Kaoru's Notes
Chapter 24
Author's note: Here it is my beloved! The UPDATE! Hohoho! Ah, it took me years to update...please forgive me. I hope this chapter can compensate your waiting. I am considering to go back the previous chapters and edit my grammar errors—but nah, I think I'll do that after I complete this story. What you think? Oh—please tell me what you say about this chapter! Mwaah-hugs!
This Chapter is Dedicated to: FOR EVERYBODY! Of course!
Please love me and this story! I need lots of love recently. Hoho.
"They were father's eyes, Oniichan."
I saw Hikaru's hand clenched together. It was a bad sign.
"Ha." He deeply breathed, and it was a sound of defeat, his shoulders dropped down as if in disgust. He heard me I know, but he caught up my eyes, and I wanted to hug him when he said, "You're kidding, right? There's no way I would have his eyes."
"Hika-chan…" Honey-senpai gasped in concern as we heard Hikaru's sarcastic laughs.
"I'm not lying, Hikaru." I said, this time in a more convincing voice. How do I say it to him in a way that he won't go wild? Even if he's our biological father, I know that Hikaru hated him greatly ever since we were kids.
I don't know to which I am more terrified—his reaction to his unwanted eyes, or to witness how he's not even concerned about our father's death?
"He's gone, Oniichan, but he gave his eyes—" I wasn't able to complete my words because I already felt Hikaru's hand on my right cheek. I didn't see that coming.
"Who told you I wanted his eyes? I rather be blind, Kaoru! What have you all done to me?" He yelled at me and I could feel his frustrations. But no, he said it wrong. What have you done to yourself—Oniichan? I don't really know why he was so mad at Dad.
"Kaoru!" I heard Haruhi's yelp. I think I'm going crazy—I must be. I feel so sad that Hikaru is frustrated. And I feel so sad that he's more concern of his hatred than our father's death. What driving me crazier was that I sympathize with Hikaru more, even though I know he's wrong, even though he slapped me.
"What the hell, Hikaru!" Kyoya rushed to my side, he lifted up my swollen cheek. His piercing eyes turned to Hikaru and he grabbed his neckline, "I don't care about your condition anymore—I just really wanted to hit you right now, do you know that!"
Hikaru glared daggers at him, "Hit me then."
I grabbed Kyoya's arms and pulled him away from Hikaru, "Please don't Kyoya, leave us alone right now—will you?" I glanced towards Tono-senpai and signaled him to take everyone out of the room.
"Oya, oya! What a childish greetings you have, Mommy!" Tono vibrantly said, clutching Kyoya's arms like a sweet husband. "WE should take our leave now, everyone. I think the two needs a private, sweet moment!"
"Hey, you too, Haruhi! You can't explain things to Hikaru with all that tears, can you?!" Tono grabbed Haruhi's hand and she was pulled out of the room. The room was silent when they were gone.
Hikaru turned his face away from me. He was looking out the window and I wish I could read his mind. I didn't say anything. I know he's mad at me, he's mad at almost everything right now.
We were silent. But I could hear my own heart thumping. I was feeling sad, at the same time I was feeling excited—excited to hold his face and caress his tousled hair. I wish I could tell him "It's alright", that he's alive and he should be thankful for it.
Momentarily, I watched him lift up the mirror up his face, his expression went bitter and I saw his eyes narrow in frustration. I didn't flinch when he threw the mirror on the floor, breaking it into pieces.
"Hikaru." I called out.
"Please leave." He answered, he wasn't looking at me.
"I won't. You said you wanted to see me, right. Why aren't you looking at me?"
He was clutching his chest very hard, it seemed to me he was feeling a mysterious pain there. "These are not my eyes."
"You're stupid, Hikaru." I stood up and I went to pull him in an embrace, it was too sudden that he wasn't able to struggle. But I jerked when he curled his arms around my waist, then he nuzzled his face on my throbbing chest. "I'm sorry that I hit you," he said.
"You're so unfair." I said, feeling his warm hands around me. "You're supposed to be my big brother, why do I always end up comforting you?"
"I overreacted."
"Yeah, you did." I felt moist on my chest, it was then I realized that Hikaru was crying. I tried to let go of the embrace so I could lift up his face, but he stopped me by tightening his hold even more.
"Don't." He begged. "How can I see you using these eyes? Dad's dead, I got his eyes, I hated him still, but I'm so wrecked that he died and I don't even know it. I'm going crazy. I really am."
"I'm crazy, too." I said, using my own force I pulled out from his arms and I grabbed his wet face. I locked his eyes into mine. They were not the same eyes that I looked so intensely before, but even then, I loved him. "You've got Dad's eyes. Aren't you thankful, Hikaru?"
"It will always remind me of his death, of my hatred of him." He answered. I see. I think I understand now. He added, "It will remind me of how ungrateful of a child I am—how I can live with these eyes?" He turned his eyes down.
"Look at me, Oniichan." I said, I leaned my forehead onto his, I could feel our close proximity and I felt his sudden warmth. "You don't really hate our father, do you? You're just scared of him. I suppose it's because you always thought he's going to separate us."
I saw his eyes widened in surprise. He looked at me questioningly, and I think he himself didn't realize it at all. "Why do you—"
"I thought the same. We're twins, remember, I believe our thoughts are still intertwined." I explained, I was trying so hard to calm myself, even though I could feel his already hot breathes. I closed my eyes when I realized that I was staring at his lips, I'm the worst.
"How did he die?" He asked momentarily.
"He had a bone cancer. He kept it from us." I replied, feeling the pain when Mom relayed the information to me.
"I was always scared of him." I added, still closing my eyes. I went imagining those days when we were still young, when Dad and Mom wasn't still busy and they shared happy times with us. "I guess you are, too. But you mistook that fearful feeling for a hatred. I'm sorry I haven't noticed it before. I could have helped you overcome it." There was an awkward pause for a moment. Then I jerked in surprise when I felt Hikaru's burning lips onto mine. I snapped my eyes open!
Hikaru's kissing me!
I know I've been longing for his lips since time immemorial, even so, we're still siblings. Being the more conscious one I tried to struggled from his hold, but he snaked his arm on my nape, locking my face onto him. "Uhn…" I mumbled when I felt his tongue entered my passionate lips. He was hot, his tongue, his hands, his breathes, his beautiful face, everything in him was feeling hot—and I was feeling the same. How could such thing happen between siblings?
His kisses weakened me. Although it wasn't right, I had really wanted it—I wanted Hikaru. I could feel my hot blood rush down in me when Hikaru left my wanting mouth and nibbled my right earlobe, he whispered sadly, "Then…Kaoru…" I moaned when I couldn't hold it, this was getting me crazy. "…how do you explain this feeling to me? I wanted to hold you in my arms. I wanted your lips. I wanted your ears. I wanted your everything." He licked the insides of my right ear and I whimpered. I could feel his breathes when he said, "I wanted your love, Kaoru. Have I mistaken it for something, too?"
No good. My heart was throbbing and I felt like I might explode in any moment. "I think you have mistaken me for your wife. I'm your twin brother, perhaps you forgot."
He grabbed my chin, with his new hazel eyes, he looked at me so intimately and said, "She's not my wife." His words appalled me—my mouth dropped open. I already know about it, Haruhi told me so. But hearing it from Hikaru's own mouth still appalled me. "Haruhi and I are not really married. It was fake, Kaoru." I was so appalled at his own confession and he took advantage of my open mouth, he went to kiss me again. This time…hard.
He was playing with my tongue while my brain was busy processing the confession he just said. Why would he tell me this suddenly? Does it mean he's...he's not going to live with Haruhi any longer?
He yanked me on to the hospital bed. Then I realized that he was already atop of me. His long arms locked me so that I could not move. I got back to myself when he kept on staring at me. "I'm sorry to have kept it from you." He said then he leaned in closer for a kiss, but the door opened and from there we saw our Mom.
"What are you two doing?" She said, she gasped when she saw our awkward position.
"Hi, Mom." Hikaru said with a natural smile, as if there's nothing to be embarrassed for. The nerve. His frustrations, sadness, and anger from earlier seemed to have gone.
Hikaru pulled me up and curled an arm on my shoulders. I thought I might faint out of nervousness—had she noticed something weird?
"You see, I'm okay now. We're just playing games." Hikaru said and I could say no more.
I think I'm losing my sanity.
Because there's a part in me that hoped we're just simply playing games. Yet another part in me hoped that we weren't. Because you see, no matter where you look at it, we're twin brothers. Even if Hikaru faked his marriage with Haruhi, it would not change a thing. I knew it long ago.
He's still my twin brother Hikaru.
And I'm still his twin brother Kaoru.
Okay, that's it for now. Don't kill me please! I have a question though, how often do you want me to update this story? Now now, I'm very considerate of my readers. ^_^