Author's Note: Happy, little bit late, fourth of July to my American readers! FREEDOM!
There will be heavy language and some all caps writing here so if you're not into that...I don't know how you managed the rest of the chapters. Also excuse the shortness of this chapter. It is necessary to break up the next few.
Really quickly...I added a timeline to my profile of the story's chapters. It helps keep me in order so if you're lost at any point or were wondering when this story is actually occurring, check it out!
"And I was better where
I was miserable, why didn't you leave me there?
And I love you, please don't go
But don't you sit there looking like you know
That I'm the one that kept you from your home
Don't go"
Keaton Henson- Don't Swim
"Draco," I said hesitantly. I wasn't sure he had heard me over his own cries of pain. I had never seen him so...defeated. He looked, honestly, like he just got run over by a car. He wasn't breathing right and he was clutching his chest, his whole body under attack. He wasn't the beautiful man I was so used to seeing, one I found myself looking up to for his strength and peace. Draco was just...languid, in a way. He was limp against the ground, seemingly unable to move.
"Draco," I said again, louder this time.
His head lifted from the ground and I could see his red rimmed eyes and pale, striking features. "Leave...me...alone…" he said slowly and deliberately.
I shook my head, moving closer to him saying, "Draco," yet again.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he bellowed. I jumped back, frightened by his reaction to me. I'd never seen him like this. Ever. Granted, I'd never seen anyone like this, even at the battle when death was everywhere. I guess there was a numbing effect at the battle. Now it must have felt like someone was breaking every bone in his body, one at a time.
"Draco," I started, "I'm not leaving you alone." I tried to keep my voice calm, even though with each word he uttered I fell apart. I knew what real pain was, but I couldn't tell if this was pain or the feeling of being completely and utterly alone. Unless they were the same.
"Why the fuck not Granger? You have a good life, you have friends. I don't," he said. Each word was a dagger, but he wasn't done yet. "Leave me alone so I can fucking die!"
That was my breaking point. When he, or anyone for that matter, said they wanted to die...a piece of me broke. I knew what it was like to want to die, trust me I did. But I had realized, through Draco, that there was so much more. It wasn't right for me to crave death when so many others had died too soon. They would want us to live a long happy life, and I was ok with that.
"Draco," I said again and again, my voice in pain and tears streaming down my face.
"Didn't I tell you to leave already?" he asked, venom in his teeth. "Go the fuck away."
I swallowed hard and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I gathered all of my strength and for the last time said, "Draco…"
"WHAT?" he screamed. He was standing now, hands clenched and his shoulders heaving up and down.
My voice was strong. "I told you not to leave. You made a promise, and if you think that you can just exile yourself from my life because you feel like it, you must have your head screwed on backwards. I'm not finished with what we have, and if you want to give this up because you feel sorry for yourself then stay here and wallow. But guess what, we all went through pain. My parents are dead. I know how this feels, but you cannot use this as a crutch for the rest of your life like I did. Like I am. Draco holding on to this crap ruins you, I would know! I'm done with it. I want you to be too."
He was silent, his breath still short and my own mind trying to digest what I had just said. I said it. I said it all. "Look," I added, "I'm going home. If you're done with me and with everything that we have, that we did together, then just stay here. Get your stuff out of my house and leave, completely. But if you think that this could ever be more than what it is already, I expect you to follow through with your promise."
He looked dumbfounded, unable to speak for once in his life. I stared at him, waiting for anything and when I didn't get a word, I disapparated.
I didn't want to cry. Honestly, I didn't. But as soon as I was home I knew it really wasn't home anymore. Home was full of love. The house was empty. I started a pot of tea and set up my laptop in the living room, getting the most comfortable blankets and pillows all on the couch to watch my favorite movie. The couch. Our first kiss was on that couch, and he kissed me. It was the most beautiful kiss I had ever received; so pure and so raw. He ruined that moment too. But was it really ruined if I stayed? And kissed him again? And again…
The tea pot cried on the stove and I removed it quickly, not really in the mood to hear a cry at that point. I poured a cup and went to the living room, pressing play on the laptop to begin the movie. I couldn't count how many times I had watched it. It was my new stress relief; my way to cope and relax. I knew it was unhealthy. I should face my problems. But I did face them and I faced Draco, telling him what I required of him, especially if he was going to act like this. I probably shouldn't have left him alone, but he made his choice.
I didn't want to be alone either.
I turned away from the screen and looked to the bottom of the staircase, my ultimate problem facer. I looked to the box that sat there, full to the brim with photographs of dead witches and wizards. I took them down. Every picture from my wall I took down. I couldn't stand it anymore. I said I was going to change and I did. Take that Voldie.
I still hadn't gone to Draco's room yet. It was still his room and it wouldn't be like me to throw everything out the window or some crap like that. I wanted him to come back. I didn't want it to end. I wasn't sure why I wanted him back. He left me and I hated that. I hated how closed off he was even if I was the same way sometimes. But I loved the feeling he gave me and the way that he helped. If nothing else he helped me overcome.
There was a knock on the door. Quiet and hesitant. I stood from the couch, pausing the movie and I approached the door. There was no need to check who it was through the peep hole. I could feel that it was him.
I opened the door and there stood Draco Malfoy, beautiful as ever, even with tear stained eyes.
"Hello," I said.
"Hello," he muttered back. His head hung low, his hands twitching in and out of fists. "Hermione I'd like to stay," he said boldly.
I was shocked at how open he was. My eyes popped out a bit but I relaxed them. I had to contain my happiness. He was here. Quickly. He ran a hand through his hair nervously.
I moved out of the doorway, holding open the door. "Draco you can come in."
Author's Note: So yeah, it was Draco in the cemetery haha. Big shock I know! ;) An honorary song for this chapter is My House by PVRIS. It's such an awesome song and I listened to it while writing, though the lyrics don't fit as well :)
So I don't want to beg, but I'm feeling a little uninspired right now. I could really use a pick me up so let me know what you're thinking about the story and encourage me to keep going! I'd really appreciate it!
Much love to every reader, either casual or dedicated *insert hopeful cheeky smile* Review/Follow/Favorite! NK