I do not own Phineas and Ferb. Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode.

The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein Bloopers

Take One

"Good evening, ladies and gentle-" Phineas began as he and Ferb stepped out from behind the curtain. His foot got caught in the folds and he tumbled to the floor. Ferb chuckled and Phineas groaned in annoyance. "My bad."

Take Two

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We thought it only fair that the show you're about to see may disturb you. It may shock you. It may even horrify you!" Phineas exclaimed dramatically.

Ferb hacked and coughed up a hairball. Phineas stared for a minute before bursting into laughter. "That is so gross!"

"Tell me about it," Ferb muttered, rubbing his throat in disgust.

...

Take One

Perry jogged into his lair and took a seat. "Good morning, Agent P," Francis greeted as he stepped out from behind the curtain. Before he could continue his next line he tripped and struck the floor. "Ouch!"

"That curtain is evil, I tell you," Phineas muttered.

Take Two

"Anyway, sorry about the tarp behind me. The storm caused some water damage." Francis glanced down at his watch. "Oh, cheese and crackers! I'm late for...I'm late for...what am I late for?"

"Your cousin's wedding," Phineas supplied.

"Francis, why does Phineas know your line and not you?" the director asked.

"No comment," Francis snapped.

...

"Lost your platypus, eh?" Reginald asked. "That reminds me of a really great monster story."

Phineas grinned. "Tell us, Grandpa!"

"It's about Ferb's ancestor. He was his great-great-great-great-wait, how many 'greats' are there?" Reginald frowned. "Five? Six?"

"Ten," the director informed.

"...is that really necessary?"

...

Ferb struggled to help pull the wooden wagon over the bridge. But the makeshift hump on his back was not helping matters. The boy lost his balance due to the extra weight and the wagon rolled over Phineas' foot. "Ow!"

"It's this stupid hump," Ferb grumbled as he got to his feet. "It hurts my back and I can't walk with it!"

"Stop complaining," the director chided. "You're Ferbgor. And Ferbgors have humps."

"Says who?" Ferb challenged.

"The guy that pays you at the end of every episode."

"Fair enough," Ferb said sheepishly.

...

"Hey, Ferbgor!" Phineas called. "The Monster's Ball best-"

The poster suddenly peeled from the wall and landed on top of him. "Ah, and I was so sure I would be able to do this scene perfectly."

The director snorted. "In your dreams, maybe."

...

Candace did her best to use the quill to write, but she ended up getting ink all over her hands anyway. "Can't we put this episode in a time period where they had pens?"

"Says the girl who had her pen explode all over her just this morning," Ferb muttered.

"Shut up!" Candace snapped.

...

Phineas watched in awe as his monster came back down to the lab. Ferb let go of the crank and Phineas clapped his hands gleefully. "It's alive! Alive!" He laughed maniacally and Ferb let out a snort halfway through.

"What?" Phineas complained.

"That is the worst evil laugh I have ever heard." Ferb grinned.

Phineas crossed his arms. "I'd like to see you do better."

Ferb took a deep breath. "MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

When the green-haired boy had finished Phineas peeked out from behind the lab table he had cowered behind. "That was the scariest thing I have ever heard in my life."

...

"It began a long time ago with-wait, how many greats am I supposed to use?" Heinz asked.

"Three."

"Oh, good. I was afraid it would be some crazy number and I would have to count them in my head as I was saying them," Heinz sighed in relief.

"We don't want to overload that brain of yours," the director muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

...

Candace grabbed hold of Phineas' shirt and pulled him close. "I'm telling mob."

Phineas stared at her, struggling to hold back a laugh. "You just spit on me."

Ferb laughed and Candace flushed. "Okay, we'll try that one again."

...

"You know, in hindsight, I question even including a 'Fairy Princess' setting to begin with," Heinz muttered as he made his concoction. "But, you know, live and learn." He took a drink of the green liquid and quickly spat it back out. "Ugh! What is this?"

"Lime soda," the director said in confusion. "What's that matter?"

"I hate lime soda!"

...

Phineas and Ferb pressed their lips together as the bulked-up Heinz ran down the street. Despite their best efforts they couldn't keep from bursting into laughter. Heinz stopped and groaned. "What?"

"You run so funny!" Phineas giggled, wiping his eyes. "It's just so hilarious!"

Heinz scowled. "You try running when you're stuffed to the brim with Styrofoam! It's not easy."

"Okay, okay. Phineas, Ferb, get out of here. Heinz, do it again. And try not to waddle side to side while you're running. It's just weird," the director ordered.

"Well, excuse me," Heinz huffed.

...

"Alright, everyone get set for the monster chase scene!" the director called. "This robot is big and it's going to take up some space, so don't get in its way."

"Uh, boss?" his assistant called. "You're going to have to delay that scene."

The director was afraid to ask, but he knew he had to. "Why?"

"Heinz spilt coffee on it."

"...why can't we have anything nice around here?"