For the Most in a Month Competition and the Themes Challenge (write about someone who regrets a past choice)
You light another cigarette. The nicotine doesn't calm your nerves the way it once did. You almost laugh. Maybe you're too far gone. Maybe there's no hope left for you.
"Something wrong?" Barty asks as you exhale a cloud of smoke.
Now, you do laugh. Wrong? Really, everything feels wrong. Once, you were so sure that this was the right path. Once, you held Barty's hand and begged him to join you because you were so afraid of losing him.
Now, you've become disillusioned. You aren't cut out for this life, but Barty is. You've watched him twist and shift, transforming from a shy, quiet Ravenclaw to a bold, bloodthirsty monster. With each new doubt that you face, he only gains confidence.
You've made a mistake, and the regret burns your stomach like acid. You shouldn't have joined. You shouldn't have lead Barty down this path. Once, he was too innocent. Now, that has been stripped away, and you hardly recognize the beast that wears your lover's flesh.
"Nothing," you say. "Everything is fine."
He stares at you, eyes narrowed. You wonder if he can see into your soul. Barty has always been so good at reading people, and you almost dare him to call your bluff. Maybe it would be a relief. Maybe it would feel wonderful to finally give voice to the thoughts that twist your mind.
But he doesn't.
You take a deep drag, wishing the nicotine would work its magic. But you still feel so horribly hollow.
"You know you can talk to me," he says.
You smile, a weak, thin smile that doesn't reach your eyes. Once, that might have been true. But his mind is just as clouded as yours, and not by the same thoughts. You are both two completely different people now than when all this started.
You snuff your cigarette, your fingers already moving over the remaining ones in your pack. "Everything is fine," you say again.
You wonder if one day those words will be true again.