A/N: One of the shortest ever. I wanted to add more, but I felt Ren Jinguuji deserves his own chapter. So Satsuki and Natsuki's POVs will have to wait until the next chapter. I hope this one manages to explain thoroughly on what happened to Ren while Haruka was in Vienna.
Pardon my grammer and spelling mistakes.
Chapter 25 Dead Man Walking
Ren Jinguuji adjusted his earpiece, eyes downcast. As soon as the tiny device is in place, he strummed the first few notes on his electric guitar, and the crowd in front of him roared in approval. He continued toying with the guitar keys, playing an extended intro of his most famous song to date. The noise in front of him lowered into a low buzzing sound, but he knew that once he got into the familiar tune, the pace of noise would peak again.
The whole stadium was shrouded in complete darkness, punctured with a few blinking lights here and there. He knew the audience was watching his every move. Tonight he may be surrounded by thousands of people but he had never felt more alone. The gaping hole in his heart never fully recovered.
He moved closer to the microphone in front of him, grasping the body tightly.
"Thank you so much for being here tonight. Your continued support fuels me to do better. I hope you have all enjoyed the entertainment for the past two hours."
Sweat beaded on his forehead, his hair plastered to his skull. He longed for a cold bottle of beer to quench his thirst, and an hour under a cold, cold shower. But he needed to sing one last song before capping this night off. The last leg of his concert is coming to a close, and he wished to do his very best as a thank you to his loyal fans. They deserve nothing less for their continued support.
"I wrote this song two years ago, right after accepting the lead role of Dark Path, the highly successful fantasy series by Bright Television. It was a song dedicated to my most special person."
Fans screamed and began to chant We love you, Ren!
He paused, feeling the tightening on his throat. "I hope, wherever you are, I wish you much happiness." For two years, I've been singing this song but it seems like it never reaches out to you.
Nodding to his bass guitar player, who signaled to the drummer sitting behind him, they began to do the countdown; the drummer tapping his drumsticks one, two, three!
Strumming the strings of his guitar again, he closed his eyes and began to sing.
I hear the angels talking, talking, talking
Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking
I hear the angels talking, talking, talking
Now I'm a dead man..
I see you standing there but you're already gone
I'm holding your hand but you're barely holding on
I'm kissing your lips but they just don't feel the same
Am I a dead man now left living with the blame?
Oh, I hear the angels talking, talking, talking
Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking
Already broken, already gone
Already know you're moving on
Am I breathing?
Talking
Dead man
Walking
Already see it in your face
Already someone in my place
Am I breathing
Talking
Dead man
Walking
I hear the angels talking, talking, talking
Now I'm a dead man walking, walking, walking
I hear the angels talking, talking, talking
Now I'm a dead man..
We're in the same room just a million miles away
With all these books around but we ain't got two words to say
Am I dead man now left living with the shame?
Already broken, already gone
Already know you're moving on
Am I breathing?
Talking
Dead man
Walking
Already see it in your face
Already someone in my place
Am I breathing
Talking
Dead man
Walking
I'm a breathing, talking
Dead man, walking
I hear the angels talking talking talking
Now I'm a dead man walking walking walking
I hear the angels talking talking talking
Now I'm a dead man
Already broken, already gone
Already know you're moving on
I'm a breathing, talking
Dead man, walking
Already see it, in your face
Already someone, in my place
I'm a breathing, talking
Dead man, walking
As the chorus faded away amidst the pounding of drums, keyboards and guitars, Ren waved at his fans for the last time that night, while the brilliant led lights behind him lit up, showing his silhouette. The platform where he was standing slowly descended below, swallowing him until he was completely below the stage where he performed two hours earlier. He could still hear the roar of the crowd, asking for more encore.
Angels talking, talking, talking..
Dead man walking, walking, walking.
The lyrics was still playing inside his head over and over again as if taunting him, even when the music has died down. Ren shook his head, relieved that the concert was finally over.
An assistant in dark grey overalls, holding a clipboard and sporting a long ponytail handed him a bottle of water. He unscrewed the cap and took a mouthful as he ran a hand through his long hair damp with sweat.
To his right, his manager, Aki handed him a white towel which he took gratefully. He clapped him on the back and mouthed Good job! He nodded his thanks before he followed him, leading the way out of the jungle of cables and stage props littering the bottom part of the stage where he had just performed. A small crowd of his band and crew gather just outside his changing room, and he gave a brief speech and thank them for their hard work. As soon as he waved them off, Aki felt his mobile phone vibrate inside the pockets of his pants, and he took the call, signaling to him to go in and change.
Twenty minutes later, fresh from a quick shower and change of casual clothes, another assistant informed him that his manager went ahead without him for an impromptu business dinner.
"He asks whether you would care to join him?" the man said, holding his clipboard and mobile phone tucked on one side of his tilted head, apparently waiting for his answer.
Ren shook his head regretfully. "No, I think I'll just go. Tell him I'll call tomorrow." And with that, he strode off to the side exits, barely hearing the assistant relay his message on the phone, where he met a few of his fans waiting to give their final goodbyes of the night. He even obliged a few photos and autographs to a couple of teenagers.
He was mentally exhausted by the time another crew retrieved his car from the VIP parking lot, and he took the keys from him, sliding half-heartedly on the leather seat, before revving up the engine. His sleek Aston Martin DB9 Volante purred to life and within minutes, he was already cruising down the highway, heading towards his apartment block.
He was both distracted and distraught tonight, probably because this concert was a closing signal for another chapter of his life. His series has just ended after four successful seasons. And his agency decided to take advantage of its popularity by capping it off with a series of concerts in major cities across Japan. The grand finale was held at the Tokyo Dome, the same concert venue where he held his first ever debut concert some years back.
His hand itched for a cigarette. He quit his smoking a long time ago, but tonight, he just wanted something to calm his restless mind. He could have downed a couple of shots of hard liquor but there was a high chance of him losing control and he might end up drunk again. And when he's drunk, who knows what might happen?
Screech!
He was so distracted with his thoughts that he failed to see the red light blinking just a few meters ahead of him. Heart pounding, he gripped the steering wheel, jamming his foot on the pedal brakes. It took a few seconds before he realized that he almost collided with an oncoming 18-wheeler cargo truck crossing the intersection. The driver of the truck stopped just a few inches short of hitting his car, and the middle-aged driver was poking his head out of the window, shouting expletives at him and making rude hand gestures.
Fuck, Ren. Pay attention to what you are doing.
He shifted his gears and backed away slowly, amidst the cacophony of car horns honking behind at him. It was lucky that they could not see the pale face behind the heavily tinted windscreen. Otherwise, his photo might be front page news tomorrow. Aki would scold him, and his mother would have a heart attack. Fingers slightly trembling, he waited for a couple of minutes for his adrenaline rush to slow down and his breathing tonormalize.
It was a rude wake up call for him. The fact that he was living on the edge for the past two years made him see what kind of pathetic excuse he was creating out of his guilt and self-imposed punishment.
Whatever the real reason Haruka left, she would probably take it to her grave. She never made any attempt to contact him shows how much she went through to avoid seeing him again. He had searched high and low for her, spent most of his free time scouring the streets of Paris and Tokyo. He even went as far as having a private detective trace her with no results produced. All those months of searching. She never even bothered to send a message to the few precious friends she made while she was in Tokyo. Magenta, Natsuki, and even Satsuki have all given up on her. So why shouldn't he?
It was time for him to stop looking at the past with regret and start looking forward to his future.
Running a hand through his slightly damp hair, he let out a shaky sigh of accepting defeat.
It was over. It was time to stop running around in circles. The last concert tonight is a revelation. The end of a chapter in his life, indeed.
Leaning back on his seat, he pressed the gas pedal of his car and maneouvered his way out of the road he was in, turning right. He checked his watch and saw it was eleven o' clock. She could still be awake.
His car gave a screech in front of a chic serviced apartment block building, one of the many luxurious apartments offered in the city for rich residents who can afford to spend well in the middle of high cost living in Tokyo. Tossing the keys to the valet who approached him, he made his way to the lift lobby, catching a vacant lift car which has just dispelled its passenger out. Pressing the correct number on the pad, he tapped his foot impatiently.
How many times had he begged and prayed for her to come back? And now that she was here to stay, he could not believed how selfish he had been for taking her presence for granted. It was she who took care of him when he was at his lowest, patiently listened to his grievances and giving him words of assurances that he would find her. And what did he do to repay her kindness? He used her physically, several times, to numb his mind for just a moment, while he close his eyes and imagined he was making love to Haruka once more. It was a way for him to relive the moment, feel that rush of exquisite love that kept him awake late into the night for God knows how many months. He missed Haruka so much it destroyed him inside.
Confused on several aspects and struggling to maintain his sanity, he forgot that there was another opportunity for him to make some part of his life right. It was right under his nose all the time, and he wanted to kick himself in the gut for not noticing it sooner. Maybe this is what fate was telling him all along. Maybe he and Haruka were not really meant to be together. His experience with that sweet, Parisian girl who stole his heart two years ago was a way of life reminding him how hurt he felt when she went away too. And now is the chance for him to make amends and catch up on the lost time.
Two years of looking for Haruka Nanami and two years of neglecting her is enough.
The lift car signaled the end of his journeyand he stepped out on the private lift lobby with renewed purpose. His shoes echoed against the walls, as he closed the short space between the lift and the main door, where he quickly buzzed on the door bell.
The regular uniformed butler who was servicing the apartment she had rented answered his buzz and greeted him.
"Where is she?" he asked anxiously, ignoring the protest made by his inner self. Get a grip of yourself!
"Madam has just arrived and is changing in her room, let me inform her of your arrival." The butler replied, stepping aside to let him in.
"Don't bother. I will go there myself." He said, brushing aside the butler's indignation of his audacity.
"B-but, sir!"
Ren Jinguuji, rockstar, musician and respectable actor, burst into the master bedroom and quickly locked the door behind him.
Anri de Montfort was in the process of putting on her night gown when she looked up in surprise at the intruder. Clutching her clothes to cover her nude form, she raised her eyebrows in confusion by way of greeting.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in a shock voice, backing away from him as if sensing he had gone mad.
Maybe he is mad. And his sanity has just snapped. But he is clutching at his last hope of being saved. Anri would be his guiding light.
Without answering, he crossed over the space between them in a few strides, caught Anri in his tight embrace and kissed her as if his life depended on it. He felt her drop the nightgown at his feet, and her hands automatically linked at his nape. She kissed him back with the same burst of passion.
Ren, don't go in there. You cannot right a wrong with another mistake you might regret! His conscious pleaded with him.
"Anri." He whispered, confused at the torrent of pent up emotions pouring out of him. Lacing his hands on the small of her back, he pulled her close again. "I'm sorry, Anri. For neglecting you. For being such a cad. I want to start all over again. It's time for me to stop thinking about her, and focusing on myself again. And the future." He added huskily. He knew his impulsiveness always get him into more trouble. But what is life if he does not take another plunge? Besides, he is taking a radical turn in making his world spin again without Haruka. He is tired of being pathetic. It is time to move on.
"Who are you and what have you done to Ren?" she asked breathlessly, unbelievingly.
"Anri." He lifted her chin up so that she was forced to look deeply in his eyes. She deserved his sincerity and his name. Whatever his father will say, he would make her an honorable woman. His mother might object, but once she realized that her eldest son is turning over into a new leaf and accepting more responsibilities, it would be a good start on his reconciliation with his estranged family.
"Anri, I know this is out of the blue. But please don't doubt my sanity and sincerity. Will you marry me?" he asked.
She smiled, that signature mysterious smile he always loved about her. Anri is the only woman who had known him for so long. She knows how to carry herself with style and she has wit to match. She is the only person next to Haruka whom he can be himself in a comfortable environment. She will know how to adjust with his unexpected mood swings, has enough sense to understand his unpredictable schedule. Anri would make any man proud to call her as his wife.
Somewhere at the back of his mind, the voice of protest went silent. He is determined to succeed on his new mission. And somehow, his inner self seemed to have realized that whatever decision he has made, protesting further would be futile.
"Yes, Ren. I accept." She answered, smiling sweetly at him.
oOoOoOo
A/N: Bad decision for Ren do you think? I think it was necessary for him to just accept that Haruka might not come back. He spent most of his time buried underneath his workload that he was blinded with just thoughts of getting back with her. I could almost hear you protesting about the two years whether it's for real or not. But some guys do have trouble recovering from relationships just like women, too. And though Ren may still be recklessly impulsive by asking Anri to marry him, in some ways, he is sincere and serious about his feelings for Haruka, and he views Anri as his salvation to the path he was spiraling into. I like that he was doing something to rouse him out of his sadness at his failure to find Haruka. And I think this is an essential part of him becoming wise and mature (except maybe you guys won't agree about him being mature on the last part of this chapter.) I always associate recklessness as part of Ren Jinguuji. So I retained this personality of his. And his work ethics and compassion has evolved for the better as I tried to depict here. I hope to improve more on his characteristics and personality as I composed the next chapters.
Anyway, thanks for all your reviews and comments. I sincerely appreciate all of your suggestions and critiques. For followers of this series, I have recently uploaded Chapter 2 of Porcelain and Chapter 1 of Cecil's Muse. Please check them out and let me know what you think of it by posting your reviews.
See you in the next chapter.