How Thomas More Lost His Martyrdom Chapter 25: Secrets, Protectors and Meditations, a tudors fanfic

Well once again thank you for your reviews. I am glad you enjoyed. Anyway I would like to thank my friend Carolina for helping me with one part of my story. And Rachel I hope you are really paying attention PSST BRAT ALERT*

Warning: For Violence and a bit of gore.

Secrets, Protectors and Meditations:

January 12th 1536

Thomas stood in the mirror as he put on his red robe over his usual black attire. He picked up his coronet off the side table and put it on his head. He frowned at his reflection and for the first time it wasn't because he thought he saw a monster as his reflection.

The door opened behind him. Katherine descended from the doorway. She was wearing a black and gold maternity gown. Her hair was bound up in a gable hood. Both hands were placed on her swollen stomach.

"Red," she said, "a color I would last expect you to wear."

Thomas smirked when he heard her voice.

"I look ridiculous," He replied.

She walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kept kissing the side of his neck.

"You look beautiful," she whispered into his neck.

Thomas lifted his hand to grab Katherine's. Thomas looked at their reflection. He smiled about how beautiful they looked together. How together for one moment, perfection seemed possible. Thomas kissed her hand.

"With you by me I do."

Katherine laughed and kissed his neck again.

"I miss making love to you especially now since my arousal level is through the roof."

Thomas laughed.

"You heard what the doctor said, we can't till we have the child."

Katherine kissed his neck again.

"At least I could still hold you."

Then they heard a:

"Oh la, la!"

Thomas jumped in fright and saw Charles Brandon by the open door snickering. How long has he been there? And why did he seem to always follow them? He was wearing the red robe, and the coronet symbolizing that like Thomas, he was a duke.

"Your grace," Thomas said, "you don't just open the door and barge into a room."

Brandon snickered.

"Charles or Brandon please we dukes have names you know," He said before turning to look to see if anyone was behind him and shutting door, "about that, your door was opened I don't think it's safe considering your predicament with Mistress Anne."

Thomas looked at Brandon quizzically. The king must of told him. Everyone in the court knew that when the King had a problem, he would tell Charles Brandon first!

"Harry told you?"

Brandon still smiling and holding his coronet shook his head.

"Psychic I have something to confess to you More. And not even my dear wife knows this. Though I of course am not as religious as you and your beautiful wife, my support is and has always been with Rome. I know shocking. The King's most loyal friend did not believe during his phase that he wasn't the supreme head of the church. I know what you are thinking More, god Brandon, you are one of the bravest men in this court, you could of refused to sign the damn thing, you are not afraid to be a martyr death doesn't scare you. Well I am going to tell you the truth my father died, my mother died, the love of my life the mother of my daughters Mary died, my 17 year old son died. Death terrifies me so out of my fear I signed it. I admire you Sir Thomas More. I know you don't like to talk about it Sir Thomas but when I watched you go up that scaffold and you declared you were the kings good servant but God's first I thought wow, I wish I could be brave enough to face death to defend my faith. I realize you were scared but what you did takes so much courage. I know I feel like a intrusion barging in on you and your wife but I didn't know how to say this to you because I didn't think you could be accepting."

Thomas stood still and attentively as he processed every single word the Duke of Suffolk said. Some words shocked him. Some words put him at ease. But the way Brandon said that he admired Thomas for his bravery made almost dying even more worthwhile. Thomas smiled in confidence. Brandon laughed. Even Katherine who just simply sat in a chair and said nothing felt the warmth of this situation.

"Henry is right about you," Brandon said, "You are a great listener and I hope to value you as a friend. And I know how hard this is for you and Katherine knowing you guys are on thin ice with Anne. If you need my assistance I'll be glad to help in anyway you need."

Thomas walked over to Brandon and put both hands on his shoulders.

"I've seen how loyal you are to Harry," Thomas said, "and I could tell you are a fierce friend. My wife and I would appreciate to have you as my ally in this trying period."

Brandon smiled. All of a sudden Katherine made a tiny gasp and placed her hands on her swollen stomach.

"Is she alright?"

Katherine giggled.

"I'm fine Sir Charles," She said, "my baby is kicking."

Brandon's smile became much wider.

(A/N: Rachel I hope you are paying attention!)

"May I with your permission your majesty and sir Thomas, feel your child kick?"

Thomas smiled.

"Of course as long as I don't come home one night and find you making love to my wife," He said and then winked, "Katherine my love is it okay with you?"

Katherine shook her head. Brandon then walked over to her seat and knelt in front of her. He lightly placed her hands on her swollen stomach. He smiled as he felt the movement of the life on the inside. The child was kicking excitedly.

"It seems your little one likes me. You love your uncle Charles don't you little one."

Katherine and Thomas looked at each other in the eyes. They both smiled knowing they had a strong ally to protect them.

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"More," Norfolk said as Thomas took his spot next to him for the ceremony.

The two were to walk in together. Thomas wished he would walk in with his wife but Henry promised to keep a careful eye on her.

"Norfolk," Thomas said.

Behind them were Thomas' new friend and ally Charles Brandon the Duke of Suffolk, and the recently elevated Duke of Surrey Anthony Knivert.

"Might I say More, you look rather dashing in bright red."

Knivert and Brandon laughed.

"I didn't realize red was your color," Knivert joked.

Thomas looked behind him at his young counterparts.

"Very funny you two," He said, "to be honest I don't think red looks so good on me."

Then a familiar chilling voice behind the four men said:

"Oh red looks great on him not bright red per say, but red blood oozing from the neck after the axe tares off his head."

Thomas cringed but didn't budge. He brought his head up and saw the two Boleyns standing behind them also dressed in their red robes and coronets. Norfolk turned around to intervene.

"Brother please," He said, "enough of this war it is a peaceful day it is pointless end it."

Boleyn snarled:

"You are not my brother YOUR Grace. For I know that you stand behind that Treacherous HERETIC just like YOU LYING LITTLE PAPIST!"

Thomas cringed at the word heretic. Norfolk felt the fire running through his veins. How dare his 'brother' betray him like that? He started to heave. Usually he kept in his composure when Boleyn talked ill of More but now that the backlash was brought onto him, he was downright mad.

"MY SISTER DOESN'T DERSERVE YOU GREEDY SWINE! AFTER THIS CEREMONY I AM GOING TO GO STRAIGHT UP TO HER AND TELL HER TO DIVORCE YOUR ARSE!"

Thomas crossed himself. He had never seen Thomas Howard the Duke of Norfolk just explode into madness. Brandon couldn't help but snicker at this.

"I DON'T CARE YOUR SISTER'S A WHORE ANYWAY!"

Before Norfolk could say anything else Thomas put his hand on Norfolk's shoulder to calm him down.

"Actually," Thomas said, "you are mistaking your wife for your daughters and yes I mean both of them. At this point I think my daughters would make better Queens than your daughter."

Brandon raised his hand.

"Don't forget my daughters Frances and Eleanor," he replied

Knivert smiled.

"And my child who is on the way if she is a girl," He said.

George smiled.

"NAN'S PREGNANT!" He said, "OH MY GOD MY JANE IS TOO!"

"LIKE OH MY GOD GEORGE DIDN'T FUCK MARK SMEATON FOR ONCE!" Brandon said in a girlish tone.

Knivert, Thomas and Norfolk burst out into laughter. Boleyn growled and the laughter suddenly halted.

"YOU!" He screamed pointing at Thomas, "TURNED THE WHOLE COURT AGAINST ME! MY BROTHER, THE KING! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND YOUR WIFE AND I DON'T CARE IF SHE IS PREGNANT!"

Suddenly Thomas More did what no man in court would ever expect him to do. He simply rolled up his sleeves and leapt onto Boleyn. The both of them fell to the ground. And Thomas just started punching Boleyn. Knivert's, Norfolk's, George's mouths fell agape at how barbaric the would have been Martyr was acting. Thomas grabbed Boleyn by the collar.

"You touch my wife," Thomas said between heaving breaths, "I will be your executioner."

Then a familiar voice said:

"Sir Thomas?"

Thomas looked behind him and saw Henry standing with a concerned look.

"Harry?"

Thomas fiercely let go of Boleyn's collar and got to his feet. He dusted himself off. Boleyn remained dumbstruck on the floor. He was pretty beaten up. His face was now swollen.

"Why were you just beating up the Earl of Rochford?"

Thomas looked to the floor in shame.

"He said he was going to kill Katherine while she was still with child."

Henry's face became stern.

"Brandon, Knivert and Norfolk, is what More saying true?"

"Yes your majesty," The three men said.

Henry looked back.

"The ceremony's canceled. Cromwell! Fetch the guards and while you're at it write up an arrest warrant for Thomas Boleyn. Knivert and Brandon make sure he doesn't leave, Thomas?"

Henry looked around and he saw that Thomas was gone.

Minutes later Henry found himself in his room crying. He thought about all the horrible things he did this year all because of that witch. He held his rosary tightly in his hands. At first he was excited that Anne was having a child and prayed it was a boy. But now he wished it was a girl so he could get rid of her.

He saw now the true nature of the Boleyns; they were evil. There was a knock on the door.

"Please leave me alone!" He said

The door opened anyway and Henry looked up. It was her. The angel who he met months ago and could not get off his mind… Jane Seymour. Her hair was half up and half down. She wore a gold dress matching her other ladies in waiting.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I heard you were distraught. If you want to be alone, then I'll go."

Jane started to walk out the door.

"No stay, your presence makes me feel better."

Jane smiled and just shut the door behind her.

"I confess to omnipotent God, to Blessed Mary ever Virgin, to Blessed John the Baptist, to the holy apostles Peter and Paul, to all the Angels and saints and to you father," Thomas began choking through his tears.

After Thomas saw that his hands were stained in blood from punching Boleyn, he felt disgusting. He felt as though he disobeyed God by doing the opposite of what God expected of him. Thomas knew God was displeased with him. He unwittingly committed so many sins in the past months. His main sin was his barbaric and sadistic thoughts. They came out with each punch to Boleyn. He whisked himself to his quarters and fell to his knees in front of his crucifix and prayed. He also pulled out an item he had not seen for over a year.

"That I have sinned exceedingly in thought word and deed," He then continued.

He took a deep breath. And as he said the next three words he punched himself in the chest:

"Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa."

My fault, my fault, my grievous fault.

The punching didn't work. He felt as though it was a slap on the wrist. He looked to the floor to what was lying on the floor in front of him: his whip. He was contemplating whether or not to use it. He thought he if he did use it would tame his violent urges; however, it would displease the light in his dark time…Katherine. But then he thought if he didn't use it, he would not displease Katherine but God would be displeased with him and let the Boleyns win by taking her away from him. It was a lose-lose situation.

Thomas started opening his doublet. He started to cry harder. As soon as his doublet slipped off he pulled his chemise over his head. He picked the whip off the floor.

"I'm sorry Katherine," he whispered, "it's for your own good."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. And before he knew it the whip collided with back. He took a sharp intake of breath and then hissed. It was a sharp pain. He felt a thin stream of crimson blood flowing down his back. Since he hadn't felt it in a while it was more painful as usual.

He waited a few seconds. He looked up at the crucifix. He wanted justice for what happened to him. But lost himself in the process. He took another deep breath before taking another lash. He hissed again. The blood flowed quicker down his back.

He struck a third time. He bit his lip. As the three streams of blood flowed down his back onto the floor he thought about the blood that was spilt in the past couple of years for faith.

He was about to take another lash when…

"THOMAS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" It was Katherine. "YOU'RE BLEEDING! ARE YOU WHIPPING YOURSELF AGAIN?"

Thomas dropped the whip to the floor. He gasped. He didn't answer.

"ANSWER ME!" She yelled again.

Thomas froze. Katherine stormed over to him and picked up the whip off the floor. He looked to the floor in shame. He displeased her. At this point if he upset her it was like having his body being ripped apart piece by piece. She walked over to the window and opened it. She threw the whip out the window.

Lady Darrel came to the open door.

"My lady is everything alright?" She said.

Katherine didn't even turn around.

"Would you draw a bath?"

Lady Darrel bowed and immediately went to her task. Katherine wanted to see what Thomas was doing to himself. She walked over in front of him with her hands on her stomach. She wanted to make sure her distress didn't take a toll on the baby. Luckily for her she still felt movement. They remained that way silent until Lady Darrel came in and told them that the bath was ready.

Thomas hissed as Katherine applied the cleansing and healing oils onto his back. He clenched his hand into a fist. He slammed his eyes shut.

"It's for your own good," Katherine said, "So they won't be infected."

She started rubbing vigorously at his back so the oils could get into his cuts and clean them.

"It stings!" Thomas hissed again.

She put her hands on his shoulders and brought her mouth to his ear.

"Then why do you whip yourself?"

Thomas looked down into the water, which was a bit red from his blood.

"Because the lord commands me to and if not I'll be punished for it."

Katherine picked up a rag from the bucket of clean water next to her and started to rub it on his back.

"Tell me Amor you said you whipped yourself once a week before your imprisonment were you able to whip yourself in the tower?"

Thomas turned his head away from her.

"No."

Katherine lightly gripped his chin and turned his head to face her.

"Ah, a year without punishing yourself and look what happened, God didn't punish you. He gave you a second chance at life and…"

She kissed him on the lips.

"He brought you to me," She said and then kissed his lips again, "and made me the happiest woman alive."

Thomas smiled. The pain subsided. It was like her embrace had healing powers, for his emotional and physical pain.

"And you made me the happiest man alive," He said, "I didn't think I'd fall so quickly in love after Alice. But you care about me."

Katherine kissed him again.

"And I will support no matter what you do. However I do not condone you hurting yourself because you displeased God. You are a faithful servant to god and true to the real faith. To him that's enough, he doesn't want you to hurt yourself. I love you and I don't want you to do anything that is dangerous. Will you not whip yourself and NOT break your promise?"

Thomas brought his face closer to hers.

"I won't because anything that distresses you distresses me."

He kissed her.

"Good, because the last thing I need to worry about in this dark time is you doing something dangerous. Because without my knight, my protector I am placing my head on the chopping block."