Having spent a quiet morning with Cyril watching the television and then convincing his neighbours to keep him with them, Beecher spent a wonderful afternoon with his daughter. He was amazed at her resilience. All Holly seemed concerned with was that she was here with her father and her father was here to play with her. The games didn't matter. They were together.

Alvarez spent the day speaking to no one and ignoring any who tried to intrude into his thoughts. Having woken during the night, he half expected Toby to be looking in at him and was disappointed that he hadn't dropped down to him. Hearing the night noises of several people, he remembered where he was and why.

Then he found he couldn't go back to sleep so tried filling his mind with pleasant images but every time he thought of Toby touching him, his face changed into Robson, seeing again and again, the look on the man's face as he forced that prick into his mouth. Miguel had curled up tightly and waited for the lights to be switched on. At least then he would have something besides repulsive visions in his mind to look at.

During the morning he'd been allowed to sit up on the edge of the bed then dressed in a hospital gown, had taken a few steps. He was stiff but knew his body was healing. He would be let out soon. He could go back to Em City, back to Beecher's Pod but before he did, he needed to know that he was still truly wanted.

So he spent a long afternoon going over and over how he could broach the subject and tell Toby all that had been done to him. Sister Pete was right. It was Beecher's choice. It always had been. So when Beecher arrived, he found Alvarez sat in a chair waiting for him but looking decidedly on edge.

Toby sat on the side of his bed and poked at his shoulder. He was in a relaxed mood. Sad at having to say goodbye to his daughter but happy at the time he'd gotten to spend with her. When Alvarez finally looked up at him, the expression said he was far from relaxed. He poked at the shoulder again smiling, "How you doing?"

Alvarez' head dropped as he shrugged. Toby looked at him sadly. Miguel had reverted to acting towards him as he had weeks ago. He longed to hold him, try to reassure him that he was going to be okay. He would survive this. He knew Alvarez had already been through so much and had come out the other side, if not entirely intact, never the less, he had survived. He could survive this. Beecher had and he hadn't had anyone he could rely on, to help him but Miguel did. If only he would let him.

"You want to come sit next to me?"

Another shrug. He so needed to talk to Toby but not here where others could hear and there was no where they would be allowed to go.

"Would you sit next to me if I told you I'd like you to?" Alvarez started picking at his fingers something he hadn't done for a few weeks now. Beecher reached down and closed his hand over them, stilling the motion. "Come on," he said standing, "I'll help you," and reaching down, waited until Miguel held on to his arms and slowly pulled himself up.

Relishing the opportunity, Miguel held on tightly as Beecher gently manoeuvred him onto the side of the bed. He could have managed it himself with no small effort but looking straight into those eyes, so blue, so bright, so close, he didn't want to release his hold but had to. Smiling Beecher stepped back from between his legs then sat carefully beside him, holding onto the mattress with both hands as if he too wanted nothing more than to keep hold of him.

The move having caused his thigh to hurt, Miguel pulled up the gown ensuring he remained covered and checked that he hadn't begun to bleed again. He hadn't but he felt a finger run along his exposed hip along his thigh. Quickly he dropped the gown, tucking it in around him.

"I'm sorry," quietly from beside him.

Shaking his head he quickly looked to Beecher then away. "No. Me. I'm so sorry, Toby," and he hugged himself.

Beecher leant in close, not wanting anyone to overhear, "You have nothing to be sorry for. This was not your fault!"

"But I shudda listened to you! I am so sorry!"

Hush. It doesn't matter. You'll be okay now. You're here. With me. That's all I care about! That is all I want. Nothing more. Just you, here, sat next to me."

Alvarez covered his eyes with a hand. He so wanted to break down and fall into this man's arms once more but couldn't. Not here in front of an eager audience. Even though everyone who gave a damn seemed to know they were, had been 'intimate', Fucking, he didn't need to be on show. What was between them was for them alone! Or had been. For once it was Alvarez' hand that covered Beecher's, fingers entwined, holding on tightly, hoping no one would see the hands hidden between them.

"Miguel. I just want you back."

He slumped at the words, he so wanted to believe. His right hand dropped to his lap picking at the gown's hem. So low, half not wanting the man beside him to hear, "But you don't know. You don't know what he…what he did to me."

Beecher turned to him and used his left hand to push his head up to face him. "I know."

Alvarez pulled his head away, turning to stare at the wall. So close he could feel warm breath on his ear, "If you will let me, I want to be with you. I still want you."

The head slowly coming back to stare at Toby held eyes so full of hope.

Did Toby really mean it? Did he truly know what Robson had done to him and still want him? He desperately wanted to believe. Beecher's face moved closer. He longed to kiss him, kiss those lips he'd missed so much. His gazed dropped to Beecher's mouth and he lost focus as it moved towards him to kiss him. He turned his face away, down. Toby may know what had been done to him but he didn't know what he'd done.

"Oh, get a room!" Beecher looked up at the Hack stood in front of them, a different one than the day before. "But oh, I forgot. If you carry on like that, we've got one waiting for you." The comment brought jeers and vulgar comments from the beds around them and Beecher set his face hard, not only to cover his anger and resentment at the interference but also at the pain in his hand as it was gripped so hard. "Keep it clean!" and then the man moved off. "Shut the fuck up. The lot of you!" Sniggers then they all settled in for the next incident to break the monotony.

"Miguel. Please. My hand."

He didn't understand until looking down, Alvarez realised exactly how tight he was gripping him. He let go to wrap his arm tight over his waist as Beecher massaged the pain he'd caused away.

Damn it. Miguel had taken up that slight slow rocking again so Beecher shifted slightly as if his butt had gone numb from sitting and settled with his thigh against Miguel's, hoping the contact would tell him what words, he hazarded, would not at this point.

Alvarez froze. He did not dare to move. He was so conflicted knowing he had longed for Beecher's touch, to be able to feel him close but now he was uncomfortable. Here, in plain view, where nothing could happen they were safe, but once alone would they be? Now he worried that when, if Beecher came to take him, he would freeze up as he had now and that he would see either anger or worse, hurt on Toby's face at the rejection.

He would do nothing to prevent him from fucking him, that had never been an option and still wasn't. Toby had assured him he still wanted him but he was frightened that he would freak and that Robson would have gotten what he wanted after all.

He prayed Beecher would give him time as the man knew what it was like to have this done to him. Repeatedly. How long had it taken Toby to let someone touch him? To want to be touched? He'd seen with the rest what had happened between Beecher and Keller and wondered if not for the broken bones, would Beecher have let himself be touched much sooner? It had been at least a year and Alvarez had been attacked, he couldn't think the real term yet, only five days ago, not even a week.

Beecher couldn't help but feel the tenseness in Alvarez but remained where he was. If Alvarez chose to move away then that was okay. Not what he wanted but knew he needed to show plenty of patience. He mustn't push Miguel at all, in any way. He would give him as much time as he needed but had to let him know he was here, willingly, to do whatever he could, whatever he would let him.

It took a while but Alvarez slowly began to relax. They continued to sit side by side, each in his own thoughts as Beecher came to feel more and more of Miguel's weight against him as he leant on him.

Beecher had been listening to the O'Riely brothers, not catching it all but his name had caught his attention. Cyril had wanted to know why the men had been laughing at Beecher and Alvarez, why they were so mean to his friend. So Cyril considered him a friend? He had a touch of guilt as he hadn't exactly been nice to the damaged man, had barely tolerated him, only putting up with him so he could be sat here next to Miguel. He could not hear the reply as Ryan, looking at him, pulled Cyril close, speaking low but earnestly to him. He hoped he wasn't convincing Cyril of something that could cause trouble tonight.

Attention back on Alvarez, he looked to see him watching from the corner of his eye. He smiled at him. Alvarez relaxed his arms, hands in his but also went back to watching his fingers twist together. "Beecher?" whispered so quietly.

He was tempted to answer, 'Alvarez', but instead replied, "Yes?" equally quietly.

Alvarez took in a deep breath, let it out. "There's..." he swallowed "There's something I have to tell you."

"Yes?" he said into the pause and waited but whatever it was, he could tell Miguel really didn't want to say it. It wasn't that long until he would have to leave. "If you don't want to tell me now, wait till we're alone, out of here." Miguel looked anxious opening his mouth. "Anything can wait. Unless..." he'd had a worrying thought. "You're not trying to tell me you don't want to be alone with me are you?"

"No!" becoming agitated.

"No, you don't?" Beecher was anxious himself now. Alvarez looked at him, that pleading to understand in his eyes, so he smiled encouragingly.

"I...I want to come back to you if... if you … want me. If you mean it." His head dropped, his eyes tightly shut.

Beecher took his hand. "Miguel. I want you. Never doubt that. There something I have to tell you too."

"Time," the Hack announced moving towards Cyril. Quickly Beecher placed his mouth by Alvarez' ear. This was for Miguel alone. "I love you" and pulled back to look into wide startled eyes. He picked up a hand and as he stood and kissed the back of it, "Nothing, nothing else matters!" and he was made to leave with Miguel's eyes following him all the way out.

==000==

TBC…