The Witcher: Part XXV
Mortal Kombat
Previously, on The Witcher:
Severus Hitler, former Prince, has attacked Geralt, with the intention of killing him. And his now four man team is going to face Team Witcher in combat!
How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?
"Last time we met you bested me," said Severus to Geralt. "Back then I was as an angry baby,"
"But I have undergone character development. I am a better man, a better fighter, and a better manipulator."
"Now, I am the master."
Severus stared down Geralt.
Next to Geralt, stood Lady Feudalism.
"My brother," she said to Communist O'Lenin.
"You are a plague upon the world," said Communist O'Lenin. "Your dated ideals no longer have a place in this modern communist world. You are against social equality."
Communist O'Lenin stared down his sister.
On Geralt's other side, stood Iorverth.
"My old boss, Iorverth," said Christian Grey. "I never really respected your authority. And I reckon you're a loser."
Finally, behind Geralt, stood Ciri.
"Please, may I just kiss you once," said Klippi who was inching towards Ciri.
"Never!" screamed Ciri. She charged forth and punched Klippi in the face.
He was momentarily stunned, and she jabbed him again as he staggered back. She threw another punch, but he blocked with his arm and punched back. She dodged it and kicked Klippi in the stomach.
She then jumped up in the air like a ninja and kicked him again in the head. As she fell, Klippi grabbed Ciri by the ankle and put her foot in his mouth. He bit her foot, and Ciri screamed in pain.
She fell to the ground, and stood up, red blood coming out of her foot. She limped up to Klippi again and attacked.
Iorverth was dueling Grey in another part of the ruins of the Team Witcher house. Iorverth slashed with his sword, and Grey blocked it with the ceremonial axe he stole.
They had a very gentlemanly sword / axe fight, with clean slashes, stabs, and parries. Iorverth managed to corner Grey with some rubble.
With nowhere to go, Grey tossed his axe at Iorverth's face. Iorverth blocked the flying axe and it clattered to the ground.
He then lifted his sword for the final incapacitating blow. Just then, Grey jumped up and wrestled Iorverth's sword out of his hands.
Iorverth grabbed the shoddy ceremonial axe and the fight continued.
Meanwhile, a group of Combine soldiers had gathered to watch the fight.
"Should we do something about the fight?" asked one Combine soldier. "We're supposed to be upholding the law."
"Nah, just sit and watch," replied his friend, who dipped a hand into the bag of popcorn he was holding.
In the ruins of the house, Lady Feudalism was having a magical fight against her brother.
Lady Feudalism cast a Fus Ro Dah at her brother, and he stumbled back. Communist O'Lenin then shot a Communist beam at Lady Feudalism, and a hammer and sickle appeared on her forehead.
She was somewhat stunned by the political philosophy of communism that entered her mind.
"Goood," said O'Lenin.
But she quickly recovered, and she picked up some rubble with magic and tossed them at O'Lenin. O'Lenin rolled out of the way with much skill and grabbed a sofa with his communist muscles.
Lady Feudalism destroyed the sofa with her eye lasers.
The most interesting fight though, was Geralt vs. Severus Hitler.
Geralt and Severus were flying and circling each other in the sky.
"I have prepared for this fight very carefully," said Severus. "There is no way you can win."
Severus cast a rain dance, and it started to rain. This reacted with some gases that Severus had discharged into the air before the fight, and the air exploded around Geralt.
Geralt swung his sword in a circle, and the golden blade absorbed the heat. Geralt then quickly fired a barrage of sword beams at Severus. Severus blocked them with a magickek shield, and the sword beams bounced back at Geralt.
Severus then used the rainclouds to shoot lightning at Geralt.
"This is sure to be a fatality," said Severus.
Just outside of Newell, there was a small palace. This was Hitler's temporary home.
He sat on his throne, intently watching a screen on his tablet.
His 48 man orchestra were playing 'The Imperial March' as always.
"I don't think I like that piece anymore," said Hitler quietly.
The music stopped.
"I don't want to be seen as a super melodramatic insane villain. Give me something a little toned down, but more ominous."
After a few moments, they started playing Darth Sidious' theme.
"Goood," breathed Hitler.
He went back to his screen.
On it, was a livestream of a fight between Geralt and some guy that looked vaguely like his son Severus (but of course, it couldn't be, because Severus was dead).
He grabbed his phone, and pushed in a number.
"Hello Admiral," he said. "I want you to send some of your men to go and capture the Witcher and that man he's fighting. Use the kryptonite I gave you if necessary."
The four fights continued in the ruins of the Team Witcher house.
Ciri continued her mad brawl with her ex-boyfriend. Iorverth continued trying to axe his former soldier. Lady Feudalism continued her politically fueled fight with her brother.
And Geralt and Severus fought in the air.
Suddenly, a giant crowd of men, some with turbans, and all with black clothes and long beards appeared.
They ran forward into the ruins of the house, and they started yelling:
"Allahu Akbar!"
"Oh great, it's ISIS," said Severus.
Klippi and Ciri were knocked out and tied up and dragged away. Iorverth attempted to fight off the ISIS thugs but he wasn't skilled enough with the ceremonial axe Grey stole and he too was knocked out. Christian Grey was also overwhelmed by the sheer number of thugs and was also knocked out and dragged off.
Lady Feudalism and Communist O'Lenin were surrounded by ISIS thugs.
And then they all started screaming
"Allahu Akbar!"
"Allahu Akbar!"
"Allahu Akbar!"
The dankest nasheed was playing in the background.
And then all of the ISIS thugs exploded.
Lady Feudalism and Communist O'Lenin tried to protect themselves from the fifteen explosions taking place around them, but they were overwhelmed and were knocked out.
Only Severus and Geralt were left. But the ISIS thugs were slowly constructing a human pyramid to reach Severus and Geralt.
And after one hundred thugs had joined the pyramid, they all screamed
"Allahu Akbar!"
And then the human pyramid exploded, and Severus and Geralt were knocked out of the air by the nuclear sized explosion.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XXVI
ALLAHU ACKBAR