Salem

I woke to the sound of crackling sparks as someone added wood to the fire. Out of reflex, I opened my eyes.

"How long?" I rasped, coughing in the dry air of the mountains.

So much has happened. I had intended to end this quest the same day it began. Alistair must be worried sick. Damn it.

"'Bout a half-day, by my reckon." Oghren's voice greeted me.

Too long.

I forced myself to sit up, feeling my back, cheek, and hand protest. Leliana had stitched together the wounds I could not feel, and for once I was grateful for the healing that had gone wrong and numbed me entirely. I touched my right side, feeling the rough linen of the bandaging. I pressed my hand against it, still unable to feel anything.

A small favor, I suppose. I smiled at the inadvertent grace I had been given.

"How is Morrigan?" I asked the dwarf.

"Still sleepin'." he answered, gruff. "Yer bard took a look a little while ago. Said nothin' seemed out of the ord'nary."

"Leliana?" I asked. She had fallen asleep by my side which now was...cold. "Oghren, where is she?"

"Think she went to the mouth of the cave." I heard the dull clank of metal followed by the scent of stout grain alcohol. Oghren drank and belched. "Somethin' 'bout watchin' the sunset or some damn nonsense. Can't say as I understand yer taste, warden."

Leliana was not emotionally or mentally well when we went to sleep, I thought as I fought to remove my greaves. It would be much easier to walk without them. She should not be alone. Not right now. I have to go to her.

"You shouldn't be doin' that." Oghren said and I smiled, knowing thr words had been put in his mouth.

"I will be sure to inform Leliana that you attempted to stop me." I told him. He snorted and went back to his drinking. "Now give me a hand with this damn armor."

Attempting to undo the buckles and straps with my one functional hand was next to impossible, and any attempt to use my burned right hand ended in agonizing discomfort.

Oghren shambled over, his breath smelling of whiskey when he knelt down and had the straps sorted in no time at all. I sighed in relief as he removed the heavy greaves and set them aside.

"Thank you, Oghren." He muttered something and returned to his seat.

Burrow padded up, thrust his nose into my neck, and whined. I judged that Leliana had given him the same orders as she had Oghren. I scrached my mabari's head, briefly trailing my fingers over the singed fur there, frowning as I felt the stub of his missing ear.

"Looks like we all have some battle scars to brag about, eh boy?" I asked him. "When all this is over, you'll be king of the kennel. Every lady mabari is going to want you, Burrow, the dragonslayer, to sire her pups. How does that sound?"

He yipped and wagged his stub of a tail until his entire body shook with excitement. I laughed and flung my left arm across his shoulders.

"Help me up, boy?" I asked.

His body went rigid and I knew he would not move without my giving him leave. Thank you, Burrow. We're the only Couslands left. I am glad you're still with me. And, when we are finished with this, I swear I am going to feed you steak every day.

I got to my feet with Burrow's aid and my burned back and bruised knees screamed. Ignoring them, I walked what seemed an interminable distance to the opening of the cave. I stopped, inhaling the crisp air of the mountains. It smelled of sulfur, a reminder of the battle with the dragon.

I cannot believe we survived. I thought, letting my shoulders relax.

The cultists, no doubt, thought we were dead. If they did return, they would see their lady fallen. With their god dead, they would lose their resolve, making their lives no longer worth taking.

A soft sound drew me further outside. I walked towards it, clinging to the mountainside for support. I knew that voice...those tears. Even in the midst of battle, I would be able to hear them. I reached the point where they were loudest, and knelt in the snow, resting my hand on my lover's shoulder.

"Leliana."

"Don't touch me!" she hissed, shoving my hand from her body. "Do not look at me; do not speak!"

She stood and her footsteps away from me crunched in the snow. I pulled myself up against the mountain, troubled. She had never spoken to me like this, with grief and rage so evident in her voice.

"If it is any consolation, dear heart, I cannot actually look at you." I cursed myself as I said the words.

My mother had tried to break me of levity. It had been...an untter, miserable failure.

"You bitch!" Leliana shrieked. "Do you think I need consistent reminders of what I have done to you!? Can I not ask for one moment alone!?"

You can ask for it, I thought, but refrained from speaking it, though I do not think it is a wise request.

"You have done nothing to me, Leliana."

"Stop!" she begged, her voice a complete wreck of tears and desperation. "Stop, please, Salem, I...I cannot endure it!"

"Endure what?" I asked. What have I done to her? Dear Maker, help me.

"This...you..your presence, your voice. I cannot bear to be near you."

I took a step closer, pushing the limit of every boundary I had ever crossed. "Leliana, what have I done?" I asked, keeping my tone as gentle as I could...trying to hide my fear. "Please. Tell me."

"Do not come closer, Salem." she warned me.

Unafraid, I moved forward until I could feel her energy, a snarl-ball tangle of fear and anguish. My heart broke for her and I wanted to withdraw, but I would not let her fight this battle alone. We had come too far.

"Tell me." I entreated again, reaching out with my unburned hand, touching her salt-stained cheek.

"Do not!" she ordered.

A sharp crack sounded and my head snapped to the side. I felt blood on my cheek as Leliana's hand tore my burned skin. I reached up and grasped her wrist, careful to keep my hold gentle. She had been broken inside by something.

She needs me and I will not leave her.

"Tell me." I whispered, letting go of her wrist. "I am here, Leliana. Let me help you."

"How dare you?" she seethed, shoving me backwards.

I backpedaled in the snow, catching my balance before I fell. Yes, anger. Let it loose your tongue. I am no mind reader, Leliana. Scream at me, shout at me, but tell me what is wrong.

"How dare I what?" I asked, gently pushing her towards a revelation.

"How dare you offer to help me!" she shouted and her pain echoed back to us from the mountain faces. "I just sewed your skin together like a quilt! My hands are covered in blood, Salem. Your blood! I wake every morning sick with worry, wondering if it is the day when I must say my final farewell. You, you are impossibly cruel to me! I never wanted this! I never wanted to love again!"

"Leliana," I approached her once more, willing to take a dagger to the gut, a strike to the face, anything she wished to do to me, "please. Come here."

"No." she placed a wall about herself, an impenetrable barrier of cold emotion.

I would have none of it. Saying nothing, I stepped inside her walls of ice and wrapped my arms around her. Her body trembled.

"Salem!" she screamed and her fist came down on my left shoulder, hard. I winced, but held on to her as though she were the sole thing keeping me alive. "Get," another strike, "your hands," another, "off of me!"

"Why?" I asked, listening to her harsh, labored breathing. "Tell me why, Leliana."

"I hate you." she sobbed against my shoulder. Shocked, I loosened my grip. She took advantage of it and shoved me away yet again. "I hate you, Salem Cousland."

Her words were utterly without warmth. They stung, but I knew it was not Leliana who spoke. Not truly. We all had our breaking points. She had reached hers. I could not judge her, or respond in anger, no matter how much she wounded me.

"If that is what you need to do," my throat tightened as I opened my arms. "I am here. Hate me, Leliana."

"Why?" her voice cracked, its lovely accent sundered with such sorrow, such pain. "Why must you always do this?"

"What is it that I do?" I asked, almost dreading the answer. Another addition to the long list of my deficits.

"You fly into battle like a madwoman; you fling yourself against blades and stones and dragons!" a soft crunch as she dropped to her knees in the snow. "I am forced to watch you torn apart time and time again and I can do nothing! And yet you remain so damnably noble, thanking me for causing you pain! Is it something you enjoy, Salem!? Is battle your first love!? Can you function without injury? Can you do nothing without coming back to me in shreds!? What am I to you?"

I knelt before her, cupping the back of her head with my hand, pressing her forehead to mine. I wanted to be able to look into her eyes, ground her with my gaze, show her all the things I could never speak. But I could give her only words, and I had but one with which to answer her question.

"Everything."

"What?" a question, full of confusion.

"You are my everything, Leliana." I told her. "The only reason I walk out of those battles at all is because I know, I know, you will be there. Without you, that dragon would have killed me. Without you, I would wake every morning, ready to embrace death. Instead, I fight. For you."

"Without me, you would still have your sight." her voice rose, tear-strangled panic. "Without me, you would not have died. Without me, you would be free of scars. I..." she collapsed forward, into my arms, "I forgot you, Salem. When you found Morrigan," her words poured out, a litany of self-loathing and guilt, "she was so gravely injured. All other thoughts left my mind. I was so intensely focused on caring for her and caring for Wynne that I did not even think of you. I found you against the wall of the cavern, still bleeding, and when you would not wake..." she paused, her breath shuddering in and out in harsh gasps, "...when you would not wake I thought I had killed you. I have been the reason for your death once before. I cannot...I cannot...I cannot lose you, Salem!"

A horrible sob pierced the quiescence of the mountains. I could feel Leliana's body shaking, feel the vibration of every cry in her voice. She seemed so vulnerable, so fragile, and it hurt me that I had been the cause of this moment.

"And then you thank me." she groaned. "I cause you nothing but pain and you...you do not even acknowledge it. I hurt you and you act as though it is nothing! I ask you to be cautious and you fling it to the wind! You are killing me, Salem! Every time I find you injured, I die a little more! Every time I cause you pain some piece of my soul vanishes! I cannot bear this much longer! I cannot bear the not knowing each and every moment if you will remain in this world!"

"I will not leave." I stroked my hand through her hair and kissed her tears away. "I swear it. No matter what we face, no matter what decisions I must make, no matter how many scars I accumulate, I will always return to you."

"Don't lie to me." she begged, burying her face between my neck and shoulder. "Promise."

"You have my word." I swore. "I will walk through hellfire and tear down heaven if I must."

"I..." her shoulders shook with quiet sobbing. "I could never hate you, Salem. Forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive." I used her words from earlier. "Come back inside, dear heart. We will both freeze."

"All right." she agreed and helped me to my feet. "You should not have moved so soon, Salem. You might have torn your stitches."

"Ah well," I wrapped my arm about her waist. "Oghren did try to stop me."