A/N: I remember promising that it would be about a week last time. Clearly this was not true, as over a month later here I am producing the next chapter. I intend to rectify the situation by not promising another chapter, but hopefully suprising you all by updating quicker than before! I am really sorry for neglecting it, but school is out for the holidays now, so with any luck I can put more time and effort into this. I hope this chapter is at least satisfactory, but please review with ideas and criticisms, they help a lot. Please don't give up on me just yet! I am still here and living, for now! x
Rose stood outside the Ravenclaw boys' dormitory, her hand raised in a fist ready to knock. She'd studiously ignored the situation with her father over the past few weeks, hoping that in doing so it would never have to be confronted. No one else had mentioned it either; she had made it clear by not breaching the subject that she was not inclined to discuss it and this was respected by the rest of the group.
But now it could not be avoided any longer. With Arabella's funeral fast approaching, she knew she would have to attend or regret it. There was something compelling her to go, like there was something she would have to do there. Now she had to prepare herself. There was a tight knot in her stomach, making it difficult to swallow comfortably.
She had finally accepted that she would have to talk about it and there was only one person with whom she felt secure enough to do so. And he was behind this dark oak door. He was alone, she knew, so there was really nothing to stop her tapping, nothing for her to be afraid of. Lysander and Rickie were playing wizard chess in the common room, and had promised her that Scorpius hadn't left the dormitory since breakfast.
She hesitated further; what was stopping her? For some ridiculous reason she felt scared and nervous – two emotions she rarely experienced, particularly around Scorpius. She looked down at her toes, curling them absently on the hard wooden floor.
"What's wrong with you? What are you doing?" she whispered accusingly to herself. She wasn't afraid of talking to Scorpius; that was completely absurd. "Pull yourself together, Rose." She hissed, unclenching her right fist, wringing her wrists, breathing deeply. She exhaled, and raised her fist again banging sharply on the thick wood.
The door jerked and jolted as the handle turned on the other side. It swung open to reveal Scorpius clad in the same muggle attire he'd been wearing at breakfast. He smiled down at her, and Rose couldn't remember what she'd been afraid of. She mentally slapped herself for becoming such a pansy and walked past him into the room. "Can I talk to you?"
"'Course. I think I can guess what about." he took a seat on the bottom of his mattress, gesturing for her to join him.
She nodded, swinging her legs up to cross under her. "I know I've tried to carry on like nothing happened and part of me – a relatively large part – still wants to. Thing is, the more logical part knows that at some point I'm going to have to see my father. I'll have to go home, even if I don't stay. I can't ignore him forever; he's still my dad, however differently I see him now." Rose glared at the sheets in frustration. "It just makes me so angry that he never told me or my mum. I think it's more that than what he actually did. I idolised him when I was younger, I respected him more than anybody and Hugo was the same. He could do no wrong. That was part of the shock, I suppose; that he wasn't faultless."
"Rose, everybody's flawed, everybody makes mistakes. I'm not defending his actions, but in fairness he was unlucky-" Scorpius opened his mouth to continue, but Rose cut him off.
"What's that? A justification?" she glared, daring him to go further.
He rolled his eyes, "of course not. If you'll let me finish?" he waited for her nod of approval. "I just meant that he didn't have a full blown relationship with this woman. That's not to say that he should have slept with her, but that the one time he slipped, he was unlucky enough to have consequences. I met your dad; he's not the kind of guy to have regular flings, I can tell. He and your mum are pretty good together. Trust me I've seen a failed marriage. You get what I'm trying to say?"
"I think so. Are you saying I should try talking to him? I hate fighting with him, no matter what he did. It's hard to stay angry with someone who's been such a good parent. To me, at least." She sighed; the conversation between her and Ron would be somewhat more strenuous than this one had been. "Scor, will you come to the funeral? The closest I've been to a funeral is the Great War memorial service, and I didn't even know Arabella."
"Sure" he replied simply, unable to refuse her anything even if he had any desire to. "But promise you'll talk to him when you see him. You've always been a daddy's girl at heart Rose, you know that. He certainly won't be ready to give up his daughter yet."
The service was quiet and subdued, attended only by her nearest family and a few friends. Rose and Scorpius felt suitably out of place as they stood a fair distance away from the mourners, paying their dues without feeling intrusive. They turned to leave as it came to a close; they would not appear at the wake, hardly having known the deceased.
Rose was stopped in her path as she caught sight of a familiar tall red headed man whom she had most certainly not expected to see. His eyes met hers, and he turned to slowly walk towards them. She felt her stomach twist tightly back into the uncomfortable knot that had been hidden beneath the surface. Rose hesitated; the pain and betrayal she'd tried to suppress came screaming back at her. Her eyes flickered across his face as he approached them. The warm, caring eyes gazed back at her as she took in his gently smiling lips and crinkled laugh lines at the corners of his eyes, and the faint trace of freckles spattered across his nose.
He stopped a few feet away, as if testing the water. "Rosie, can I please have a moment." His voice was tight and strained, as though he was suffering from a sore throat.
Everything about him was still there, he was still her father, only now there was a ghost of the deceit and mystery character he'd assumed all those years ago. She felt as though she was looking through him, but it was confusing, and she just couldn't understand him. He was the dad she'd loved all her life, but he wasn't perfect anymore.
"You need to talk to him," the comforting whisper tickled her ears as Scorpius' voice was carried on the wind. When she didn't move he played his next card, causing her to glare internally at him, "you promised."
She weighed her options silently and came to the conclusion that she'd have to talk to her father eventually, and it seemed as good a time as any. She preferred now to a huge family gathering at any rate. She nodded minutely, she noticed him let out a shaky breath and it occurred to her how difficult he was finding this as well. It wouldn't have been easy to bring up the stupid mistakes he'd made so long ago, especially with a daughter who'd shown such an intense admiration. There was no doubt that their relationship would be quite different now.
Scorpius smiled his encouragement as he turned to give them a private place to talk. Rose's stilted body language indicated that she was not in the mood to be placated by Butterbeer or any similar conversation beverage.
"Rosie, I'm so sorry for doing this to you. There is no way I can redeem myself for keeping that from you; it was unbelievably condescending to think you were too young to know about your… sister." He choked slightly on the last word, still struggling to comprehend the loss of one daughter.
"Condescending – big word." The sound was shaky, it didn't even sound like her own voice. "Dad, when Neville told me, I- I honestly didn't think I'd ever be able to see you again. I was shocked and hurt, but I could never work out why. It's awful to say it, but it's not as though I was the one who was affected by what you- by what happened. I wasn't even born yet, how could it possibly hurt me?" Rose felt the underlying hint of hysteria threatening to emerge, and closed her mouth to control herself by taking a few deep breaths. "I just hate that I got to grow up with both parents. She didn't have that, and it's like I took it away from her."
"No, Rose, you didn't. Not even close. Y'know, there've been three things I've regretted more than anything in my life. First; was the time I abandoned your mum and Uncle Harry in the woods on our hunt for horcruxes – but you know that story, at least the important stuff. But the second was that one night. That night I will never forgive myself for, because I let her down again. After I deserted them both the first time, I swore to myself that I would never do it again." He paused, looking down at his daughter with silently pleading eyes. "I won't insult your intelligence by telling you I didn't know what I was doing. I suppose I did, I just had no idea why. At the time it didn't even occur to me that it was something I would look back on as the worst moment of my life.
"I was a coward, Rosie. I couldn't even tell your mother what I had done. I only told Harry, and he was sufficiently furious for the both of them." He looked at the ground, his feet scuffing the dirt like a small, ashamed child. "I didn't know I had another little girl until about four years on. By that time, we had you and Hugo as toddlers, running about, causing havoc. I wasn't going to leave you all; I couldn't bear hurting my family again. And that brings me to the third regret – I managed to do that anyway, and I didn't even know her. Rosie, I'm not prepared to reminisce in my old age about the two daughters I lost. One is bad enough; I can't let you go too. Maybe, if at some point you can forgive me, I'll be at home."
Rose stood still as her head reeled with the information. It amazed her that she was being as calm as she was. Having imagined this moment, she'd seen it several different ways: freakish shouting and screaming, broken cries and weeping or angry, snide comments. And yet now, she couldn't see herself behaving that way after seeing this side to her father. She swallowed, unable to speak as she watched him walk away. As she played his words over and over in her mind, she somehow found it easier to understand what he had been trying to tell her, and maybe she would be able to forgive him, someday. She felt soft, damp tears roll slowly down her cheeks, and watched her hands swipe mindlessly to rid her face of the falling water – what was crying going to do?
Scorpius' face came into a blurry view, and she blinked to dispel the threatening tears. His arms enveloped her, and she felt his tight grasp on her own arms as the ground disappeared momentarily beneath her. Her eyes reopened as the spinning of apparition stopped, and suddenly she could smell the comforting aroma of Butterbeer and Honeydukes merchandise. Scorpius steered her into the Three Broomsticks, where they were welcomed by the raucous crowd of a Hogsmeade evening. Rose collapsed into a booth, instantly exhausted despite having moved very little today.
Scorpius slid into the couch opposite her, and passed a large mug of Butterbeer across the table to her. She drank some, revelling in the feeling of warmth running through her veins. It was a relaxing sensation that always seemed to help relieve stress. "Did you, uh, manage to talk it through at all? Y'know, with your dad?" Scorpius looked reluctant to ask, uncomfortable with the idea of persuading her to open up. Rose was grateful to him for his constant support; how was she the one exhausted?
Rose looked thoughtfully into the amber liquid in front of her and considered his question carefully. "Yes. I think, eventually, it might all be…resolved. I know now, after hearing him speak today, I know that I will someday be able to forgive him."
A/N: Reviews? Please?
Provehito in Altum x