Hello hello hello! I know, I know, an update within a month? MY GOD! Haha, but I do owe you guys a more frequent attempt! Hope you guys like it, and also thank you so much to everyone that reviewed this previous chapter after the rather barren previous one. You guys are fricking awesome as always, but please to all you silent readers, I really do care what you think. I know I sometimes reserve my reviews because I worry no one cares about what I think, but really guys, i LOVE it. I really do. There is no way I would still be writing this, or any of my other fics, without the awesome support. Just wanted to say it, and now I have, so I'll weesht with the sentimental shite and get on with it!
Dislcaimer: Still don't own AOT, only Alexia the mad cow!
Note: Mangaaaaaa if you're worried about spoilers from the mangaaaa then you should stooooop. I cannot guarantee when and where these details crop up, but I know I am now writing with them in mind. Warning applied. The recoated. Then applied again.
"Please bring her in." His voice sounds basically normal, tired maybe but generally he sounded all right. And for some god damned irritating son-of-a-bitch reason I feel good about that?! I look at my hands and clench them over the arm rests. What next? Fantasies about the Golden Lopsider?
"Um... Alexia you okay there?" Hanji asks and I blink, having probably looked ever so slightly deranged for a moment there. I nod and sit back so she can wheel me in. We squeak our way over, chair rattling as we go into the dim room and roll over the weathered board. Hanji sets me beside the Commander, locking the chair's wheels with a loud snap. How things have changed; there was once a time when there was no way Hanji would have done this, my automatic response having likely been bludgeoning him with a bedpan. But I guess having essentially given the man the last few shreds of crystal I could possibly make, and then hurrying back to base to the point of collapse, probably meant I wasn't likely to hurt him now. Though not definite.
"Evening, Smith." I say as Hanji puts the front locks in place too. For a moment I thought I was being shackled.
"Senefold." He nods, looking rather strange with stubble covering his chin. That paired with the unkempt hair, and by god an unironed shirt, well it's safe to say that the Golden Commander looks almost human. Almost. There's still something too bright about those eyes though; I see him scan over me, and I watch that expression cloud as he notes the signs of fatigue and whatever else was going on with me. Yeah, I guess we're both looking pretty human right about now.
"You're looking well." I continue, titling my head innocently when his eyes meet mine again. I lean back as I see something I never expected from the likes of him. Concern. I cough gently and he frowns, glancing at Hanji who had presumably headed for the doorway, but I don't think her expression is entirely encouraging judging from his now overtly worried brow. He looks back to me and sets his lips in a thin line.
"And you're not..."
"Charming as ever Smithles." I roll my eyes.
"What's going on?" He stares at the streak of white and shakes his head. "Is this because of me?"
"Trust you to find the only arrogant way into that conversation." I chuckle hoarsely, and I think my words calm him for some reason. Perhaps he was worried I'd gone soft as well as bruised, pallid and wheezy.
"Do you know what's caused this then?"
"Yeah... I fucked up." I shrug with a grin, coughing again and watching him sit up attentively. "Turns out I probably shouldn't have shifted when in such a weak state... But hey, might all be fixed by tomorrow right?" I splutter, putting a hand over my mouth and grabbing for that handkerchief Hanji gave me, my lips wet with the warm gore. Those bright eyes dim. I wipe my lips clean and fold the cloth back under the old-lady quilt currently on my lap.
"Senefold I... I..."
"Don't you start fucking crying as well." I croak with another roll of my eyes. He cringes.
"It doesn't really matter what I say does it? You won't believe that it's sincere." He looks down at his hand in his lap, clenching it into a fist till a knuckle goes pop.
"Finally, it learns." I grin down at my own lap, but I can tell he's looking at me again. Studying me with those eyes as he tries to think of a way out of this pit. Problem is Blondie I don't think there is this time, its a deep, miles deep in fact, with slimey walls and our hands have been cut off. We're proper stuck. At least I am. "I'm afraid your Captain is a bit pissed off about it all. Reckon he wanted to be able to depend on someone always coming back alive."
"Trust you to find the least human way to put his feelings." He rumbles, and I look up in surprise. The unfeeling Golden Mannequin was lecturing me on human emotion? But the gaze I meet sends a shiver down my spine. Of all the places I expected to get an emotion lecture, his bedside was not one of them.
"Look... I just came here to see how you were doing... and..." I stare at the lantern on his bedside. It was just like mine, flickering away with the occasional snap or crackle in the damp air. It had only been since Hanji voiced her concerns, and I felt that fear slicing into me that I had even thought of this, but I know I have to at least ask. Again and again my hovel of a home, way up in the trees with the breeze gently rustling by and burbling of the world around me, it all came back. My heart, for all its bruised up and messed up self, ached for it. If I was about to go waltzing off arm in arm with the reaper, I wanted to do it on my terms, in my home, staring up at my sky.
"And?" He encourages.
"And I have... a request." I say, licking my lips and watching that flame fixedly.
"I think if there was ever a time for me to listen to a request Senefold, now is it." He says, and as I look his way at last, he gestures to the bound up stump of an arm, an oddly humble expression on that chiselled face. "You saved my wretched life, I owe you too much to damn well account for."
"Humbleness and swearing... my, my I'm being spoiled." I say with a frown, not trusting this new side to the man one bit. I was falling apart and coughing like a dirty old man, but I wasn't stupid yet. "But hey, I guess I'm glad I saved you if it avoids some royal fuckwit being brought in here. At least you know how to ride a horse properly." I try to sound nonchalant, but the fact he chuckles and smiles at me makes me think I was still too nice. Dammit I need to make a stump joke or something, this was getting way too close to holding hands and braiding hair.
"What's your request, Senefold?"
"Can I go home?" I breathe, forcing my tongue to voice it, forcing this weakness out into the open like breaking a bone back into place. I fist my hands in my lap and suck in an annoyingly thick breath. This was humiliating. Of all the times he had loomed over me, lectured me, imprisoned me, made my blood boil with hatred and bones ache with reservation, I had never felt this small.
Never.
But right now all my pride would get me was a quiet room to wither away in.
And fuck it, right now I can think of nothing worse.
"I..." I meet those eyes full on, not allowing myself any tears for fear of fully losing myself to this pathetic display. "I don't want to die within these walls." I whisper, feeling that gaze bore into me as I close my eyes and the lantern just sits there to gently crackle or spit at us.
So many times I had imagined this man's death, and even now I know if I really pushed I could probably grip that throat and slice into it. I could lavish in the moment and sigh as I feel that warm blood spill out over my cold flesh, drowning out all the noise with the silence only a hard fought murder gave. It would kill me too of course, but a part of me feels it'd be worth it. But that is also the very stupid and revenge fuelled part of me that had only ever lead to trouble in the past. For now I'm sticking with Alexia Senefold, newly softened up and apparently weak little bitch. Eventually I open my eyes again, expecting anger, derision, refusal or rejection. Heck I guess it could have been all of them if he was up to it.
Instead I find none.
In fact I don't really know what I find.
The man sits there staring at me, at least I think he's staring at me, but he might be staring through me more than anything else. What the heck had I said to cause this? Or was the old bastard having a stroke? I see no real signs of distress, but there's a small flicker to his eyes now and again which kinda indicate he is at least still semi-conscious.
"Hey... Golden Boy, you still in there?" I wave a hand at him and he blinks, shaking his head. I think he really zoned out. The gyroscope of Golden Intellect had gone askew. "Did you even hear me?"
"I... yes I did..." he clears his throat. " Apologies Senefold." He says, going to smooth back his hair with his hand, only moving the stump accidentally before trying again with the hand that was actually still there. I don't know what the heck had set him off, but that little move makes me chuckle.
"I did that..."
"Did what?" He asks, hand to his wound as it presumably aches with the unintended movement. I nod to the bandaging and smirk.
"When they kept cutting my leg off... felt like it was still there before it had grown back. Phantom syndrome or something right? I kept trying to move it, to kick out with it or something..." I murmur, not really speaking to him. But he nods, hand dropping away from the bandaging, a small patch of pale red there as some stitches are popped presumably.
"I believe that's what its called yes..."
"Odd isn't it... missing something that you never really thought of as something you had to be thankful for, then trying to move it and feeling that odd sting of rejection. Like your own limb is telling you to do one, and all because you didn't give it a wee pet everyday and say 'thanks for sticking around dearest limb of mine.'..." My voice just kind of tumbles out of me, my eyes staring at that pale red and wondering how weakened the man was. I remember the bright shades that had gurgled out of me, painting the floor with the vivid colour of anger, passion, lust, love, death and rage. On and on the river of carnage had flowed. Such memories make my current condition easier to understand; how long could a person be drained before finally they gave out? Perhaps my reds were paled now too.
"Senefold I... I'm sorry but could you repeat what you said before? I promise I won't lose focus again I just... I'm confused." He admits with another shake of his head, and right now I can see this is a long way away from that man who had stood beyond those bars when I first woke in their custody. This wasn't the Commander forging the way for Humanity's freedom, or coldly deciding what cadets to risk. This was a wounded man, a broken soldier trying to deal with a loss, this was a messy human with stubble on his chin, and the smell of bed rest clinging to his pits.
"My request?" I ask, unsure of what part he wanted repeated after my odd ramblings.
He nods.
"Yes... and the second bit?" He swallows, staring down at the quilt over him, not seeing it at all I would wager. "Please?"
"Yeah all right... I um... Can I go home? I uh... I don't want to die within these walls." I cough soon after, that heavy silence strolling back into the room and lancing its eerie fingers through the lanterns flame. It watches us, and I just stare at him. What the hell was going through that busy mind? Was I actually going to see the smoke rising from his ears this time?
"You're going to think this is some kind of trick, and you'll probably want another stick to fling at me but..." those blue shades swivel up, making me feel another shiver of fear as they drill into me. Sincerity makes me ache. "I'm sorry, Alexia. I am so very god damned sorry for everything."
Well... fuck a duck.
No in fact leave the duck alone, I'm being too mean to poultry at the moment.
But aside from that, I am seriously dumbstruck here.
I really have no idea how long the silence decided to stick around that time, but when a soft knock comes at the door, followed by careful footsteps and a tell-tale clink of china, I look round to Hanji. She's carrying a small tray with some cups and a large tea-pot. Four cups. Either she's worse at simple mathematics than she is at hand-writing, or someone else was joining us. I nod to her and look back to Erwin, his eyes still stuck on me.
"Did I... did I interrupt something?" Mutters Hanji as the tray clunks onto a small table before she moves that closer to the bed. Neither me nor this confusing man respond, a couple chairs being moved next, their old legs scraping on the stonework before there's a creak of her sitting down.
"You... you're sorry?" I repeat at last.
Emotions are running through my head like I'd given them a heavy dose of sugar each: rage at his arrogance of thinking that would be okay, confusion over whether that was even his intention, regret over assuming his evil nature, irritation at the softness of my mind these days, hope that it might actually mean he would allow me my final request. And then there's the final emotion, heavy and choking me as I suck in weak breaths. Hatred. I'd never felt it so weakened before, but there it was, limply chasing the other emotions as it was drained and faded. Shitting hell it was nearly gone completely.
"Y-You son-of-a-bitch." I blurt out, it actually coming out in a kind of pathetic sob before I clamp a hand over my mouth and shake my head at Hanji as she reaches for a bucket. Other than an onslaught of mindless jabbering, I don't think anything else is about to come spilling out of my mouth.
"I meant it." He says, looking a little confused by himself. "I really do."
He glances at Hanji, and to top off this absolute shittery of a mind-fuck, I see shame of all things in that man's face. I look away, head feeling like it might explode if anything else weird came about. What next? Was the Ninja gonna walk in wearing a tuxedo and get down on one knee to ask me to fucking marry him? Was a choir waiting to chorus this weird scene out to black? Did Hanji have a secret identity as a pigeon? Was I in fact a sheep in a field contemplating the complexity of the universe whilst lap-dancing a goat?!
Erwin Smith had apologised.
Erwin Gods-gift-to-everything-because-the-sun-shines-out-my-rectum Smith had apologised and meant it. And by god I don't know what to do about that. I really hadn't ever expected that to occur, I had thought of a lot of outcomes but never that for longer than a drunken millisecond. Christ my head is fizzing.
"How about... some tea?" I hear a meek Hanji speak up, and suddenly I'm laughing. I'm shaking my head, tears rolling down my face, laughing my weakened ass off into the darkness that was the middle of the night. "Maybe something stronger than tea..."
"I think tea will be fine, Hanji." Comes the reassuring rumble of his Confusingness. "I just need to... well I need to explain some things to Senefold. I need to at least attempt explaining my god damned disgusting behaviour." He sighs, and the guilt in that tone only makes me laugh harder.
"The hell is the cackling banshee off on now?" I look up at the doorway, seeing a disapproving gaze from the Captain. No tuxedo in sight. "Has she finally snapped?"
"Nah Levi, I think she's just having a moment." quips Hanji, and I hear the tea being poured as my laughter gradually bubbles back down to a simmer of occasional giggle and gentle cough.
"Well come on..." I snort and laugh again before sighing and wiping my eyes. "What the hell else am I meant to do?! This bastard suddenly apologises, I was h-hardly prepared for that!" I cough and sit up properly, feeling rather energised after that refreshing partial meltdown.
"Can I explain?" Golden ElGuiltio sighs, looking kinda desperate as those powerful brows lift in the middle. I accept the tea from Hanji, my hands still shaking a bit and causing the china to tinkle as I hold it, but I nod all the same.
"Please go right ahead... right now I can probably handle almost anything. But... well, we gonna get back to my request afterwards though?" I take a sip and sigh as the sugary taste caresses my tongue. Hanji smiles as I look to her in thanks.
"Of course, I don't intend to dodge that request at all... I just wish to explain some things and quite frankly you all need to hear it."
"As long as you don't break into some kind of heart-wrenching power-ballad, go right ahead." I assure him, and another weirdly thankful smile passes over his lips.
Meanwhile the Captain looks increasingly confused. The mention of my request having made his quick eyes dart to me and squint in suspicion; I can only imagine what he thinks I asked for. It's a couple more moments before those grave tones start rumbling around the room.
"You said... you said 'I don't want to die within these walls'," he repeats, and whilst I am in agreement with him I see a weird light in Hanji and Levi's eyes as they both look to their Commander in unison. The hell do these words mean to them? Erwin continues. "And frankly that sentiment has been the driving force behind my entire career, if not my life, Senefold. I'm not going to pretend that any of this justifies my behaviour because it can't. But I just hope that it can at least make it seem more... more plausible at least that I'm not just an evil bastard."
"If this is about to be some sob story about your childhood, please for the love of my suddenly fashion forward hair, keep it brief?" I sigh, smirking when he looks at me with that typical 'oh my golly goodness how did she know' expression. Humans were messy, but emotional humans were usually easy to predict.
"All right... essentially my father was killed for wanting to explore the outside world."
"Ah... royals I presume?" I say as I sip my tea again, and the way those broad shoulders shrug, and that intense gaze lingers on his own steaming tea, I feel like this was an entirely different person. Near-death experiences did wondrous things. Living to dead, cold to warm, heartless to oddly humble and irritatingly endearing.
"I can't be sure, but I know I was accidentally instrumental in his demise... but apart from that, I had always strived to continue what my father started with teaching me about the outside world. A want to be free, for me and for the rest of humanity. We weren't meant to die inside these walls." He says, and I feel a shiver run through me.
Oh dear god I had waddled on in there and claimed his own fucking mantra. Oh well done Senefold you poetically poignant fucknugget of a plum. I stare at the teacup as he continues.
"So for years we fought for that freedom, I made the new formation, improvements were applied to the military, I thought we were really making strides... and then the Colossal came, and everything changed. But atop all that... atop all that we found you." He says quietly, and I know they're staring at me, my fingertips just gently going round the tea-cup rim as I try to avoid looking their way. This had gotten so awkward I was tempted to pretend passing out again, but I know I can't act and the Captain would just slap me till I woke up.
"Guess I rubbed the salt in?" I clear my throat awkwardly and I hear him chuckle. Now I chance a look up and I see a broad, genuine smile pulling back those lips.
"I thought that was it, she was the key, if I can break her and get her to explain how it was that she had survived out there, then it could all be fixed. It was an instant cure that of course didn't really exist but... at the time... I think I let obsession cloud over reason." The smiles melts away and that shame reappears again. "I treated you like the enemy because you had seemingly accomplished everything I sought to. And that was wrong, so very wrong."
"You're not getting any arguments here Blondie." I murmur, not entirely sure what I was meant to say in this moment. I wasn't about to wave my hands and laugh it all off, clap him on the back and claim bygones be bygones, but at the same time this pathetic look really clashes with his fabulous eyebrows. It just didn't look right. I had to consider he was telling the truth.
"You say all this now... after all you did?" Levi suddenly speaks, lips thin as he stares at his Commander, tea untouched and hands resting on his knees. The knuckles turn white. Erwin looks to his comrade and subordinate, and again that guilt shines out, but of course Levi isn't sitting there withering away like me. He can still rage out if he wants to, and the way those grey eyes glow with fury I have to consider that he might.
"I never claimed it would make this right-"
"Good because it fucking doesn't." Levi snaps, and right now all I can do is look between the two men. Hanji does the same, only she's gnawing on her lip unlike me who kinda wants some popcorn to watch this shit hit the fan.
"Levi please just-"
"You do realise you nearly let me kill her outright?"
"Yes." Erwin doesn't bother denying it, sitting there straight faced. Kudos to him for that I suppose, he wasn't dodging in the least. It seemed Levi was far from done though.
"In fact you practically ordered me to do that. You nearly left her in the field to die when she did everything to save those troops. And then you let her be taken and tortured by the MP's for weeks before doing anything, not that you did anything anyway because it was the royals who fucking got her out." Hisses the Captain, seething from every pore as he remains eerily still. "And now? Now that she chased after and saved your precious Jeager project? Now that she's gone and destroyed her own body for your means and your life? Now she's worth your apologies? Fuck you Smith." He sits back and shakes his head. "Fuck you."
"I know." Erwin says with gritted teeth. "But I can't go back and change the past can I?"
"Oh I know you can't." mutters Levi, and I know he's not just talking about me. He's seeing those two swords sticking up out of the ground from so long ago, those two tally marks against his heart.
I shiver.
Right now this was so not what the Scouts needed, at any moment the word would have reached the royal's sticky ears about the situation. They might have already sent their replacement this way. Right now the regiment needed a united front, not two bitch-faced divas sassing off at each other over a cup of tea. I sigh heavily, Levi immediately looking my way with concern whilst Erwin looks over with guilt. Hanji is just nibbling on the biscuits I hadn't noticed beforehand.
"Well this is officially getting us nowhere." I say with a shrug, and both men sit back a little, presumably having expected some long spiel from me. Not that I'm sure why they would, I've never been a speech giver before and buggery knows if I have the pep talk to get them put to rights. There's been more shit than usual piling out of my mouth, but then again right now I was mainly puking it rather than... spewing it... right not actually that much difference. But 'blurghflumble' was very different to 'Oh my meaningful emotionalness shall amaze you all, interlude of childhood trauma and justification of behaviour, I better see tears in those eyes Golden Shaft and Grumpy Ninja! Badabingbadaboom everything's resolved and let's have an orgy'.
Seriously.
What the hell is going on in my head?
"You can't seriously forgive this shit?" scoffs Levi, and really what catches me off guard is the way I look at him; that tone in his voice annoying me more than anything else. Since when was he allowed to speak to me like I was a kid? I think the arch to my eyebrow makes him wake up a bit, unbunching his knickers as he sits back and finally taking a calming sip of that damned tea.
"You can't seriously think I care what you have decided I should think and feel?" I retort before shifting my weight and setting my cup back down on the table with a soft clink. "Look... we've all done messed up things, lets face it that comes with the fucking job. But right now? I am willing to accept a few things."
"Accept?" Questions the petulant Captain. I nod.
"I can accept the fact that Stumplestiltskin is feeling some shame, I accept the fact he's looking back and cringing at the horrible shit he has pulled. I accept that small victory whilst the rest of the world continues to shit all over us." I say with a pointed look at the two men, and they concede slightly. Though Golden Bedpan looks a little confused by my new name for him until he looks at the stump in question and rolls his eyes. Keep up StubbleStump. Christ I love this new cornucopia of possibilities!
"Fine. Accept all that if you want, I'm not going to so easily... but like you say, this is getting us nowhere." Levi surmises with a clearing of his throat. He then drains his cup and sets it back town a bit too hard to convince anyone he was fine. His eyes linger on the table before slowly moving to once again land on me. "So what was this request?"
Oh poop.
"Senefold wants... Alexia wants to go home."
"Hardly a revelation." Levi mutters, and Erwin looks to the side.
"She wishes to go home in order to die there."
Quite frankly I want to stuff my wheelchair down his throat. Yes, technically all true and valid you overgrown sunflower, but considering the manner in which I have already outlined your Captain's attitude towards this situation? So not the way to put it. Suddenly it's like a Northern gale has been unleashed in the room and I shiver under Levi's glare despite the fact I haven't even looked at him yet.
"Are you allowing this?" demands Levi, and I hear Erwin sigh, the soft plop of more tea being added to his cup as Hanji presumably pours with bated breath. At least she was getting a good show out of all this.
"Right now Levi I don't particularly feel like I can deny her-"
"I meant are you allowing her to give up like a damned coward? Did losing your arm also make you totally lose your nerve?" says Levi curtly, tone nipping at us all. I grit my teeth, refusing to rise to such an obvious reverse psychology jab. I'm not fucking giving up, I'm accepting the fact I might be on my way out. It wasn't the same...
"Levi..." Hanji warns, but I can already sense he's too far gone to listen. It really wasn't the same – was it? I swallow hard and look at my hands as they continue to tremble slightly, remembering how I had clung onto life down in those dungeons. Both times. And then up in the trees when my body was failing me there, on and on I fought and yet I always seem to end up back in this position. Back in the dirt to cough and bleed, to wheeze and sweat. Maybe that's it?
"Is it cowardice or just wizing up?" I say, not surprised by the ongoing icy glare being sent my way. Apparently his concern didn't stretch so far as to give me a break, in fact there's a certain similarity to this look, to the one he gave me all that time ago when he was ordered to beat me into submission. Only this time he's not under any orders except his own.
"What shit are you saying now?" He shakes his head with what I sincerely hope isn't disgust. If it is? Then sod the wheelchair, I'll send his skinny ass down the HQ steps faster than he can suck Erwin's dick.
"Think about it Captain. Use that brain for once, go on, just fucking try it out. Over and over I have been beaten down, broken, and expected to just stand back up, brush it off and keep going. Maybe this is my body finally giving me a sign I cannot ignore."
"Sounds like an excuse to me."
"Then clean out your ears you daft prick, and maybe remove your head from between your pent up arse cheeks whilst you're at it!" I snap, coughing afterwards, shoulders shuddering with it. Every expression turning to worry. I suck in a breath and grit my teeth. "Ya think I wanna die like this? That I want to sit here and slowly disintegrate into myself like those twelve meter meat bags we leave to steam out of existence on the field? Hm? You really think I want this?!" I cough again, eyes feeling warm.
"No, but you're giving in so easily for you. Usually you fight so much harder." he retorts, looking away again.
"Am I fuck doing this easily! If there's anything I can try, do let me know, but right now? All I wanted was to know if the Commander Lefty here would at least consider letting me go home if I am actually heading out. And he is. I ain't saying I'm just going to wander out there right this second and lay down to be bird feed. Stop treating me like a fucking child you patronising wanker." I croak by the end, coughing and hacking away for a good few minutes, wiping my mouth yet again. Hanji sighs and reaches into her pocket, a small clear liquid filled vial appearing a moment later.
"It isn't much, but this might ease the coughing? It's a tonic I devised a year ago or so... used on everyone else when the winter hits. It usually helps a bit so... even if it only eases the discomfort?" She holds it out, and of course I take it. My pride, unlike the Steaming Shortcake over here, isn't so stringent that I won't accept help. God dammit I want help. I want to live. Levi is staring at the table top, apparently seething, but in all fairness to the hormonal prick I think it's at the situation rather than any of us. I pop the cork off and take a sip of the tonic, grimacing as the taste of bitter cheese and liquorice layers over my tongue, but the warmth at the back of my throat is at least pleasant.
"Thanks Hanji..."
"Least I can do, Alexia." she nods, cheeks a little pink as I see her eyes shine. The daft woman was still blaming herself wasn't she? I had never seen her as the type, but then again this situation was hardly common. I sit back and sigh.
"Despite tasting like vomit, it feels pretty good." I grin at her and she beams back.
"Ever since you woke up you've been joking about dying..." Mumbles Levi suddenly, and I can't avoid cringing back from the broken look to him. It's like I just kicked a puppy. "Like you've already accepted it."
I lean over to flick his forehead, meriting an irritated growl just like I expected.
"If it scares the shit out of me I tend to joke about it, amazing that you haven't cottoned onto that yet, Captain." I say as I sit back again with a small wince. "In this shitting world the best thing to do is laugh your way through it instead of babbling or whimpering like a tit." I shrug and lean my head back for a second, drawing a long breath before looking to Erwin finally. "So Stumpy, are we agreed? If my condition gets any worse and it's fairly obvious I'm heading for a one way ticket, I can go and die in my own home?"
"Yes." he agrees with suitably solemn tones.
"Right, so I can nick a horse right?" I waggle my brows and he chuckles with a nod to follow. I feel like I just asked my father for the family cart Saturday night. Yeesh this was too cosy. Hanji is about to speak when suddenly the Captain finds his voice again.
"You're not going alone."
I look to the heavens for additional patience.
"Yes I am."
"No. No way are you doing that, you'd be killed on the field in seconds in this state." He rumbles, and if it weren't for the dull ache along my spine I'd have leaned over to flick at that furrowed brow again. I know what he's seeing, he's seeing me lying there unmarked and unremembered, but the problem is that I still see that as the better option. Not ideal, but better than dying here.
"So what're you suggesting? You take me out there, hold me close and then what? Head back by yourself to the walls?" I tilt my head as the obvious contradiction arises and he sits back with a clenched jaw. I sigh. "Who knows... it might not even come to it right?"
"Eren could take you out there?" Suggests Hanji quietly into her cup, flinching a little as she sees the anger light in Levi's eyes. This was ridiculous, I feel like the popular toy being fought over! "Just saying... he could take you both out there. Rest up as Alexia is made comfortable and then carry you ba-"
"This is so messed up, can we stop?" I say with a click of my tongue. "We'll play it by ear and figure it out. For now... there's not point in discussing it if it's never gonna come to anything. Agreed?" I look to each of them, and thankfully one by one they nod and a slightly less tense silence takes over from there.
It wasn't a great resolution, but at least I knew where I was staggering now.
I'd say standing but let's face it, right now that was very inaccurate.
"So... What's the next step otherwise?" I ask, nibbling on a biscuit myself after Hanji offered them round. It was weird to think that these three had ever done this before. With all the drama going around the place, these three sit down and share a pot of tea whilst discussing the future of humanity. Very odd.
"In what sense?" Asks Erwin, scratching at his stubble and attempting to flatten the wayward bedhead. He fails and it is still messily glorious.
"In the sense that you're still bed-bound and the royals will likely be sending in a replacement any day now. If they haven't already."
"And you would know this because?" He smirks and I mirror it with a shake of my head.
"You totally knew didn't you?" I snort, Levi becoming slightly animated as he cottons on to what we're referring to. Somehow this Commander of ours had figured out that I had been sent to kill him, and on top of that he hadn't done anything about it? "How long did you know I was ordered to do it?"
"Pretty much since you were released by the MP's." He chuckles and Hanji is still looking between us in confusion. Poor woman was likely going a little bit madder with every passing second. I look to her and grin.
"They ordered me to kill the Golden Boy. Was a term of my release."
"Oh... oh right..." she breathes, glasses flashing and really I don't know if she's shocked or excited about that revelation. Then again she might have made similar deductions.
"Not that I think it matters much now, but they might be peeved that I saved him." I laugh with a small cough and thankfully Hanji ends up joining in, shaking her head.
"Didn't they get the memo on your attitude towards orders?"
"C'mon Hanji! Those inbred fuckwits can't read." I end up giggling, and when I glance to Levi I see the ghost of a smile there as he blows on the steam off his refilled cup.
"I think the next step is... prepare for the worst." summarises Erwin.
"Wow... so intricate and detailed Golden Boy, I love it."
"Well... really it's hard to decide on what to plan because really we have no idea how desperate they have become. However, I think it's imperative that we avoid them knowing of your weakened state, Senefold." Says the Commander, and I agree completely. If those bastards knew I was no better than a rubber duck partially melted, they would hit hard and fast. The face of Kenny flashes into mind and I turn to the Captain.
"You think they'll send Kenny this way?"
"Kenny? As in... Kenny Ackerman?" Erwin sounds a little surprised for once, and both me and the Captain are nodding in confirmation. Levi's lips are pursed thin as he thinks, eyes glancing my way every now and then as it rolls through his mind.
"It's either that, or the replacement. Personally I'd prefer it to be Kenny, I know how to deal with that bastard at least... but then again the replacement could just be some high end stuffed shirt." A tired sigh leaves him and he scrapes his hair back. "We'll just have to see... what was it you said, Senefold? Play it by ear?"
"Yeah... that's about the long and short of it."
It was amazing to think that the military best of the best had literally sat discussing their shitty situation for however god knows long, and come up with 'meh, we'll figure it out as we go.'
Yeah. We were kinda nutty weren't we?
3RD PERSON POV
She strides through the crowds with a set expression of irritation and superiority. The MP's disperse before her, not one standing up to that determined gaze as she marches for the wagon. Without her signature red painted lips the woman was a little hard to recognise to anyone that hadn't seen her in uniform, but the eyes remained as hard as ever. Like broiling gimlets. Her dark hair sways in the pony-tail and her claw like hands grip the reins tight, her wagon filled with enough personal supply for a month.
One month.
It was said she was to take over command whilst Erwin recovered, but no one expected her to return. They knew this was leading to a change in command, but what they didn't know was how she intended to make that come about. Erwin was the first Commander to take over from his predecessor whilst said predecessor remained alive. Shadis was a damned coward as far as the woman was concerned, flicking the reins and beginning her journey. Not only had Shadis given into his own weakness, but he had allowed the new formation into play. Bad move. The Scouts had been doing as intended before that: learning bugger all whilst dying in swathes. It allowed the more restless civillians a means of hope of leaving the walls, whilst avoiding anything actually coming from it, as well as killing off any civilians actually moronic enough to want to leave immediately. Two birds with a big bloodied stone.
But then Shadis quit.
The woman grumbles as she rattles along the cobbles, remembering the way those first few reports of diminished casualties had sat on her desk mocking her over and over. Every single time it set her teeth on edge as those winged bastards edged closer to the truth, or worse yet, victory. On and on it went until finally Smith took over and the deal with the devil seemed complete. Whilst she herself was indeed royal, it didn't stop her finding the paranoia and panicked nature of her fellow noblemen bloody annoying. Seemed they had all forgotten the idea of dignity around the same time the Civilians forgot their own damned history.
And then they found her.
She was meant to be dead.
She was meant to be nothing more than an irritating memory, a black sheep of the family long since swept under the thus far bulging carpet.
But no.
As the Colossal came and blasted through, panic and fear had soared. It was a good day for those holding the leash as more and more civilians seemed all too eager for their collars. But then she went and fucked it all up. Damn Senefold. If the shifters had just stayed out of the way, no one would have known, no one would have figured it out, or if they had they could have been dealt with. The woman grits her teeth as she thinks of the damned scientist behind those big flashing glasses. It had only been a matter of time before that name was written on the kill list; these people with curious minds just caused issue, they just made a mess!
So now she had to step in herself.
What with one thing happening after another, there was no time to lose now, and the gift of a mauled Erwin Smith was too good to pass up. For whatever reason Senefold had gone against orders, and Kenny was proving irritating when it came to following up on shit. So now the woman herself would step in; killing both Smith and Senefold if it came to it. The power of her relation was clear, even when having Senefold chained up the fire in those dark eyes was intimidating. It would have been a serious advantage having Senefold on their side, but the woman sighs as she feels it once again confirmed in her mind that that was never going to happen.
And if Senefold wouldn't behave then Senefold would just have to go.
Two birds with one bloodied stone.
Thank you so much for reading! I realise it was another one with a lot more talking than anything else, but considering all the shit that hit the fan a couple chapters ago, I reckon it's been needed for recovery? Haha, also some big revelations characterwise I hope everyone will agree!
Please leave a review, fav and or follow, love to know people are STILL reading and STILL signing up to be dragged along this mad track. I have no ending in mind yet, so there is plenty more to come! See you next time!
SHOUTOUTS
MadnessIsContagious96: Aw animegoddess was a lovely name! And you have been here for a looong time, so really thank you for the ongoing support! I didn't know you could change your name on here... not that I plan to, but the more you know! Thank you for never givig a false review, I never want empty praise etc etc, so thank you very much indeed for taking the time to explain! Apologies for the depressing tone... not exactly cheered up much this time either! But at least there was some laughter? Haha, hope you enjoyed and see you next time!
UmbreonGurl: Haha I am occasionally a lurker as well, easily done, just typical it happened on a chapter I was MAJORYL unsure of haha. So glad you liked it, and so glad to know you're still here with us! I love making up the nicknames, which i usually do on the spot, or occasionally get an idea whilst out and about my normal day... not an easy thing to explain when I randomly grin and mutter Golden Partial when in the vegetable section of a supermarket... Haha really?! Lol perhaps I should have Robyn start giving Erwin abuse? Nah... I have written him very different in that fic. Alexia has too much spunk... Alexia is a pain in the ass haha! Thank you so much for reviewing, love to hear from you, hope you're still enjoying!
XBeccaX: Alexia is meant to be worrying you haha, I never want anyone to believe someone has immunity because they're a main character :P I kill off my OC's in my own work VERY easily haha! But I am glad to know you're so invested, as well as convinced by her fragility. I was worried no one would be convinced after her previous feats of badassery. But sometimes something just gives and you have to seriously recover, poor Alexia, I am being rather mean to her! And yeah Levi is pretty much fit to blow now, gritting his teeth down to the wick i would imagine. Silly emotionless Ninja. Glad you're still enjoying the names, I still love making them. Thanks for the review and hope to see you next time!
SecretWishX: You are such a sweetheart! I never get over your reviews! Thanks so much for the kind praise, and I'm glad her tone continues to amuse you! Haha I think sometimes I do make the chapters go on too long, but then I leave it so long between sometimes that I reckon it evens out! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the Hanji moment, I was really nervous that I had either over done it or under done it! Yeah, the shower scene was a lot of fun to write actually. I make no promises ;) but Alexia's a tough bird, she won't go down without one buggery of a fight!
Thank you everyone!