CHAPTER 25 – FIRSTS
A.N.: Another long chapter, and I think you'll like it!
Itanejiluvr, many of the customs are actual Japanese New Year customs, like cleaning the house, ringing the bells 108 times, eating soba noodles, and visiting the shrine. Some parts of the celebrations were my own, especially some of the differences between the cultures. (Any Japanese readers, if I've made mistakes on anything, I apologize!)
###
When Neji awoke on New Year's morning, he still felt strange at being in a different land for the holidays. But it was a bright, warm day in Suna, which lifted his spirits. How could you hate a land with so much sunshine?
Early that morning, after they had watched the sunrise on the mountain, the Kazekage had made a speech and then everyone had a drink of warm sake to purify and invigorate the body. It was toso sake, a special kind drunk at the New Year, Shikamaru said.
"It's spicy," Neji said, and then he laughed. "Of course it is." Shikamaru laughed too, and clinked his cup against Neji's.
"First laugh of the new year!" Chouji said. "It's a good omen."
The spicy sake was something new, but Neji decided he liked it. Everyone was cheering and wishing each other a Happy New Year. And Shikamaru's arm was around him and the sky had turned a very beautiful golden-peach color.
Not such a bad way to start the year, he thought. When the sun was finally completely up and the sky was a glorious blue, they had all hiked back down the mountain and stopped at a vendor to get rice balls and onsen eggs, cooked in the hot springs, which were warm and creamy and delicious. After that they had all gone home to get a couple of hours sleep. Later, Shikamaru told him, they would get dressed up and go to the shrine, and then there would be the big banquet.
Now sitting up and stretching, Neji secretly felt relieved that he would not have to go before the Hyuuga elders and tell them his goals and resolutions for the New Year. Had he always known, in some part of his heart, that it was hopeless? He felt an unexpected sympathy for Hinata who would have to face them on her own this year.
The kimono Shikamaru had given him was hanging up in his room. He had not had a chance to look at it closely yesterday. Now in daylight he could see the intricate details of the embroidery; each wing and pine needle meticulously rendered. The obi sash was midnight blue. From the same fabric, Shikamaru had also had them make a plain headband – no Suna symbol – and a longer, thinner ribbon that he guessed was a hair tie. He felt a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. It wasn't just the money. It was the care that Shikamaru had put into it. He wasn't used to that.
He wished he had gotten a gift for Shikamaru, something, anything. He hadn't known. Exchanging gifts wasn't something that was done in Konoha, except gifts of money from elders to children. And what could he have gotten that Shikamaru would want? He did not have a lot of money; certainly nothing like what this must have cost.
Shikamaru was still asleep, so he decided to start the New Year as he always did, by meditating. Since the balcony was still mostly occupied by Shikamaru's bed, he headed outside to a spot he liked. He settled down, turned his face to the sun, and closed his eyes.
###
Shikamaru opened his eyes. It was mid-morning, and his mother was shaking him awake. "Time to get up and get dressed, lazybones! We're going to the shrine as soon as your grandparents get here. Where's Neji?"
Shikamaru sat up, scratching his head. "I dunno, Mom…" Hopefully not out running or anything crazy like that. "Probably just outside somewhere…"
Yoshino took a couple of steps into Neji's room, then stopped short. "This is the kimono you bought for Neji?"
"Uh…yeah."
His mother studied it for several minutes, her lips pressed together and a strange look on her face.
"It's…different," she said finally. "Is this what his clan wears?"
"Something like that," Shikamaru mumbled. In truth, he was pretty sure that even if some people in the North did wear clothes like this, Neji's clan most certainly did not. He realized he had not thought to put Neji's clan symbol on the kimono – indeed, did not even know what it looked like.
Stupid, he thought. Another reason why Neji would probably never wear it.
Yoshino moved closer, lifting the edge of the kimono to examine the embroidery. He could guess what she was thinking – this had obviously cost more than the money they had given him.
"I wanted to get him something nice, since he can't be with his family at the holidays," he said, the words sounding somewhat lame even as he said them. He braced himself for some sharp questions from his mother. But Yoshino only nodded, still staring at the kimono, then turned and left without another word.
Neji showed up a bit later, as Shikamaru was tying up his hair.
"Where've you been? Not running, I hope. No working, no tasks during the New Year's holidays. You don't even have to bathe."
The look Neji gave him made him laugh out loud.
"If we are going to the shrine, I will certainly bathe."
The small gifts he had gotten for his friends – an origami lotus blossom for Ino, a clay frog for Naruto, a bag of sweets for Chouji – were lying on the desk, wrapped in paper and stamped with their names. He noticed Neji looking at them.
"Uh…yeah," he said, feeling a little awkward. "My friends and I…we usually give each other gifts…just some little thing…"
"I didn't get anyone anything."
"It's okay. I'll say it's from both of us."
"I didn't get you anything either." Neji folded his arms, gazing at him. "And your gift to me – that's not 'just some little thing.'"
"Well, um," – Shikamaru scratched his head, feeling even more awkward. "This isn't just from me – it's from the family. It's a traditional family gift and you're practically part of the family now."
"So," Neji said, looking at the closet where Shikamaru's own dress kimono - plain black silk with the Nara crest - was hanging. "Your parents picked this out?"
"Well... they gave me the money. I kind of picked this out. But listen, don't feel like you have to wear it. I mean it. I won't be offended. I have an extra plain black one, if you want…" His voice trailed off as he realized that his kimono had the Nara crest, which Neji probably also hated wearing. "Wear whatever you're comfortable in," he said, shrugging.
"Comfortable?" Neji said, raising an eyebrow. "So I suppose you're staying in your pajamas? And not bathing?"
It took Shikamaru a couple of seconds to realize the Hyuuga was actually making a joke. He grinned and went into the bathroom to wash.
He dressed quickly while Neji was getting washed and hurried downstairs. Whatever Neji chose to wear, it would be less awkward if he wasn't in the room. Chouji and his family were there, the men in their dark red formal robes and Chouji's mother in a butterfly-patterned kimono. He gave Chouji his gift, and received a package of his favorite wasabi snacks in return. He also gave his parents their gifts – the lucky neko for his mother and a bottle of spiced sake for his father – making sure to tell everyone that the gifts were from Neji as well.
He wondered what his parents would think if Neji decided not to wear the kimono after all.
###
Neji bathed – of course – and dried his hair. When he came out of the bathroom Shikamaru had already gone downstairs. Shikamaru had thoughtfully left his extra kimono hanging on his closet door. Neji walked into his own small room, where the new kimono was hanging. He stood for several long minutes, gazing at it.
Would the Naras be offended if he didn't wear it? Shikamaru had said they paid for it, so presumably they had seen it. It was strange, as their own family kimonos were plain black, with a simple Nara crest embroidered on them. In truth, they were much more along the lines of what he would have generally picked. He wondered what the Hyuuga clan elders would disapprove of more – wearing such a showy kimono or wearing the crest of some other clan.
He touched the sleeve of the kimono, feeling the indigo silk ripple through his fingers like the brush of a bird's wing.
Screw the clan elders. They're not here. I don't have to face them today – or maybe, ever.
He dressed slowly and with care, then brushed and tied up his hair. As he slid the bedroom door open he could hear the unmistakable loud excitable voice of Ino downstairs, calling out New Year's greetings as the Yamanakas arrived.
He could see heads turn and feel everyone's eyes on him as he came down the stairs. He ignored them all and looked straight at Shikamaru. He hated being stared at, but the look on Shikamaru's face made it all worth it.
###
Shikamaru heard the Yamanakas arrive, bringing flower ornaments from their shop. Ino was all dressed up in her new pale pink kimono and a matching peony hair ornament.
"Ino, you look so pretty," Yoshino exclaimed. "Doesn't she, Shikamaru?"
Shikamaru started to say, Yeah, sure, but then his attention was taken by something else entirely. Neji was coming down the stairs. He was wearing the kimono. He looked amazing, like an exiled prince who had landed in their house.
"Oh, wow," Ino exclaimed.
Neji looked down, and a slight flush appeared on his pale cheeks. Shikamaru knew Neji hated being stared at, but he could not seem to tear his eyes away. He had never cared about fancy clothing, but now he wished his clan kimonos were a little more elaborate, just so Neji would not feel embarrassed.
"That's awesome, Neji!" Ino said, pushing closer. "Where did you get it?"
Shikamaru quickly turned to her. "Hey Ino, you look really nice. That's new, right?"
Ino looked at him a little oddly, but couldn't resist the compliment. "Do you like the color? I know, I usually pick purple, but the flowers just caught my eye, you know I love flowers…"
As a further distraction, his grandparents arrived, laden with packages of beautifully wrapped fruit and homemade treats. "Ino, you look lovely, dear. And you boys look so handsome."
They set off for hatsumode, the traditional first shrine visit of the year. Shikamaru took Neji's arm, just wanting to touch him for some reason.
###
Neji was glad of Shikamaru's hand on his arm as they walked to the shrine. He felt a little strange and self-conscious to be wearing the kimono, not only because of the pattern, but also because for the first time in his life he was not wearing any clan symbol. Always when the clan visited the shrine on New Year's they all wore the standard Hyuuga formal robes. Here in Suna, when he borrowed Shikamaru's formal kimono, he had worn the Nara crest. He had not really cared for that, but it had allowed him to blend in a little more.
Well, it was fitting, he thought. Last night he had vowed to be his own man.
The shrine was up on a hill, huge and much more ornate than the one his clan always went to. It was very crowded, the line of people spilling down the stone staircase all the way to the bottom. The mood was also markedly different. Generally the clan's New Year's Eve visit to the shrine was solemn and respectful, a time for prayer and reflection. Here everyone was in high spirits, laughing, talking, wishing each other a Happy New Year.
"People do come to the shrine to pray, right?" he whispered doubtfully to Shikamaru as they made their way slowly up the steps.
"Well…sure," Shikamaru said. "What else?"
What else, indeed? There was a strange odor in the air, like burning meat.
"What is that smell?" Surely they didn't sacrifice animals here!
"Oh…the vendors!" Chouji said happily.
Vendors? As they got to the top of the steps he saw what Chouji meant. The path was lined with stalls selling snacks, grilled meat, coffee, tea and sweets. "They're selling food?" he asked in astonishment. "Why?"
Shikamaru looked a little surprised by the question. "Well, people have to eat, I guess…"
Yes of course, but they didn't have to eat at a shrine. He was even more shocked a moment later to see that some of the vendors were selling sake, beer and sweet rice wine. Drinking? Here? He could only imagine what the Konoha monks would think about that.
They passed through the tall torii gates, painted in red and gold. There was a large fountain in the courtyard, where people were stopping to rinse their hands, as he had seen them do outside the Kazekage's mansion. Some even dipped a cupped hand into the water and rinsed their mouth, then spat the water on the ground. He was relieved to see that Shikamaru and his family did not go that far. It seemed unsanitary.
A little further smoke was rising. Neji thought at first it was incense, but soon saw it was from a fire pit, into which people threw their old charms and fortunes from the previous year. Shikamaru and his family put theirs in; Neji of course had none, as his were back in Konoha. They followed the line as it slowly snaked into the shrine.
Inside, they all placed some coins in the offering box, and bowed. This was the usual ritual Neji was accustomed to. But then Shikaku rang a bell by the door, and the Naras all clapped their hands twice, then bowed again. Neji looked at Shikamaru, mystified.
"What are you doing?" he whispered.
"Waking up the gods so they'll hear our prayers," Shikamaru whispered back, looking at him quizzically.
Neji, who had always considered the gods to be all-seeing and all-knowing, was somewhat bemused at this image of them sleeping like cats about the shrine. But, not wanting to be rude, he clapped and bowed as well. Then he closed his eyes and said his silent prayer.
Please let me always strive to be better in everything and bring honor to the spirits of my parents. It was his traditional New Year prayer, but this year, he added another. Please keep Shikamaru and his family safe from harm.
After that it was time to get their New Year fortunes. Here again it was festive, with a colorful banner over the counter proclaiming, "Try Your Luck!" They placed a couple of coins in the box and one of the miko – shrine maidens – held out a jar containing many small numbered sticks. They each took one and handed it to the miko, who was looking with interest at Neji's kimono. She bowed and disappeared into the back.
"Don't they need to know my birthday?" Neji whispered to Shikamaru. In Konoha the fortunes were always based on your birthday.
"Nah, just the number," Shikamaru said, as the miko reappeared holding two small scrolls. She handed the first one to Shikamaru and the second to Neji with a serene smile. Neji was confused at seeing such a tiny scroll, and when he broke open the seal he saw why. Konoha fortunes were long and detailed, covering all aspects of a person's life, from health to money to love and success in your goals. Although he generally forgot most of it and didn't really believe, he was still somewhat taken aback to see that the Suna fortune was a single sentence.
The hawk with talent hides its talons.
This did not make a whole lot of sense to Neji, as he had generally always seen hawks clearly displaying their talons, usually right before they attacked. He suspected the miko had just picked that fortune after seeing the birds on his kimono.
He turned to Shikamaru, who was looking dubiously at his own small scroll. "What does yours say?" Shikamaru held it out to show him.
"Naseba naru." If you take action, it will come to be. "What does that mean?" Shikamaru wondered. "What will come to be? Come to be what?"
"It means get up off your lazy ass!" Shikaku laughed, giving his son a hearty whack on the back.
"Ha ha," Shikamaru grumbled, stuffing the fortune in his pocket. Neji kept prudently silent, even though he pretty much agreed with Shikaku. They headed over to where Yoshino was buying a large arrow-shaped hamaya charm, meant to drive away demons. Shikamaru stepped up to buy a charm, then bowed his head in prayer for a few seconds.
"Here," he said, offering it to Neji. "So you can return safely to your home."
Neji thanked him, then bought a charm of his own. As he said his prayers, a single thought filled his mind. Please keep Shikamaru safe.
"Here," he said quietly, handing it to Shikamaru. "For good luck on your missions."
Ino and Chouji joined them as they made their way down the steps. Chouji had a bag of dumplings in one hand and a skewer of barbecued meat in the other, which he was happily munching on.
"You're eating again?" Ino said. "We're about to have the banquet!"
"Gotta have Suna Dumplings," Chouji retorted, holding out the bag for all of them to take some. The dumplings were coated with what Shikamaru explained was a special type of soy flour made to resemble sand. The image of eating sand wasn't all that appetizing, Neji thought, but the dumplings weren't bad.
After that they made their way back to the house for the New Year banquet. Neji had no idea what to expect – except that it would no doubt be spicy. He had never been too enthused about the traditional New Year's foods. Because no cooking was allowed for the first three days of the year, the New Year foods were all made ahead of time and heavily sugared, salted or pickled so they would keep. Konoha traditionally favored sugar, putting it into everything from black beans to fishcakes to sweet egg omelet. Neji, who disliked sweets, could take or leave most of these dishes, and mostly left them. In his mind, eggs and sugar were not a good mix.
There was one New Year dish he especially loved and was looking forward to – an enormous whole grilled fish, the bigger the better. Big fish, big luck. Because it had to feed the whole clan, it was not uncommon to have one that was fifty pounds or more.
"Will there be a whole fish?" he asked Shikamaru and Chouji as they took their places at the table laden with platters of holiday food.
"Sure," Shikamaru said, "lots of them." They made their appearance a few courses later, and Neji was quite disappointed when they turned out to be sea bream, small enough to fit on an individual plate, and sardines in chili paste, which Neji regarded as downright unlucky due to their tiny size. The bream did have a nice flavor, however, and there were grilled crayfish, and lotus roots. Other than the fish, he actually didn't mind the food. It was mostly salty and vinegary, which was better than sweet any day.
Shikamaru's aunts and uncles and several little cousins had joined them for the banquet, bringing another box of Suna Dumplings. There were also mochi cakes dusted with a reddish powder that Neji recognized as Spice of Life when he bit into them.
"Do you put this on everything?" he asked, then ducked as Shikamaru pretended to sprinkle some in his hair.
"That's why they call it Spice of Life," Chouji said. "Like if you're on a mission, and catch a fish or – you know, something – it makes it tastier."
Neji suspected you know, something probably meant a lizard or snake or scorpion or some creature equally gross.
After the big meal, everybody rested. The Yamanakas and Akimichis went back to their homes, and Shikamaru and Neji went up to Shikamaru's room to change out of their formal kimonos. Shikamaru lay down on his bed, gazing contentedly up at the sky as usual. Neji, who found resting boring, did his first writing of the year. This was traditional for his clan; generally the young people would be given some quote from the ancestors to copy in calligraphy. Since he had no quotes from the ancestors to draw on this year, he got some ink and a brush from Shikamaru's desk and wrote out his fortune, feeling rebellious and a little free. Why not?
He gazed out the window to the courtyard below, where Shikamaru's young cousins were racing about trying out their new kites. One little boy had gotten hold of an old wooden training sword that had somehow escaped the bonfire, and was dueling with his shadow.
It suddenly hit Neji like a flash of lightning – a gift he could give Shikamaru that maybe no one else could.
Jumping to his feet, he went over to the bed and clapped his hands to rouse his friend. Shikamaru laughed. "Are you saying I'm a god?"
"The god of sloths, perhaps. Come on, get up."
"What are we doing?" Shikamaru wanted to know. But he followed Neji down the stairs and out into the courtyard. He balked, however, when he saw they were heading for the training areas.
"We're not going to train after that big meal. Anyway, there's no training on New Year's."
"You have to do some training. First training starts the year," Neji said, quoting Gai-sensei, something he would never have imagined himself doing. "But don't worry, we're not going to work out or run laps or anything like that. I want to show you something."
Shikamaru looked dubious, but he followed Neji down the corridor, past the empty training rooms, to the sword room. Neji walked across the room to where the magnificent Masamune sword hung.
"Take it down."
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "You want to use my great-grandfather's sword?"
"Not me. You."
"I'm not at that lev—"
"Just take it down. Take it down and hold it."
###
Just take it down and hold it.
It was weighty, but lighter than Shikamaru would have imagined. Slowly, he drew it from the sheath. It was a beautiful sword, made of blue-gray steel, with lines like lightning streaking across the blade.
"That's your heritage, Shikamaru," Neji said. "That's your destiny."
Shikamaru took a tentative swing. The sword felt alien to him; he wasn't really accustomed to using a sword in battle, much less an ancient, valuable one like this. His training with Neji had mostly been done using practice swords; the last time he had used a real one was in that cursed tournament against Temari.
Neji pulled a practice sword from the rack and took his place opposite Shikamaru. He bowed, then raised his sword, going on the attack. Shikamaru sparred gingerly, dodging when he could and blocking reluctantly, without any force. He was all too aware that his mother would kill him if he damaged the sword in any way.
Neji's sword tapped Shikamaru, then again, and again. Within five seconds he had scored four points. Shikamaru let out a sigh of relief. One more and this would be over and he could hang the sword back on the wall where it belonged. He did not even make much pretense of putting up a fight as Neji came at him again.
Neji lowered his sword. "You're not even trying."
"Well, I'm not really supposed to be using this…"
"If you're not supposed to be using it, then who is?"
Shikamaru opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. Who indeed? His grandparents were too old. Shikaku had his own sword and Yoshino, though fierce, did not use a sword. Skilled in making medicines, she liked to say she was a healer, not a fighter.
"It's your destiny, Shikamaru," Neji repeated.
"I don't really believe in destiny," Shikamaru mumbled, the words sounding lamer than he intended. Neji turned from him in frustration, and paced the sword room. Shikamaru stood, still clutching the sword. He felt bad about letting Neji down, but in no part of his heart or mind did he believe he was meant to use this sword.
Abruptly, Neji stopped pacing and walked back to Shikamaru. There was a strange light in his eyes that made Shikamaru's heart beat a little harder.
"Use the sword the way you ride your horse."
"What?"
"Use the sword the way you ride your horse," Neji repeated. "Make it part of you."
Shikamaru grasped the concept, but a sword was not a living being. It couldn't be a partner in the way a horse could be. Still…
Make it part of you.
He closed his eyes and obediently tried to envision this. His dead great-grandfather's priceless sword, won in battle against the North Country, with a reputation for being extraordinarily swift and deadly – how was this a part of him? He tried to think of the sword as he did Shadow, an extension of himself.
When he first met Shadow, how wary they had been of each other. He had sat back and allowed Shadow to gradually come to him. You could not force trust.
He opened his eyes. He understood, now, what Neji was saying. He had to trust this sword.
"The training moves I showed you," Neji said. "Do them now."
Shikamaru ran through the training exercises once, and then again, and then again.
"Okay now," Neji said. "Battle me."
In his mind, Shikamaru could understand what Neji was trying to impart, but as they sparred, he could still feel himself holding back somewhat. Still, he was better, and even scored a point on Neji. It was one point to four, which he considered respectable. There was a good chance he might score another point in a second, as he was backing Neji into a corner.
Then, without warning, Neji did one of those crazy Neji moves; he turned, ran up the wall, did a spinning leap over to the adjacent wall, and launched himself down at Shikamaru blade-first. Shikamaru had no time to think; he simply reacted, his arm swinging out swift and sure.
The next thing he knew Neji was standing before him, looking at him with those eyes, and holding up the wooden training sword. It had been sliced cleanly in half.
Shikamaru looked down at the sword, dazed. It hadn't felt like wielding a sword. It had felt like moving his arm.
And what kind of sword could just slice through wood as if it were a ripe banana?
"Do you believe now?" Neji said.
Shikamaru felt a rush of emotion. He lowered his head and made a deep bow to Neji.
"Happy New Year," Neji said.
###
"Happy New Year!" Naruto yelled, and everyone took a drink. They were out celebrating, Neji and Shikamaru and several of Shikamaru's other friends. It was a boisterous scene, people all over the streets and in all the bars and restaurants. There had been singing and drumming and some firecrackers going off, including the last of Shikamaru's exploding centipedes. Later there would be more fireworks as well.
After the sword lesson, they had rested some more and then put on their good kimonos again and gone out to meet the other young people. There had been many trays of snacks, of course, since Chouji was there, and much drinking of sake. Nobody checked whether they were of age or not – there were no restrictions here in the South. At one of the other tables, Shikaku and Inoichi and Chouza were drinking with some of their friends as well.
"Cool, huh, Neji?" Naruto exclaimed. "Is it like this where you live?"
"Kind of," Neji said. He was pretty sure these kinds of celebrations did go on in Konoha – one time Lee had gotten in trouble for underage drinking – but the Hyuugas did not go out celebrating, at New Year's or any other time.
"That's a really nice kimono, Neji," Sakura said. "Did you bring that from your country?"
Shikamaru leaned over quickly. "Sakura, your new one looks really good." It was the second time he had done that, Neji noticed. He wasn't sure if Shikamaru was embarrassed to have bought the kimono, or wanting to save Neji from embarrassment, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.
"How about you, Naruto?" Sakura said. "Don't you think I look more womanly?"
Naruto glanced at her in puzzlement. "Huh? More womanly than what?"
"Than when I'm just in my uniform!"
"Why would changing your clothes cause you to develop faster, Ugly-Chan?" Sai asked in all seriousness. Sakura jumped to her feet, threatening to punch them both.
Kiba and Akamaru showed up, Akamaru sporting a wreath of red and white ribbons around his neck. "So," Kiba said with a wink, "who had the longest noodle yesterday?"
"We did, of course!" Naruto proclaimed loudly. "We had Neji on our team, he's got insane sword skills!"
This was not at all true – Neji's "insane sword skills" notwithstanding, they had been beaten by Chouji and Ino – but nobody seemed to care very much.
"Your noodle is not very big," Sai said, staring at Naruto. "If you even have one."
"Why are you always talking about that stuff?" Naruto demanded.
Some of the shinobi force men stopped in, laughing and talking loudly, and Izumo and Kotetsu joined their table. With ten of them – eleven if you counted Akamaru – it was a tight fit around the table, causing Neji to squeeze closer to Shikamaru, which he didn't mind at all.
"Hey, did you have good dreams of radishes?" Chouji asked Neji.
Neji stared at him questioningly.
"Or watermelons or whatever vegetable it is that it's lucky to dream about."
"Eggplants," Izumo said. "My grandmother used to say that, Dream of eggplants, it's lucky."
"That's so cute!" Ino said, seemingly forgetting she had found it laughably weird when Neji said it. Neji couldn't really remember what he had dreamed of, only that it hadn't been a nightmare, which was good enough for him.
Izumo looked at Ino. "Do you like plum wine?"
"I love plum wine!" Ino gushed. Kotetsu signaled the waiter for a bottle and poured a little into everyone's cup.
"To good luck in the New Year!"
"Maybe making jonin this year!"
"Asuma-sensei's baby!"
"Good friends!"
The plum wine was sweet, but not disgustingly so, and Neji did not object when Shikamaru refilled his cup. Feeling pleasantly buzzed from the wine, he looked around the table. Ino was flirting shamelessly with Izumo; Sai was flirting in his awkward way with Naruto; Kiba and Chouji were having a contest to see who could eat the most grilled yakitori skewers, and arguing over whether Kiba and Akamaru should be counted separately or together; and Shikamaru's arm was around him. He thought with some wonder: I feel really happy right now.
###
Shikamaru was happy. It was New Year's; he didn't have to work tomorrow or the day after that, there was good wine and good food, and Neji was beside him, in the kimono Shikamaru had given him, looking more incredible than a human being rightfully should.
And his friends were happy, which made him happy. He watched with lazy interest what looked to be the beginnings of a romance between Ino and Izumo. Kotetsu was known to be something of a ladies man; Izumo was shyer around girls, but with Ino practically falling all over him, he had opened up and was laughing and leaning close to her. Asuma had stopped by with his pretty young wife, who didn't look at all pregnant yet, to wish everyone a Happy New Year. They were eating ice cream.
"She can't drink because of the baby, so I'm not drinking either!" Asuma said. He didn't seem to mind; in fact, Shikamaru had never seen him look so joyful.
Eventually the party began to break up, and they headed outside to watch the fireworks. The street was lined with revelers and the enticing aromas of grilled meat, sweet cakes, and pungent pickles. Naruto, Sai and Sakura headed up the hill to get a better view; Ino and Izumo melted into the night; Kiba, Chouji and Kotetsu decided to go for barbecue, and then it was just the two of them, Neji and Shikamaru, walking back arm in arm. Shikamaru knew he had had quite a bit to drink; he felt like he was floating, and he was leaning on Neji a little.
"You want anything?" he asked Neji.
"No," Neji said, then, after a few moments, in a different tone, he said, "Yes. There is something I want."
"Name it," Shikamaru said, but Neji did not head for the food vendors or the hill to watch the fireworks. Instead, grabbing Shikamaru's arm, he pulled him into a narrow alley between two buildings. Shikamaru supposed it was a shortcut to somewhere, but halfway down, Neji stopped.
"Are you feeling sick?"
Neji shook his head. He drew in a deep breath. "Kiss me."
"…huh…?" was all Shikamaru could manage to say. Neji was gazing at him, an intense expression on his face.
"You said, if I wanted to know what it was like, I should have a practice kiss. Kiss me."
The next thing Shikamaru knew, Neji had pushed him against the wall. Startled, he took hold of Neji's arm. Neji drew back, looking momentarily uncertain. Shikamaru put a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer.
In his kiss with Ino, he had thought it felt so strange to be kissing one of his best friends. He wondered if this would feel strange as well.
Then Neji was in his arms, and Neji's mouth was on his, tasting of plum wine, and everything else went out of his mind.
He ran his fingers through Neji's hair, then moved his hand down to the opening of Neji's kimono and slid it inside to feel Neji's bare skin. His heart was pounding in his chest like the fireworks exploding over the square. It felt so amazing – Neji's body pressed to his, the softness of his lips, the little throaty sounds he made – Shikamaru wanted to drown in the kiss, wanted to keep doing this forever.
Loud laughter and voices sounded jarringly; another group of partyers coming through the alley. Quickly, he pulled Neji closer, pressing Neji's face into his shoulder, and burying his own face against Neji's neck. Now they looked like any other anonymous couple; with Neji's long hair he could even be taken for a woman.
They were doing nothing wrong, he knew. It was not uncommon for couples to kiss on New Year's, and a Master could do pretty much what he wanted with a Pet, short of public indecency. But he didn't want them to be seen that way in the eyes of the world. It cheapened it, made it ugly somehow. Their bond was special, invisible to the world, and he wanted it to remain that way.
As the revelers passed, Neji lifted his head, staring at Shikamaru questioningly. Every atom of Shikamaru's being longed to pull him close and kiss him again, and in that moment it seemed like it could easily happen, like they could just flow back together as if the interruption had never happened.
But then he was hit by the cold realization of what he had done. He had promised never to touch Neji in that way, and now…
As if he sensed the sudden change in Shikamaru's mood, Neji stepped back, lifting his chin. They stared at each other.
Shikamaru tried a light tone. "Well, that was – that was good. When you have your real first kiss, you'll do fine."
Neji nodded. He turned from Shikamaru, straightening his kimono. "We should go back and get some sleep," he said in a low voice. Shikamaru followed, feeling light-headed and strange. In Shikamaru's room, they undressed in silence and brushed their teeth. Then Shikamaru collapsed across his bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
###
Neji woke from muddled half-dreams. He had a mild headache, and he shielded his eyes from the bright sunlight. He looked across the room at Shikamaru's bed. Shikamaru was still asleep. He was lying on his back, one hand curled loosely on his bare, tanned chest.
Neji remembered those hands on him, sliding down his back, pulling him close. Shikamaru's breath against his neck…the look in his eyes, dazed and hungry…Shikamaru's mouth on his…
He took a couple of steps toward the bed. He had an overwhelming wish to go over there, to lie down with Shikamaru and –
Shikamaru stirred, bringing a hand up to sleepily rub his head. Then he opened his eyes, looking right at Neji. Neji felt himself get hot all over. Unable to speak, he hurried into the bathroom and slid the door shut. Trying to get his emotions under control, he splashed water on his face.
Kiss me…
He was suddenly suffused with shame at the way he had practically forced Shikamaru to kiss him. True, Shikamaru had not objected; he had seemed to like it. But had he really? Shikamaru liked girls; he liked the old Kazekage's daughter. And Neji knew Shikamaru felt bad for him, being so far from home at the holidays. All night, he had been asking Neji what he wanted, trying to be extra-nice.
Was the kiss part of that?
###
Shikamaru sat up in bed, blinking. He had been dreaming of –
– kissing Neji.
But it wasn't a dream, it was real. And now Neji couldn't even look at him. He had hurried into the bathroom and shut the door without a word.
Shikamaru pressed his face into his hands, rubbing his head. He had a mild headache from drinking too much plum wine, but more than that, he wished he could undo what had been done.
He had crossed a line. He had broken his promise to Neji. Well, maybe not technically; he had promised never to touch Neji in that way against his will, and Neji had asked for the kiss last night. But Neji had been pretty drunk, and probably still feeling homesick and lonely. Maybe there was someone in his own village he was missing. Maybe he was thinking of that other little Pet, the one who had told him he had beautiful eyes.
Shikamaru cursed under his breath, hating the feelings that rose in him at that thought, and hating the part of his mind that still played back the kiss, reveling in the memory.
Neji was not his Pet. He was not a possession, or a plaything. He was a human being with a life and a country of his own, and Shikamaru had made promises to him, promises he intended to keep.
Wanting to stave off the uncomfortable conversation he knew was coming, he headed downstairs to brew some tea. His parents and grandparents were already up, seated around the table having breakfast. He mumbled a good morning and sat down. Shikaku, looking as if he had drunk way more than was advisable last night, pushed the coffeepot over to him without a word.
Neji came down shortly after. As always, he made a deep formal bow to the Naras, then took his seat, looking tense. He took a tiny amount of food and reached for the teapot.
"Oh, I forgot, that's black!" Yoshino exclaimed. Shikamaru's grandfather drank only black tea. "I'll make some green."
"No, no, sit, I'll make it," Neji said, getting to his feet with alacrity. Shikamaru had the sense he wanted to escape from the table. It occurred to him that, if he didn't want to spend the rest of the year walking on eggshells, he should take this chance to speak to Neji privately.
Neji glanced up, instantly alert and wary, when Shikamaru followed him into the kitchen. An awkward silence followed. Red crept into Neji's cheeks again. Shikamaru had a crazy impulse to step across the two feet of floor space that separated them and kiss him again, right there and then.
No, no, no.
"Neji, look…last night…" He took a deep breath. "I was really drunk, and…I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
Neji crossed his arms and looked away, as if checking on the steaming teapot. "Of course," he said, not quite meeting Shikamaru's eyes. "I apologize as well. I –"
"Did you find the green tea all right?" His mother, never liking to relinquish her kitchen to others when she was in the house, came bustling into the kitchen.
"Yeah, I think we can manage to make tea, Mom," Shikamaru said, sounding more irritable than he meant to. Neji shot him a quick glance, and Yoshino speared him with a look. If Neji and his grandparents hadn't been there, no doubt she would have come down on him about his attitude. He wished she would leave so he could hear what Neji had to say. He wished he had the courage to ask outright if Neji had really wanted the kiss or if he had just been lonely and tipsy or – even worse – if he felt he owed it to Shikamaru. And if Neji hated him now for crossing that line.
His head ached even more because he was so confused.
###
There was no reason to feel so confused, Neji thought, as he followed Shikamaru and Yoshino back to the dining room. Shikamaru had said he was just drunk last night, that the kiss didn't mean anything. The drinking part was definitely true, for both of them. People drank more in this country. Maybe they kissed more, too. Shikamaru had kissed Ino, and last night Neji had seen Ino slipping away with that North-looking guard she had been hanging on to all night. Maybe Shikamaru had kissed the old Kazekage's annoying daughter as well, and that codebreaker girl who obviously adored him. He hadn't said anything, but Shikamaru was definitely someone who could keep a secret.
It didn't mean anything…it was just a practice kiss…
But the way Shikamaru had responded to the kiss…had that been because he was drunk and just wanted to kiss someone, or had he really felt something?
Or had it been out of pity, feeling bad for Neji being away from home at the holidays, wanting to make up for what Neji had gone through in the South Country? It would be just like Shikamaru to simply let Neji kiss him like that. But had he just gone along with it, or had he liked it too?
And then in the alley, when those strangers came along…the way Shikamaru had hidden his face….Was he ashamed to be seen kissing another man, kissing someone from the North…kissing a Pet? Neji burned to know the answers to all these questions, but he would sooner have eaten a whole bowl of lizards soaked in chili oil than bring himself to ask Shikamaru.
He sipped his green tea in silence, not looking at Shikamaru because of what emotions might be on his face.
"Neji, have some food," Yoshino said, pushing a couple of dishes his way.
"No, thank you."
"Too much partying, eh?" Shikamaru's grandfather said, with a disapproving look at Shikaku.
"Something like that," Neji said. There was a knock at the door and Yoshino rose to answer it.
"That'll be your aunt," Shikaku said, pulling himself together. But it was Asuma-sensei and one of the Kazekage's force men who followed Yoshino back into the room.
"Nara-san, we are sorry to disturb your celebration of the New Year, but Shikaku and Shikamaru are needed for a very urgent mission. The village of Ishigakure is asking for our help. Akatsuki attacked them and killed two of their people."
There was a stunned silence at the table. Akatsuki attacking during the New Year holidays, when everyone would be off their guard…it was a terrible thing, Neji thought. Even in a war, the two sides declared a truce at the holidays. But Akatsuki was outside the the law, outside all bounds of human decency.
"First mission of the year," Shikamaru's grandfather declared. "If it goes well, that's a good omen for the year."
No one dared say or even think the reverse of that – what if it didn't go well?
###
Just my luck, it won't go well, Shikamaru thought. The memory of his disastrous solo mission still hung over his head. He shook himself, trying to banish those thoughts. He put on his uniform and packed his bag and weapons pouch, trying to focus his mind in a logical way. Akatsuki attacking during the holidays, a traditional time of peace and celebration, was about as cold-hearted and merciless as you could get. But strategically, he had to admit it made sense.
In the courtyard they met up with Ino, looking way too perky for this morning, and Inoichi, who joined Shikaku. Soon Chouji trudged into view, carrying a large bag of snacks his mother had packed.
Asuma had explained the mission. His team would go directly to the village to see what aid they needed, while a couple of jonin teams would scout the area for the Akatsuki. Shikaku and Inoichi would meet with the Kazekage's strategic team to set up a defense for Suna in case they were the next target. That was not as likely, Shikamaru knew. Ishigakure had its own shinobi force, but it was small. Suna was much larger and more heavily defended.
Still, he was glad Neji would be staying there – even though, paradoxically, he wished Neji could be coming with them on the mission. The Hyuuga was probably more qualified than any of them to fight Akatsuki.
He remembered Neji's fortune: The hawk with talent hides its talons. That was exactly what Neji had to do, until his six months was up.
Thinking of Neji brought back last night in full force. He could not stop playing back the kiss – every second, every detail, the feel of Neji's bare skin, the taste of his lips, the scent of his hair, the look in his eyes and the little sounds he made…
"Hey," Ino whispered loudly, "guess who had her first real kiss last night!"
Shikamaru almost tripped over a rock. He stared at her, feeling hot all over. Trying to act nonchalant, he raised an eyebrow. "Sakura?"
Ino whacked him.
"Isn't that a little fast?" Chouji asked, munching on a rice ball.
Ino's cheeks pinked, but she responded defiantly. "What do you mean? I've known him all my life!"
Shikamaru pushed his hands into his pockets. He had not known Neji all his life, just a few months. But he felt in some ways that they knew each other as well as or even better than lifelong friends.
As they passed through the village gates, Ino took his arm. "Shika," she whispered, "are you upset that I kissed Izumo?"
"Huh? No…I just…had my mind on other things…"
"Oh yeah." Ino looked chagrined "I know, this mission's serious, people were attacked. I should be concentrating on that and not my love life."
Shikamaru felt a stab of guilt, and resolved to focus and do his best on the mission. He touched the little charm Neji had given him. For good luck on your missions. He had not expected to need it so soon, but he was very glad he had it.
###
Neji got through breakfast, then spent most of the day trying to be useful to Yoshino, who had a houseful of relatives to entertain but was preoccupied by the departure of her husband and son on this potentially hazardous mission. She thanked him several times, but he really couldn't tell if he was helping or getting on her nerves. He was intensely frustrated at not yet being able to join the mission. He could tell that Shikamaru's grandfather, the old warrior, felt the same way. In contrast to the festive feeling of New Year's Day, the mood was somber and tense.
Finally, he was able to say his goodnights and escape to the bedroom upstairs. He did not feel sleepy in the slightest; he felt emotionally drained but physically keyed up. Going for a run might help, he thought, but running at night, during the New Year holidays when no training was traditionally done, might look strange and embarrass the Naras.
As he was changing into his sleeping clothes, he found the little charm Shikamaru had bought him in his pocket. He held it tightly between his palms. If New Year's Eve had shown him just how much he missed his home, yesterday had shown him how much he would miss all this when he left. It wasn't something he wanted to think about.
Shikamaru had left the room a mess in his haste to depart. Neji decided he could at least tidy up to save Yoshino the trouble. He picked up Shikamaru's clothes from the floor and tossed them into the hamper, closed a couple of drawers and the closet door that were hanging open, and hung up a damp towel that was lying wadded up on a chair.
He approached the unmade bed. Having always only slept on a futon which just had to be rolled up and put away in the morning, he wasn't really sure how to make the bed. Through the open doors of the balcony he could see the stars; it was a clear night and they were especially brilliant tonight. He lay down across the bed, gazing up at them. Somewhere out there Shikamaru was on his mission. As always, he felt an intense frustration at not being able to go with them.
One more month, he told himself. Not so long, but with this new threat, he felt a searing impatience to be able to help fight. And he prayed that Shikamaru would be okay. He knew he should be praying for them to defeat the Akatsuki, but in his heart of hearts, he wanted Shikamaru to return unharmed.
With a deep sigh, he rolled over, pressing his face into Shikamaru's pillow. It smelled like Shikamaru. All the memories of the night before came flooding back, and this time he gave in and let himself remember. He breathed in Shikamaru's scent from the pillow. It might never happen again, but he knew he would never forget his first kiss.
###
A.N.: Thanks for reading, everyone! Please don't forget to leave a review, thanks!