"Could you write a one shot about Spencer having suicidal thoughts, thanks."

Spencer's POV

Pain comes in many different ways. There is physical pain, mental pain, and emotional pain. I've experienced all three. I've experienced all three all at once. I remember one time when I was six. I accidently dropped Melissa's earring in the toilet. She got so mad at me that she chased me around the house. Our maid just got done mopping the kitchen floor, so it was wet and slippery. While I was running around trying to get away from Melissa, I slipped and fell and banged my wrist on the hardwood floor.

There I sat sitting in the waiting room. My wrist was wrapped in a red cast to help it heel. Right not my mother is in the back talking to the doctors. They told me to take it easy for a few days. I told them I would try, but being a Hastings I have to keep up the hard work. The Hasting's don't have time to take it easy. While I was sitting in the waiting room I noticed a middle aged woman with blonde hair and blue eyes walking in with her seven year old son. The boy was kind of tall and skinny. He had sandy colored hair and baby blue eyes just like his mothers. He was holding a damp rag over his eye while his mother checked them in. The mother escorted her son over to one of the chairs and told him to sit down.

"Alright Toby," the women said. "I want you to stay here while I go sign some papers for you, okay?"

"Okay mom," the little boy nodded.

"Okay, I'll be right back." The women kissed her sons forehead then walked back over to the counter.

Every once in a while the boy would glance in my direction. Whenever I looked up he would look away. One time when I looked up I caught him staring at me. I flashed him a friendly smile and he blushed then looked away. I giggled silently to myself. He's kind of cute. The last time he turned his head in my direction he kept his gaze on mine. We stared at each other for a few minutes. I thought he was about to come over here and talk to me. That was until my mother came back out in a rush.

"I can't believe this I'm already five minutes late to my meeting." My mother grabbed my hand. "Come on Spencer lets go. You've already complicated things enough."

I ended up getting a small fracture in my right wrist. It was horrible. I was in a lot of pain and I couldn't write, hold an object, brush my teeth, or do much of anything without my right hand. I was not a happy girl for three and a half weeks. My parents weren't too happy with me either. They got mad when I was showing lack of effort to do things. Nobody helped me do anything. I had to do everything on my own with one hand. It wasn't too bad, but it would be nice if I had a little help.

My parents have never shown me much gratitude. They didn't care when I won first place in the third grade spelling bee. Neither of my parents blinked an eye when I told them I was elected class president freshmen year. Nothing I do seem to be good enough for the Hastings. My life just keeps on getting worse. I'm dealing with a crazy stalker coming after me and my friends. My ex- best friend got me arrested for a murdering someone I've never even met. My boyfriend gave up his dream job to become a police officer in order to protect me. Nothing in my life is going as I planned. I'm supposed to be worrying about getting good grades, not –A threatening to kill me and the ones I love. My parents are supposed to be proud of me. Not push me away when I make one mistake. My friends should be happy not scared. Toby should be doing his dream job. Now he's putting his life in danger to keep me safe. Everything is not far.

On Monday I got home from school and immediately got started on my homework. It's kind of hard to focus on my homework when I have a whole bunch of other stuff going on in my life. Right now I'm being accused of murdering a girl I've never met. Toby has been jumping through hops trying to figure out who really killed that girl, so he can clear my name. I've been trying to work extra hard to help figure what connection Alison has with Bethany. I'm afraid if I think about anything else my brain will explode. I jumped a little when my phone beeped. Of course I got a text from –A or Alison or whoever this bitch is. Being pretty is the key not the brain.-A

I gasped when I read the message. Who the hell just sent me this? This message reminds me of a time Alison made me feel bad about myself. It was back when we were freshmen in high school. She made it pretty clear that if I didn't have a face of an angel then I would never find a guy who would love me.

I sat with the other girls at lunch waiting for Alison to show up. Right now she's over by the corner of the cafeteria flirting with some guy. The spring homecoming dance is coming up soon and almost everyone has a date. Everyone has a date besides me. The girls and I watched from a distance while Ali worked her magic. The guy would say something then Alison would flutter her eyelashes and smile her charming smile that makes the guys go crazy. Alison finished her conversation with the guy and started walking over here.

She sat in the empty chair and smiled. "That's number four."

"Number four for what?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "He's the fourth guy that's asked me to spring homecoming."

"That's your fourth," Aria said.

"Wow all the guys truly adore you," Hanna said.

The bell rang and all the girls went to class. I stayed back for a while. Alison noticed me and stayed with me.

"Is the goody goody going to be late for class?" She teased.

"I was just wondering."

"Wondering about what?"

"How do you do it? How do you get a guy to notice you?"

"I'm guessing nobodies asked you to the dance."

"I can't even get one guy to talk to me."

"Well sweetie," she sighed. "I think it's time I told you the truth." She stood up and put her hands on my shoulders. "You're not very pretty and you're not charming. The only thing you have to offer a guy is your brain and no guy wants a goody goody smart girl. Those kinds of girls are boring. Even Hanna has a date. She's fat, but she's charming, so that's how she can get a guy."

I looked up with tears in my eyes. "I'm not pretty."

"You're pretty in your own way. I just don't see any guy ever wanting to be with you. The only time a guy would ever need you is so he can barrow your biology notes. I know this is hard for you to hear, but I'm doing you a favor and saving you from trying too hard. Face it Spencer no guy is going to ever want you." Alison smirked. "After all being pretty is the key not the brain."

I sat there with tears in my eyes as I recalled that memory. Alison always knew how to cause me emotional pain. She would always find a way to make me feel worthless. My family already causes me a great deal of pain and Alison always adds to it.

"Spencer, come down here!" My mother called up the stairs.

When I got down there my mother and father were sitting on the couch. They both have worried expressions on their faces. I could tell that something was wrong.

"What's going on?"

"Spencer, please sit down." My mother said.

"You know that your mother and I have been having some troubles," dad said.

I nodded, "yeah I know."

"Things have been hard on you," mother said. "So you're father and I have decided to get a divorce."

"What?"

"It's for the best Spencer," dad said.

I stood up. "No, you guys please don't get a divorce. You can work together to get past this I know you can."

"Spencer we've been living this way for too long and we're both tired," Mom said. "There's nothing else worth fighting over, so it's over."

I ran out of the house and down the driveway. My eyes were burning with tears. My whole life is falling apart. I'm being stalked and tortured by –A, who may or may not be my ex-best friend. Senior year is causing me a lot of stress. I barely have time to see my boyfriend anymore, because of his new job. My friends are busy with their problems. I'm being accused of murder. And now my parents dropped the bomb that they're getting a divorce. Why does my life have to be so complicated? I walked through town trying to mind my own business. For the past several weeks I've been trying to ignore all the hateful words people are saying about me.

"Look there's freak Hasting's," a girl shouted.

"Drop dead you heartless murderer!" a boy yelled.

Tears filled my eyes once again. I bowed my head and kept on walking. I'm trying really hard right now to not show weakness. I've always been able to keep my emotions hidden, but now it's hard. When you have someone screaming at you that you're a murderer it's hard to not feel upset. My walking turned into a slow run as I made my way down the sidewalk. I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this world where everything is falling apart. I've already lost so much. I wouldn't be surprised if Toby has finally come to his senses and realized that I'm not good for him and that he can do better.

When I got back to my house the place was empty. My parents probably moved on already. Since nobody is home I guess now would be the perfect time to end it. I left Toby a voicemail to tell him how much I love him and to thank him for always being there for me. After I did that I ran up the stairs to my bathroom and started searching the cabinets for pills. Right now I will take anything as long as it helps me end my life. I found two pill bottles in the back of the cabinet. One of the bottles has four tablets in it and the other has about seven. Hopefully this will do the trick. I poured the pills out on my hand then held them for a while. Before I do this I need to think. What would Toby think? He will be upset for a while, but he'll move on. Maybe he can move on and find someone better. I stared at the pills scattered in my hands. Then I slowly brought my hand up to the opening of my mouth. Right when I was about to take them I heard someone gasp. "NO!"

Toby's POV

This past week has been a long one. There have been too many new cases to look at. My boss has been keeping me at work late. I haven't been able to spend much time with Spencer since I started this new job. I miss her like crazy. The only time we see each other is during our twenty minute coffee break, which doesn't happen every day. Today I got to head home early. I looked at my phone and saw that I have one missed call from Spencer. I hate missing her calls. Every time I'm away from her my heart bleeds for her to be near. I could feel my body going numb and my heart breaking while listening to her message.

I'm sorry Toby for all the trouble I've put you through. You deserve to be with someone better. There's too much going on and I can't take it anymore. Thank you for sticking by my side and believing in me when nobody else did. I know you won't understand, but I just can't do this anymore. Goodbye Toby, I love you.

I didn't even realize that there were tears streaming down my face until the message ended. Spencer, is going to kill herself. I'm not about to let that happen. I threw my phone on the passenger then stepped on the gas pedal. I parked in her driveway then quickly ran inside her house. My heart was racing the entire time. When I got inside I took the stairs two at a time to get to her. I opened the bathroom door and gasp at what I see.

"NO!"

Spencer was about to put a handful of pills in her mouth. And I don't think there for pain. It's more like she's trying to find a way to end her pain. Spencer froze when she saw me. She clenched the pills in her hands and stared at me. Tears were streaming down her face.

"Spencer, don't do it."

"Go home Toby," her voice broke as she spoke.

"I'm not leaving. Now put down the pills."

"Why are you here?"

"I got your message and I was on my way over here anyway. Spencer, don't do this."

She shook her head as a way of telling me she's giving up. "I can't do this anymore Toby. I can't deal with all the pain and I can't stand to disappoint you again."

"Spencer, nothing you ever do with disappoints me. If you do this then I'm just going to come right after you."

"Toby you can't!" She shouted.

"If you kill yourself then I'm doing it too, because there is nothing left for me in this world besides you. If you think I could ever find someone that's better than you then you're wrong. You are the best thing in my life and I can't live without you. I won't be able to live without you. Spencer, please don't take the pills."

Spencer hesitated for a minute before setting the pills on the counter. After she did that she collapsed into my arms and started sobbing. I ran my fingers through her hair and held her closely. Her body rocked with sobs. I picked her up and carried her in to her room. Then I laid her down on her bed. Spencer tugged on my hand and begged me to lay down with her. As if I had anything better to do? I took of my shoes and socks then climbed under the covers with her. Spencer laid her head on my chest and I laid with my arms wrapped around her.

"Toby," she mumbled.

"Yes?"

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

"No, I think you're beautiful."

"Would you want me if I wasn't beautiful?"

I looked down at her. "Where's this coming from?"
"Just answer the question. If was just smart and not pretty, would you want me?"

"Spencer I don't love you, because you're beautiful. I love you, because you're you. I love how smart you are. I love how sassy you can get. I love your stubborn side and I love everything about you. I fell in love with you."

Spencer smiled and snuffled closer to me. "I love you."

"I love you too. And Spencer?"

"Yes?"

"Don't ever try to kill yourself again no matter how hard life may seem."

"I promise."

I kissed her softly on the lips then her forehead. That night I fell asleep with Spencer wrapped up in my arms. She's alive and well. That's all I ever want for the girl I love.

Okay, so this kind of sucks, but someone asked me to write this. I did the best I could. Anyway I hope some people enjoyed it. If anyone has some suggestions on what I should write next I'd love to hear them. If I see some good ones I might write it.