Chapter 24

A/N: I've never liked trigger warnings, but here's fair warning that there is more mentioning of death. Nothing gruesome.

Though the wolves have gone, fresh surges of adrenaline continue to flow through Bella. She lets out an unsteady breath – one she had not known she'd even been holding. Her mind comprehends that the immediate threat has gone, disappeared, but her body is late to receive the message.

However, the numbness is still there, growing and expanding, filling up her chest, taking over her body and mind and there's really nothing she can do about it.

Alice taps her upper arm with such a delicacy that it makes Bella jump. She turns her rather empty gaze to the vampire (she glances down at the just closing cut on her neck, the halfway mended stab wound on her side before meeting her dark gold eyes).

Alice inclines her head and Bella immediately understands the question embedded into the gesture: Are you okay?

No. No she's not okay.

But she can't tell her that.

Bella looks over at Dan's spilled blood that just begins to be absorbed by the already saturated earth. She feels as though she's trapped in a cold place that's very far away. Is it possible for her to be okay?

She doesn't think she'll ever be okay.

Alice taps her again because of her lack of outward response. The Hunter withdraws from the girl's touch she'd welcomed not minutes ago, shaking her head (she doesn't trust her own voice) and steps in the direction she's sure the Cullen house lies. Alice noticeably hesitates in following her lead, but eventually she falls into step just behind the brunette.

They don't get too terribly far. Bella counts Alice's uneven exhales of discomfort and the number of times her feet hitting the ground fall into a brief unsynchronized cadence; she notices how the vampire lags behind her a fair amount, struggling to keep up. So she abruptly stops and turns around.

"Get on my back," Bella's voice doesn't even sound like her own, so removed, rough and just… cold. Emotionless.

Facing the smaller girl, it's far easier for her to determine that she's trying to hide her pain. The silver has taken its toll on her.

"I'm fine," Alice protests, attempting to step past the Hunter. "Let's keep—"

Bella grabs her wrist, halting her. "No. You're hurt," the other girl's stubbornness reminds her of Dan. She has to fight the sickness that creeps out her stomach and up the back of her throat. "Do it."

None of Alice's muscles move – not even a twitch – before she sighs through her nose and moves onto Bella's back. Her lithe arms wrap around the base of her neck. In turn, Bella slides an arm under each of the vampire's legs on either side of her waist, holding her and providing additional support.

Bella resumes their journey. Alice rests her chin on the brunette's shoulder. Her gentle weight against her brings a small miracle of comfort to Bella as the cold droplets of rain hit her face.

Rain.

She hadn't even registered that it'd began raining.

She's looking up at the sky when they break the tree line into the Cullen's yard. The dark clouds lighten up; the sun is just starting to rise.

And there's a huge column of smoke billowing from the Cullen house.

Alice squirms on her back, and Bella reluctantly lets her down. They stand side by side, both observing the dying flames, partially doused by the falling rain, licking at the materials used to build the house. The Cullens litter the front yard, the coven preoccupied with checking on each other's wellbeing instead of gawking at their burning house.

Alice hitches a sudden sob. Bella extends a hand towards her, preparing to comfort the vampire; she can't let her drown in numb sorrow. She can't let her become unreachable to her too.

Her hand hovers uselessly where Alice's shoulder would have been – the girl has taken off towards the burning house. Panic seizes Bella temporarily before she springs into action and chases after her. She catches her, wrapping both her arms securely around the raven-haired vampire's petite waist. Her front presses tightly to Alice's back, and for the first time in what seems like forever, Bella can feel her own rapid heartbeat pulsing at her.

She thrashes against the Hunter. Despite her tininess and her still recovering injuries from the silver, she's surprisingly strong. Bella has to flex her arms hard to keep her from breaking free and potentially moving closer to the hot and deadly flames. She doesn't think Alice is stupid enough to get herself killed – Bella just doesn't trust the fire. It's unpredictable. It's a risk she's unwilling to take, seeing as she's already lost one half of her heart today.

Alice ceases to struggle after a while, falling to her knees on the manicured grass, and Bella follows. Sobs wrack her frame, a perpetual wetness that will never fall brimming her eyes (Bella doesn't need to see the tears to know they're definitely there) as she cries openly. Perhaps the weight of the late night and early morning has finally gotten to her mate, but Bella refuses to believe that this burning house tipped her so far over this mental ledge…

Swallowing thickly, Bella gets a wild hair to count the Cullens. One, two… there are six present, including Alice.

She counts again. Six.

Again.

There's only six of them.

Where's Jasper?

Bella's head snaps to the flames burning in front of her. The loss hits her and with a sudden clarity – and a strikingly high dose of fresh familiarity – she understands Alice's pain. She understands the reason for her crying, the sudden onset of her heavy grieving.

Jasper died during the battle.

She's still entirely too numb to her own loss, the last of her two murders, to properly comprehend another. But Alice's grief seeps into her through this connection that they have seemed to establish, makes her feel a dull ache underneath the surface of her own subtle drowning. In a strange way she's glad Alice is crying – she's glad her mate, unlike her, can feel something other than a void of nothingness.

It also reminds her that Alice is alive. Though she's obviously hurting, she's alive and here. Bella tells herself that's what matters.

That doesn't mean she likes seeing her in pain.

Bella leans herself and Alice away from the dark shadow that suddenly casts over them. Rosalie towers over the couple.

The intimidating blonde stares at Alice for long seconds, her yellow eyes… soft. For Alice's privacy, Bella is tempted to tell her to fuck off until Rosalie turns her gaze on her. That softness vanishes within in a second, in its place forms a hardness that Bella can't accurately read.

"He died saving you," Rosalie tells her pointedly.

An unexpected gasp escapes Bella. Her first thought is that she had never needed saving, that Rosalie had been grossly mistaken, but then she closes her mouth and really thinks about it. It takes her a while to rewind through her part in the battle before she finds a particular memory. She latche son to it, replaying it.

What – or who – had stopped Lead from immediately following her after Dan snatched up Alice… it must have been Jasper, she concludes.

She recalls the words he spoke during their talk.

He died defending his family. He died defending an ally.

He died defending Alice's happiness.

By all means it's a good death for a soldier at heart. But it's still heartbreaking all the same. It should have ended with no casualties. Injuries, more than likely, but absolutely no casualties – especially from Alice's family.

Bella dips her forehead so it rests near the crook of Alice's neck. She presses a chaste kiss to the fabric covering her shoulder blade. She's failed her.

She's failed her in every sense of the word "fail."

They're alive, but she's failed her and she's not sure how either one of them will recover from this. Her failure

Bella's failure.

There's the shuffling of feet somewhere off to her left and she cannot be bothered to lift her head up to see who has approached her and Alice now. She only looks up when she hears a soft thud and the renewed crackling of a flame – something has been tossed into the fire.

She stares transfixed at the naturally destructive dancing of yellow, red, and orange. Upon squinting she recognizes the shape of a severed head. It shocks her, invokes a quiet gasp from her throat, and when she scrutinizes it further she has a horrific realization. The burning head is the face of that young male cashier who tried hitting on her all those weeks ago; she'd also seen his photo posted on the internet, under missing persons.

Mike Newton.

Just how many people had to die?

Bella looks questionably to her right – at Rosalie – and then to her left. Emmett and Edward stand there, both staring unblinkingly into the deadly fire.

"He was made into a newborn," Edward informs her solemnly, as if he could pry into Bella's thoughts. His gift doesn't work on her, but his perceptiveness of people makes him somewhat… off putting. "The wolves tossed the head at us before attacking, claiming they had only taken care of half the problem."

The Cullens were the other half, Bella thinks as she stares at the slowly disintegrating head; newborns don't burn as quickly as older vampires.

Yes, this only adds to the extreme total of her failure. She's only becoming more numb. She's not sure if can feel her fingers anymore.

She still holds onto Alice, who still cries in her arms.

People died where they shouldn't have died. Bella should have been able to efficiently help resolve the situation… maybe, due to her apparent high levels of incompetence, she should be the one burning in the hot and deadly flames herself…

Her arms loosen around the vampire. She's made a promise to Alice not to totally blame herself. She struggles to keep it, if only in an effort to let her mate down on that front as well.

Their current predicament makes that exceedingly difficult.

Rosalie takes advantage of her lax grip, Bella's distractedness, to pry Alice away from the Hunter. The loss of the girl's closeness is more than just a physical one. She shoots to her feet, hands curling into angry tight fists as bubbles of anger form underneath the bottomless layers of her numbness.

The taller blonde hisses warningly at her and pulls Alice away farther when she steps closer. "Can't you take a hint?" the words come out scathing, almost mocking, and Bella has to uncurl and then again curl her fists at her sides to keep herself in check.

Instead of slicing Rosalie's throat open with silver, Bella finds herself letting loose her own countering growl. "Go away," they're the only words she can think of to convey her desires. Quit butting in between me and Alice.

"Go away?" Rosalie echoes her, spitting the words. "You want me to go away? Look around you. Isn't this enough damage for you?" she gestures towards Alice, the action's implication drawing another growl from the brunette.

"Rose," Emmett tries to interject.

Rosalie ignores her husband. "Maybe it's about time you saw your way out our now burning door. Do you understand that? I knew you were nothing but trouble. Leave Alice alone!"

She can't just… leave. Simply leaving is not on Bella's radar. Vampire blood still thrums strongly and hotly through her body. She still has tingles from her two previous kills. If she absolutely has to, she'll kill Rosalie too.

"Rosalie!" Emmett raises his voice to a near shout, moving so that he's close enough to touch the raging blonde bombshell. His exasperation is rather out of character. Uncharacteristically, he runs his big hands through his loose curls. "Listen to yourself. Don't do this, alright? Think about what you're saying."

"I know what I'm saying. I stand by my words from yesterday," she bites back at him, her fixated glare never moving from Bella's form. "And Alice needs her damned space from this—Put me down!"

With minimal effort, Emmett has scooped his wife up into his massive arms. She bangs her fists on his back, tossing her head so that wild and long blonde strands go everywhere, and shouting words Bella can't quite be bothered to decipher. Her screaming grows quieter, easier to block out when he carries her towards and past the tree line surrounding the Cullen's burning estate.

Carlisle and Esme then swoop in; Carlisle collects Alice and Esme addresses Bella. The Hunter looks desperately past the matriarch at her mate, hoping that Alice will shy away from Carlisle and seek a closer position to her. It stings badly when Alice refuses to meet her eyes. Her invisible wound only opens further when the pixie lets the Cullen patriarch guide her away without so much as a look back in Bella's direction.

Bella stares emptily down at her own palms, her dirty hands still coated in her best friend's drying blood. The sight of it caked onto her skin sears into her mind, sure to become yet another thing that will haunt her for the remainder of her life. Alice's subtle rejection still stings freshly, just seconds old, and it causes Bella to question herself. Was any of this pain truly worth it? Was it worth sacrificing her best friend's life for Alice's?

All of this blood spilt… What if it's all for nothing? Can she live with her decisions then?

"Pay no mind to Rosalie and her rudeness," Esme's gentle words prove just enough to drag Bella from her swirling and suffocating thoughts. "She's just having a… hard time."

"I won't leave Alice alone," Bella says defiantly, the words slipping out. She has to cling to something, even if it's out of fear she will be cast aside after sacrificing so much. How ironic would it be for her to end up totally isolated and alone?

She's not sure she can bear such a fate.

A knowing smile forms on the older woman's heart-shaped face. "I wouldn't expect you to ever want to."

Bella blinks, at a lost for what to say. She had expected for the matriarch to have opinions not too unlike Rosalie's after all that has happened.

"However, I will say," and Bella instantly fills with dread, positive that she will not like the Cullen matriarch's next words. "You should go home and rest."

"No!" Bella protests immediately, stomping her foot.

Esme raises a single brow, almost bemusedly.

"No!" the Hunter shouts louder. She violently shrugs off the comforting hand Esme attempts to lay on her shoulder. "I want to stay with her."

Esme shakes her head.

"Listen, I know that this whole thing is shitty. I'm shitty for not being able to stop it. I'm sorry, okay? I'll help you guys do whatever. Whatever you need, you have it. But I want to—"

"You've already helped us more than you could ever know," the older vampire cuts her off with gentle words and a gentle tone to match. She places both her hands on Bella's shoulders, which the brunette allows this time, shaking her slightly. "You're exhausted on every level, child. You may not feel it yet, but you are."

Bella has another protest lined up, but she falters. The other woman sounds so much like the elder Hunters from when she had gone through her trials that feels as though she has no other choice but to shut up and listen to reason.

"We can no longer live here. We have decided to move with another friendly, vegetarian coven – our cousins, if you will – in Alaska," the Cullen matriarch informs her softly. "Alice will need some time to… recoup."

"What? So you're taking her from me?" inevitably, a lump develops in Bella's throat.

Fate is so cruel. This can't be true.

"We're not taking her from you, or you from her," Esme tries to assure her, but Bella isn't really hearing the other woman – not until she slides one of her hands down the Hunter's arm to grip a bloody hand.

Bella looks at her, unable to keep the resentfulness out of her eyes and voice. "Then what do you call it?"

The vampire simply smiles, and just when Bella thinks she isn't going to receive an answer, she says:

"She just needs some time. She'll come back you."

The only thing that had driven Bella back to her dark and empty house – away from Alice – were the sounds of sirens closing in on the Cullen property. She wanted to stay, but she hadn't wanted to risk anything with the human firefighters on the scene, so she had deemed it best to leave.

She had all intentions on returning later, once the firefighters determined their help was no longer needed and left, but her body had betrayed her. The majority of the vampire blood had drained from her system, leaving her with barely enough strength to carry herself to bed. Unabashed exhaustion had caused her bedroom to spin as she collapsed on the bed. Her eyes had rolled into the back of her head, her eyelids slipping closed fast, her head lolling absently on her pillow. The combined softness of her comforter and mattress had lured her into a deep sleep, despite the early sun's brightness shining brilliantly behind the grey clouds.

Drool crusted the corners of her mouth when she awoke from her slumber. Her muscles ached a little less. Bleary-eyed, she had sat up and looked down on herself – grime and blood still coated her, smearing onto her sheets. She smelled absolutely horrible. She pushed herself up to stumble into the bathroom.

Upon catching her disarrayed reflection in the mirror, she had taken note of the dullness in her bloodshot eyes. Then she had taken a shower, afterwards eating a simple and bland meal, and changed her messed bed sheets.

She had collapsed back onto the bed, done performing normal tasks, lost for what to do with herself.

And now, while trying to overthink for the last couple of hours, she stares emptily up at the ceiling.

The house remains just as empty and desolate as she feels. It's not the same as when Dan simply ran away from her; he's really gone this time, taken from this world by her own hand. Most of his belongings sit here, scattered throughout the house, taunting her with memories of him.

But he's gone.

Gone.

He's gone forever.

Her sleep did little to force the ever present numbness away. Though now she can feel her emotions swirling, blending together. Loneliness, regret, grief, heart brokenness… she can't entirely discern them. She just knows they're there, buried in her and adding to her miserable existence.

Will there ever come a time where her actions will not harm another, especially those closest to her? She's tired of this constant pain that only seems to grow more the longer she lives. Better yet, when and how will she pay for her actions? Surely it will be by death, she reasons. It's only right.

That's what the Wise Ones will tell her, once Dan's death is discovered. They'll dispatch Hunters after her. They'll kill her, after revoking her status, her very existence, and reading her her crimes.

Her unforgiveable crimes.

It'll be better than living with herself and results of her actions. It'll be better than just being crushed by her loneliness, the weight of her grief. Maybe then she can feel again…

She would see the one person that can even begin to have a meaning of significance to Bella, but the sting of rejection still hurts. It aches, radiating out and through her body, like an injected toxin. Alice had chosen her family over Bella, who had sacrificed half of her heart for the girl. Bella can't say she blames her – one day, Alice will probably end up dead too because of Bella.

It's only a matter of when.

So she tells herself it's for the best. This is her punishment until the other Hunters come looking for her head, eager to serve her the justice that she deserves.

Honestly, she'd do the deed herself, but that just seems too cowardly for her tastes.

Even if this is supposedly for the best, she still wants to be with the vampire. She can't, but god damnit does she want to. She wants her.

That's all she's ever wanted this entire time.

Alice.

She hops up out of bed for the second time, the whirling thoughts making her restless. She paces across her bedroom. When the room becomes too stuffy and suffocating for her own liking, she pulls open the single window with a little more force than necessary; outside, the sun sets low in the grey sky and a cool breeze wafts into the bedroom.

Her pacing resumes. She only grows more agitated with time's slow passing. Her agitation gradually gives way to a deeply-settled rage that has been building for a while.

A shadow appears at Bella's open window. She has reached the point where her emotions have established rule over her body's actions and turns towards it, ready to unleash her eternal frustration on whoever has dared intrude on her brooding.

However, she doesn't get the chance. The annoyance and frustration drains out of her once she sets eyes on Alice perched on her windowsill. Bitterness fills her up instead.

"What do you want?" the question sounds petulant coming from Bella's mouth. Obviously, she knows what Alice is here for – this is her goodbye.

Bella is just delaying the inevitable.

At least she's saying goodbye. She sometimes hates the effect the vampire has on her. She can't be mad, just for the sake of being mad. She can never get completely out of control around her.

Alice doesn't answer, almost ignoring her. She gracefully slips down from the windowsill. Her feet land with gentles on the carpet. Her expression reveals little as her eyes track Bella's relentless pacing.

"You can't just invite yourself in here either," Bela snaps, stomping her foot and standing in place. Aware of her rather childlike behavior, she doesn't do anything to force the raven-haired girl out. "Forget it. Just make it quick."

Alice cocks a brow, crossing her arms over chest and leaning rather casually against the still open window. "Excuse me?"

"Make it quick," Bella repeats slowly, puncturing her words at Alice's continued confusion. She doesn't want the hurt to drag on for any longer than it has to.

"What are you talking about?"

"Aren't you here to say goodbye?"

"Why am I saying goodbye?"

"You don't have to play dumb," the brunette deadpans.

Alice's eyes narrow in calculated suspicion.

The Hunter sighs exasperatedly. "Esme already told me. You're leaving for Alaska."

The other girl pushes off the window, shaking her head disbelievingly as she takes a step towards Bella. Beneath the various swirling emotions in her golden eyes, the Hunter makes out the presence of light amusement there. Before Bella can angrily call her out on it, she answers with, "That's what this is about? Bella, I'm not going anywhere."

She stifles the glimmer of hope that sparks to life within her. Reality has not been very kind to her as of late; she's come to conclusion that Fate is nothing but a cruel thing. She's been living a nightmare for a while now. Why would that magically change now?

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't lie to me," Bella grinds out.

"I'm not going anywhere," the vampire reiterates.

"Alice—"

"Did you hear me?" Alice's voice raises. She pauses sharply then, stepping forward with a softly whispered: "They are."

"What?" Bella's heart pitter-patters with what she knows is false hope. She hates herself for giving into it. She's just knowingly setting herself up for another disappointing failure, an unbearably painful heartbreak by this vampire.

"They're going to stay with the Denali's in Alaska," Alice explains, biting her lip and looking away pointedly. "It'll be easier than trying to start over here, or anywhere closer. But I'm staying here. I never agreed with their plan to go."

"You're not leaving?" She's heard Alice's words, comprehended them. But that ball of hope swells bigger now. She has to be sure. She has to ask so she can be sure. Maybe her heart doesn't have to break completely; the thousand little broken pieces from it don't have to cut her until she can longer feel or care again.

"No," the vampire affirms. A small smile graces her red lips. "I'm not leaving. At least, not unless you want me to."

Out of pure relief, Bella sits down on her bed. She laughs breathlessly, feeling just a tad bit lighter. "Stay. Please. I don't want you to go."

"Good. Because even if you did, you would have to convince me to leave you."

"I didn't—sorry."

The apology slips out before Bella catches. She watches Alice's mouth twitch irately, but otherwise the vampire appears to let the admission of guilt slide. For the time being, that is.

She refuses to take it back, though, because she indeed is sorry. She has so many things to be sorry for. And she has to answer for these things one way or another. A sincere apology remains a good way to start.

Or at least Bella hopes it does.

Bella buries her face in her hands, elbows resting on her knees. The little bit of happiness she had felt is crushed under the weight of what her own hands have accomplished.

There's a shuffle of quick supernatural movement. Cold fingers pry Bella's hands from her face with little resistance. They tilt her head up to meet concerned golden eyes. Alice leans down, closes her eyes, and kisses the middle of her forehead. "I'm sorry, Bella," she whispers against the Hunter's warm skin there.

The Hunter knows what the other girl is getting at. She doesn't want to hear it – not because she doesn't care to, but because this sudden and stubborn ache hurts so goddamn much. Tears prickle behind her eyes. She jerks away from Alice's soothing touch, a low whine sounding from the back of her throat.

"Don't. I'm just—I'm tired."

She closes her eyes. She can hear Alice sigh, feel the slight depression of the mattress as she takes a seat beside her. The vampire maintains control of her head via the grip on Bella's chin, turning her so that she's facing Alice. The vampire only speaks again when Bella chances opening her eyes.

"You're hurting," Alice's soft voice cuts right through Bella, bringing the tears closer to the surface. A few streaks cascade down the brunette's face even though she strains to maintain her barely there composure.

"So are you," Bella tells her, her own voice faint, weak. She's so weak…

Alice says nothing, just guides the brunette's head to her shoulder and holds her close. Her fingers stroke comfortingly through Bella's locks. She shushes her softly, whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

It doesn't take long at all before the dam Bella has tried to construct breaks. Tears flow freely as she clutches Alice, allows the sadness to pull her under. Allows Alice to be her anchor to a grim reality.

She cries hard, as if the desperately needed release will somehow save the soul she's not quite sure she has anymore.

A/N: Still a few chapters away from finishing. Another big thanks to whoever has read this far!