A/N:

So the holidays are over, and we can finally get back to our regular scheduled updates. Let's learn more about this baby shall we…

As always, I do not own anything Twilight, but I hope I do our favorite couple justice.

Thank you Ange and Tiff, you are amazing. I owe you so much.

I HIRED MY HUSBAND AN ESCORT

Chapter 25

Edward POV

I'm meeting T at the doctor's today, and I will finally learn the truth. If she is pregnant, I will be there for the baby, but I still want the divorce. I won't stay with someone just because of a child. It wouldn't be fair to the baby or anyone else involved. She was pissed when I told her I wanted to go to the doctor with her. She asked me if the four tests were not proof enough. I told her that I was so drunk I don't remember much from that night. She finally agreed to let me come with her.

As I sit in the waiting room, I have mixed thoughts. Part of me wants to be a dad, so much. Another part is hoping that she is not having my baby, I want a child brought into this world out of love, and it's been so long since we last had sex. The nurse calls Tanya's name and I begin the walk back to the room. My stomach turns over a few times as I wait in anticipation. I wish I could be happy, but I can't, is it wrong that I feel this way? I mean, of course I will love this baby, and cherish it, hell, they will end up spoiled, but I wish I was here with someone other than Tanya. T on the other hand is all smiles, she keeps rambling on and on about names, and clothes.

There is a small knock at the door before the doctor enters. I listen as they talk about periods and other girl stuff. I just want to know if she's having a baby or not, and then I hear it.

"So, Tanya, the results of the blood test are in fact positive. Congratulations, you two, you are going to have a baby."

My heart stops along with my breath. It's true; I'm going to be a dad. There really is a baby in there, and if I remember correctly that baby was not made out of love. The last time I had sex with her was in the shower, right? At least I think that was the last time, but that's all it takes, one time. I take a breath when I notice the burning in my chest; I look at Tanya, and notice that the doctor has stepped out.

"See, baby, I told you we did it. We made a baby, and you can finally come home now."

"Tanya, I can't…I need to go." I grab my coat and walk out of the room without looking back. I can't be in that room with her right now, I need time to think. I'm not sure what to think, or feel. I'm going to be a dad, and I don't love the baby's mom. I never thought I would bring a child into the world this way. We tried for so long, so why now? Why did it happen when our marriage falls apart?

I walk quickly to my car and just drive. I have no clue where I am going; I just watch the trees and buildings go by. Eventually, I stop next to a small park, and park the car amongst the minivans and watch the small children. A smile reaches my face as I see moms and dads play with their kids. Will it be like this for me? It warms my heart, but scares me shitless at the same time. I jump, when I hear my cell ring. I pick it up and see Bella's name on the screen.

"Hello," I answer.

"How did it go?" she asks softly.

"She was telling the truth, she's pregnant." I'm scared of how she will react. Will this change anything?

"Oh."

"Are you OK?" The other end of the line is quiet, too quiet.

"Yes, how are you though?"

"I'm not sure. I was not expecting this at all. It all came out of the blue. Can I see you tonight?"

Please say yes, I need to be with you. You ground me, please say yes.

"Sure, come on over when you are ready. I'll have dinner ready by six."

I say goodbye and then head home to shower. As I walk through my house, I stop and stare at the spare bedroom. I try to picture a nursery here, with a tiny baby crying softly. I try hard to see what it will be like, but I can't. I walk to the shower to try and refresh my body.

I dress, still stressed, and head back to my car for the drive to Bella's. When I get there, I look at the door and smile. Even without her directly next to me, she can calm me, ground me. I get out of the car and walk to the door. It's opened before I even have a chance to knock. I take in the sight of her and smile. She is a sight to behold. I walk in and can smell the dinner that she has cooked. The table is set, and all that is needed is us. I pull out her chair and then sit across from her.

Dinner is quiet. Neither of us seems to know what to say. The baby has changed so much, and I'm not sure where we will go from here. I hate the silence between us, yet I can't figure out how to break it. Once dinner is done, I help her clear the table, and we take the bottle of wine and glasses to the living room.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking today." She won't look at me as she talks.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes. I don't think we can do this right now. I can't come between you and your baby."

"Please don't say that. You know you could never do that." She can't end this before it starts.

"No, you are right. I can't come between you. I would never try, but you have been through a lot these last few months. I think you need time to figure it all out. You need time to get used to the idea of being a dad, and let's face it. I hurt you, I think you need time. I love you, please believe that."

"Bella, what are you saying? I want to be with you."

"I want that to, but I can't do this right now. I don't think I'm strong enough. I want you to know for sure what you want, I can't be the rebound, and now there is a baby. Family means so much to me, and you need to be there for her."

"I can be there for her, and be with you as well. Don't you see that? We can make this work, if we want it to. I love you Bella, I meant every word I said last night. I need you in my life, if you could see the changes in my life; they have all been from you."

"I can see that. I see the difference in the man I first met and the man standing before me now. Don't you see that's why I need to stop this now? I need you to be strong for your family, and I need to step back. I need you to know for sure what you want. Trust me; this was not an easy decision. I have been thinking about this since Tanya told us. I just think it's the right thing to do."

How can she think this? How do I get her to see how much I need her? I move to sit next to her. I pick up her hand and squeeze it. I can feel the connection between us, and the way her body reacts, I know she feels it too.

"I need you to listen to me. I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. I have made many mistakes in my life and let many people choose things for me. Sometimes it was knowingly, other times I had no idea, but you need to know that you ground me. You make me complete. I don't think there are words to express what I feel like when I am with you. You could never come between me and my child, but I want so much for you to be there with me. I know it's a lot to ask, but I need you by my side. I see so much clearer when I'm with you. You do not have to be involved with the baby if you choose not to, but I need you with me. I don't know what else to say or do to get you to see this. Please, promise me you will just try. If you love me, and I love you, we can find a way to make this work."

I wipe the tears from her face, and hope that my plea has worked. I can't lose her now.

"OK, I'll try."

"Do you mean it? I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. Fuck, I don't know what to say, I want you to want this with me. I hope this is all coming out the right way."

"Yes, I mean it. I don't know what the future will hold, but I do love you. I promise we will try. You have to promise me that if it becomes too much, you will tell me. I can never come between you and your baby."

The rest of the night, we talk about fears of the future, followed by what we want from the future. It's scary just how many things we want together. We have so much in common that we laugh over the silly things. We both want three kids, and no dog. We both want a small house with just enough room to have privacy, but small enough to keep us all together. We both want a porch swing, so that we can sit in the backyard and watch the kids play. We both want the shower from the lake duplicated in any home we ever own. We laugh at the music we like, the books we've read, and the jokes we played as kids. I can't tell you what tomorrow, or next month will bring, but I can tell you that tonight, I'm happy.

Bella's

POV

I tried to push him away; maybe I didn't try hard enough. I had done so much thinking, and I was convinced that I needed to be out of his life, and that he needed to go home to take care of his family. I was ready to do whatever it took to make him understand that. I was ready to give up my own happiness to make sure that he and his baby would never feel the loss of each other.

After our talk, things changed. I caved, and I couldn't tell him no. The way he looked at me; I could see the love, the need in his eyes. The way they started to glisten with tears, as he realized what I was trying to tell him. My tears joined his as he told me just what I meant to him. I knew I wanted him with me, and that I needed him in my life, but I was scared that she would win. So I convinced myself to run. If I ran before I got in too deep it would hurt less. I tried to convince him and myself at the same time, that it was better this way, but I knew it was wrong. I knew we belonged together. I watched him reach for me, hold me, and all but beg me to stay. I saw his body tremble with silent sobs, and as he gave his last plea I noticed something. His reactions to the thought of losing me are the same reactions I had when I thought I lost him. I knew how much I loved him, needed him, and watching him sit next to me and fight for me showed me just how right we were. He wasn't Jake, and he wasn't in this to hurt me. He loves me, and I love him, so I promised I would try. I know that the more I'm with him the harder it will be to ever let him go. Now, I just hope I never will have to. I have no idea how this will turn out, but if he wants me by his side, I will be there.

We spend the rest of the evening talking and getting to know each other. It's a fun night, and all too soon, it's over. He says goodbye, and I head to bed. I'm lying here in bed trying to sleep, but my mind will not stop. I have found myself writing in my journal more often, and it feels great to get the thoughts out onto paper. I even bought a brand new one. I pick it up and begin to write.

Dear Diary,
I never thought I would ever write this much, but here I am, again. Its times like this, I wish my mom were here. So today I will write to her instead. Maybe if I'm lucky, she's looking down on me and my words will reach her.
Dear Mom,
I miss you terribly. It has gotten easier, but I will never get over the pain of losing you and Dad. I hate knowing that I can't pick up the phone and call you to laugh, or tell you my secrets, or even get your advice. I know you thought I never listened, but I did. I was just too stubborn to let you know. I wish you could be here now. So many things have changed, and I'm not sure I'm on the right path. I need your help Mom, and it's not fair that you are not here. I wish they could find out who hit you. I want them to know what they took from me, but it's been so long I will probably never know.

I met someone, Mom. I think if you could look past the name, you would like him. He's funny, smart, kind and caring. He's amazing, and the more I get to know him, the more I fall in love. The problem is, he's a Cullen, and for that reason alone, I know you would not approve. I don't know what to do. I know all the stories Dad told me. They are in the back of my head, but I don't see that. I know that he stopped working for his dad, or at least he says he has. I believe him, Mom. I believe that he is a good man. I know I should ask him about it, but would he tell me the truth? Do I really want to know? Why can't you be here? You were supposed to be here to help me, and tell me what to do. I tried to push him away, but I can't. I can't let him go. I love him; I love him more than anyone. I love him like you loved Dad.

Please Mom, help me. Show me the right way. Am I supposed to be with him? Do I need to leave? I'm so scared of losing him, and loving him at the same time. Does that even make sense? Please help me, I miss you so much. I just need you to show me the way. Please, Mom.

I know that you will never read these words, or hear my pleas, but it feels better getting them out. I know I should go to your grave more often, but it's hard. I hope you understand. When I go there, I think of all the times that we had together, but I also think of the times we will miss. You will never see me fall in love, get married, or have babies. You will never see me grow old, or hear your phone ring in the middle of the night when I fight with my husband and need someone to talk to. I know that you would have answered. You will never get to butt in and tell me how to raise my family, or what I am doing wrong. I will never see you smile, or hear you laugh. I'll never see the looks you gave Dad, yes, I saw them. It's how I learned what true love is. I will never settle for anything less.

Please know that I will remember all the advice you gave me on boys, and life. I will never forget you. You will always be my best friend. If you are up there with Dad, give him a kiss for me. Tell him I love him and miss him just as much. Please watch over me, keep me safe, and if you can, guide me through life. Show me the paths of life, and help me choose the correct ones. I love you, Mom.

A/N:

So we now know that there is a baby, I wonder what will happen next?

Chapter 26

"This is where they spend most of their time. I wish I knew what was going on behind those walls, then again maybe I don't. I have others that watch them there. I know that they have not had sex, and for that I'm grateful. I don't think I could watch that, but I need to make sure she is safe. So, I have others do it for me. I'm not sure how she would feel about the way I watch her every move, but it's for her own good. I love her, and I can never let her go."