I noticed that recently everything I've written for BB was kind of depressed or depressing… so I hope it's okay for you guys if I skip Joe's funeral and the first weeks after his death and get straight to this scene. Thank you for sticking with this story collection, and for every review, alert and favorite!

"You want what?"
"Danny, please." Jamie's voice and body language were showing his embarrassment. "Please just listen…"
"I don't need to listen, Jamie, I've heard enough! This is sick." Danny shook his head wildly. "You better stop making bad jokes around here, understood? And now come in. Coffee's waiting." He didn't wait for his little brother to follow as he stormed back into their father's house.

Jamie stayed in the front garden and tried not to cry. He should be used to holding back tears by now, and he had known that this would not be easy, but… Danny's reaction had just been worse than he had feared. A bad idea, that he could have lived with. But a joke?
"It's not a joke, Danny" he whispered miserably into the crisp air. "It's my decision."

Danny was fuming when he entered the living room, and Linda calmingly placed her hand on his leg. "Is he going to be okay?"
He snorted. "He's an idiot."
His wife frowned and exchanged a startled look with Erin who was sitting at the couch opposite, whirling her whisky around. She had asked for it immediately after dinner – when Jamie had asked him to go outside for a moment – but obviously she hadn't drunk yet. A bad sign for all Danny knew. Of course, lately everything was a bad sign, and there was nothing like normality anymore… nothing. Danny closed his eyes and blindly reached for Linda's hand. Unthinkable as it was, he had to find a way to live without Joe. It would never be the same – accepting this was the easy part, the natural part… that nothing could ever be as happy as before without his brave, easygoing, smart, loyal to a fault, strict little brother – but still, Danny had to move on. He had to find his place again in a world that seemed to have completely changed.
It had taken some time, and a lot of patience from everyone around, but he felt he was on a …good? Was it good? … way. Of course, if Jack and Sean weren't there, if they didn't need their father up and alert, if their life wasn't going so new and colorful, Danny didn't know if he could have come this far.
He had his sons, Erin had Nicki.
Jamie had nobody. Well, apart from Syd, who as Danny grudgingly had admitted was really helpful and patient and understanding. She was taking care for Jamie which was not bad, but it hindered him from taking care for her, and that was the key to move on.
Maybe that was the reason why his baby brother had just lost his mind.

"Danny?" Erin shook her head. For a moment she considered pouring the alcohol in her brother's face, but that probably wouldn't help anybody. Well, except for her, and only for a few seconds.
"Danny, what's wrong?"
He shrugged. "I'm not going to repeat that idiocy."
"You don't have to." Both siblings looked up at their youngest. Jamie was pale but Erin knew the look on his face, the determination that made everyone adore her little brother. Whatever it was he had told Danny, it wasn't an idiocy for him. He meant it.

"What is it, Jamie?" She put the glass on the table with a slightly shaking hand as horror scenarios flashed through her grief-clouded brain. What could he want? What had happened?

Jamie swallowed. "Don't take it personally, Erin, please" he said, softly but firmly, "but I'm not going to be a lawyer. I can't be. I'm thankful for studying it and for my time at Harvard but… this is not what I'm meant to be. I'll assign for the academy and become a cop."

Danny laughed as he saw his sister freezing. "Didn't I tell you he's losing it?" When he turned to Jamie he didn't bother hiding his pain or contempt anymore. "You're dancing on Joe's grave, and on mom's too, you bloated little striver!"
"Danny" Linda hissed but Danny only shook his head. Outraged and exhausted he grabbed Jamie's collar and forced him to look at him. "Is that how you honor our brother? By becoming the next to die? You're mocking him, Jamie! How could you ever be a cop? The only thing you're gonna achieve out there is die. Is that what you want?"
- "Danny!"-
"Can't stand that not everything centers on you? Did you wait for him to make free your place, is that what-"

For the first and last time in his life Jamie punched his elder brother right in the face. Danny went down, but before anyone could react he was up again, hitting back. For a few seconds Jamie was angry enough to be a match for him, then he landed on the floor again, and as he knelt over the only brother he had left Danny's anger vanished faster than it had come.
Silently he let Linda lead him away as Erin and Frank who come in at the noise, helped Jamie on his feet.

Jamie's mouth was filled with blood. "I don't…" He tried to swallow it down but felt like choking on it. Erin stroked his hair reassuringly. "It's okay, Jamie."
"No, it's…" He grimaced with pain. "I never wanted that. How could he say that?" Tears of pain and injustice built up in his eyes, and Jamie was too weary to stop them now. "How could he ever say that…"
"It's alright, son." Calm to the outside Frank pulled Jamie in a bear hug and smiled at his daughter. "Danny knows you didn't make your decision lightly. He's just afraid."
"He said I wanted…" Jamie shivered. "He said I wanted Joe to…"
"No!" Erin cried. "He didn't mean that, Jamie, you know it. Not even Danny would ever think that. Not even now."
Frank nodded gravely, then he reached out for his daughter who thankfully joined the embrace.
Together they sat, each lost in thoughts, held up by the comfort of the other's presence – though it felt colder now than before, with Joe… gone.

"Danny's afraid" Frank said after a while, quietly. "He couldn't help… Joe… when he was killed" he closed his eyes, "and now knowing that you're going to be a cop as well, he fears history will repeat itself."
Jamie shook his head. "He doesn't believe I'll even make it through the academy."
"God, Jamie" Erin sighed, "he's scared as hell. He'd say anything."
Frank frowned at his daughter. "What do you think about your brother's choice of career?"

"It's stupid, it means a ton of money's wasted on nothing, and he's not cut out for the job!" Danny snapped, coming in again. When he saw his little brother's swollen and tear-stained face, however, his expression got milder. "I think you'd be a pretty good lawyer, you know."
Erin laughed weakly. "Worst argument ever." She put an arm around Jamie. "He's right, though. You can always be a lawyer. You'd be good."

Danny stared at her. "You can't possibly support him?"
"This is not yours to decide" their father bellowed before Erin could answer. He stood up and put a hand on his eldest son's shoulder while the other stayed on Jamie's.
"I… We are a family" he murmured almost gruffly, his glance traveling through the windows, to the cemetery and back to his children. "We will always be a family, no matter where we are. Your mother and I wanted and want each of you to live his life. The best you can." He shivered and at once both his son's arms clasped around his. Torn between gratitude and loss Frank closed his eyes.
"Everyone has to decide his own way. And if Jamie's taking blue, then… then New York is a lucky city indeed."

Jamie sighed in relief. "Thank you dad." He looked at Danny whose anger was by now totally replaced by sadness and sorrow. "Danny, I'll make it. I'll be careful."
He didn't need Erin's sob behind him to realize the pointlessness of his words.
Joe had been careful too, and it had helped him nothing.
"I never meant to…"
"I know." Danny swallowed. "And I never meant to say that. But still… kid, I love you but I'm not following you down this road. I will not see you die, do you hear me? Do you?" Unable to control himself he stormed out of the room.
When Jamie wanted to follow him, Frank held him back. "Leave him be."

Jamie bit his lips. "I can't go back, dad. I once tried to convince myself into being someone else, but it didn't worked. I want to be a cop. I'm meant to be a cop."
"It's okay, Jamie." Linda had stepped into the living room. Gently she hugged her little brother-in-law. "You'll be a great cop. Eventually Danny will see that. And he'll be proud of you."