Now we hear from Masen

The office lights were dim, the floor deserted, as I sat, hunched over in my chair, feet up on my desk. I had no desire to leave the office right now. This was the place where I could feel Bella's presence the strongest. I leaned my head back, ignoring the throbbing in my cheek.

Bella could pack one hell of a wallop in that little hand. Maybe I should have let her throw a punch or two at Riley that night in the alley.

My smile at that thought faded as I recalled the furious and hurt expression on her face right before she slapped me.

She was never going to forgive me.

I looked around, wondering if I should pack up my desk now, leave quietly, or risk staying and being fired when Bella reported me, or even worse, left the company.

I didn't want her to leave.

This was my fault.

My own stupid crazy idea to get close to her. Born out of one comment she uttered out loud, which I had convinced myself she meant, and which I acted on with no thought as to the consequence.

The consequence that eventually she would find out who Edward was and walk away.

I had never known panic the way I did earlier when I heard Alice shout out my full name in the middle of the office and saw Bella's dawning realization of how deeply I had deceived her—in and out of the copy room.

After she stormed out, people had awkwardly moved around, unsure as to what just happened. Even Alice backed off, shocked by what she had seen. Luckily, being late afternoon, there wasn't as many people around, but I knew by tomorrow morning everyone would have heard about shy Masen and quiet Bella's encounter. No one would know the history behind it, but they had all seen the outcome.

I only hoped, for her sake, it died quickly.

The soft ping of the elevator had me glance toward the wall. When Bella stepped into the office, I froze. Her emotion-filled eyes found mine and she walked over to me. I pushed my feet off the desk and sat up, unsure what to do next. Unsure why she was here.

Her first question startled me. "Why do you call yourself Masen?"

I swallowed, clearing my dry throat. "I was named after my father. My grandmother called me Masen for as long as I can remember. I think it made her sad to call me his name after he died. I never use Edward. No one calls me that. They never did … even as a child. "

She blinked before she spoke again. Her eyes were still confused, her voice was shaky, but some of the anger I had seen earlier was gone. "How. I want to know how."

I understood what she wanted and I stood up, indicating with my hand for her to follow me. She deserved answers to her questions. I walked through Alice's office, stopping briefly to show her the covered glass. She looked out, understanding how I had been able to see her so easily. Silently, I walked out the side door, Bella trailing behind me. I went into the storage room and stood by the seemingly innocuous wall. Raising my hand, I pushed on the panel, and the door opened without a sound, revealing the copy room behind it. Bella gasped quietly. I pulled the fob from my pocket and tapped the small button, watching her face as the lights went on. Frowning, she moved past me into the room, and this time I followed her.

She swung around, her face a mass of emotions. "How?" she demanded again.

"Say something without speaking, Bella. Just move your lips."

I watched her sweet mouth move and I nodded. "Yes, Bella, I am telling you I can read lips. I learned when my grandmother was going deaf and I went to classes with her. I 'heard' every word you said that day to Rose. Other things as well."

"Why?" she breathed.

I pulled my hands through my hair in vexation. "Because I was too shy to do anything else. I wanted to be your friend—I wanted to be so much more than your friend, but after what that bastard did to you I was sure you would push me away—" I shrugged. "I just watched over you from far away. I tried to quietly let you know I was there if you needed me."

I paced around the small room. "When you're upset or worried you talk to yourself. Sometimes at lunch or while sitting at your desk you would mutter away. I could see what you were saying." I looked at her. "Those were the days I'd make sure to stop by with coffee or some candies for you. Or sit at your table to give you some company."

She stared at me, and I stepped closer to her. "I wish I had been in the office your first few days, Bella. Before that slimy bastard got his hooks in to you." I shook my head in disgust. "He knew I cared about you. He used to taunt me all the time when you were seeing him. I knew he was using you, and I was powerless to stop it. After you broke up, all I could do was be there for you. Let you know you still had a friend."

"You were a good friend."

I barked out a laugh. "Until the day you snarked off to Rose."

Her eyes narrowed, and instinctively I stepped back. I really didn't want her to slap me again, although I'd take it if she did.

"How did you do it?" She shook her head. "You'd leave to do errands or not be in the office, but then you always show up … here. With me."

I smiled ruefully. "Alice is very organized, Bella. She always had her lists of Masen's to-do items ready. I would read them the night before, get as much done as possible, stash things in my car and hide in the storage area until you came in. Then I'd run and grab them; it would look like I'd been gone. And the days you thought I wasn't here, I was in Alice's office working in the corner. I told her I needed the time and quiet to study, so she'd shut the door and let me. I'd watch you … then I'd slip out the side door and … appear for you as Edward."

Her eyes studied my face. "You seemed to have thought of everything. Did you think I would never find out?"

"Clearly, I didn't think, Bella. I had the cell phone I had gotten my grandmother for emergencies at my desk. I sent you that first text to cheer you up. Make you smile." I sighed. "Then it snowballed and with no thought as to the consequences, I convinced myself that was what you really wanted." I drew in a deep breath. "Since I couldn't approach you as Masen, I became your fantasy. I wanted to give you that, so I became Edward."

"You were … different in here."

I locked my eyes on her. "You were different too, Bella. I know you felt something in this room because of how you responded. Everyone has different sides. You know, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

"Is it real?"

I nodded. "I like sex, Bella. I like being in control. Somehow when I'm in that part of the relationship I'm much more … at ease with myself. " I paused. "I loved how you responded to me."

Her cheeks darkened. "Is that all it was, Masen? Sex?"

"No. Not with you. It was more. It was always more." I tugged on my hair as I looked at her. "I told myself I was just giving you your fantasy. One time. Then I would fade away and leave you alone. But I couldn't. I want you—all the time, Bella. But I want every part of you. And I wanted you to want me. To see me. Masen."

"How did you think this was going to end?"

"I had—have—no idea, Bella. I only knew once I kissed you that first time … I couldn't stop."

She stepped forward, and I braced myself for her anger. Instead she stood, looking at me, her brow furrowed. "Your touch was always so … familiar. Like I knew you. It never felt … wrong."

"It wasn't wrong. Don't think of it that way."

"What must you think of me, Masen?"

I gaped at her. "What?"

"I let you fuck me … someone I thought I was a stranger. You must have questioned—"

I held up my hand. "No. Never. I know you, Bella. I know you don't normally act like that—it was a fantasy you never expected to fulfill. I know it was unusual for you." I chuckled humorlessly. "I don't behave like that either, as strange as it sounds. It just … happened. For both of us." I paused. "Maybe, Bella, you always somehow knew it was me. Maybe that is what gave you the freedom to act on your desire. You said you wanted it to be me."

She gazed at me, biting her lip. "Maybe—"

I didn't want her questioning herself. I wanted her to know how I saw her. How perfect she was —for me.

"I think no less of you, Bella. You mean too much to me. Nothing has changed that—if anything I feel closer to you. Do you think less of me?" I swept my hand in front of me. "Because of what happened in here—has your opinion of me changed?"

She sighed softly. "No."

"Then stop worrying about that. Please."

We gazed at each other, Bella's eyes no longer angry, but still wary.

"You kissed me the other night. Masen kissed me. I liked it."

"I liked it too, Bella. So much—you have no idea how much."

"I broke it off with Edward because I wanted to explore this with you."

I shut my eyes at the start of her goodbye. I could already feel the pain building in my chest, knowing she was going to tell me there was no chance for us anymore. Not after what I had done.

"I know you did. I was … so happy, Bella. I was going to tell you. I swear I was. I wanted you to know."

She didn't say anything.

"Edward isn't always me—" I whispered.

"Even when you were Edward, you were still you, Masen."

I opened my eyes to see she had moved closer. "What?"

"You still took care of me. You still held me. You made sure I was okay, even after you ... fucked me."

"I never just fucked you, Bella. I know it was dark and rough …"

"And dirty," she whispered.

"Yes," I acknowledged. "I gave you what you said you wanted—hot, fast, hard sex with a stranger. But it always meant something to me. More than you know. Much more than just sex."

"It was what I thought I wanted."

"But not now?"

"It meant something to me, too; but Masen, I want more."

A small flicker of hope began. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "Edward made me look around me. He made me see you, Masen. He made me … want you."

My breath caught. "I want you, Bella."

"You said something earlier, Masen." Her hands were clenched. "Did you mean it?"

Tentatively, I reached out and took her hand in mine, thrilled she allowed me to entwine our fingers. "I love you, Bella. I have since the first day I saw you." I paused as my voice broke. "I've been waiting for you for so long."

She gazed at me, her lips pursed as she thought about what I said. "You're kind of a stalker, you know that, right?"

"Only for you." I grinned warily, unsure if I was reading her reaction right. "If you'd be my girlfriend we could call it dating instead of stalking."

"Would I be dating you … or Edward?"

"It's sort of a package deal."

"You're very … kinky."

"At times."

"You were very gentle the other night."

I raised our tangled hands and kissed the knuckles softly. "I can be both. I want to be both … for you, Bella."

She pursed her lips. "Dr. Dirty and Mr. Shy is it, Masen?"

I chuckled at her wit. "I suppose so. But they both love you, Bella."

Her other hand came up and I tried not to flinch as it came close to my face. "I've never slapped anyone before," she whispered as she cupped my tender skin. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"I deserved it."

She drew in a deep breath. "No. No one deserves to be hit. Ever. I regret it more than I can say." She ran her fingers gently over the mark and drew in a deep breath. "I have ice packs and there is a great pizza place that delivers close to my apartment, Masen. Would you come home with me and let me look after you tonight?"

"Bella, are you sure?"

She took in a deep breath. "No more lies."

"No."

"You'll tell me everything, Masen." She paused. "Everything."

I swallowed deeply. "Yes."

"If I said I needed to get to know Masen more, before Edward—"

I interrupted her. "You have it. I'll wait. I know you need to trust me again. Give me that chance, Bella. Let me show you how I feel about you." I gripped her hand tighter. "Please."

She hesitated, then nodded.

Gently, I pulled her forward, wrapping my arms around her. I felt her shuddering breath as she relaxed against me. "I wanted to hold you like this in this room with the lights on for a while now," I murmured into her soft hair.

"I like you holding me."

I tightened my arms, hardly believing she was letting me touch her again.

Bella tilted her head back, her expression serious. "I like olives on my pizza."

This time my grin was so wide my face hurt, but I ignored the throbbing it caused my bruised cheek.

"Perfect, so do I."

Say it with me... Whew. It is all out there now.

Dr Dirty and Mr Shy! Loved that!

Two more chapters left. See you on Tuesday.