Chapter 25

"So did you and Q get it on last night?" Santana asked, casually as she pretended to look through a rack of clothing.

Rachel stopped dead in her tracks, nearly causing the Latina to walk right into her.

"What? No. I mean no. Oh my goodness! Santana, you can't just ask people those things," Rachel squeaked.

"So tonight then?" Santana smirked.

Rachel rolled her eyes and slapped the Latina's arm almost playfully. That morning had been decidedly awkward as she and Quinn ate breakfast. Rachel knew she was being a little forward the night before and wasn't sure how to proceed. 'You're definitely wanted?' What the hell had she been thinking? Why not just tell Quinn right then and there, 'Hey Quinn, I'd like to jump your bones. Is that cool?' No, she couldn't do that. The blonde definitely didn't need to know about all of the slightly risqué thoughts and dreams she had been having about her before Quinn's arrival. In fact, it seemed like her entire break so far had been spent fantasizing about having Quinn Fabray in her bed. At breakfast, she was extra cautious of everything she said, looking out for double entendres and slight slips of the tongue. She felt like her every thought, her every desire was displayed openly on her face. Needless to say, breakfast had been awkward.

Quinn had nearly jumped at her phone when Brittany called to invite them to the mall. Rachel had wanted to spend the day with Quinn. She needed to know where the girl's head was. Clearly, Rachel, herself, was in far over her head. She was practically in love with her best friend and lusting after her at every opportunity. For the girl who stopped at nothing to get what she wanted, it was strange to have no idea how to proceed. The shopping opportunity seemed to ease the tension a little. Maybe if they went shopping with their friends then that night they could actually discuss Quinn's sexuality and get a grip on where their current relationship was residing. Too many almost kisses had happened by now for them to go on pretending they weren't attracted to each other.

Brittany and Quinn were on the opposite side of the store. It had been Brittany's idea to get new outfits for their New Year's Eve party. Originally the plan was to have the party at Brittany's. Then her parents made plans and didn't want the dancer to have a party at their home while they were away. Santana's house was a no. Her mother was okay with her and Brittany's relationship, but the Latina's father still wasn't speaking to his daughter. Tension is a terrible component for a New Year's party…or so, Santana had said. It was then decided, despite Rachel's adamant protests, that the party would be relocated to the Berry residence. Puck would provide alcohol, Artie the music, Mercedes and Tina the snacks, and Santana and Brittany would be responsible for the setting the mood/ambience of the party, including décor of the house and its host. Apparently everything in Rachel's own wardrobe was not appropriate for the type of party Santana and Brittany wanted to throw.

"Don't ever think you can slap me again, Berry. But in the spirit of the coming New Year, I'm gonna let that one slide…especially since you're so generously letting us use your house for the party," Santana glared.

"I'm not- I don't- this is a terrible idea."

"You'll be singing a different tune after you get laid," Santana practically sang while pulling out a skirt from the rack and holding it up to Rachel's body.

"I will be doing no such thing," Rachel replied firmly before ripping the skirt from Santana's hands and putting it back on the rack.

"Whatever. That skirt looked like crap on you anyway. Why do you have to be so damn short?"

On the opposite side of the store, Quinn was giggling at something Brittany said. The Latina snapped her attention to her girl and smiled slightly. Rachel, too, smiled in Quinn's direction.

"And don't worry, Berry. Everybody gets laid at a Lopez party," Santana declared proudly.

Rachel's eyes ran up and down Quinn while her mouth watered slightly. The blonde had her head tossed back in laughter and Rachel couldn't help but stare at the glorious neck. Wouldn't she love to run her tongue along said neck? Get a little taste of Quinn Fabray? The smaller brunette flushed at the thought while Santana's smirk grew. These were exactly the kind of thoughts that would get her in trouble. This is why breakfast was so awkward. She needed to keep her hormones in check!

"Trust me, everybody's getting laid," Santana chuckled.

Rachel shook her head and cleared her throat, "I can assure you that I will not partake in any such activity. I've remained chaste for quite a while and intend on staying that way until I am in a committed relationship with someone whom I've fallen deeply in love with. The next time I have intercourse it will be a beautiful act shared with someone special as a physical expression of our emotional intimacy," Rachel stated.

"Physical expression- dear lord, woman! What the hell are you talking about? Sex is good. It feels good. It's just good. Sex with a girl is even better than good. Take me and B, for example. I've had lots of sex with lots of dudes but nobody rocks my world better than that crazy blonde over there. I'm just saying, for somebody who is an out and proud lesbian, you'd think you'd know what it is exactly you're being proud of. Sex it up with a chick. You'll like it."

"I am attracted to women, therefore, I am a lesbian. It does not mean I need to jump into bed with every woman who propositions me," Rachel countered.

"I'm not saying hop in the sack with the first girl who spreads her legs for you," Santana groaned.

"You don't have to say it so crudely," Rachel muttered.

"Whatever. Point is, if you're gonna be a lesbian, don't be afraid to be a lesbian. You like chicks. You might find that you like having sex with them, too. I'm not telling you to be a whore. I'm just telling you not to pass up a good opportunity. Chicks like Fabray don't stay single for long. She's hot stuff. If I didn't have my Britts, I'd be all over that shit. You've been lucky cuz the girl had been trying to figure out where her head is. I got a newsflash for ya, Treasure Trail, Barbie Princess is totally gay for you. She's worked that out all on her own. She's got her head on straight, or not so straight, however you want to put it."

"What a clever little pun," Rachel snorted in disgust.

"Straight, not straight, who cares. What I'm trying to tell you is Fabray's got herself a little sweet spot for some Berry. If that sweet spot includes a wet one, I'd jump on that before someone else does. She knows she likes chicks. More importantly, she knows she likes you. Do something about it and put the rest of us out of our misery. I don't wanna watch the Quinn and Rachel 'will they, won't they' show for eight seasons. Get it on or move on. Otherwise, I'm bored," Santana finished.

"She's my best friend," Rachel replied softly.

"And from experience, that makes it way better. If you tell anyone I said that or that I went all soft and shit on you about B, I will kill you. But it's true. You have friends, Berry. You don't want to jump all of them. Just suck it up and make a move. It'll be even better because she's your best friend and you care and all that shit. Who knows, maybe it's all that emotional intimacy crap you spouting off about."

Rachel looked back over at Quinn and Brittany. She smiled slightly watching the two blondes goofing off. Quinn's eyes were dancing with happiness watching Brittany try on an ugly hat and strut in front of the mirror.

"You and I…we've had our issues in the past, but I have any idea of what you're going through. I messed up way too much with Britt and I'm super lucky I got another chance. I don't want to see that happen to you and Q. Barbie is almost as annoying as you sometimes, but I actually kinda like the girl. She's my friend in some twisted way. So ya know…just don't wait too long…but I swear if you repeat any of this shit, I'm coming after you so hard," Santana threatened.

Quinn wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes as Brittany placed a ridiculous hat on the shorter blonde's head.

"You could wear that," Brittany giggled.

Quinn looked in the mirror at the huge fuzzy beret on her head and laughed again. She shook her head and placed it back on the hat rack. Brittany skipped over to the dresses.

"What about one of these?" Brittany asked, pulling out a shimmery silver dress that looked like it belonged in J-Lo's closet rather than Quinn Fabray's.

"I don't think that's really my style," Quinn chuckled.

"Well we have to make you hot so you and Rachel can do it," Brittany replied.

"We don't have to-wait what?"

Brittany skipped around looking through the dresses examining a few and shoving them back into place.

"Brittany, what do you mean by Rachel and me doing it?" Quinn asked slowly.

Brittany pulled out another dress and held it up to Quinn's body, studying her carefully.

"Brittany," Quinn prodded.

"Yes?" the dancer asked while going back to the rack of clothes.

"What did you mean by that?"

Brittany pulled out another selection but held it up to her own body, "By what?"

Quinn sighed in frustration.

Brittany smiled and grabbed another dress of the rack before dragging Quinn to the dressing room with her.

"Try this on," Brittany handed Quinn a dress and pulled them both into the same fitting room.

Quinn rolled her eyes and began removing her top while the dancer immediately stripped down and threw on her own selection.

"B, you said something about me and Rachel. What were you meaning?" Quinn asked as she slid her dress over her head.

Brittany mumbled something incoherently. Quinn finished pulling her own dress down to find the dancer was stuck with her arms in the air and the dress on her head. Quinn suppressed the urge to laugh and helped the taller blonde get her dress on properly. Brittany looked Quinn up and down and beamed proudly.

"Come on. You'll see what I mean," Brittany nearly squealed.

The taller girl drug Quinn from the dressing room to the three mirrors at the end of the dressing room.

"S, get over here," Brittany shouted loudly out into the store.

The Latina shrugged, pulling an embarrassed Rachel along with her.

Quinn examined herself in the mirrors. Brittany had excellent taste. The shorter blonde was wearing a tight red dress that clung to every curve. It dipped just low enough between her breasts to hint at cleavage but not look slutty. It was almost shimmery but not quite J-Lo style. The dress came to just above her knees and had low dipping back. She would certainly freeze if she had to go out in Ohio wearing only this in the middle of winter but her a house party at the very place she was staying, she'd never have to go outside. It would be perfect. It was sexy but not slutty enough to make Quinn feel uncomfortable.

Santana and Rachel entered the dressing room area. Santana nearly laughed out loud watching Rachel's jaw drop open.

"Shut your mouth, Berry. It's unflattering for someone with such a huge trap," Santana instructed.

Rachel shut her mouth immediately but couldn't form any words. Quinn found Rachel's eyes in the mirror and blushed at the look she received in return. Rachel's dark eyes were darker than usual, hungrier than usual. She looked absolutely starved, like she could ravish Quinn in any second.

"That's what I meant," Brittany whispered in Quinn's ear.

"You gotta buy that dress, Q," Santana practically demanded.

A speechless Rachel nodded her approval as well.

"Okay," Quinn husked in response, sending shivers up the tiny diva's spine.

"Yay," Brittany squealed and clapped her hands.

"We still gotta fix Berry. She's a walking disaster. Everything I pick out for this girl looks like a train wreck. She's too short and somehow manages to have too much leg for everything. It's insane," Santana grunted.

"I'll do it. You take Q and go pay for this dress. Then go get the party decorations. We'll meet you in the food court," Brittany replied.

"Party decorations? We won't find anything the day before New Year's Eve. The good stuff is gone, B," Santana moaned.

Brittany smiled at her warmly, "I know you'll find something. You won't let me down."

The dancer kissed her sweetly before sending her towards the cash register with a swift slap on the ass. Santana laughed and shook her head. Brittany shoved Quinn back to the fitting room to change her clothes then grabbed Rachel's hand to find the petite brunette a dress. It was bound to be a long day for all of them but soon their New Year's Eve preparations would be complete.

"I'm exhausted," Quinn complained, flopping down on the Berry's comfy couch.

Rachel smiled and nodded before collapsing next to her.

"I knew that Santana and Brittany were in excellent health from their years of cheerleading experience, but I was completely unprepared for their endless stamina. I was practically known from being perpetually happy and upbeat, as well as often mistaken for being on amphetamines while I was in high school. Yet I could not keep up with them. One store after another. Shopping is like a competitive sport for those two. I felt like I had no professional training for such an athletic endeavor while going up against Olympic class athletes. I was certainly at a disadvantage," Rachel rattled off.

Quinn just took it all in, smiling at the endearing girl.

"What?" Rachel asked, pausing mid-rant.

"Nothing," Quinn blushed.

Rachel studied her for a moment, "Seriously? What's got you smiling?"

Quinn flushed even more before replying softly, "Just you. Being here. Listening to you."

Rachel beamed brilliantly while Quinn fought off her own embarrassment at being so open and forward with her feelings.

"Quinn," Rachel grinned.

The blonde quirked her eyebrow.

"Do you really think you're gay?" the brunette asked suddenly.

Quinn immediately burst into laughter. It took a few moments for the blonde to compose herself.

"What kind of a question is that, Rach? Do you really think you're gay?" Quinn giggled.

"Yes I do. And it was a serious question. I'm not trying to enforce a timeline on your own process of self discovery and sexual identity, but I was merely curious as to how said timeline has progressed and if you felt that you're doing less questioning and more coming to terms with your own feelings, attractions, and desires."

Quinn's eyes immediately honed in on Rachel's lips the second the word 'desires' came from those gorgeously plump and kissable lips.

"Quinn?" Rachel questioned, watching the blonde's hazel eyes darken slightly.

Quinn shook her head and gathered her thoughts.

"I'm pretty sure," Quinn replied softly.

"Pretty sure what?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm…I've never been truly comfortable with labels. You can so easily define yourself and you're completely content in that. For me, it's never been about that. Finding the words and then actually saying the words…well that's the terrifying part for me. The feelings, the attractions…the desires, as you put it…those are certainly terrifying in their own right. But they're my feelings. I'm the one experiencing them. I'm the one who is very certain that I'm strongly attracted to women, more strongly attracted to women than men at this time in my life. I know there was a point when I was attracted to guys. I still think some of them are hot. So maybe if I have to define myself, I could be bisexual, but I definitely have a stronger preference for women. Or maybe I am in fact only truly attracted to women but it's easier to say I'm bisexual. I haven't thought about a guy in that way since I started coming to terms with this. Sure, some guys are attractive but I don't feel the same way for them so maybe bisexual isn't the best term for me. See, this is the part that's the scariest for me. Labeling how I feel. Having feelings for a girl…I'm coping with that. I'm embracing it. I know that I'm attracted to women. I know that I have feelings for a girl. But those things are purely felt by me. They're purely for me. It just seems like labeling myself isn't for me. It's for everyone else. So the rest of the world can know what category to put me in or something. That's the difficult part. It's the part that scares me the most. Saying it out loud and letting the rest of the world slap some label on me. My feelings, my desires, that's mine. I own it. The label seems like something the rest of the world owns about me," Quinn explained carefully.

"You have feelings for a girl?" Rachel asked, her perfect pitch rising ever so slightly with each word.

Quinn paled and couldn't look Rachel in the eye. It could be her perfect opportunity to tell Rachel how she felt. Would she be a little chicken shit again?

Rachel bit her lip as she watched Quinn struggle with something to say. The brunette moved a little closer, a little too close for merely best friends.

"Tell me you're gay, Quinn. You're allowed to say it. You can admit it," Rachel almost pleaded.

Quinn swallowed hard but couldn't say the words.

"I don't want to force some label on you. I just want to know where your head's at. Tell me how you feel. Just say it. Tell me. You're gay. You're a lesbian. You're bisexual. Whatever it is that you think you are, it's okay. I'm not forcing you in a label, I just need to hear it. Tell me how you feel," Rachel tried so desperately to keep the pleading out of her voice, but she was begging Quinn to put it out there.

"I like women."

"You like women," Rachel echoed, moving closer.

"I'm attracted to women."

"You are," Rachel replied.

"I'm…" Quinn struggled.

"Yes?"

"I'm gay," Quinn whispered.

A few tears slide down the blonde's cheeks.

"You're gay," Rachel smiled, her own eyes filling with tears.

"I'm gay," Quinn repeated again.

Rachel nodded and smiled, wiping Quinn's tears from her cheeks gently with the pads of her thumbs. Quinn nodded and wrapped her arms around Rachel tightly, crying into the smaller girl's embrace.

"Is that really the first time you've said it out loud?" Rachel asked after a few moments, still keeping Quinn wrapped in her arms.

Quinn nodded into Rachel's collarbone.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to let me be here. For letting me be the first to hear you say it."

"Well I wouldn't get used to hearing it all the time," Quinn mumbled.

"Quinn, this is a huge step for you."

Quinn pulled back enough to look into the brunette's face.

"I know that, Rach. I'm not discrediting it. I still feel like it's unfair that I have to place some label on myself for the rest of the world to judge me by."

"But sometimes that's a part of being gay," Rachel pressed.

"I get that. I understand that. If people are going to judge me, let them judge me for my actions. Let me love another girl. Let me date a girl. Judge me for that. If you want to hate me, hate because I won't hide my actions and my feelings. But it's just a word. Don't hate me for a word. That's even dumber than hating me for being who I am. I just don't like labels. I am gay. I am. I can't hide that. I won't hide that. I'm completely okay with that. I'm gay. But do I really have to preach it in the streets? Do I have to tell everyone that I meet that I'm gay? Do I have to have some big moment with Brittany and Santana and the rest of our friends? Don't you think they'd get it if I started dating a girl?"

"Don't you think they'd ask? I know you feel pressured or imprisoned by labels but if you can't even tell your own friends that you're gay, who's to say you're not just experimenting? Maybe you're just dating a girl. Who's to say this is who you are. Dating a girl is who you date. Being proud of being gay, not being afraid to say to people that you are gay…that's who you are," Rachel explained.

"No, Rach. That's who you are. You're the one who is comfortable with your label. You're the one who would wave your gay flag proudly. I just want to like who I like. I just want to be with the person who makes me happy. If I'm attracted to women, then I'm gay. If I want to be with women and I don't want to be with men, then I'm a lesbian. But for me to feel confident in that, I don't need to tell the whole world. It's not about the rest of the world. It's just about me. It's just who I am. I don't need to broadcast it and I don't need a coming out party. I'm not saying I will hide it but why can't my actions be louder than my words. Aren't actions always far louder than any words?" Quinn asked.

"So you want to date a girl in order to come out to your friends?"

"I don't want to come out to my friends at all. I just want to be with the person who makes me happy. They'll figure it out themselves if they haven't already. I want to fall in love with a person, not a gender. I don't think I need a formal announcement. I think it just needs to happen and my friends are all bright enough that they'll figure it out."

"But you're not ashamed right? This isn't about your parents or something?" Rachel questioned, confused.

Quinn fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"It isn't about anyone other than me. I've never been one to make public announcements. I don't strive for the spotlight and center of attention. If my sexuality goes under the radar, so be it. It's not because I'm ashamed. It's because I'm just not that type of person. I'm not knocking the type of person you are. You're very comfortable in your own skin and I've always admired that about you. You're very sure of who you are and you don't shy away from telling anyone that you're a lesbian. You're very brave and so much stronger than most people give you credit for me. I'm not running scared of the label or how I feel. I'm just not sure I'm the type of person who can easily list of my accomplishments without feeling odd. I'm not the type of person who can easily say this is how I define myself, now act accordingly. I'm the girl who acts first and thinks later. I'm the girl who feels first and labels later. I don't think my way is better. I don't think your way is wrong. I think your way of coming out, or maybe not your actual coming out, but your way of perceiving and acknowledging your sexuality works for you. I will always be slightly understated about most things in my life. It's just who I am. But that doesn't mean I will, by any means, shy away from my feelings just because they're understated," Quinn struggled with putting her thoughts into words that wouldn't offend Rachel but still get her point across.

Rachel nodded slowly, "But you are gay. You're not going to hide that."

Quinn laughed shaking her head at her ever persistent best friend.

"I'm not going to broach the subject with my family just yet, not in words or actions. I'm not ready for that. But I won't hide from my friends. I won't hide from strangers. I won't hide from people at school…if that's what you're wondering, I won't stay in the proverbial closet forever. I can't handle my parents yet. But yes, Rachel, I am gay. I'm just not planning on announcing it everywhere in quite the same way you do," Quinn giggled.

Rachel seemed satisfied with that answer and before long both girls were dropping off to sleep on the couch. Quinn was the one who finally stood up and pulled Rachel by the hand up the stairs and to Rachel's room. Neither of them spoke of the guest room or sleeping arrangements. Rachel took her pajamas to the bathroom and changed right after she threw a pair of her pj's to Quinn who changed in Rachel's room. Neither girl even acknowledged that Quinn had her own pajamas in the guest room that she could easily grab and change into. Instead, both just pretended the guest room was nonexistent. Quinn joined Rachel in the bathroom to brush her teeth as they both washed their faces and prepared for bed, exchanging small smiles and shy glances in the mirror. They barely spoke the entire process. After they were both clean and fresh, Rachel took Quinn's hand and led her back to the brunette's bedroom. Rachel hit the light as Quinn shut the door. The tiny brunette led them to the bed where she pulled back the covers so they both could slide in. Her hand never left Quinn's even as the blonde wrapped their joined hands around Rachel's body, spooning her. The guest room was unnecessary.

"Good night, Rachel," Quinn whispered into the darkness.

Rachel squeezed her hand slightly.

"Good night, Quinn."

AN: And I'm back. I had the craziest week at work ever! Absolutely insane (on the plus side, I met Aaron Sorkin!) but that's neither here nor there. I came home from work tonight and realized HOLY CRAP IT'S TUESDAY! And I promised an update so I gathered up my notes (from the napkin I made my storyline on), changed into my pjs, and put on my Nasim Joon playlist (yes, I've made a playlist to help me write). Here is my Tuesday update! It's a little quick and I hope I still did it justice even though I was pushing to get this out due to my self-imposed timeline. Anyways, I'm finally off work tomorrow so I'm hoping to update again tomorrow evening but I couldn't disappoint on my Tuesday promise! Hope you enjoy! Please review! As always, thank you come again!