A/N- I again appreciate everyone's reviews. Some talked about wanting to actually know what the letter said, well I never do really write what it says exactly. I think I covered the basics of what it said through the last couple of chapters and this one.
I only have a few more chapters left before this story is wrapped up. I am glad some of you like Marie because you will see a little bit more of her. Okay now on with this chapter.
"Hey Grissom, did you hear about Greg's MRI results?" Nick asked him as he walked into his supervisor's office.
Grissom pinched the bridge of his nose thinking about his last visit with Greg. "No, I have not heard."
"Oh? Well I just finished talking to him. He said he was about to leave the hospital. There does not seem to be any major problems with his head. Doctor says it is probably stress and some minor damage he suffered due to the numerous times he was given the high doses of the drug causing his headaches, mostly migraine level, but nothing medication can't help," Nick told him.
"How did his spirit seem?" Grissom wondered since the last time he saw him he was not in great shape.
"He sounded relieved to tell you the truth. I'm sure he would not have dealt well with another major effect of his health due to her. I still feel weird talking to him though, you know. I just keep seeing him holding that gun to his head in my mind."
"Yeah I know what you mean. It's a tough image to forget. Well at least he finally got some good news, not that having migraines is any fun, but better than whatever else could have been going on. But he still has a way to go on his overall recovery," Grissom mused.
"Yeah, I know. He did say Dr. Rayon and him were going to talk some more. I know his parents are staying with him to keep a close eye on him. I think that is the best we can all do for him right now."
"For who?" Catherine asked as he walked in on the conversation.
Grissom looked at her, surprised. "Greg. He had a MRI today to find out if it was a serious reason why he was getting headaches, but there is not. We were just saying there is not much we can do for him now but just support him."
"Yeah, I have not seen him in a few days. I should really visit him."
"Oh well his parents are back in town staying with him so you might want to call ahead of time," Nick told her.
"Oh they came back? That's nice for him," she replied.
Nick and Grissom hated keeping the others in the dark about the suicide attempt but overall they knew it was best for Greg.
"Well, I do have a case for you two to work on." Grissom gave them the details and their shift was well on its way.
--
"I'm glad you are willing to do this late session since today has been rather hectic," Dr. Rayon said to Greg as he came into his office.
"I'm just glad I do not have to spend another night in the hospital," he replied as he sat down on the couch.
"You're glad the MRI came out well too, I bet."
"Yes, that is for sure. I did not want any more bad news," Greg said. He was relieved but he felt nervous being there in the doctor's office knowing he had to discuss uncomfortable things with him.
"So Greg," Dr. Rayon pulled out a familiar piece of paper. "I got your suicide note from Grissom. I read it over. It was very insightful actually. I think it is the most you've said about how you have been feeling. I understand you better now, but I am not sure why you feel so responsible and guilty over what happened to you?"
He had a feeling he had seen the letter and part of him was grateful that it did explain so much of what was going through his head that day. But that other part felt foolish again for even writing such a thing. He lowered his eyes to avoid the doctor's intense gaze.
"I guess I feel that way because I was not smart enough to figure out who she was before she snared me. I am an investigator. I should have seen a sign."
"Can you tell me what happened exactly that night at the club?"
"I guess. I went in and sat at the bar. At first I just had a drink and watched the crowd. Then I looked around more closely at my surroundings and I saw…you know she was really attractive with that long red-haired wig on." He scowled at himself for even admitting it now.
Dr. Rayon nodded. "I understand. I saw her. I can see how you would have been attracted to her."
"Yeah well, she was checking me out and so I checked her out. I remember I had to make the move on her, she was acting all coy but lots of women do that, you know?"
Dr. Rayon smiled at him. "You don't need to explain to me how women act sometimes. I study the human psyche remember?"
"Ah yeah, sure, sorry. Anyway I went up to her and we did little introductions and talked a bit. Then she said she wanted to go to a quieter location and we got this corner table. I should have figured out why she was moving things along so fast because before I know it we are making out and then I drink some of my drink and start feeling weird. By the time she got me in my car I knew what was happening but the drug had taken over and I was helpless. Next thing I remember was waking up in that cellar; all exposed, bruised and bloodied." Greg's voice had become thick with emotion and he rubbed his hands over his face. His eyes started getting moist.
"See I knew this was going to happen," he said as he sniffled.
"What?" Dr. Rayon wondered what he was talking about.
"Once I started opening up I would become this emotional mess that I am now," he empathetically told him.
"Greg, it's okay to be emotional, actually it is good. It goes to show you had been bottling all of this up before. I'm not judging you just remember that. I know that you went through something extraordinarily tough. I am not expecting you to be all macho about what you went through. I expect what you are showing me now. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, except you wanting to end your life."
Greg quirked his mouth, "I'm okay today," he said sheepishly.
"Okay? Want to clarify that for me?"
He rolled his head back and sighed. "I'm not going to seek out a way to kill myself is what I mean."
"Why do I have a feeling there is a 'but' somewhere?" The doctor watched as Greg met his gaze again.
"But," he stressed the word. "I'm still not sure any of this is really going to help me."
Dr. Rayon pondered a moment. "Okay well let me ask you this, what do you think you are doing here? Do you feel like you are being forced to see me?"
"No, not really. You are helping me, I guess. I mean I was hoping for a faster pace. I know it sounds stupid. In all honesty, I've been so jumbled up I do not know what I want or expect. I just know I hate how people look at me now, like they are expecting me to breakdown or go crazy or something. I guess that is why I've been holding back because I knew that once I actually did let it all out I would be a mess and prove them all right."
"You've hardly really been out, except to the police station and the lab, where you tried to avoid everyone anyway. Has it been that bad at those places? They are your friends. You've worked with them for years. I am sure they are just concerned for you, that is what people do."
He groaned. "I know it just really gets to me though."
"People tell me that you use to hardly let things get to you, they said you were happy-go-lucky. I know what you went through was horrific but do you think you will never be able to be happy again?"
Greg picked at his nails. "I don't know."
Dr. Rayon sighed. It was like pulling teeth or something. "Why?"
"I guess I could be. I think I should try not to rule it out but overall I am doubtful. I mean I will probably never be able to fall in love with anyone again," he shrugged.
"I don't believe that. You know what? I am going to have you observe one of my group sessions. I think you can learn from these others that life does go on and you can be happy again."
Greg looked at him cautiously. "Maybe…as long as I am just observing."
The doctor was glad he was open to it. "Good, I will call you with details on it tomorrow. I think we'll end early since it had been a long day for you."
"Thanks. My parents will be happy."
"Your parents?" Dr. Rayon wondered what he meant.
"Uh yeah, they insisted on driving me here after having the MRI and all," he said much to his chagrin.
"Well, you are their only child and they almost lost you twice in about a month. I think it is only natural that they would want to watch over you."
"I know I've put them through hell and that is why I'm not arguing with them."
"Okay, well enjoy the rest of your evening and I will be in touch with you tomorrow." Dr. Rayon stood up and walked with Greg to his office door.
"Thanks Doc for being patient with me," Greg said sincerely.
"You're welcome, Greg. Have a good night."
Greg met up with his parents out in the lobby. His dad came up to him. "Are you up for going out to dinner?"
"Uh, I'm not sure," he replied, not wanting to go out and have to deal with people that night.
His father gave him a stern look. "You need a good meal and you need to stop being afraid of going out. So we are going. Now I will let you pick where we go but we are going."
Greg swallowed hard; surprised his father was being so forceful and treating him like a child still. "Okay, I'll go," he huffed.
He ended up picking a restaurant he had not been to before, figuring he hopefully would not run into anyone he knew.
His parents steered clear of conversation about him and filled him in on stories from home and of their lives. He appreciated their focus away from him. He was felling like an almost normal person until they were walking out to the car after their meal. He passed this couple probably in their forties when he noticed them staring at him and whispering something to each other. He could feel their eyes on him still as they got to his car.
He spun around suddenly and yelled. "What are you staring at?"
The couple shrieked back and apologized. "Sorry, nothing. We just thought we recognized you but we are mistaken." They ran into the restaurant embarrassed.
"Greg! What the hell was that for?" His father yelled at him.
Greg looked at his father and mother's shocked faces and felt ashamed suddenly.
"They were staring at me and talking about me, probably recognized me from the news and knew," he tried explaining.
"Get in the car. We'll talk in there on the ride home," his father demanded.
Once in the car, Greg felt incredibly guilty and did as told. He sat in the backseat next to his mom while his dad drove. His mother spoke up. "There is no excuse for how you treated those people. So what if they were looking at you and talking about you? People talk about other people everyday. We did not raise you that way," she scolded him.
He looked away out the window, feeling like he was a kid again getting in trouble. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. That's why I did not want to go out."
His mother could hear the guilt in his voice. He was never able to hide it from them. She sighed as she remembered he just tried to take his life and he still had those feelings in him somewhere. She put her hand on his chin and turned his face toward her. She saw his big brown eyes fill with tears, something she rarely saw him do until recently.
"Son, we aren't trying to be hard on you. We just don't want you to always be worried about what others think of you now. We don't want you to be afraid to go out in public for the rest of your life for fear of what you think people might be thinking or saying about you. They are strangers. Who cares what they think? It will just be a passing moment for them, but for you it will be another chink in your armor, slowly breaking you apart more and more."
"I know. I can't help it right now. I'm trying but…I'm sorry," he said as he started weeping.
She drew her son over to her, letting him weep on her shoulder. She rubbed her hand over his back. "Oh Greg, we love you. We just want a bit of our old son back."
His father spoke. "You don't know how terrifying it is to get the call that your son is in a coma because he was taken by some crazy woman who tortured him. That call was bad enough, but what was even worse was hearing that he tried to kill himself and nearly succeeded. Your mother and I felt so horrible for leaving you when we did, so guilty, wondering where we went wrong. We wondered why you did not call us to lean on. It still hurts us that you kept your move from the lab to being a CSI from us for so long. Where did we go wrong with you, son?"
He lifted his head, looking at both of his parents, shocked. "You've done nothing wrong. You were always there for me. It's my fault I didn't tell you. I just did not want to disappoint you, but it seems I did." He said somberly.
They arrived at his place. Once his dad parked the car he turned around to face Greg. "No, you misunderstand. We are the ones who feel that we've disappointed you in some way."
Greg shook his head. "No, no you two are great and have always been there for me. I…I've thoroughly messed up. I did not realize how much I've hurt you both. I'm sorry. Maybe you would have been better off if I had died," he said in a whisper.
His parents looked at each other in alarm and fear. "God, Greg! No! We would never be better off without you. You are our life. Don't you know that? We love you more than you will ever know. It would kill us if you died," his mother cried, grabbing his hands in hers.
"Let's take this inside before people notice us in the car," Mr. Sanders finally said.
Greg moped on ahead, feeling a headache brewing as he realized how stupid and selfish he had been acting. Everything had been about him. He never really thought anyone would be as upset as they all seemed to be over his suicide attempt. He felt miserable.
He unlocked his door and walked in ahead of his parents. He threw his keys on the table and slumped down on his couch. He looked up at his parents who were watching him carefully. "I'm sorry. I've been selfish and thoughtless. I've been a horrible son."
They both say down next to him. "No, you have not been. You've just been put through hell and back. We know nothing has been easy for you. We are just worried about loosing you. That would be the worst thing for us," his father told him.
"You worry us when you get so depressed now and distant. We fear you might try to take your life again," his mother added; deep frown lines on her face.
"I'm better. I won't try it again. I was in a bad place from seeing her and the photos and all but I'm not there now. I sat there for like an hour it seemed, holding that gun in my hand. I couldn't even really do it then. Dr. Rayon and you two have made me take things into perspective. I won't hurt you again, I promise." He looked sincerely at both of them.
"Okay that makes me feel somewhat better," his mother smiled at him, her brown eyes glistening from unshed tears.
"I agree. Why don't we just sit and relax some? Act like a family and watch a movie or something?" His father suggested.
"I'm sorry but I am going to have to pass and turn in early. My head is throbbing so I rather just lay down after I take my pills," Greg told them somberly.
"Well then lay down if you have a headache. We will just stay up a bit longer and be quiet out here."
"Okay and thanks." He gave his mom a kiss on the cheek and then hugged his dad. He made a pit stop in the kitchen to take his pills and then disappeared into his bedroom.