How can I tell him the truth? What if he leaves me? I can't lose him and the girls! Think!

"Steph I'm pretty sure I already know okay? So don't lie to me. I'm only going to be mad if you try and lie to me I promise."

I closed my eyes but I couldn't answer him. I just couldn't make myself talk.

"The cops found your phone outside of our house Steph, where you must have dropped it. They got into it and went through your calls as you didn't have any text messages saved. You called 'Rocky' didn't you?" Christ almighty, please just kill me now.

I began to cry, "I only wanted someone to talk to I swear! I just couldn't talk to you or dad. I don't know why I just..." I couldn't say any more I was crying too much.

He hugged me, "I know honey, I know. I called him myself and he told me what a bad way you were in. He said was really worried about you after you met him in that hotel." He knows about that and he's hugging me? Rocky was worried about me? I was fine when I met him.

Paul continued, "He said he had been really tempted to call me himself as he was afraid you were hiding your problems from me, from all of us. He said he going to try to convince you to open up to us when he saw you yesterday."

My head was pounding and spinning and this was all too much to take in, "Paul, I'm so sorry. I can't think. I can't."

"It's okay. It's okay. It's all going to be okay soon darling. Try to sleep. We will come and see you later."

How can I not remember that my mom died? I'm insane. I must be. That's what John kept telling me! Was he right? Is this all my fault? That's what he said! Oh god Steph.

Later that day a nurse came into my room. She had a tiny plastic cup with two pills in it. She handed it to me and poured me a drink of water into another plastic cup.

"Can you take these for me Stephanie? You'll feel much better soon when you're on these." These little pills will make me feel better?

"When we're done your dad would like to sit with you. Is that okay?" Of course it's okay!

I swallowed the pills, "Yes. My dad."

She took the little cup from me, "There we are. I'll send your dad in now." She left and the door closed behind her.

What am I going to say to my dad? I need to ask him about mom but how can I? I mean I should know. Why don't I remember?

The door opened and my dad slowly walked in, "Steph? How is your head princess?"

I started crying immediately, "Daddy it hurts and I can't remember! I want to remember but I can't! What's happening to me? What happened to mom? I'm so scared."

He hugged me, "Please stop crying sweetheart. Please. I'm going to sit here and we're going to try to remember together okay? Shall we do that?"

"Okay, but I don't think I can."

He stroked my face as he sat down next to me, "Calm down darling and try to think. Take your time and try your best okay? Do you remember when I called you? Do you remember the phone call?"

I tried my hardest but it was no use, "Dad I can't. I'm so sorry."

He had tears in his eyes now too. I was upsetting everyone. "It's okay princess we'll try again tomorrow. Your meds will help. There will be other things you will start to remember too and when you do we need you not to try not to panic or stress yourself okay? Me and Paul will be with you and so will Shane. It's all going to be okay soon."

I closed my eyes. I just want to sleep. When I wake up maybe I will feel better? Who am I kidding, my mom is dead. How can I ever feel better?