Thank you to those of you who took the time to review and those of you who are new to this piece of ... well I don't even know what to call it any more. It varies. Anyway, thanks for adding this to your favorites and alerts. Makes me smile.

On another note, please forgive me for incredibly stupid mistakes (if there are any) the spoilt brat in me is throwing a tantrum at this computer and it's keyboards inability to function like a normal keyboard. But you know, first world problem. Secondly I really, really wanted to capture my nephew in words for this chapter, he is so animated when he talks and just says the sweetest things. But he is three and Danica is five, so I did a really bad job.

Thirdly, I had Fun's song 'Carry On' stuck in my head when I started writing this. You don't have to listen to it, but it's a good song.

Lastly, I'm not to fond of this chapter, but these days am I ever?

"'That's the thing about pain,' Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. 'It demands to be felt.'

The Fault in Our Stars, John Green

Part 24

Nothing Special

The sun had been shining beautifully that day, golden rays licked the earth as they had for the entirety of their existence.

He had decided that when Danica was out of school that he would take both her and Scully for a walk, the weather was certainly perfect for it. The earth was still warm, the grass alive and brilliant even though the trees had already started to fall around them.

Danica was walking in front of them as they trailed behind lazily. She talked and talked and every now and then an adult would comment with a laugh or small affirmative that they had heard her.

The day had been beautiful, the world was living beautifully but it only took the single grasping of his hand to crack the glass, to break the looking glass open that reviled a much darker world that was just waiting to shatter around them.

Scully walked by his side, neither of them touching. But with the change in the wind her hand had grasped onto his with a bone breaking grip. "You okay?" He asked, his face as concerned as his voice. Her spare hand was rubbing the side of her abdomen. She nodded her head softly telling him that she was okay. "Yeah, well your grip on my hand is telling me otherwise." He squeezed her hand softly unable to get a grip as tight as he would like due to her hold breaking off his circulation.

"It was just a twitch." She told him calmly even though her heart was pounding. He had stopped in front of her now, she had let go of his hand and now he was standing in her way, his knees bent to look her better in the eye while his hands cradled her hips, worry emitting from every part of his body. "Really, Mulder." She breathed, trying to calm her emotions as tears threatened to spill across her cheeks. "I'm fine. Really." Sensing his next question she answered; "We're fine." She said it more for her own comfort than his. Standing on the tips of her toes she kissed him affectionately, again, more to comfort her own panic towards the stabbing pain she had felt in her abdomen.

"We are going home." He told her, more a command than suggestion. "Do you need to go to a doctor?" Panic ragged in his eyes. She shook her head again telling him that he was far too sweet for their own good but that she was fine.

In fact she knew the twinge in her abdomen wasn't a good sign but something in her couldn't bring herself to say anything to him. She let him cart them home and drag Danica from her exploration of the park silently. She couldn't worry him, not when life was starting to seem so bliss.

The twinge disappeared after it had happened settling her initial fears and allowing her to breathe easier again. It wasn't until they were both asleep that night that the pain returned and this time it was a definite that it wasn't going to end well.

Somehow within their discussion on Danica's first day of school the two of them had grown closer, an understanding and acceptance was drawn between them and over the space of Danica's first two weeks at school Scully found herself staying over a lot more than what she usually had, and found herself falling asleep in Mulder's bed and by his side a lot more than she was ready to admit.

He awoke that night to the sounds of her tiny hyperventilated gasps and a choked sob drew him to reality along with the feeling of long fingernails scrapping at his stomach harsh enough in his mind to leave tiny red marks in their path.

He woke with a jolt the mixture of the feeling against his flesh, her hyperventilated sobs and an already panicked surge in his blood stream. His partner was sitting up next to him tears streaking her face while she stared at him her eyes pleading, her mouth open but the only sound that was being emitted was her heavy breathing and occasional sob. He jumped into action his mind clicking into her pain and fear.

Within seconds Mulder was by his partner's side. In one swift move he scooped Scully into his arms without a question or a word. He got her down to the car in one piece, helping her into the vehicle she grabbed onto his shirt. "Mulder," She breathed. Her hands moved to clutch her stomach as he kissed her forehead tenderly. "Mulder. Danica." She breathed each word knowing already that the scared man had forgotten about the child who was tucked up in bed, sleeping peacefully and completely unaware as to the worlds that were falling apart in between her parents.

He knew it probably wasn't the best parenting plan when he pulled away from the equally scared Scully and dialed for her mother. His intention was for Maggie to make her way over while they left Danica in the house alone and still sleeping. It wasn't the best, and on an average day he would not have done it, but that night was above average.

Mulder didn't clue Maggie Scully in as to why the hospital visit was important, she had not known of her daughter's pregnancy. Scully had decided it best to wait until the all clear in her second trimester before telling anyone. She wanted her mother to know but she was unsure as to how things were going to pan out. Her mother had certainly known about their attempts but didn't know this one had stuck.

With Maggie on the way Mulder was able to breathe slightly easier as he hurried as fast as he could to the hospital.

[…]

It rained that morning; the sky a gloomy grey that put everyone in a melancholy mood. In fact, one Fox Mulder felt as though his morning was the result of the weather. Things just weren't getting better even though not long ago he thought nothing could get better than the simple bliss he was living.

Silently he sat there and watched his partner's sleeping face, the bags looks as though they were going to stay permanently on her far too pale face. Rain smacked against the window, the only noise in the room next to his and Scully's small breaths.

His heart had been crushed in a matter of hours that previous night and early into the morning. She lost the baby. Her last chance.

He felt everything shatter that night. He felt a rift as a brick wall went up around her. She was going to shut him out, he knew it. His heart felt as though it was being crushed, he couldn't get enough air into his lungs and yet, he was still breathing.

There was a beat in his ears and lyrics at the tip of his tongue as an image danced behind his eyes- Danica. His beautiful little girl so completely concentrated in the middle of one of her ballet classes. Her face was drawn with concentration; she was one of the only girls there who was working so hard at following the instructions given from the instructor.

He realized – sitting in a plastic and worn hospital chair, brooding in the darkness of her room that there was a life lost that night that wouldn't get to live and dance and furthermore be loved. In the darkness of the stormy day, he thought about the life lost, along with that part of his partners spirit that died with her last chance.

Together they had been through so much, they had witnessed the others pain and in reverse had been the cause of the others pain. This was something so much more than the X-Files, than his crusade for the Truth. This was new life, from both of them that in a quick few minutes, without any earlier warning ceased to exist.

How could he be so crushed over a life he never got the chance to know?

Latin flashed in the back of his mind 'Memento Mori' a voice unlike his own whispered in his ear, over and over. It sounded like a threat, a reminder that things were cut short.

Everything is but dust and shadows and eventually it all just disappears, mortality has an expiration date. Sometimes people forgot that. The insistent voice crudely reminded him; life was short, shorter for some than others.

He scoffed at himself in the darkness of morning finding his philosophy ridiculous. He lost an unborn child, developed only by two months and a voice in his head was discussing the depths of mortality.

His partner stirred in the bed, a heavy sigh left her lips, paired with a whimper. He reached his hand out for hers as the sun tried to filter in between the clouds and the blinds. Her eyes fluttered behind her lids as her mind slowly clicked into reality. Her hand clenched his as she opened her eyes.

The first thing he had noticed was the change in color. Her eyes were no longer crystal blue they had turned a deep shade of navy, he had to look deep into her eyes to determine if they were in fact blue and not black. He knew they may as well have been black. He knew that was what she was thinking. It had only been a matter of hours and yet her skin had paled to a sickly off-white, her hair had curled against the hospital linen, her eyes had grown dark and her body had given up on the fight. "That was my last chance." She croaked, her throat dry. "My last chance, gone."

"Scully," He breathed with a heavy sigh. "You make it sound like you're dying." She wouldn't look him in the eye, not until she spoke again;

"I may as well be." Her eye flicked to his just in time to see panic flicker across his face.

"Scully," He breathed again. "Stop it. We've been through this. You can't say that, Scully it's ridiculous and selfish!" He snapped at her only briefly, but enough to shock her slightly.

"Shit Mulder, we're not shining stars. We're nothing special, what more do you want from me?" She whispered to him, her eyes accusing.

"I never said we were." He fought back weakly.

The room fell into silence for a few minutes before she finally spoke. "Can you call my mother? I need to hear Danica's voice." She mostly wanted to get him moving and keeping his mind occupied. She knew what he was like in moments like this, how he hardly breathed at all and forced it all to be his fault, she just had to keep him moving.

He nodded as he slipped out into the hallway; the man needed a minute to talk to his young daughter alone first. "Papa?" The small girl's tiny voice called to him through the phone line. He had made his way unscathed through Maggie's insistent barrage of questions. Everything, all of it was worth hearing the tiny child's unfazed little voice as she expected to hear him answer her back.

"Ja, schon madchen." Yes beautiful girl. He confirmed his identity.

Entire worlds came off his shoulders when she replied. "Ich liebe dich, Papa." His head fell into his hands. Tears burnt at his eyes. He didn't feel loved, not then. And for a moment that morning he had forgotten about his daughter, he had forgotten the small life that was waiting for him at home, that was wholly dependable on him. He had Danica waiting at home, loving him no matter what he did.

"Ich liebe dich, Danni." Mulder's voice broke as he responded to his child. His beautiful, empathetic and oblivious child. "Mama and I will be home later today, Beautiful but right now Mama wants to talk to you." He heard the little girl agree excitedly as he made his way back into his partner's dark and desolate room.

He left Scully to her time with Danica and when he returned he found his partner curled into a ball as best she could while she stared at the wall, her whole being empty. He climbed into the bed with her and pressed a kiss to her temple. She was muttering about her 'last chance' again as he tried his best to soothe her, "Never give up on a miracle." He whispered into her ear.

She couldn't believe in a miracle, no matter her faith, she couldn't do it. Not a miracle like that. But she couldn't turn against his words. This was a man who never gave up, who never stopped believing. She wiped at a stray tear with the back of her hand before she spoke again; "I'm being ridiculous." She laughed at herself as she settled further against his chest. "When am I being discharged?"

"When the doctor decides." His answer was simple as he nuzzled his nose into her hair.

She shifted closer to him again. "I want our baby back." It was her first recognition for that day that what she lost was theirs. In her ear he told her that he understood. He wanted the same thing but they couldn't have that anymore, and together they would have to move on.

[…]

The house was quiet when he brought her home, Maggie's car was in the driveway letting him know that the girl and her grandma were around.

Scully made her way up the master staircase, not wanting to deal with facing her mother straight away. Mulder left her at the stairs as he ventured for the kitchen. "What happened, Fox?" Maggie's voice was panicked when she saw him, her hands were shaking and he could tell that she just wanted to run up to him and demand that he tell her everything. "What happened that was bad enough for my daughter to be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night?"

Mulder shook his head as he placed each hand on her arms, "I can't tell you. It's up to Dana. But, right now she's upset and I don't know what to do but I do know that if she were Danica she would want her mom." Maggie nodded silently; as she stepped around the large man she squeezed his arm with motherly reassurance. "Where's Danica?" He asked, Maggie pointed above her telling the man that the last she knew of the small child was that she was collecting something from upstairs.

He and Maggie walked with the same sound the house was permitting – complete silence followed their steps and filled their ears. The stairs didn't creak, jeans didn't rustle, it was a complete numbing silence the sort of thing that drove people mad after too long and made their hearts pound louder in their ears.

He left Maggie to find her daughter while he ventured to find his own. Upon checking her room and every other one on the top floor he couldn't find her. He saved one room until last and that was his own. Of all places to look for the little girl he found her where she always was when Scully's health wasn't at its best – the little girl was tucked into her mother's side, Schatz sat happily in her lap.

The little girl, her mother and a bear. He had a picture similar to that moment, something he had gotten done professionally. But nothing could capture a moment like it happening in real life. Danica's burning vermillion hair compared to her mother's stuck out brightly in the dim room and against the grey and cream blankets. Their shirts were the same shade of sapphire blue. He snuck into the room, none of the three women aware of his presence there although he knew better than to underestimate Scully's ability to tell when he was in the room. He pulled the camera off the dresser and snapped the picture without anyone's facial expressions moving.

Moving back to the open door he rapped his knuckles against it catching the attention of all three females, he pointed at Danica and with the click of his tongue signaled her out of the room. "Papa?" The little girl spoke as she always did, saying his name before she continued to speak as though it was a question of permission and reassurance that she got his attention. "What's wrong with Mommy?" She slipped her hand into his as they took the stairs side by side; her dainty voice was filed with curiosity as she watched her feet as they walked.

Being one whom always encouraged his daughter's independent thinking Mulder turned to her as they reached the bottom of the stairs, "What do you think is wrong Doctor Mulder?" He smiled at her concentrated little face.

"She's sad." The little spoke, her bottom lip between her teeth.

Beaming a smile he picked Danica up and placed her on the kitchen island. "She is sad." He nodded his head. "And what does Mama do when you are sad?"

"I get cuddles."

"And when that doesn't work?"

"Mommy be's silly."

"Anndd … when that doesn't work?" He was building her up, knowing that she would click eventually.

The little girl tilted her head causing her to look like a confused puppy while she thought, "We find Papa."

"Yes and no." He laughed. "What do you and Mama do when you're sad?"

"Cookies!" Danica shrieked as she jumped up to stand on the kitchen bench.

"Cookies!" He exclaimed alongside her. As he helped her down to a safer height Danica's brow furrowed;

"But, Papa. We don't have any cookies." She frowned allowing her father a reason to laugh. He tapped the end of her nose as he told her that they were to make the cookies.

"While Mama's talking to Grandma we'll make cookies and popcorn and set up a movie theatre. What's Mama's favorite?"

"Lady and the Tramp!" She squealed as he pulled a child's sized chiefs hat over her orange hair.

He wasn't about to admit that he used to be forced into baking with his mother and Samantha when they were young but when Mulder pulled out his first batch of chocolate chip cookies and found that they were perfect he knew that Scully and Maggie would be suspicious. It wasn't that he couldn't cook, he certainly could but unless you were a pro baking with Danica often turned out to be a nightmare. With a perfect batch of cookies he knew there would be questions as to how he managed such a perfect task.

Within an hour and a half he had turned the rec room into a movie theatre and suddenly he saw the need in his close to a dozen sets of linen and the Christmas lights he only used once a year. With blankets and lights draped from the celling he managed to make the large room something of a cozy retreat.

Together Mulder and Danica stood side by side in the master bedroom doorway, both of them held their hands behind their back and broad grins were spread across their jaws. "Step this way." Danica spoke slowly as she tried to remember what her father told her to say. "Please." She shook her head as she remembered that she forgot her manners.

Danica had taken two steps into the room and swept her hand to the left. Mulder stood to her right, still and silent. He had no lines to say and was only there to make sure Scully followed the little girl who was so proud of what she and her father had achieved.

Slowly, and cautiously Scully got out of the bed and walked towards the little girl wo had now extended her right hand for her mother to take.

She tossed a look over her shoulder, a questioning glare just for her partner that was left unanswered.

He walked behind them as Danica took the stairs across from her bedroom. He couldn't help the smile that filled his face at the sound of Scully's gasp as Danica led her into the recreational room they barely used. He watched his partner's face light up as she caught sight of the faerie lights and makeshift movie theatre he had set up. "Oh Danica!" She whispered on an exhaled breath while she continued to hold the little girl's hand. "Did you do this?"

Danica nodded and then shook her head simultaneously. "Well," She sighed animatedly. "When I'm sad we make cookies and movies." She told her mother in her childish manner. She shrugged her shoulders as she spoke, her little fists resting on her hips. "Mommy," the little girl turned so she was facing her mother directly "You're sad."

Mulder watched as his partner's eyes watered, she crouched down in front of the little girl she called her daughter, ignoring he pain that was still ragging inside of her. "Oh liebechen." She used the German nickname she often found herself calling Danica, often translated to sweetheart or darling. She far more preferred the literal – little love. "I can never be sad around you." She wrapped her fingers around the little girl's tiny ones.

"Good." She smiled. "I don't like my mommy sad. Imma make you not sad." She nodded her head as she spoke. Taking a step to her left she peered over her mother's shoulder; "You can join too Grandma," It still came out mam-mah. "You don't have to be sad, but my Mommy is sad." Maggie chuckled at Danica's suggestion then told her granddaughter politely that she was going to go home. With a thankful kiss on Mulder's cheek and a motherly kiss to the top of her daughter's and granddaughter's heads Maggie slipped out.

Their small family lay spread across the mattress from the guest room as the images of Lady and the tramp played in front of them and Christmas lights glistened above their heads.

Danica lay sprawled between her parents silently caught up in the film Mulder knew she had seen more than two dozen times. His arm was bent under his head, the other hand found one of Scully's over Danica's head the hand of hers that wasn't holding her partners found it's place on Danica's stomach while the little girl laid her head on her father's stomach. The three of them were tangled in each other their lives wholly intertwined at that moment.

"Mommy?" Danica spoke quietly her accent more American with that word that German.

"Danica?" She responded pronouncing the girl's name in its Slavic origins as she turned to look at the little girl who had not moved to face her. "Why are you calling me 'Mommy'?" She took Danica's distracted state to ask her own question before the little girl could.

"At school," She started her hands in the air as she tried to explain, "other kids say it." She answered simply . "Why are you so sad?" Scully had to accept her daughters answer and she had no other choice to do so due to the girl's next question that suddenly took hostage of her throat. The little girl turned to her mother when she didn't get an answer, finding her father asleep she thought that was the reason and asked again.

Finding her voice Scully looked at her daughter. "You know when you really want something but you can't have it?" The little girl nodded – at four she was all too aware of the prospect towards not getting what she wanted, her parent's certainly weren't below saying 'no'. "Mommy's just sad because I really wanted something, but I can't have it." Danica got up from her spot on the mattress and moved so she was lying next to her mother.

"Did Papa say no?" She asked softly with wide blue eyes. Laughing softly Scully shook her head, assuring the girl that it wasn't her father's doing as to why she was sad. "It's okay Mama, you have me." Pressing a kiss to Danica's nose she smiled.

"And you're all I need." The little girl giggled as he mother tapped her nose with a smile.

She was right when she said Danica was all that she needed, but at the end of the day she still held a spot in her heart that was always aching, that was beating slowly for a child she thought she could never have.

Something I have forgotten to mention earlier, for the purposes of this story and my own ability to be amazingly slack - Diana Fowley holds no existence. I was going to do all Mulder's brainy problemy stuff but that takes WAY too much time and because we have all seen it multiple times it's dull to read it. So I scrapped that Idea. But there are other cannon episodes that will turn up at some point. If I actually get back into the habit of planning.

Oh and because I thought I should share - back in the ballet chapter Mulder makes something - a jar and glitter and whatnot - calming jar - I made one. For some reason they make you feel like a small child again. Especially if you're sitting in the dark and you put a glow stick in it. ... I think I'm just still tying because I am trying to make it to 4,500 and something words. No one's going to read this anyway.

Until next week,

A