Her stomach wanted to turn. She didn't understand.

"I should go now." Harper felt her breath catch in her throat as she walked pass Alex.

"Harper…"

"No, Alex. This isn't something that I'm supposed to hear right now. You were right I should have never asked."

"You're a coward." Alex said angrily causing her to turn back around and close the door, "You can't face the reality. I love him and he loves me."

"That's illegal Alex! Do you even hear yourself?" Her voice was covered with disbelief, "Sure, Maybe I always had this disturbing image of you two on the back of my mind, but that doesn't mean that I would ever support or understand what you're doing! I never thought you would be so ignorant to actually act on it."

She didn't want to admit it, but she was taken back by Harpers words, "It's not just me! Stop blaming me when I have no control over it."

"You're the one who came back!" She yelled out, pointing at her accusingly, "You're just having fun right? Alex style? Sometimes you have to think about what your actions may do to others. What about Juliet and Emma? What about your parents? What about Max? What message are you sending them here?"

"I know what is and what isn't best for them, and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to protect my family or keep them safe." Alex's eyes crumple in pain and she sits back on the couch. She had buried her face in her hands, "I thought you of all people would understand. I'm being honest with you and we're not just having fun. We care about each other. I wouldn't do this if I thought he was only in it for fun, or if that was all I wanted."

Harper watched her for a moment before saying the hardest thing she would ever have to say, "But I don't understand. I will never understand."

Alex lifted her head from her hands- only to find out that she had walked out.

Justin was sitting on the bed, papers sprawled out all over the bed and floor. As usual buried with work. He didn't exactly like bringing work to home, but he was behind his paperwork and he knew that this was the only place he could possibly concentrate without thinking about the mess he had managed to make with Alex. He'd been trying to avoid the subject inside his head, but every time he even glanced at Juliet or Emma he felt like he had betrayed them as a husband and a father. He had succeeded to turn the most precious things in his life to something he was afraid of and that is why Justin had escaped into their bedroom. He had to come up with something, and soon. He sighed and his shoulders sagged as he stared down at the mess of papers. He didn't want to go there. He didn't want to face Alex when his mind was still a blur. Sure you could say that he was avoiding her, but he knew that she understood. He shook his head at how very pathetic he had become- everything was out of control. At the same time he desperately wanted to be with her, but that meant that he would have to be away from Juliet and Emma which made him sick to his stomach. He loved them too much. Frustrated was really an understatement for how he felt right now. Deep in thought, he was chewing on the end of a pencil and hastily writing things down all over the place.

"Well this is something I'm used to seeing." Juliet walked in with a cup of something hot and placed it on the bedside table. She looked around the room and smiled at Justin, her eyebrows raised a little, "Busy?"

Justin smiled, keeping his head down, "Yeah.."

When he doesn't say anything she let's out a brief sigh and puts her mug back down.

She had a strange look on her face when he lifted his head to look at her.

Juliet sighed a heavy, deep sigh and collected herself. She glanced at the door, wondering whether to leave it like this or stay and talk it out. It was always easier for her to run and ignore her feelings. Before she could make her decision, Justin spoke up, "Is Emma with Amber?"

His dear wife nodded. He then nodded back and motioned for Juliet to sit on the bed with him. They sit there with the paper mess, both of them staring at the wall in front of them. This time she speaks up first, "I'm sorry."

"About what?" Justin questioned hesitantly.

Juliet looked at him and decided it was now or never. She just had to say it bluntly and explain what she was thinking, "About Alex."

He looked at her, clear pain in his eyes, "Alex?"

"Ever since she left because I asked you to do that… I just feel like you're not here with us anymore. Your mind is always somewhere else and even when I'm talking to you like this," She looked into his eyes, "You're not here."

"I- I don't want you to feel like that. I would never-"

"Justin please.. Let me talk." Juliet interrupted him with a sigh, causing him to hesitantly listen, "You've always been that guy… the guy that feels the need to protect everyone, especially your family… take care of everyone… and you are the type of person who gets stuck with certain people and you simply can't detach yourself from them. I know it was selfish of me to act like I didn't want Alex in our lives, but I just wanted you back. Now I see that you are resenting me for that and I apologize for everything."

Justin closed his eyes tightly for a few moments, unsure how to answer her. He remembered what he had told Alex just days ago, that he would divorce Juliet. He felt like the worst person in the world. He knew that he had taken his wife for granted. He hadn't even given her a chance. For a brief moment he thought about spilling it all out- but he stops right there. Disgusted with himself he finally opened his eyes, and everything was clear again, "No. You can't apologize."

A look of concern was noticeable on her face, "What do you mean?"

"I mean… I'm the one who has been acting like a jerk and you don't deserve that. You and Emma are the most important things in my life and that is why you can't apologize. You did nothing wrong Juliet.. I love you."

They stare at one another and smile. She leaned into Justin's shoulder and they both sit there, peace filling the whole Russo household.

A horrible feeling had washed over her. Sleepy Alex sat up and reached for her phone. She checked the clock before grunting. Apparently she had fallen asleep after Harper left her- alone. She felt the sticky tears on her face and she needed to blow her nose. Yes, Alex Russo felt like she was slowly falling apart and she had actually cried herself to sleep in the middle of the day. All this because of him. She had woken up with a strong emptiness inside of her and was confused by her sudden dark mood. Alex shook her head once again before she made her way into the bathroom.

She left a slight crack at the door where the blinding and hurtful artificial light peered out into the darkness of the room. She blew her nose and discarded the tainted tissue into the waste basket. This same dark mood caught her again. Truthfully, Alex knew that something was terribly wrong- he hadn't called in days. He hadn't shown up like he promised he would. It felt like he had abandoned her again. The way they seemed to go back and forth was exhausting. She took a deep breathe, trying to let the positive feelings fill her up again. She dabbed some cold water on her face to wash away the stickiness of her tears, some dried, and some new.

Alex then opened the mirror door and glanced around, her eyes stopping in front a familiar small bottle. For a second she thinks about going for it- just so that she could get some sleep, "No.. No.. I can do this… I can do this." Her own words stop her and she shuts the cabinet door leaving past where it belongs- in the past.

She hurried inside the Substation with her mind completely elsewhere. Alex had been working at the Substation for awhile now since her career as a nanny plummeted and she needed to pay rent. She sighed in relief after seeing her dad behind the counter. He didn't mind her being late and lazy, but her mom- well let's just say it was never pleasant.

As she approached the counter with her confident smile and just as she was about to greet Jerry the backdoor flew open. Alex had stopped dead in her tracks as Justin and Juliet walked out of the backroom. He had Emma on his arms and they didn't notice Alex as they kept talking to Jerry. A lot of smiles were exchanged between them. Justin kissed sweetly Emma on the cheek before squeezing her harder-showering his little girl with love. She finally understands-

Alex finally gets it. She will never have what they have.

She will never have that pure love with him, no matter how much they would want it.

"Finally!" Jerry had noticed her and motioned her to hurry up, "Alex your shift started twenty minutes ago."

Still frozen, she swallowed, "Sorry."

Justin's eyes averted downwards. He was unable to look at her beautiful face, a face that he would soon see in tears. He swallowed hard the stone-like gulp that had formed in his parched and tight throat.

Alex cleared her throat and said promptly, "I didn't know we were having an family meeting here." Emma had acknowledged her fun auntie Alex and was starting to get jumpy- wanting to go and hug her, but of course Justin kept her firmly in his arms, not allowing the little girl to drop.

"We are just stopping by," Juliet smiled at Alex, "I decided to be lazy and we just picked up some food since we didn't eat anything at the zoo."

The little girl couldn't keep her excitement inside her any longer, "Auntie Alex I saw monkeys again!"

"Really? You were at the zoo?" She tried not to seem sour to her and smiled, "That must have been so much fun."

Emma nodded, "Can Auntie Alex come next time too?"

Juliet smiled at her and then looked at Alex, "Of course she can hun."

The brunette gave a nice smile to the little girl before turning to look at him, "So.. You guys must have been busy since I haven't seen any of you in days."

"We've been spending a lot of time together as a family," Juliet explained, "It's been wonderful."

Meanwhile Justin's expression had stayed the same- empty.

"Alex," Jerry walked out of the backroom, "No time for chitchat! Go and change- customers are waiting."

She didn't mind at this point because she was too damn pissed off to even stay there and look at him. God- what an asshole. Alex smiled at Juliet and Emma before storming into the backroom. She was putting on the apron, her fingers twisting nervously and face flushed. Next she hears the old door fly open effortlessly and she stops what she is doing.

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

Justin lowered his head and looked out to his side, "Please don't shut me out."

"Shut YOU out? After all the weeks of you shutting me out, now suddenly it's unfair for me to do it to you?" Alex turned around, facing him, "You told me you were working on it! You gave me hope when I was at my worse. I thought I could trust you."

"I haven't shut you out Lexi! I know I've been busy with work and everything, but I'm gonna try harder to…"

"No!" She tried to keep her voice controlled, "You told me you were miserable and ready to move on with me, but in reality that was never the case was it? I'm tired of waiting for something that will never happen."

"Alex..it wasn't… I mean.. I didn't mean…" Justin stopped short when he saw her face. Her eyes were wide and her anger was evident.

Her face cracks, "I'm done."

"What?"

"I'm done."

Justin sighed in despair, "Don't say that."

"Please.. Just go. They are waiting for you." Alex wiped the tears that were forming on her eyes, "We can't work this out- not right now."

"Yes we can! I'll do anything… I'll say anything." His words are getting desperate and his face looks crushed.

Suddenly his heart aches because he feels like he is losing something important and he will never get it back.

She looked at him, "Tell me you're going to leave Juliet. Look me in the eyes and swear to me that you don't love her Justin."

He looked at her and stared at her for a minute. He realized what she was asking of him. He realized it should be so simple, but he cannot seem to find the words. He broke the eye contact and sighed, his arms falling to his side. Alex nodded her head in acknowledgement.

"That's what I thought."

Alex could barely balance herself on the wooden railing of the rooftop. She had retreated to this very place even since the problems started with Justin. It was a safe haven for her. She started to feel hot. She steadied herself as she peeled off her jacket. She tossed it onto the ground and then took another sip from the bottle of beer. Alex was getting dizzier by the second, but she had never felt so good. She felt freed finally from the aches and woes of reality. She felt the warm glow of the sunlight touch her hair, but she strangely felt cold and hot at the same time. A chuckle escaped her lips.

"I think you've had enough." A voice came from behind her.

Alex looked over her shoulder. Her neighbor stood there slightly confused by her behavior.

"Oh.. Nathan.. right? Hi." She managed to slur out.

"Whatcha doin' here?" He stepped closer the edge of the building where Alex currently stood. She glanced at him again. He was wearing a simple white shirt with a pair of old jeans. Nathan had always seemed very basic and chill whenever she had bumped into him on the hallway. He was the type of guy nobody would look twice because he was so.. Unnoticeable.

"Enjoying life." Alex snorted and took another swig of beer.

"Maybe you should step back a little," Nathan swallowed, "You don't want to die do you?"

"Good question." Alex bounced around in a small circle next to the railing.

"You want me to call someone?"

"There is nobody to call," She laughed, "I'm a loner these days- Well since today anyway."

"Okay then…" He turned away, walking towards the door.

"This rooftop is big enough for the both of us." She yelled from the edge, "You didn't walk tons of stairs for nothing did you?"

Nathan stopped and looked at her, "Unlike you I wasn't planning on killing myself."

She chuckled, "But you came here to think."

"Something like that."

Alex nodded and after a pause took another beer from the six pack.

This one she held out for him, "Join the club."

Things arent what they seem huh...

I just wanted to write this one so that you guys get what they both were thinking while their "relationship" hit it's turning point.

A loot of confusion.

And a lot of soul searching coming up...

dont be dissapointed!

Hope you enjoyed!

xoxo

- Aly