Mahou Sensei Negima and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.
Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite.
Soul Eater belongs to Okubo Atsushi.
All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.
A gigantically humongous new thank you to Shadow Crystal Mage, for polishing this with his usual stylish grace.
Any non-parody, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.
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UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL- LESSON TWENTY TWO.
Act One:
"Attention, everyone!" Negi called out as another day of classes started. "As you all know, the finals are just around the corner, so today we'll be having a big study session!"
Several groans and expressions of annoyance came from all corners of 2-A until Ayaka shut them all down with a few rounds of murderous glares (most Iincho's have this as part of their basic power set. It is tangentially related to how cool their hair is. If you have suck hair, you lack this power).
"As a matter of fact, I've been told if you don't all pass the final test, we will be facing dire consequences," Negi stressed, since basically all his other attempts to get the class get serious about studying had failed miserably. He really should have known better, but they, he was an eternal optimist.
"What kind of dire consequences, Negi-sensei?" Kazumi asked.
"Uh..." he squirmed. "I'm not authorized to reveal that yet..."
Chisame arched an eyebrow. She recognized that attitude of his. It was the one he always put on while trying to hide something horribly awful.
"Anyway, regardless of the reason, let's all do our best at studying and ace that test!" the pint sized teacher energetically instructed. "After all, it will have a great impact on your future!" The class didn't look impressed. Negi tried frantically for a reason, and against all odds found one that would work. "After all, if you fail, 2-F will mock you relentlessly!"
This caused an instant reaction and uproar, not to mention a few more glares at Matoi, who ignored it.
"Said with all the presence of a true leader, Sensei!" Ayaka clapped.
From the seat right behind Chisame's, Tsunetsuki Matoi shrugged. "I'm sure I'll pass your test with flying colors..."
"You should!" the current target of her stalking grumbled. "You're supposed to be two courses above us!"
"Hey, hey!" Sakurako lifted a hand up. "I have a suggestion! We can play the game we always use to spur ourselves to study!"
Ayaka, Natsumi, Asuna and a few others tensed up in red alert.
"And that would be, Shiina-san...?" he asked.
"We call it 'Baseball Janken'!" Haruna interrupted cheerfully. "They used to play it at Mom and Dad's school, too. It's a simple game where you're punished by failing questions, so you'd better try your best to answer correctly."
"It sounds fun and educational," the boy approved with a smile and a nod. "Go for it!"
"Wait! No! There's something you must know about—!" Ayaka began, but her voice was drowned down by the party exclamations coming from almost everyone else.
Asuna had begun to dash for the door, but Misora caught her and dragged her back with Chizuru's help. "And where do you think you're going?" Kasuga asked. "You're the star player, remember?"
"Judas! Backstabber! Traitor! I'll give you baseball!" Asuna threatened, thrashing so angrily Kaede had to join the restraining efforts. "Gimme a bat and I'll go Barry Bonds on your flat butt! And you, Kaede?-! You know you'll suffer, too!"
Negi smiled at his students' antics while checking their chart of recent academic performance. Almost everyone should have been able to pass the test, although it was hard to say with Zazie, Evangeline and Setsuna. Still, there still were those five students who had not shown the needed level to pass the test yet. The so-called 'Baka Rangers'.
He gulped. If that situation kept itself up, he'd fail his own test for sure, as well. A single one of them flunking would mean he had failed at his mission. And he still couldn't find a way to get the likes of Makie and Asuna to show interest on the studies...
He was so absorbed by his worries he didn't notice anything else until a white brassiere flew down and landed on his head.
Negi blinked, checked if the silky thing currently slipping down on his face was indeed a bra, then yelped, jerking his head back to his students. What he saw there made him yelp once more.
A few of the girls were missing some articles of clothing, but most of them were still decent enough to be seen in public. However, Yue, Makie, Kaede and Ku Fei were in the middle of the group, stripped down to their bras and panties. The mortified Asuna had it worse than anyone, however, wearing only her bear panties and pressing an arm against her torso to hide her breasts.
"What the heck are you doing?-!" Negi cried in a strangled voice.
"I told you, Baseball Janken," Sakurako explained. "It's like strip poker; you lose a piece of clothing for each answer you get wrong." She sighed. "A pity Hakase-chan has such good grades…"
"Your girlfriend's in trouble, Chisame," Madoka snorted, having lost only her shoes and socks. "And being exposed in public humiliation, too. Won't you step in and do something?"
"Public humiliation is Asuna's natural habitat. She'll be fine," Chisame, with her hair loose after losing her hair band, and missing both shoes but not the socks, snorted back. "And for the last time, she isn't my girlfriend! That was all a misunderstanding!"
"The two of you made out naked after publicly confessing your relationship," Ayaka said, her face a strange mix of snide and jealousy. "How is that a misunderstanding?"
Negi stood in utter helplessness as Kaede, Ku and Makie posed on with little to no shame, making standard Power Rangers poses. Even Yue joined in, although in a more restrained and stiff fashion.
"Baka Blue!"
"Baka Yellow!"
"Baka Pink!"
"Baka Black..."
"And our leader, Baka Red!"
"Cut that out!" Asuna shouted. Near her, Ayaka looked horribly distressed for someone still fully clothed.
"You're a truly weird class," Matoi quietly opined.
"Hey, at least we're not as bad as that Suzumiya weirdo," Misa chirped happily.
Matoi nodded. "I'll grant you that… but then again, so are mental institute patients."
Negi's face went completely white, his eyes becoming ink points. He was dead meat now, he was convinced of it...
"Asuna, you failed another answer!" Haruna was shouting now. "Off with the bottoms, too!"
Sakurako smiled at Negi. "Sensei, don'tcha wanna play, too?"
For once, he simply blew his top off. "Everyone get dressed right now!"
...
After classes, and as a depressed Negi settled down to give the Baka Rangers their review lessons, Chisame had excused herself saying she had urgent things to do. She told Negi she'd be waiting at home and headed off, Matoi quickly following her like a shadow. For once, Chisame didn't care.
She was going to see her teacher, after all.
They found Itoshiki-sensei departing 2-F, silently stalking him for a few minutes, until he finally tensed up and stopped, turning his head back to look at them.
"Ah! He gasped! You were after me all this time?" he asked.
"Yes," Matoi said. "Always."
"Sensei," Chisame humorlessly said. "We have something to ask you."
He nodded. "Naturally. I'm open to any question my students can pose to me, except why do Stephenie Meyers books still sell, what do I know about the Anti-Life Equation, and what are the phone numbers of my older brothers. Or mine, for that matter."
"What, exactly, will happen to Negi-sensei if even one of us fails the end of term test?" Hasegawa demanded to know.
Nozomu's face lost all color for a few moments, and then he quickly started to walk away. "Sorry. I, um, don't know what are you talking about. And I just remembered I need to go feed my pet bunny..."
The two girls quickly rushed ahead of him to cut him off, and then stared at him. Chisame had picked up that stare from Matoi. It wasn't the DEEP LOVE stare, but rather that angry, deadly icy one Tsunetsuki had given her when she had told her the stalker couldn't sleep with them, move into their room or install cameras in it.
Jiiiiii... Jiiiiii...
The man backed away, gasping in terror. "Stop! Stop looking at me with those inhuman eyes!"
Jiiiiii... Jiiiiii...
He slumped down, already a broken shell of a man. Granted, it never took much to reduce him to that state. "Very well! I surrender! I'll tell you everything!"
Act Two:
As Negi left the Academy's main building to head back home, he pondered his choices. On the one hand, Wales was pretty at that time of the year, and he indeed missed Nekane. On the other hand, he positively didn't want to leave, he didn't want to return covered in shame, he didn't want the girls to fail, and although he wouldn't admit it to anyone, sleeping with Chisame and Satomi felt even better than sleeping with Nekane. It was all nice and warm for one thing, although having some parts of him stiff in the morning was a bit inconvenient.
Not that part, in case anyone's wondering. But he couldn't move his limbs around freely being sandwiched between two bodies.
Briefly, he considered if he shouldn't use the Gray Cell Spell. It'd turn even the Baka Rangers into uber geniuses for a span of 72 hours. On the downside, they'd be left as dumb as rocks for the next month after that, but a tiny voice at the back of his brain kept telling him at least Makie wouldn't notice a difference.
He was kicking those tempting but evil thoughts out of his head when he crossed paths with Dean Konoemon, who seemed to be in out for a stroll through the grounds.
"Oh! Headmaster-sensei!" Negi quickly bowed. "Good afternoon!"
"Ah, good afternoon to you too, Negi-sensei!" the old man brightened. "Just the man I wanted to see!"
"Me, Sir?"
"Why, yes, yes," the Dean nodded. "How are things going with your students? Do you think they'll be up for the challenge?"
"Yes, Sir!" he didn't hesitate. Outwardly, at least. "I'm sure they'll ace the test! And we still have three days left to improve on it!"
"I'm pleased to hear that! By the way, could I see your right wrist a moment?"
"Of course..." he extended it to his superior, wondering exactly why had he asked. The Headmaster grabbed it firmly, running a finger over it and muttering,
"Tria Fila Nigra Promissiva, Negi Limitationem, per tres dies!"
Negi recognized the spell even as he felt the magical energies flowing out of him, making him to feel weaker and a bit numbed down. It was a temporal restriction spell, one that normally only could be self-inflicted. No one but mages of the highest levels could ever cast it successfully on others.
"Sensei... This is... This is...!" he gulped.
"I apologize, Negi-sensei," the old man said ruefully. "But it's standard procedure for these kinds of tests. Using magic in this sort of challenge would be a cheat, and while I'm sure you're above those temptations, it wouldn't be fair to spare you the treatment all other aspirants have overcame."
"I... I understand..." the boy gazed in awe at the three marks now etched into his wrist. "Rest assured, I won't need any magic for this anyway..."
Act Three:
The public baths.
The place Chisame had come to detest the most ever since the love potion incident, and yet the only one large enough to host the reunion she had called for, since the classrooms had been closed after school hours. And since everyone else had already left for their homes, they'd get enough privacy for what she wanted to announce.
Matoi sat in perfect silence behind her as the Baka Rangers came in one after another, Konoka coming with Asuna, and Nodoka and Haruna with Yue. She tried not to think about how the girl was likely staring at her ass. Hakase came last, muttering something about unfinished experiments and how she hoped 'it' wouldn't 'blow up to pieces in the meantime'.
"Why did you call us here, Chisame?" Asuna frowned, crossing her arms. She wasn't exactly fond of the place either since that Valentine's Day.
"Is it another show?" Haruna asked hopefully. "We missed the last one..."
"It's not anything like that!" Hasegawa barked and drew in a deep breath. "Listen. Did you happen to actually hear what Sensei said today? About being in a tight spot if all of us didn't pass the test?"
"He'll probably be scolded," Kaede seriously pondered.
"We're working on it," Ku half-heartedly promised.
"Wrong on both counts!" Chisame accused. "Not only are you slacking as much as before, but the situation is much graver than that! If a single one of you blockheads flunks the test, Sensei will be fired and sent back to Wales!"
The students all made a shocked wild take.
"It can't be!" Ku cried.
"Are you really sure?" Yue asked.
"I heard it from a good source," Chisame assured.
"It's terrible! Horrible! Awful! Distressing!" Nodoka began to hyperventilate. "If Sensei goes away forever, I—! I—!"
"Unforgivable!" Haruna cried, clenching a fist. "We must protect our piece of hot shota ass!"
"So," Yue told Chisame,"Why do you care? I thought you hated sharing your dorm with him. That you hated having your normal life disrupted by his presence."
Hasegawa blinked a few times. "Do you think I'm that much of a spiteful person?"
Everyone not named Nodoka, Konoka or Hakase nodded.
"Bunch of ungrateful jerks!" Chisame shouted. "This is what I get out of fairly warning you?"
"It's okay, it's okay, Chi-chan!" Konoka appeased to her. "Girls, that was mean. I'm sure Chi-chan loves Negi-kun a lot..."
A fair blush spread over Chisame's cheeks. "Now, now, don't take it all the other way around, either...!"
"We can discuss that later," Yue said. "The important thing now is figuring out how to pass that test in the time we're left with."
"That's easy for you, Yue," Makie lamented. "You're actually smart. All you need to do is to study for real..."
Ayase grimaced. "Not an appealing prospect... but if there's really no other choice..."
"Thank you, Yue-Yue," Nodoka said.
"I suppose we all could make an honest effort of studying, doing nothing else for the next three days?" Asuna proposed.
The Baka Rangers all looked at each other and everyone burst out laughing.
"Ah, that's Baka Red, always making with the jokes," Makie said, wheezing.
"I almost could keep a straight face!" Asuna said, slapping her thigh.
"Yeah, but seriously, what about the rest of us?" Ku asked when the hilarity died down. "I barely have finished mastering Japanese-aru! I can't become that smart in that short a time!"
"None of us can," Kaede observed. "It'd have to be a miracle..."
"A miracle..." Yue blinked in epiphany,"... Of science?"
Everyone looked at Hakase, who blinked cluelessly before finally realizing what they meant. "Oh, do you wish to know if there are any procedures that can stimulate your cerebral capacities to peak human levels? Well, we have researched machinery that develops brain activity through micro waves, but have only experimented on mice. 50% of our test subjects reach incredible levels of genius knowledge, but the other 50% is left unable to have any coherent thought processes, instead being moved to repeat verbal tics like 'Narf!' and 'Zort!'" She sniffed as if in remembrance. "Poor Algernon… "
"I think I understood that one," Haruna said. "Basically, it hasn't been tested on people yet, but it'd leave half of the Baka Rangers even dumber even if it doesn't fry all of their brains, right?"
"You are correct," Satomi nodded.
"I'll pass!" Makie cried.
"Then we have no way out..." Kaede sighed.
"Oh ho ho! Of course we have!" Haruna laughed. "When all the miracles of science fail, it's time to resort to the miracles... OF MAGIC!"
Chisame, Hakase, Asuna and Matoi tensed up. Did Haruna know about magic? How?
"Haruna..." Yue slowly began. "You can't possibly mean..."
"Are you thinking about that book?" Nodoka added her question.
Paru nodded a couple of times, so firmly her breasts bounced. "Exactly that one, Nodo-chan!"
"What are you talking about?" Chisame frowned.
"Deep into the bowels of Library Island, there is supposed to be an old magical book that grants incredible intelligence to anyone who reads through it. Legends say Da Vinci owned it for a while," the Baka Black reverently said, opening a carton of Greek radish and Polish carrot juice and poking a straw into it, then slurping away. "If we could get our hands on it, no test on this world would pose a problem for us."
"That's absurd," Makie said. "How can any book do that? The more complex they are, the dumber they make you feel..."
"Hey, don't knock it so easily!" Haruna shot back. "Magic really exists! I have seen living proof of it!"
"Wh-Where?" Chisame dreaded to ask.
"Let's just say..." Paru wondered how to say it, "Dad and my Grandpa went through a few... things back when they were training at China, and they... brought kinda permanent signs of it..."
Ku's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Jusenkyo?"
"Jusenkyo," Haruna confirmed.
"What springs?" the martial artist asked.
"Drowned girl for Dad, Drowned Panda for Grandpa," the mangaka replied.
Ku whistled. "It must be hard for them!"
"Oh, Grandpa doesn't really mind much, but Dad still has a hard time dealing with it..."
"I've heard a lot about those springs, but never got to visit the area-aru. Chao told me she had reports on a lot of cases, but—"
Chisame clapped. "Ahem! As fascinating as I'm sure your little private conversation is, we want to help Sensei here, remember?"
"What was all of that about?" Asuna asked Yue.
The much shorter girl shrugged. "Trust me, you really prefer staying ignorant about it."
"Ranma-san is..." Nodoka sighed. "A somewhat troubled person with issues..."
Yue snorted. "He doesn't have issues, he has whole subscriptions and card bound copies of all previous publications!"
"I heard that, you two!" Haruna accused. "It's completely right, but still not nice to say!"
"S-S-Sorry, Paru!"
Chisame, Hakase and Asuna shared a glare. They had seen much stranger things. After vampires, plant monsters and a love potion, why not to believe in a magic book?
"I... I say we should go for it," Hasegawa concluded reluctantly, kicking the part of her mind telling her it was a horribly, stupidly bad idea.
"Yeah!" Asuna smiled. "I think it's worth a shot!"
"If Asuna puts faith in it, so do I!" Konoka nodded.
"That's not a very good endorsement," Chisame pointed out gloomily.
"Anything to help Negi-sensei!" Nodoka lent her support.
"Yeah, that's it!" Haruna pumped a fist up. "We're gonna find that sucker and shoot ourselves up to the top! But first, to seal our collective alliance, it's time for the naked mass snuggles!"
"HARUNA!" Everyone else shouted.
Act Four:
Interlude:
As night fell once again over Mahora City, the majority of citizens retreated back to their homes after long working shifts. Only those with too much free to waste and those with far too little other choices remained outside. The former, strolling along the well lit commercial boulevards, shopping at the gigantic malls. The latter, making their way through the badly lit alleys of the slums, the parts everyone preferred to forget existed.
One of such unfortunate inhabitants stumbled along that lonely narrow street, her white high heels clacking at random intervals. She was still young, even if dilapidated and spent by years of excesses. She barely would fit into her tight green miniskirted dress anymore.
It was too late by the time she heard the rustling coming from behind her, and she saw the shadow looming over her. She couldn't make any shape out of it, but she had no time to wonder about it, either, as its long sharp claws pierced through her, splattering the walls with crimson.
The soul came out immediately, and the figure lurching over her devoured its core eagerly, before anyone else could claim it. Death before its time. The key, like always, was striking before the agents would get there.
The figure was rather human-like, even if grotesquely misshapen, similar to a shirtless, bald, big bellied man in showing black leathers, with a face painted stark white and a sharp conical nose. The 'Joker' look was big amongst the Hollows. One of the few human beings most of them actually admired.
Then it heard the shrill female scream coming from the other side of the street.
She was young and petite, around 16 years old, with large dark eyes and short black hair. She stared at him in terror. How could she even see him? For the Hollow's primitive mind, it barely mattered. All it knew was it still was hungry.
"... Give me more power..."
He ran after her on all fours, like an animal. The girl shrieked, turning around and running down the street.
"More..." it insisted, his voice echoing ominously.
"HELP ME!" the young female screamed.
"More... Power!" the clown like beast roared, extending the large claws at the ends of its fingers and jumping at her... only to be stopped in midair by a black, white and flesh-colored blur, sinking a sword through its right flank and wounding it grievously.
"Sayo! Over here!" a tall orange haired boy shouted, coming out of a nearby alley. The scared girl immediately ran to his arms, bawling into his chest.
"Kurosaki-sempai...! I-I'm sorry! I couldn't get there in time! He... He'd already found a girl... and... and..."
"There, there, not your fault," he consoled her, softly passing a hand through her hair, or rather, the hair of the body she was using, like he used to do to his youngest sister when she was scared at night. "You did it great. Now it's all up to Rukia..."
The Hollow growled, coming back to its feet as the second, identical looking if not for her Shinigami robes, girl firmly held her sword between her hands, measuring the monster up with her stern glare. "Ichigo..." she said. "Is this a full—"
"Yeah," the orange haired boy snorted. "No doubt. There's nothing human left in it anymore. 100 percent Hollow. Blast it down to Hell, Rukia."
"Ripper," she readied herself to strike. "Even for a Hollow, attacking the still living is falling too low. You've violated all rules of Death-sama, and for that..." she charged around, lashing with her blade for its midsection, "You are sentenced to damnation!"
She thought she was starting to get the appeal of those stupid cliche badass pre-fight little speeches. After a hard day at school, they were good for venting stress, that was for sure.
It stopped the initial attack with its claws, pushing her a few steps back. It was fast, she thought, faster than any other Hollow she ever had fought before. Maybe faster than her as well, she considered as she barely avoided its retaliatory slash, with a skill she couldn't have had a few months ago. Since she took the Replacement Shinigami job, she had made sure to ask Byakuya-Oniisama for lessons in kendo. Although intrigued about her reasons, he had welcomed her newborn interest in finally using the family's old dojo for something. As Ichigo had told her, and she had painfully learned early in the job, raw spiritual power wasn't enough to make it there. You also had to have skill.
And even at times, power and skill alone didn't cut it either...
The Hollow and Rukia clashed time and time again all across the street, metal blade clanging against metal claws, back and forth, in a seemingly even lethal dance. From their relatively safe hideout, a concerned Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body and a scowling Ichigo watched on, quiet and silent.
Until abruptly, someone jumped down from a rooftop, falling squarely on her feet between them. Rukia stopped her sword in mid swing, while the Ripper paused back as well, puzzled and intrigued by the new arrival to the scene.
She looked very young, as young as 2-A's students, even shorter than Rukia herself, with a short red skirt that showed quite a long of her very long and rather skinny but still fit legs. Her black jacket with tie added to the impression of her wearing a classic uniform for another private school. Her hair was blond and long, made into two long tails. But the most striking thing about her was the huge scythe, easily bigger than herself, she expertly held in her hands.
Her expression was a firm, serious one, eyeing everything around herself with tense caution.
Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body made a spit-take. Quite a feat, considering she wasn't drinking anyhting. "W-W-Who's that?-!"
Ichigo groaned, slapping a hand on his face. "Aw, nuts. Foreign soul hunters. I shoulda known that bozo would bring his own pursuers from across the seas."
Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body looked at him. "E-Excuse me?"
Ichigo huffed. "You don't think all of us dress up like classic Japanese warriors, do you?"
Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body gasped. "The afterlife has its own set of nationalities, too?-!"
"Yeah, it may sound stupid, but each nation has its own sections of Heaven and Hell," the boy deadpanned. "Well, all of them but Canada. Canadians are too nice, so they all go to Heaven. So there's no Canadian Hell."
The normally unable of doing so Sayo (in-Rukia's-Human-Body) stared accusingly at Ichigo. "You're making fun of me."
His voice didn't change. "I don't know where you get those ideas..."
Act Five:
"This water's too cold!" Makie complained as they all waddled through the small inner river separating the huge, majestic Library Island's main entrance from the small, hidden secret gate Yue and Haruna pointed towards. All of them but Kaede and Ku, who easily jumped from rock to rock, despite their being too distant from each other for anyone else to do that.
"It can't be helped," Paru was saying. "Our Club uses this back door very rarely, and we aren't even supposed to do it in the first place, so it's not like we could build a proper road."
"Be careful," Nodoka warned. "The publicly accessible sectors of the Island are perfectly safe, but this area's off limits. We barely venture through the first few rooms. Beyond those... there are supposed to be traps."
"Why would they put traps at a school library?" Asuna asked.
"See, this is why I say ignorance is bliss!" Makie pouted.
"Then you must be super-happy," Chisame deadpanned.
"Okay, can I know now why we are here...?" Negi mumbled sleepily, dragging his steps along at the back of the group, with Chisame taking him by a hand.
She gestured at him to keep his voice low, looked back at the always following Matoi, and whispered into his ear so she wouldn't hear, "We're looking for some... uhh... special study material that will make the Baka Rangers to pass the test. It only should take us a few hours. But, in case anything bad happens... You can use your magic without anyone noticing to get us outta here, right?"
He blinked to zap the sleep away from his eyes. "Ah? Ah? Sorry, I can't do it..." He lifted his wrist up, showing her the marks on it. "The Dean just sealed my magical powers for three days..."
Chisame bit her tongue and fought the sudden urge to have an attack.
Yue turned her flashlight on as she fished her set of keys out, opening the door and leading the group into the first narrow and dark corridor of the secret passage. The other girls turned their own lights as well. Haruna and Konoka marched right behind her, then Kaede and Fei. Asuna and Hakase went next, with Makie, Chisame, Negi and Matoi at the back.
"Library Island," Ayase began, now walking down some old, decrepit, dusty rocky stairs, "was built in the middle of the Meiji period. The Academy was built by Europeans around the same time. It's one of the largest library buildings in the world, second only to the British Royal Librarian in terms of volumes stored within. It was damaged by fire, along with the rest of Mahora, early in the 20th century, but rebuilt by famed architect Suzushiro Janten."
"Suzushiro? Like Suzushiro Haruka-san?" Negi asked.
Yue gave him a nod. "Yeah. He was her great-grandfather. I guess that's part of why she feels so attached to this school. Fortunately, it escaped the bombings during World War II. During that time, precious documents, and even a few paintings, were brought from the bombed parts of Europe to be stored here by the Axis. A few of them remain here even today..."
Upon reaching yet another door at the end of the stairs, Yue pointed at the large picture hanging at one side of it.
"This is The Twelve Knights Led by Brunhilda. Legend says it was one of Hitler's favorite paintings. Haruna wanted to paint over it so all the guys were left naked, but I keep telling her it still has some cultural value..."
"But it's a Nazi piece!" Haruna whined. "Nazis are always acceptable targets!"
"Regardless," Ayase sighed, grabbing the keys again. "Over time, they added several additional wings, most of them underground ones. Those are the ones we're about to access. We believe there are many chambers that don't even appear in our maps, so you'd better get ready for anything."
"This place keeps getting creepier and creepier..." Makie sobbed.
"You've nothing to fear with us around, Makie-dono, " Kaede petted her head.
"Hu, hu, hu, that's right!" Ku Fei chuckled.
"Ladies, gentleman," Yue pushed the doors open. "At this point, Hakase, Konoka, Tsunetsuki-sempai and Nodoka will stay here monitoring our advances and watching over the entrance. The rest of us..." she said as everyone else gasped in awe of the sights being revealed to them, "will be going down there, to find and retrieve the book of knowledge!"
Act Six:
"What do you mean when saying I'll stay here?-!" Matoi finally exclaimed, possessively clutching to a groaning Chisame's back as she started to follow the rest of the exploration team into the huge library. Gigantic shelves full with books of all shapes and sizes stood everywhere, rising higher than any of them could reach up to. "I refuse! I'll never allow Chisame-sama to walk into the unknown alone!"
"Geez, alone? What are we, chopped meat?" Asuna snarled.
Tsunetsuki threw her an indignant glare. "Silence, Jezebel! You only want to drag her into the darkness to steal her purity away!"
"What?-!" Asuna stomped towards her. "Say that again, obsessive freak!"
"At least I'm not an exhibitionist date rapist!"
"What gives you the right to call me that?-!"
"I heard all about it! You stripped her down, stripped yourself down, and then, before everyone—!"
Negi's eyes popped up. "Say... what...?"
Chisame grabbed Matoi and pushed her against a shelf, fuming mad. "Tsunetsuki!"
"Yes, Chisame-sama?"
"Stay here!"
"Will not!"
"This doesn't involve you! You aren't even a part of 2-A!"
"We'd only get in the way," Konoka explained patiently, patting Matoi's back. "The Baka Rangers need to read the book, Chi-chan will transmit their coordinates to the Prof through her laptop, Haruna's the most athletic guide our Club can offer, and Negi-kun..." she paused, "Asuna, exactly why does Negi-kun need to go?"
"He can recognize the book at first sight," the redhead said.
"Can I?" the teacher asked in surprise.
"It's a MAGICAL book..." Chisame whispered in one of his ears.
"Okay!" Konoka nodded. "But everyone else would be dead weight there, Matoi-sempai!"
"I'm not going to allow it!" the older girl rasped stubbornly.
Kaede sighed, pinched a spot on the back of Matoi's neck, and calmly scooped the suddenly unconscious girl in her arms, gently laying her down next to Hakase.
"Thank you," Chisame sighed.
"It was my pleasure, Chisame-dono."
"Wasn't it a bit too extreme?" Negi frowned.
"No," all the girls but Konoka, yes, even including Nodoka, replied at once.
"Well, no time to waste!" Haruna began to take the lead, merrily strolling ahead. "I know the exact way for at least the next six chambers, so as long as you follow my steps exactly, you won't be stepping on any highly lethal traps!"
Makie immediately jumped on her back like a baby koala. "I-I hope you don't mind..."
Haruna smiled at the feeling of a petite warm body firmly pressed against hers."Not at all... By the way, for a better grasp, can you wrap your arms right under my breasts? Yeahhh, like that... A bit tighter, I won't mind..."
Everyone else stared. Haruna didn't care, just going her way with her precious load.
Chisame breathed, fastened her backpack, and followed. "Don't stray, Sensei."
"I... I won't!" he skipped after her, only stopping briefly to look at one of the books. "Wah! A first edition of Stephen Strange's earliest treaty on cosmology!" He eagerly reached over for it, only to jump back when he saw an arrow jumping out of the shelf, zooming toward his head... only to be grabbed in midair by Kaede at the last second.
"Remember, we need to be cautious here, Negi-bouzou..." the tall girl calmly said, never losing her foxy relaxed smile.
"No way!" the boy panicked, waving his arms around.
"You've dragged us into our tomb!" Chisame gasped.
"Looks like the traps are still active, after all," Yue philosophized. "Watch your steps to the max, then. Upstairs it's perfectly safe, but down here, anything can happen."
Ku Fei jumped happily. "Yeah, this will make for a great training!"
At least I won't die without having been kissed... Chisame was thinking as she walked along, all color leaving her face. Not like a kid and Asuna would have been my choices, but... I wonder who'll inherit my belongings? I don't think Sora will make a good use of Computer-chan and Other Computer-chan... And my page! Oh, God, that Kotokon slut will have no competition now! She'll steal all my fans away! There's no justice in this world!
Act Seven:
Interlude, Conclusion-
Sayo (in-Rukia's-Human-Body) watched on in mild terror as the clown-like beast seemed to be the first one to take action, jumping over to the newcomer, its claws going for the immediate kill. In a split second, however, the blond girl ducked under the attack and swung the scythe up into the Hollow's chest, cutting deeply enough to make it howl, but not enough to kill it. Instead, it jumped back, clinging to a wall several feet over them.
Rukia briefly eyed the seemingly younger girl. "And you would be...?"
"Maka Albarn, Scythe Meister. Been following Ripper all the way from England," she quickly said, without even looking at her, instead dashing after the Hollow when it began to move along the walls down the street. "If he makes it to the roofs, we'll lose him! Move it!"
"What?" Rukia began running after her. "How can we reach it? We can't..." she gasped as she saw the stranger began a vertical dash up the nearest brick wall, "... run up walls...?" She shot her Shinigami 'trainer' a glare. "ICHIGO! Are Shinigami supposed to do that?"
He sighed. "Even the crappiest ones, yeah..."
"Watch out, Kuchiki-san!" Sayo cried as the Hollow jumped down to avoid the foreigner's slash, forcing Rukia to back away in a flash, the beast falling right where she'd been a moment before. It struck ahead with the claws again, and she barely managed to block them with the sword in time. With another swing of the blade, she forced it back, and when the blonde jumped back down a second after that, they began to strike together, putting it on the ropes, making it to step back and back down the narrow street until it stumbled and fell down a flight of steps at the end of the way.
That was the cue for the Maka girl to jump down as well, violently swinging the scythe down into the Hollow's midsection, her olive eyes gaining a sharp, vicious spark for a moment as she did so. Then she released the weapon, and much to Rukia and Sayo's shock, it glowed in an intense yellow light, quickly changing into a short, white haired boy around the same age as Maka. He was wearing a yellow and black jacket, red pants, sneakers, and a sweatband around his forehead.
The strange boy plunged a fist down into the dying, howling Hollow's chest, grinning and showing a mouth full of sharp teeth as the prisoner souls inside the creature flew around in all directions, free to reach their ultimate fates. Finally, it ripped a glowing, spherical spiritual core out of the beast and hungrily put it into his mouth, swallowing it down in a single gulp.
Sayo cringed in utter, sheer disgust. "EWWWWW!"
The boy licked his lips lazily, as the Hollow below him disappeared in a few sputters of dark sparkles. "... What? You never saw a Demon Weapon at work before?"
Sayo shook her (and Rukia's, by default) head very quickly. "N-N-No! Thankfully, not!"
He gave her a quirky, curious new look, jumped up the steps in a couple of skips with his hands in his pockets, and then gave her a very close, examining glare, making her to shudder. "Hey, Maka," he called out. "This doesn't match. This soul doesn't belong to this body."
His companion nodded. "Yeah, I noticed, too. I think it's her body," she gestured with her head to Rukia.
The substitute Shinigami nodded, still unsure of what to do. "Yes. Yes, it's my body. Sayo-san uses it to help us while I am—"
Both the Meister and the weapon were staring at her in disbelief now. "Something wrong?"
"You mean," the boy tapped on Sayo-in-Rukia's head, "You have a Plus driving your body around?"
"Why would a Shinigami keep a human body around, much less allow a Plus to use it?" the blond girl asked, genuinely puzzled.
"She's only a temporary replacement Shinigami. A human," Ichigo snorted, stepping in, also with his hands in his pockets. The other boy frowned at him, and he frowned back. Not exactly love at first sight. "She's taking over for me while I recover from an... incident."
The young man with the jacket laughed. "Oh, that's rich! A Shinigami who lost his post, the human covering for him, and their Plus pet! Who'd ever heard of anything like that?"
"I'm not a pet!" Sayo protested.
"There are many procedural irregularities about this," Maka warned warily. "You guys might get severely punished because of it..."
"Punished?" Rukia grew worried now. "Ichigo, you never told me—!"
"It's all okay! I'll cover all the paperwork!" Kurosaki barked. His arm twinged in anticipated pain.
Sayo poked the other boy's head curiously, as if trying to find the sharp point of a scythe between his wild hair. "I can't believe it! You were that scythe just moments ago, weren't you? How can you do that?"
"He's Soul Eater Evans, a Demon Weapon. Don't be scared about the 'Demon' part. It's a simple denomination more than anything else. You can call him a living weapon," the foreign girl explained politely. "It's not unusual for mystical weapons to have their own lives and personalities, actually. Even a Shinigami's Zanpakutou can develop their own."
"Zanpakutou?" Rukia doubted.
"Your sword," Maka then shot Ichigo an annoyed stare. "Honestly, you haven't told her even that? What kind of mentor are you? Men..."
"She isn't going to be doing this for long," Ichigo mumbled, looking aside. "The less she gets to know, the better..."
"That's very rude to say, Kurosaki-kun!" Sayo chided.
"Why haven't you sent this Plus to the afterlife?" Maka asked again.
"She just won't go away," Ichigo snapped.
"Let me try, please," Maka walked to a suddenly fearful again Sayo's head, tapped a few times on the skull of the body she was using, pouted, and shook her head. "You're right. I can feel a weird, strong link to this world. You still have baggage to need to solve. Until you do that, you won't be able to leave for your reward."
"What kind of baggage?" Sayo pleaded to know.
"That I can't know, sorry," Maka sighed. "You should try to look into your past, into what you did in life. The key must be there."
"But I can't remember anything of that...!"
"Maka, it's getting late," the Soul Eater grumbled, crossing his arms behind his neck. "Let this people fix their own messes. We already helped them enough for one night... or lifetime."
"Wait!" Rukia said. "I have two questions! Why did you eat that Hollow's core?"
"I need to eat 99 of those to become a full Death Scythe," he replied indolently. "Weapons grow more powerful the more enemies we slay and consume in battle."
Rukia looked at her sword with some apprehension. "Is the same true about my Zanpakutou?"
"In its own way, yeah. Was that your second question?"
"No! My second question, was, ummm... It may sound dumb, but... is my Zanpakutou a... boy or a girl?" She held the sword for him to examine.
A drop of sweat appeared on everyone else's heads.
Finally, however, Soul rasped and passed a hand up and down the blade. "A... female, no doubt," he said. He grinned lecherously. "And what a female..."
BA-DONKKK!
Maka's right fist had just gone down on his head. "Dirty pig! Stop molesting that poor sword!"
"Someone as cool as me could never be a molester! I was just satisfying that lady's request!"
"You spent far too long caressing it!"
"I had to! I wanted to be sure! It's always hard to get it right when they all are long, pointy, phallic weapons!"
Sayo turned supplicant eyes up to Ichigo. "Kurosaki-san..."
"Yeah?"
"Can I go back home now?"
She was thankful she could venture far out of the Academy now she could use Rukia's body at times. But everything had a limit.
About fifteen seconds after they left the scene, a cloud of purple smoke suddenly burst into being.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!" the figure in it cried dramatically. "I am the creepy priest in the exorcist movie of life! I am… late? Darn it! Not again! This is my city, darn it! MINE!"
Having just landed on a nearby roof, Sailor V paused, wisely decided she did not need this right then, turned around, and headed back home.
Act Eight:
"Even assuming we don't die here..." Chisame mused, pulling an arrow out of her ponytail. Behind her, Asuna was trying to dislodge another arrow out of her hair bells, and Ku still held the one she had caught at the last second between her teeth. "How are you sure we'll return in time for tomorrow's classes?"
Yue made a humming sound, carefully marching at the lead of the group, with Haruna at her side throwing her light in all directions. "Hmmmm. According with this map, which has proven to be exact so far, we're at the third underground level now. We've only made it to the sixth one in the past, and the lowest one we know exists is the 11th. If there's a magical book, it must be all the way down there. At our current rate of movement, it should take us three hours more to get there, and another three or four to return. Since it's only around eight o'clock now, and counting the time it'll take us to leave the island and heading back home, we should be back in bed around 4:00 A.M. That still leaves us with two hours of sleep before going back to school. Stressful, but worth it."
"I won't get to do my paper route, though..." Asuna lamented. "But what the heck, one day isn't going to hurt!"
"But that involves a lot of 'if's," Chisame pointed out. "What if the other chambers are even bigger and more dangerous than these? And what if some of them are sealed up?"
"Then there's nothing we can do but go back and thinking of something else, right?" Yue asked with extreme tranquility.
"Don't be so darn negative, Chi-chan," Haruna playfully scolded. "Honestly, you're starting to sound like Itoshiki-sensei! As long as we work together, nothing can go wrong! By the ways, heads down, everyone," she casually said, ducking as a large swinging blade came from the ceiling, passing right above the heads of Yue and Negi, and forcing everyone else to throw themselves down with a scream. "Good reflexes, gang!" the mangaka whistled.
"Mom...! Dad...! Please have another child and forget me!" Makie bawled.
"Ha ha ha, it reminds me of Grandpa's training camp..." Kaede reminisced.
Level Four:
"Negi-kun? I think that book with the weird face over there is calling to me..." Makie gulped aloud.
"Oh, that's just Necronomicron-kun," Haruna said. "Sometimes it sounds like it's talking, but we're pretty sure it's just the human skin covers hiding some noisy insects underneath."
"Never touch it, in any case," Yue warned.
Level Five:
"This water's too icy!" Negi shuddered while waddling as best as he could, the liquid reaching up to his waist.
"My panties are soaked!" Makie complained.
"I think an eel's sneaked into my skirt!" Asuna yelled, madly patting her bum up and down.
"That fish swimming over there has three eyes..." Chisame bit her lower lip. "This doesn't bode well..."
Level Six:
"Too... hot..." Chisame panted.
"No wonder you never got past this point, Haruna-san..." Negi wheezed. "Haruna-san... would you mind please putting your shirt back on?"
"Hey, Asuna's doing it too..."
"I can smell my breasts cooking themselves up inside my chest..." Kagurazaka groaned.
Level Seven:
To spare our readers with a weak mental constitution permanent psychological damage, we will skip over this level in our narration. Let's just say they found evidence of the Bible Black Ritual and Kaede's skills were useful and leave it at that. Also, everyone swore never to eat Squid or Octopus ever again…
Level Eight:
Asuna's eyebrows quivered as she sat down on the dusty floor, with Makie clutching to her right side whimpering. "I vote... I vote for all of us never talking about what happened there ever again..."
"I concur," Haruna nodded, serving herself a sip of coffee for her thermos, her hands shaking.
"We are Dantes without a Virgil, traveling deep into the abyss of Hell..." Yue hugged her legs and trembled.
A visibly shaken Chisame was communicating with Hakase through her laptop. "Ground control? Hasegawa here. No, we haven't lost anyone yet. Yes, we finally reached a level with no traps. We're taking a short break while we still can. But I want to tell you two things. If I don't come back, you can keep my computers. And if there's a next time, I'LL BE GROUND CONTROL THEN! YOU GET ME?-!"
Near her, Negi just stared into nothingness. "Croatoa, Croatoa, Croatoa..." he repeated.
"WAH!" Ku cried. "That was fun! Let's do it again!"
Kaede shrugged. "2 out of ten for effort…"
Level Nine:
"What are those giant lizards doing so below ground level?" Makie asked, fearfully hugging her teacher's right arm for protection.
"Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact..." Yue was suggesting. "Ku! Stop kicking the giant lizards around!"
"We're just playing-aru! Ah ha ha ha, they are so cute! Look, this one wants to bite me! HYAAAHHH!"
That was the last day on Earth for the species of the Mahoraticus Varanus Rex.
Level Ten:
"Out of all the levels... this has to be the most unsettling one..." Chisame's teeth chattered.
"The Collected Works of Over Master..." Negi looked at the eerie quietness around them. "Unequally Rational and Emotional!"
"The Sonichu Bible...!" Yue clenched her eyes shut. "The Annotated Shadow Crystal Mage!"
"Uwe Boll's Manual to Cinematography!" Asuna whimpered. "My Immortal!"
"Dave Sim's Guide to Women!" Haruna ran her hands through her hair. "Ah! How to Win Friends and Influence People!"
"Let's reach the exit as soon as we can!" Kaede commanded.
"There's even Stephenie Meyer in here!" Chisame gasped. "And that-vampire-author-who-basically-disowned-her-vampire-books-but-whose-series-and-other-works-we're-still-not-allowed-to-post-on-this-site!"
Makie frowned, looking up from the copy of New Moon she was reading through. "Honestly, am I the only one who doesn't find them that bad?"
"Drop that!" Haruna told her. "Your fingers will wither and fall off!"
And then, finally, after so many travails, they reached it.
The Eleventh Level.
Act Nine:
Negi, Chisame, Haruna, Asuna, Yue, Kaede, Makie and Ku Fei stared, wide eyed (well, all but Kaede) at the titanic thing of amazement that was the eleventh chamber. It had no shelves with books anywhere in sight; instead, it was some sort of ancient tomb with its floors and walls covered by gigantic slabs of rock. Two monumental armored statues, one carrying an oversized war hammer, the other bearing a huge stone sword, surrounded a small altar bearing a tiny stand holding a big, thick, closed and fairly old looking tome at the end of a stone bridge.
"It's amazing! Like something out of an Indiana Jones movie!" Makie marveled.
"Or like the final boss' stage in a video game..." Chisame licked her lips with concern.
"I knew it was real!" Haruna cooed, tightening a fist up. "That book over there must be right what we're looking for!"
Asuna looked at Negi for a confirmation. "Yo, Negi? Do you recognize that old thing?"
The boy scrunched his eyes for a moment, staring at the volume several feet away, and then gulped briskly. "It is! I can't believe it! It matches the descriptions of the legendary Book of Melusedek perfectly!"
"You sure of that, Negi-bouzou?" Kaede inquired.
"Yes! I... umm... have researched a lot on ancient tomes with... supposed paranormal properties..." he explained. "But the last reports about this book placed it at France, more than ninety years ago. How did it end up underground at Asia?"
"That doesn't matter-aru! It's the answer to our prayers!" Ku ran ahead for it.
"We're going to pass that test!" Kaede raced after her.
"Takahata-sensei will be so impressed!" Asuna joined them.
"Hold it!" Negi called out. "Don't go any further! Such a book must have even worse traps protecting it than the ones we've found so far!"
Sure enough, the bridge under the three girls' feet split itself by half then, dropping them down into a thick rock platform right under it.
"A-Are you okay?-!" Negi rushed to the edge of the platform.
Asuna rubbed her aching butt and grumbled. "Nothing hurt but my pride..."
"Oh, is that what you call it?" Chisame sniped, rubbing her own 'pride'.
Ku laughed, scratching the back of her head. "Guess we were just lucky it wasn't anything worse-aru..."
Kaede already was back on her feet, crossing her arms. "Well, it'll take more than this to stop me, de gozaru."
"Don't tempt fate!" Chisame warned, right before a loud rumbling sound came from behind them all, and to their collective terror, one of the statues came into life moving like a giant robot of sorts, slamming its war hammer against the floor, making the chamber to tremble. Makie yelped, jumping back into the platform and hiding behind Kaede. Negi instinctively shielded Chisame, Yue and Haruna with his own body.
"ALL OF YOU, SEARCHERS FOR KNOWLEDGE..." the armor spoke in a strong, thundering, amplified and echoing voice, "... MUST ANSWER THE GUARDIAN'S QUESTIONS WITH NO FEAR!"
"A moving stone statue? Th-That's absurd!" Asuna yelled.
"Aiyaaaa!" Ku Fei said.
"It must be some sort of ancient automaton," Yue tried to make sense of it. "Maybe stories like the Turkish doll that played chess and the mechanical duck from 1739 had more truth about them than we thought..."
"IT'S GOING TO KILL US!" Makie freaked out.
Negi gasped as well, although for some reason he couldn't help thinking the golem's voice, distorted and altered as it was, was one he had heard somewhere else before...
Back at the Library's Entrance:
"How strange," Hakase took another look at her laptop. "We haven't gotten any updates from Sensei and the others in nearly an hour. Do you suppose they are okay?"
"Maybe the signal doesn't travel that well through the earth," Konoka said, beginning to distribute the sandwiches around. "Do you prefer cocoa, tea or coffee?" she pointed at the three thermoses she had brought along.
"Cocoa for me, please," Nodoka asked gently.
"Same here," Satomi nodded.
Near them, Matoi stirred in her sleep, snorted and rolled on her side. "Mmmm, Deep Love... Deep into the burning bowels of Earth... Too hot for you? Don't worry, you can take that off, I won't mind..."
The other three girls twitched.
"I pray they come back before she wakes up," Nodoka shared.
"Well," Hakase philosophized, "If she does, we may not have Kaede's nerve pinch, but an alternative always can be found..." She casually held her now empty sandwiches tray up.
Konoka and Nodoka looked at her with some uneasiness.
"... Something wrong?" she asked curiously.
Act Ten:
"Very well!" Negi gave a step ahead, looking up at the towering golem armor. "Ask us your questions! Just remember to respect your word and give us the book after we're done answering them!"
"Technically, he hasn't gone into that much detail about what he'll allow us to do..." Makie pointed out, but no one paid her attention.
"YOU CANNOT ANSWER WITH SPOKEN WORDS!" the suit of armor pointed at the platform beneath them with its mace. "YOU SHALL USE THE SYSTEM YOU STAND UPON!"
"Ah?" Asuna looked down, examining the complex schematics of dozens of circles with syllabes, symbols and assorted kanji written on them laid all over the platform. "What is this?"
"It's a giant Twister board!" Haruna understood, moving next to her. "I get it! All we gotta do is touch the circles that will form the answers we must give. It's easy!"
"Easy for you, maybe!" Asuna reprimanded.
"Negi-kun, can you handle this for us, please?" Makie asked.
"His arms and legs are far too short for that," Kaede said. "I say we should give it a try ourselves. We haven't come this far for nothing, de gozaru?"
"No, you're right," Yue sighed. "So, Monster-san, what's the first question?"
"HEED MY WORDS!" the statue said. "WHAT IS THE JAPANESE TRANSLATION FOR 'DIFFICULT'?"
"Dee-fee-coolth?" Asuna babbled. "Or is it "Deh-feeh-kulth? May we hear the question again?"
"Geez, it's very difficult," Ku Fei rubbed her chin.
"That's it!" Negi tried to help them.
"We know it already! No need to hammer it down!" Asuna snapped.
"No! He's trying to tell you it's 'difficult'!" Chisame said. "That is, 'Mu', 'Zu', 'I'!" she placed a hand, and then a foot, on each corresponding circle.
"CORRECT ANSWER," the golem approved.
"Yay!" Ku cheered.
"Well done, Chi-chan!" Makie patted her in the back.
She clenched a smug smile. "Fu fu fu... It's nothing at all..."
"NEXT," the guardian said, "SPELL 'CUT' IN JAPANESE."
"Okay," Chisame began, "I think that is..."
"YOU SHALL BE DISQUALIFIED IF YOU LET GO OF THE BUTTONS!" the statue roared.
"Someone else! Someone else!" Haruna urged them. Then she made scissoring motions with her fingers. "Look! Like this!"
"Ah!" Makie brightened up. "It's 'Kiru Kiru', right?" KI!" she touched one of the circles, then... "RU!" she had to reach for another, which was so apart she had to touch it with the point of a foot, spreading herself to the point her white panties were showing. Again, that moved Negi to spin around blushing and sputtering apologies.
"APPROVED!" the golem shouted. "NOW, THE WORD TO TRANSLATE IS 'REMEMBER'!"
"I know this one," Yue got on all fours. "O-MOI-DA-SU!" That, however, left her in a rather uncomfortable position. "Guys, get on with it quick...! I don't know if I'll be able to keep this pose for long!"
"WELL DONE. THE NEXT WORD IS 'BASEBALL'."
"Now I can handle this," Kaede said. "Ya-Kyu-U!"
The position she was forced to take left her arching rather closely over Yue, her breasts nearly smothering the smaller girl's face.
"Kaede... I need air..."
"Just hang on there, Yue-dono..." she had to say.
Ku and Haruna took the next two questions with similar success. The armor almost sounded satisfied by now, towering over Negi, Asuna, and the straining, panting tangle of schoolgirls spread in uncomfortable and rather compromising ways over another.
"LAST QUESTION," it announced.
"About... damn time...!" Yue raggily breathed.
"I dunno, I think I could get used to this..." Haruna purred, her face mere inches away from Ku Fei's toned and firm backside.
"DISH," the golem simply said. "WHAT IS THE MOST USUAL TRANSLATION CONVENTION FOR SAID WORD?"
"Dish?" Asuna blinked. "Ah, dish, dish, dish... Oh! I got it!" she slammed a hand down. "O!"
"That's it, Asuna-san!" Negi cheered.
"SA!" Kagurazaka slammed her other hand down as well.
"Yes! Yes!" he put his hands together. "We're almost there!"
"RU!" Asuna finished, reaching with her forehead and knocking on the final circle with it.
Everyone else stared at her with slack jawed horror.
"What?" she asked. "'Dish' is 'Monkey' in English, isn't it?"
"IT DOESN'T EVEN COME CLOSE!" an angry chorus replied.
"OH, HO HO HO HO!" the armor laughed in a grim, thundering fashion. "YOU HAVE FAILED!"
And then it swung its humongous mace down.
Act Eleven:
The mace hit the platform, shattering it into a million pieces of rock with that single strike. In a split second, Negi and his students found themselves standing on thin air, with a pitch black abyss under them.
"Oi!" Chisame squealed.
And then they all fell down.
"ASUNA, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ku Fei cried.
"Iincho was right! You're really a dumb ape!" Yue exclaimed, plummeting down into the darkness as well.
"I'm sorry! It was just a typo!" Asuna waved her arms around, trying to grab for the walls.
"Typo my round tight ass!" Haruna shook a fist. "Now I'll die a virgin! I'll never forgive you for this!"
"A-HOP!" Makie pulled one of her practice ribbons out of a pocket, tossing it up and managing to have it caught between two slabs of rock, stopping her fall. "WAI! I DID IT!"
"Good job, Makie-dono!" the passing-by Kaede hugged her legs, stopping her own fall as well, then grabbed Yue's right hand in midair, all three girls hanging over the seemingly bottomless pit. Everyone else had fallen too far for them to be catch, however. "Goodbye, Negi-bouzou, everyone..." the ninja grimly said. "We'll never forget your brave sacrifice, de gozaru..."
"Kaede!" Makie gasped.
"What?" she defended herself. "A Shinobi learns to respect the realities of life and death..."
"I don't mean that!" the gymnast squealed. "Your weight's too much for—!"
Then the ribbon snapped by half, proving her point as they fell again.
"Well, as I was saying, now we'll be reunited forever, Negi-bouzou..." Kaede sighed.
"Nodoka, I always loved you...!" Yue angstily confessed while falling to certain death.
Way, way, upstairs, Nodoka, you guessed it right, sneezed. "Catching a cold?" Konoka asked with concern. "Maybe," the librarian conceded. "What time is it by now? I'd dare to guess dawn is approaching..."
Down below in the darkness, Asuna turned her head to Negi. "Brat! To hell with secrecy! Use your magic and save us all!"
"I can't do such a thing!" he claimed.
"Magic?" Ku Fei questioned.
"You really are bad in the head, Asuna!" Makie told her.
"I failed everyone... I'm useless to the end..." Negi sobbed while turning his head away from the others. "Because of me, and my incompetence, you all got yourself wrapped into this, and now..." He clutched at his head, wailing. "I'M IN DESPAIR! MY USELESSNESS HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"
Itoshiki opened his eyes. "I sense a disturbance in the Force…" he said. "As if I'm suddenly no longer alone." He shivered. "Horrible thought." He turned and went right back to sleep.
Then Negi felt a pair of arms encircling him from behind, turning him around to face the just-as-upside-down-as-himself Chisame. Through his own watery eyes, he could see she was leaking a few silent tears out. "Chisame-san..."
"I'm glad I met you. Despite everything," she whispered, with a slightly jaded but moved tone matching her expression. Then she closed her eyes and pulled him to her, deeply kissing his lips.
Then they all seemed to pass through a widening tunnel mouth, and a bright light glowing underneath met them, right before they fell zooming into what seemed to be a huge mass of clear cold water.
Then everything turned black for Negi.
When he finally regained consciousness, he guessed a few hours had passed, since everything around him looked like it was bathed by a bright morning light. Chisame was kneeling over him, breathing out in deep relief. "Thank God, you're okay... Aren't you?"
"Y-Yes..." he weakly sat up, noticing he still was wet all over his lower body, although his torso and head had been dried down. His chest was bare, and his shirt hung from a nearby tree's branches, drying off.
Wait. A tree?
There were trees all around, actually, along with shelves and shelves of books reaching into the horizon line in all directions. And water, lots of water, forming lagoons and small rivers between the tiny islands where the shelves and trees stood. They, and the rest of the group, were at one of said islands, most of the girls wringing their wet clothes off and examining the status of their backpacks.
"Hey, Sensei!" Haruna waved with a wide smirk. "Didn't you break anything? No? Good! How about you, Chi-chan?"
"I broke the most important part of myself!" Chisame growled, then held her shattered laptop up for everyone to see. "Now how are we supposed to call Hakase up for help? Even our cellphones won't reach from down here! Oh, my poor baby!" she lamented. "So young, so expensive, so full of promise for the future! You didn't deserve this!"
"Well, what matters is we're all physically fine..." Negi looked down at himself, noticing one of the marks at his wrist had vanished already. Had a full whole day passed by, for real?
"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!" Chisame cried. "ARGH, THE AGONY! WHY NOT ME? WHY NOT ME?"
Everyone sweat dropped as Chisame continued into hysterics worthy of Shatner.
"Um, yeah, but exactly where are we?" Makie asked, looking in all directions. "Still under the library, or did we fall through an exit?"
"It must be outside," Asuna guessed. "There's sunlight, and trees growing. No way we can be underground."
Chisame had crouched down sobbing, burying her laptop in a small, makeshift grave in the sand, then kneeling over it to mutter a prayer. "May Pentium watch over you, may Mac help you find peace…"
Haruna, meanwhile, had wrapped an arm around Yue's shoulders, giggling and poking a finger into her cheek. "So, what was that angsty confession of love I heard back there...?"
A soft blush. "I love Nodoka... like a most dear sister."
"Yeah, sure..." Paru ran her fingers through Yue's hair. "The way Fuuka loves Fumika like a 'most dear sister', right?"
Kaede looked up at the giant tunnel they had fallen through. "We can't go back that way-de gozaru. We should split into search parties to look for another way out..."
"But what if there's another of those giant things hunting around here?" Makie asked.
"Sasaki-san's right," Negi nodded. "We must stay together until we're out of here. Hoping to go back for the book is suicidal, as well. Our top priority must be finding a safe way back to the Academy. But rest assured, Satomi-san and the others must be doing their best to rescue us!"
At the surface...
"It's... already dawning..." Nodoka said.
"Yeah, and still... no signs, Prof?" Konoka looked at Hakase.
The scientist hummed, staring at her screen. "The signal from Chisame's laptop... has just gone dead..."
"..." Nodoka said.
"..." Konoka said.
Very, very slowly, Hakase nodded at them. "Authorization to enter Raving Panic Mode- Granted."
And so, they freaked out.
Act Twelve:
Classroom 2-A, early that morning:
The class was highly disappointed when they saw the blond and bespectacled Biology teacher waltzing in instead of Negi. She had arrived pushing a cart on wheels, covered by a large white blanket.
"Good morning, students!" she greeted with a youthful, bubbly smile, clacking her heels together. It was quite offensive, really. Someone that old shouldn't be that perky.
"G-Good morning, Hanyuu-sensei," Ayaka stiffly bowed, the rest of the pupils following suit somewhat warily. "But... may we ask why are you here today?"
"Oh, that," Hanyuu Mimi's smile turned a bit more smug, rather annoying. Ayaka resisted the urge to smack her. "Looks like poor Negi-sensei won't be able to come today. I guess it's to be expected of a child. Several of your classmates are absent today as well, I see..."
Ayaka's brow curved itself angrily. "And what are the reasons for Negi-sensei's absence?"
"I wasn't told that, and honestly, it's no business of mine," the teacher shrugged, pulling the blanket off to reveal a large tank full with slimy, squirming snails, much to most girls' disgust. "Now, pay attention! Before I take attendance, I'd like to introduce you to our impromptu study session's subject! To get you prepared for the Biology parts of your tests, we'll be running an in-depth dissection and research into the vital systems of these Gastropoda molluscans! We'll divide them organ by organ, then answer to a questionnaire on the functions of each organ and its relation with our own biological systems!"
"That's just plain gross..." Yuuna's face fell down.
"Nonsense," Hanyuu-sensei chided. "Snails are fascinating creatures, true survivors who will most likely endure past mankind's time at this planet. There's so much we can learn from them! Why, I even owe getting this job to snails!"
"How so, Sensei?" Natsumi asked.
She wiggled a finger. "That's a golden secret of mine. Regardless, before we start, let's see how many of them will we have to use. Akashi Yuuna-san?"
"Here," Yuuna groaned.
"Asakura Kazumi-san?"
"Here, Sensei!" the reporter said, already thinking of looking into Negi's disappearance after classes.
"Ayase Yu—"
Right then, Hakase, Nodoka and Konoka bursted into the room. Setsuna seemed to breathe a bit easier at the sight of the Konoe heiress. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact her sweaty blouse was clinging quite interestingly to her heaving chest. Nope, absolutely nothing at all…
"Hakase-san! Miyazaki-san! Konoe-san!" the teacher admonished. "A demerit for each one of you! You're all late!"
"S-Sorry, Hanyuu-sensei!" Nodoka bowed to her. "B-But it's an emergency!"
Satomi, meanwhile, paid the adult no attention and headed straight to her creation's side. "Chachamaru!"
"Yes, Hakase-san?" the gynoid asked calmly.
"We have need for your services," the teen genius told her, pointing dramatically. "It's an important search and rescue mission."
Ayaka blinked in alarm. "R-RESCUE?-!-?"
Sakurako swooned. "WAH! Hakase-chan looks so cool!"
Negi, Chisame and Satomi's Dorm:
Chamo rolled around in his drawer bed of panties, hiccupped a bit and scratched himself on a flank.
Ahhh, life was good.
He wondered only very vaguely what was taking everyone else so long...
NEXT: Escape from Library Island!
Author's Notes:
Well, this chapter came out relatively short. But I get a feeling the next one could be extra-sized, even for Unequally standards. We'll see.
I'm interested to see if someone got the references on the painting at the library and Mimi-sensei's method to get her job. If someone points them out in the reviews or via PM, I'll give that person an honor mention at the next chapter. In-Story, even!
Until next time, be good!