The throbbing in his head jolted him awake. Grabbing onto it he looked besides him at the small clock on the night stand. It was only 5:12. The four hours of sleep he had gotten had been more than he had gotten since Christmas but somehow he felt more tired than he did before. He rubbed watery eyes before turning to look at Craig who was sleeping sprawled across half of the bed.
He looked so peaceful. So amazingly handsome that Tweek could feel his heart stop from just looking at him. How he had become so lucky to have this boy as his boyfriend was beyond him, he loved every second of it.
For a second the throbbing in his head disappeared, but when it returned it came back with a hammering force. Grabbing his head Tweek stood up from the bed, still in his clothes from the night before. He needed coffee, he needed food, hell, he needed some water.
Tiptoeing out of the room, Tweek carefully made his way down the stairs and towards the kitchen. Clyde had told him before that his kitchen was always open to Tweek and that if he ever wanted to make something to just do it. Tweek looked around the dark kitchen wondering if Clyde had been serious. He did have a mouth full of the lemon bars Tweek had made him in his mouth when he said this.
Taking a deep breath, Tweek turned on the lights to the kitchen only to turn them right off. Holy shit, the lights stung at his brain like a bunch of wasps just stinging it over and over again. Instead of trying to turn on the lights again, Tweek walked over to the window and opened the curtains to let the dim lighting from outside fill up the room.
'Perfect.' He thought to himself. It was just bright enough for him to see his surroundings, but not quite bright enough for it to hurt.
The first thing on his agenda was the same as every other morning. Get at least one cup of coffee in his system. Looking around the kitchen Tweek saw a keurig on the counter near the stove. He'd prefer to make his coffee in a pot but this would have to do. Walking over to the machine he took one of those pod things next to it and put it in, starting the brew after he put a mug from the mug tree under where the coffee would spout out.
He leaned forward on the counter resting his chin in his palm as he waited for the cup to finish brewing. As soon as it was done Tweek immediately took a large gulp. It wasn't the worst coffee he had ever had, but it definitely wasn't the best. He wished that he had Token's coffee right now.
He finished the cup, washed his mug and filled it water. He knew he needed to drink it, even if he really hated drinking water.
Sighing he stepped over towards the oven and preheated to 350 degrees. He was going to make cinnamon rolls. That way there would be plenty for everyone and they wouldn't have to be up to still enjoy them because even when they aren't straight out of the oven cinnamon rolls are still amazing. First though, Tweek had to make sure Clyde had everything he needed. Luckily, all the ingredients he needed were there and Tweek got started.
After letting the dough rise the first time Tweek flattened it out, cut them into strips and rolled them into a swirls. Placing them next to each other on a pan Tweek let them sit again to rise some more.
While the dough was rising Tweek took that time to clean up the mess he had left behind. As much as he hated cleaning he couldn't just bake and leave a mess in his friend's kitchen. If he did that Clyde would never have him over again.
"Good morning Tweek." The sound of the new voice caused Tweek to jump back from the dishes he was washing and drop the plastic bowl he was holding on the ground. His head throbbed, and as he turned around slowly he saw Bebe going towards the fridge and taking out a carton of orange juice.
"H-hi Bebe." Tweek said picking the bowl off of the ground putting it back in the sink.
Bebe took one of the mugs from the mug tree and poured herself a cup of orange juice. She held it out towards Tweek in offering but when he shook his head she returned it to the fridge.
Unlike Tweek Bebe didn't have her clothes on from the night before. She had on a pair of basketball shorts and one of Clyde's shirts. He knew it was Clyde's because for some reason there was a little pocket on it with Clyde's name on it.
Walking over towards the counter that had the cinnamon rolls on it Bebe looked them over. "Jeez short stuff how long have you been awake?"
Tweek finished washing the dishes and started to dry them. "Uh- Ahh- around 5?" he scratched the back of his head.
"Woah," Bebe said jumping up to sit on the counter next to the rising rolls. "Do you ever sleep?"
Tweek just shook his head and checked the rolls. They were almost ready to go into the oven.
Taking a drink from her orange juice Bebe watched the blonde. It made Tweek feel uneasy. Was there some flour on his face? Reaching up he wiped his face causing Bebe to let out a laugh. "Can I ask you something Tweek?" She inquired.
"Um… Ahh-" Tweek rubbed the back of his head, slightly pulling at the base of his hair before putting his arms to stiffly to his sides. "I- I guess?"
"Awesome!" She cheered quietly placing her mug down next to her. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I was just wondering… What's with the sudden change of personality? I mean it's not a bad thing. I'm really glad to see you out and living life but it just happened so suddenly."
She was right. It did happen suddenly. Everything in his life changed the second Craig stepped foot in it and for the most part it was amazing. He had friends now. His mind was back to being his own, though he didn't always think that was a good thing. Mostly though, he felt cared about, even when the nagging voice in the back of his head told him that no one really cared, he still felt it. "Well," He started, leaning his back against the counter. "It's really thanks to Craig. He just befriended me at the right time I guess."
"Huh." Bebe jumped down off the counter and mimicked Tweek's stance. "Who would have thunk that mean ol' Craig Tucker would have a soft side."
"Y-yeah."
Brushing her hair behind her ear Bebe smiled softly at Tweek. "Would you like to come to my New Years party?"
Tweek whipped his head towards her so quickly he could have gotten whiplash. "What?"
"It'll be fun. I'd love to see you there."
This had to be a joke. Why would Bebe Stevens, one of the most popular girls in the school, invite him to her party? Oh god, was she going to make a fool out of him at midnight while the rest of the school laughs at him? Maybe that's what they do every year. Find a poor unsuspecting sap and use him for a pawn in some sick joke. Jesus, he didn't know if he would be able to handle all of that. Hell, he didn't even know if he could handle going to a party anyways.
Tweek was just about to turn down her offer before Bebe started to talk again. Geez, she liked to talk a lot. "Clyde told me what you did for him last night. He was really fucked up when his mom died. I remember how… broken… he was. You probably think you know how happy you made him with those lemon bars, but you have no idea. You are really a fantastic guy Tweek. I want to have a friend like you in my corner. Is it okay if we become friends?"
Friends. Tweek was definitely getting his fair share of friendships and he didn't know how well he'd be able to keep up but that didn't mean he didn't want to try. "Sure." Turning back to the cinnamon rolls he noticed they were done rising. Picking up the pan he put them in oven and set a timer for thirty minutes on his phone.
"So you're going to come right?." Bebe told him lifting her arms in the air to stretch, pulling Clyde's shirt just enough to expose a part of her chubby belly. Quickly turning his head away Tweek blushed. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea.
"I- uh…" He bit his lip and clenched his fists. He would feel so guilty if he turned Bebe down. She really did seem like she just wanted to be his friend. "I- I'll go."
Clapping her hands together Bebe gave him a wide smile. "Great! It'll be so fun."
The two of them sat down at the table while they waited for the cinnamon rolls to finish. The time was filled with mostly Bebe talking about her life. Things like how her and Clyde were on again off again for the past couple years and how she really did think that she loved him. Every now and then she would ask Tweek a question about his own life, like if had anyone special in his life, but even when he gave her half assed answers she never pressed on for more details.
He liked that about Bebe. Everything was just important in that one moment, and as soon as the moment was gone the importance moved onto something new. There wasn't any time to panic around her because she give him no chance to. Not while they were sitting there at least.
The vibrating in his pocket made the blonde boy jump up from the table and scramble to grab his phone. When he saw it was only the alarm he let out a deep breath and went to take the cinnamon buns out of the oven. As he did, the sweet aroma filled the air and Clyde was in the kitchen before Tweek even had the chance to put them on the counter.
"A man after my own heart." Clyde laughed stepping over towards Tweek. "Bebe, seriously you may have some competition for my love." Tweek looked over at Bebe who was laughing just as much as Clyde was.
"I was just about to say the same thing."
Clyde reached for a cinnamon roll but had his hand was slapped away before he could grab one. "AH! Sorry! Those are really hot. Let them cool for a few minutes."
Rubbing the top of his hand Clyde gave Tweek a pout but went to sit next to Bebe. "Craig still asleep?"
Before Tweek had the chance to answer Bebe did. "I haven't seen him." She looked over at Tweek and tilted her head. "Where did you guys sleep last night anyways?"
"Oh- uh- in the guest room?" Tweek grabbed his arm and squeezed.
"Together? Craig doesn't seem like the type to be willing to share a bed." Bebe said putting her hair behind her ear.
"My dad doesn't like people in his room so the only choice was Claire's old room." Clyde told her after seeing the discomfort on Tweek's face.
Bebe hummed at his answer. "Makes sense. Anyways," Changing the subject as if it was nothing. "Are the cinnamon rolls ready?"
Bringing them over to the table Tweek smiled at the two of them. "They are."
"Awesome!" Clyde cheered grabbing one of the rolls and shoving it in his mouth. "These are so amazing!"
Bebe grabbed one and took a small bite. "Oh wow Tweek, these are amazing."
Grabbing one of the cinnamon rolls Tweek thanked Bebe and Clyde before taking a bite. They were right. Tweek really did outdo himself and having the food in his stomach eased it some.
The three of them sat around the table and ate, making sure to leave some for Craig. After another hour of them sitting there, a still-half-asleep Craig walked into kitchen, yawning and stretching as he did so. His eyes met with Tweek's and he gave the boy a sleepy smile before walking over to him. "Good morning sunshine." He said, leaning down to kiss him on the side of head.
Tweek's eyes went wide and looked over at the other two at the table who were just staring at them. A lovingly smug look on their faces. Craig, however absent mindedly grabbed a cinnamon roll and sat in the empty chair. Taking a bite into it he looked up to others at the table, slowly pulled the cinnamon roll from his mouth and stared back at Clyde and Bebe. The cogs in his mind took a moment before they started turning but when they did his face fell into a look of annoyance. "Fuck."
After the display Bebe gave Craig an almost evil look. She told him that he had to be nice to her now that she had known their secret. Reluctantly, Craig promised her that he would try to be nicer to her. In which, she told him his first act of kindness was to show up at her new year's party, even promising the pair that she would make sure they were alone at midnight for a new year's kiss. Craig scoffed, but agreed. Tweek and Craig didn't stay much longer after that.
"You- you don't really think she'll tell anyone do you?" Tweek's anxiety was through the roof. He was sure that Bebe didn't mean to scare Tweek with her joke. In fact, she sounded as if she was making a joke, but it didn't change the fact that Tweek's chest felt like there was something clawing at his insides.
Reaching over, Craig grabbed Tweek's hand that was holding onto his chest. "Bebe wouldn't do that." He reassured his panicked boyfriend. "She may be loud, annoying, obnoxious, and too damn nosy for own good, but she is loyal as hell. Her and Clyde are a lot alike in that aspect."
Looking over, Tweek tried to control his breathing. He failed, but at least he tried. "So… nnnn… why? Why did you agree to go to her ahhh.. Pa-party?"
Craig intertwined his fingers with Tweek's the second Tweek moved his hand to let him. "Listen," He sighed. "Bebe is Clyde's girlfriend. Whenever Bebe is happy Clyde get's so happy and as his best friend I want him to be happy. So even as stupid as it's going to be. I'll go to the party because it'll make Bebe happy and in turn make Clyde happy."
Oh god. Craig was such an amazing person. Behind his hard exterior was such a soft, loving interior that he hardly showed to anyone. Tweek loved being that person Craig showed his real self too. Fuck, Tweek loved Craig and it was driving him crazy.
Yanking his hand away from Craig Tweek ran his nails along the fabric of his jeans. He had to calm down. He needed to get home, take a shower, and have a decent cup of coffee. "Are you doing okay babe?" Craig asked softly.
"Ah! Yeah! Yeah. I'm doing fine." Tweek answered, his pants starting to fray under his nails. He couldn't tell him the truth. There was no way Craig would understand. He kept quiet for a moment looking for an excuse for his odd behavior. "I just… I shouldn't have drank so much last night."
The mention of last night just made his heart sink further down into his stomach. Oh fuck, he fucked up. He came onto Craig and was turned down. He was happy that he didn't get far enough to do anything he'd overly regret, but the regret was still there. "I'm sorry I didn't stop you sooner babe." Shit, shit, shit. SHIT! Craig blamed himself for that? Oh jesus. Tweek really couldn't deal with this.
The second Craig turned onto Tweek's street the blonde craned his neck and let out a sigh of relief when he saw his house in the distance. He needed to get away from Craig, at least for now.
"Do you want to meet up and do something later? I could take us out to Denver and we could go get dinner or something." Craig seemed so unconcerned with what happened the night before. Or maybe he was using dinner as an excuse to talk to him about it. No no no. Tweek couldn't do that. Not today. He was on edge and he was only more step from falling. "Sorry Craig, I have to um…" Biting his lip he ran his nail across his thumb and broken the skin. "I have to clean my room and do laundry today." It was true for the most part. He had been needing to do that for a while. His parents never made him clean his room as long as the rest of the house was nice looking it didn't matter to them if their son's room was a mess. It just meant that now, he really needed to do it and that alone would take all day.
"Oh," Craig sounded disappointed, but his face failed to show it. "Well, if you need help call me. I like doing that kind of thing remember?"
Tweek nodded at him, though he knew it wasn't good idea. His dad would give Tweek hell if he knew that Craig was in his house and that wasn't something that Tweek would be able to handle.
Pulling to a stop Craig leaned over and kissed Tweek on the cheek. "I'll see you later honey."
"Bye." Tweek said quickly getting out of the car and going into the house.
Luckily, Tweek's father didn't seem too concerned with his son coming into the house after being gone for the night. Richard just told him good morning before Tweek went up to his room. Tweek knew his dad was still upset with him and that it wasn't going to pass any time soon. Honestly though Tweek preferred it this way. It just meant that Tweek would be left alone for the most part, which is what he needed.
After a shower and a fresh change of clothes Tweek went back down into the kitchen and made himself some coffee. He offered to make his dad some, but was just turned down and told that he had already made himself a pot. There were so many in the house that Tweek wasn't surprised he didn't see that.
Filling up the travel mug Craig had brought for him, he walked back up to his room, Looking around he sighed at the disheveled room. The green carpet was barely visible with the art supplies scattered all over the floor. The scissors and wrapping paper still next to his bed from Christmas, his clothes piled so high on his piano stool that they looked like a waterfall going down onto the floor. The only thing in his room that didn't have something where it didn't belong was his bed and even that was left a mess with the blankets in sheets shoved at the foot of the bed.
He started by taking his sheets off his bed and washing them. Maybe he would be able sleep better if his sheets were cleaned. He didn't know when the last time they were washed was anyways. Once those were in the wash, he threw all of his clothes on the bed and put them up. Those, he knew where cleaned because the dirty ones were the only things he kept in the basket. He could see the difference in the room already. It was kind of nice.
It was a quarter until 8 before Tweek's mom knocked on his door to bring him his bed sheets and comforter that he had forgotten about. When he opened the door the look of shock on her face was oddly nice. "Oh wow Tweek. Your room looks so good. What made you decide to clean it?"
He knew that his mom didn't have any malice with her question. If anything she was just trying to understand her son. He knew that it was already hard enough for her. "I- uh... " He grabbed the base of his hair and pulled on it. He didn't want to lie to her but he also couldn't tell her the truth. "Well- ahhh." He could feel some strands of his hair being pulled for his scalp. "I want to go into the new year with a fresh start!" He yelled at a fast pace not meaning too.
Her face lit up as she cupped her cheek after setting blankets on Tweek's bed. "I'm so proud of you Tweek. You are turning into such a good boy."
Tweek let his hand fall to his side and went over to start making his bed. He was a little surprised when his mom started helping him. Brushing it off he finished his bed and sat on it waiting for his mom to leave his room. When she sat next to him Tweek knew that it wasn't going to happen.
"It's a shame your father doesn't like Craig. He is such a nice boy." Her voice was almost at a whisper as she wrapped her arm around Tweek and brought him close to her side. "We should really invite him over to dinner. That way your dad will see how nice he is."
Tweek's eyes went to his lap. He was picking at the skin around his nails. "I don't think that's a good idea." After the incident at the coffee shop Tweek didn't want the two of them any where near each other. Craig had already gotten in trouble for Tweek's sake before and he really didn't want that happen with his dad.
"You know, Tweek…" His mother trailed off for a second, brushing her fingers through his hair. "I see the way he looks at you. You look at him the same way. All I'm saying is that maybe we should try to fix whatever issue is going on between your dad and Craig so that way you don't have to feel so torn between your worlds."
Biting his lip he pulled away from her. "Mom? Could you leave me alone for a while?" He asked her so low she could barely hear him. She just nodded and got up from the bed.
"Just think about it sweetie." She told him before leaving his room. Tweek knew that there was no thinking about it. A dinner wasn't going to happen, and the idea only made him scoot closer to the edge that he was so close to falling off of.
The coffee shop was dead. Not that it was different than any other day but today was particularly slow. The store had been empty since three and the only cups of coffee Tweek made were the seven cups he had made for himself. It had to have been the fact that everyone but him was getting ready for or already going to their new year's parties. Not that Tweek had really wanted to go anyways, but he told Bebe he would be there. Still, he really, really wasn't feeling up to the task.
Not only was the idea of being around a bunch of his rowdy classmates enough to make him queasy, he was just so tired. It had only been a few days since his drunken night at Clyde's house and that was the most sleep he had gotten since Christmas. Every other night's sleep was barely an hour. In fact, he had spent most of his shift just trying to keep himself awake.
The thought of closing the shop early crossed his mind, but he quickly pushed it away. There was no way he'd be able to get away with it. Besides, even if he did, he knew that a nap wouldn't be enough to make him feel remotely better.
As the time to close came near Tweek could see Craig's old truck pull up to the front of the shop. Craig knew that he wasn't allowed in the shop. Not without Tweek getting in trouble, but that didn't stop him from waiting outside for him.
Luckily, due to how slow the shop was it didn't take the blonde long to close at all. In fact, all he had to do was sweep, mop, and count the cash drawer. Since the shop was going to be closed the next day for the holiday there wasn't coffee that had to sit overnight and that alone cut his closing time in half.
As soon as he finished Tweek stepped into the bathroom for a second. For the past week he had been trying to hide the heavy bags under his eyes with his mom's concealer. She didn't notice it was missing and it worked wonders. The dark bags under his eyes were still there, but didn't look nearly as bad as they should have. Putting the makeup back in his pocket, Tweek left the bathroom, turned the lights off in the shop, walked out the door, and locked it up behind him.
His body was shaking. Not only from the cold, but the lack of sleep, coffee, and his anxiety all played a role in his shivering body. Before turning to go over to Craig's truck Tweek lifted his hand to look at it. It looked as if he was a chihuahua who had been left out to die in the freezing snow. Grabbing onto his hand he tried to steady himself, taking deep breaths as he did. Once he caught his center Tweek turned around and waved at Craig, running over to his truck as he did so.
"Hi Craig. It's really co-cold out today." Tweek said as he got into the truck.
Craig smiled at him and turned the heater up. "Yeah. Are you sure you want to go to this thing? If you don't want to, we can bail."
Spending the end of the year at a party wasn't very high on the list of things Tweel wanted to do. In fact, he would much rather go out to Craig's field and watch the sky as time turned. Unfortunately, if someone says they will be there then they need to go. "I- I want to go." The heavy weight he swallowed hung from his throat and sat in his chest.
His body started to shake again as the two pulled up to Bebe's house. The loud bass of the music inside could be heard from the truck as Craig parked on the other side of the street. He looked over at Tweek whose eye was twitching. "Are you sure you want to go in there?"
"Ah!" Tweek yelled, grabbing his arms, his nails pressed in his arm. "Yes! Stop asking me."
Taking off his hat Craig ran his finger through his hair and sighed. "Then let's go."
Tweek hadn't imagined that there would be so many people here. He thought maybe at most it would be his senior class, which wasn't as big as most schools. No, it seemed like Bebe invited damn near the whole school. Tweek reached up and grabbed onto Craig's arm. He should have tried to take a nap, then maybe this would have been so bad. He could see Craig's lips moving as if he was talking to him, but Tweek could only hear the loud pop music playing in the house.
His eyes darted around the room, looking at everything, everyone in it. It was a lot. The music, the loud shouts of the people, that bass that shook the house like it got hit by lightning. Tweek could feel his head spinning, but he just shook it off. This was fine. He was fine.
Appearing out of nowhere Bebe smiled at the two of them and waved before rushing towards them. "Hi guys!" She yelled over the music. "Follow me I need to talk to you!"
Her voice was clear over the music but that just had to be because the girl has been a cheerleader since she was young. It was one of the many things that Tweek learned about her at Clyde's house.
They followed Bebe into her backyard. There were a lot less people out there. A few of them Tweek recognized from class, but none he would really say he's ever talked too.
"I'm so happy you guys came!" Bebe said wrapping her arms around the two boys. Craig pulled himself away from Bebes grasp, scoffing at her as he did so. Tweek just jumped at her touch.
"I'm only here because you made me come." Craig told her shoving his hands in his pockets.
Bebe flapped her hand at him and rolled her eyes. "You are so full of shit. I know you better than that Craig Tucker. You're here because a part of you wants to be."
Tweek looked over at Craig to see if he had any response to this, but he only rolled his eyes. "Anyways," Bebe leaned into them and lowered her voice so only Tweek and Craig could hear them. "I'm going to start a countdown about a minute early. During that time if you guys sneak upstairs and go into my parents room, second room to the left. you'll be alone. The door locks so no one would walk in you guys."
Tweek wrapped his arms around himself. "Bebe, you uh… you don't have to do that."
Bebe flipped her blonde curly hair behind back and started to walk away from them. "I don't have to anything. I want to." Craig looked down at Tweek and raised his eyebrows. "Oh! And have fun you guys!" Bebe called out before going into the house.
"You sure your okay?" Craig asked, his eyes glued on Tweek.
Taking a deep breath, the cold air freezing his lungs, Tweek nodded. "Yeah, let's go have some fun."
Stepping into the house it felt stuffier than before. Like an invisible cloud formed in the room taking all the oxygen with it. Looking around the room Tweek held onto himself. This wasn't his scene. This wasn't where he wanted to be. All of these people stuffed in a room, it was a lot. Too much. Tweek stopped for a second, Craig moving forward without noticing.
'Focus, focus, focus Tweek.' He thought to himself. He was already so very very close to falling back into the anxious pit he lived in before he got onto his pills the first time. This wasn't right. Wasn't having friends, having a boyfriend, supposed to help you feel better? Wasn't being in love supposed to be this magical thing that made everything right?
No, no. That was wrong. It was wrong to think that one person could take all the fear and sadness out of your life. Fuck, now guilt mixed into the jumbled mess of emotion that ran through Tweek's veins. He was leaning over the edge of his sanity. Jesus he was losing it.
A tap on his shoulder caused his arms to flail, his fist hitting Craig's chin in the process. "Oh god! Jesus Craig!" He slapped his hands to his mouth. "Are you okay?!"
Craig didn't say anything, he just grinned at the smaller boy as he rubbed his chin. Tweek let out a deep breath, he desperately wanted to console his boyfriend. To rub his chin and kiss it to make it better, but that wasn't possible, not here. Reaching up he pulled at his ponytail, he liked the ponytail because he found out he could pull on his hair but it just looked like he was tightening the hold of the hair band.
"Now I see how Cartman felt." Craig said leaning down to talk into Tweek's ear. It was a weird feeling to say the least. It wasn't the pleasing feeling that came with his lips being so close to his ear that was weird. Tweek liked that, a lot. It was Craig's words that made that him feel weird.
The weight in his chest twisted into an even heavy knot, pulling itself into his gut. Had the music gotten louder? It was like it was drilling into his brain. Shit he wanted to leave, but he would feel shitter than he already did if he left. Bebe was so happy that he was there and he didn't want to hurt her feelings. So, he forced on a smile and pretended he was okay.
Good thing he was good at acting.
He didn't know how much time had passed when Red approached them. She was smacking on her gum and twirling her finger through her ponytail that was on top of her head. As she got closer, Tweek had to lift his head almost all the way to look at her. She was tall. Putting her arm over Craig's shoulder Tweek noticed that she had a couple inches on him, but he noticed the heels on her boots and figured that most days Craig had those inches on her.
She was saying something to Craig, but what Tweek didn't know. Craig lifted his arms out to his side like he questioning her and she elbowed him in the side. Craig stepped away from her and shook his head before looking over at Tweek. Red, catching onto Craig's gaze, leaned down towards Tweek. Staring at him for a second. To say it was intimidating was an understatement. Her eyes were a deep blue, they looked so much like Craig's that Tweek was unable to look away. Both out of fear, and curiosity. "I'll have my cousin back to you before you know it." She said loud enough to be heard over the music. She waited for some kind of confirmation from Tweek, but when she didn't get any she rolled her eyes and turned to grab Craig by his arm pulling him off. Craig rolled his neck and mouthed sorry to the blonde before he followed Red into the crowd of people.
Tweek was alone now. Shit! He was alone now?! What if someone ganged up on him? What if someone decided to drug him and take him off into some dark corner and OH GOD! Tweek turned side to side quickly. Hoping, praying that he would be able to find someone he could hang around until Craig came back. Walking deeper into the crowd he felt his heart pounding so hard he thought it was going to break his rib cage. "Nnnn…." He muttered clawing at his hands. He needed to find someone. Clyde, Token, Jimmy, Kenny, Bebe? One of them had to be around here somewhere. Hell, at this point he would have settled for Stan or Wendy. He just needed to be around someone who he could trust, or at least kind of trust.
When he found no one, he grabbed onto his collar bone. It felt like knives where cutting into it. Sharp, smooth, and so unbearably painful. The music got louder again too. The drilling now more like a jackhammer. He felt sick, he felt dizzy, he felt tired. He needed to get out, but walking home wasn't in his best interest. If he were to black out in the snow again... If Craig where to find him… No, he had to stay here.
Taking a breath to steady himself just slightly he walked towards the stairs. Bebe had offered him and Craig a midnight kiss in her parents bedroom. It locked, so he would be able to calm down some if he could just get away from this crowd.
The walk to Bebe's parents room seemed endless. Each step heavier than the last. "Just a little farther." He told himself going up the last step. Second room from the left, got it. Turning the doorknob Tweek felt his stomach churn. Shit, he was going to vomit.
Closing the door behind him he looked around for a trash can. God, however, had better plans. On the side of the room a door was cracked open leading to a bathroom. Darting over to the room Tweek lifted the toilet seat and lost most of the coffee he had drank throughout the day.
Rubbing his head he felt the sweat beading at his hairline. With shaky hands he wiped his head trying to clear the sweat, but as soon as his hand left his forehead it was only drenched again. Forcing himself to stand up he went over to the bathroom door, closed it, and locked it as well. Leaning his back against the door he slid to the ground wrapping his arms around his body.
Rocking back and forth he dug his nails into his side. He could feel the skin tearing and blood starting to trickle down his torso. He wanted to stop. He didn't want to hurt himself. He hated the fact that he was in this bathroom hurting himself, making himself bleed instead of downstairs having fun. God damn it why? Why did he have be so fucking different? Why did he had to be such a fucking freak? Shit. Shit! Why? Why didn't he just take all of those pills? If he would have just had the courage to take those fucking pills he wouldn't be here.
He was alone. No one would understand the shit that went on his mind. Craig tried, but his lack of emotion didn't always make for a very comforting approach. Standing up Tweek looked in the mirror and nausea hit him again. He looked like a wreck. Like he just died and was brought back. Tears burned at his eyes as he stared at himself. Reaching up he grabbed at his face, digging his nails into his cheek bones. He pressed harder but stopped before he could break skin. "You are such a dumbass." He told himself, his voice full of hate. "Why did you ever think you could do this?" Moving his hand to his shoulder he dragged his nails down his chest.
The nausea was getting worse, this time he let out his vomit in the sink. "Fuck." Tweek said, turning on the facet to rinse the vomit down the drain. He needed help. He needed someone to understand, but who? The only other person as mentally fucked as him was Kenny and he was on a whole other level of crazy. Wait.
Kenny had told him before that he knew what it was like to have inner demons. Could he understand? Tweek doubted it. Still, the chance was there. Pulling his phone out his pocket Tweek looked at his phone. He had a few messages from Craig but being around him only made Tweek's nerves worse. Going to Kenny's name he clicked the option to send a message.
He stared at his phone, looking at the blank screen. How should he even ask for help? Would Kenny even want to help him? He did say that he could help with Tweek's anxiety. Taking a deep breath Tweek started a message.
Kenny, I need help. Please. Please help me.
Tweek' phone was still in his hand when Kenny responded a few seconds later.
Where ru
A/n:
Hey guys!
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and that I did job describing Tweek's downfall into his panic attack.
It was really hard for me to write due to the fact that I had to live through him and basically write about my own panic attacks. Don't worry though! I am okay. I just wanted this to be as real as possible.
Feel free to comment and subscribe.
I love you all!