It's another filler, I simply can't wrap my head around writing a wedding just yet. Soon, my lovelies, soooon. For now, have some sads and happies. XOXOXO
Lila POV:
Texas was calling her name. It had been nearly 6 years since she had left her childhood home, but she still keenly missed the warm, endless Southern days.
Lila decided that Steve needed to see Texas before they got married- T-minus 19 days and counting, and since Pepper had all but finished her wedding planning, they were free to travel as they wished (as long as no major villains attacked Earth).
She broached the subject to Steve one evening before bed, when her fiancé relaxed under the covers with a sketch book and light music wafting over them. Usually Lila would be checking a few final emails before signing off technology for the night, but that night she exited the bathroom in her pajamas, ignoring her laptop and climbing in next to Steve, leaning over to look at what he was drawing.
"Steve, is that a hand?"
"Mhmm." He didn't look up or pay much mind to Lila, simply licking his thumb to smudge the edge of a contoured finger.
"Is that a baby's hand? Steve, that's a bit creepy isn't it?"
Steve snorted and replied, "Excuse me, but I think this is a perfectly sweet subject for me to draw. Besides, it's Maria, and she wanted me to "drawer" her so she could take it to show and tell. She did not however want me to draw her face- she wanted a hand."
"Oh. The whims of a 4 year old are beyond my understanding I suppose, but at least she likes me best."
Steve looked up then, affronted.
"That's a barefaced lie- she loves me way more than she loves you!"
Competitive Lila was rearing her head- it was too late at night for her to want to argue but of course, her inner debater couldn't let go of it.
"No. I was with her the day she was born- I was her second word! Leela! I also introduced her to dancing, the color pink, and The Wiggles, so I think I win considering that those are her three most favorite things in the world."
Steve shook his head and returned to his drawing. Scoffing, he quipped "I'm gonna call Maria in the morning and figure this out; she loves her uncle Steve way more than you! She likes my piggyback rides much more than yours- midget."
Lila could hear the laughter in his voice and decided that payback was necessary.
"What'd you say, Captain? Did you say you wanted to be tickled?"
Steve put down the book in alarm, knowing what was coming.
"No Lila, the clock says that it's midnight and I don't want to be assaulted by a flying midg-"
"TOO LITTLE TOO LATE BABY!"
Lila pounced on him, attacking Steve's t-shirt clad chest and neck, reveling in the stupid snorting guffaw coming out of her ridiculously handsome fiancé's mouth. Her tickling slowed torturously, until Steve gasped out,
"UNCLE, UNCLE! I (SNORT) GIVE IN FOR (GIGGLE) NOW!"
Lila collapsed onto him, asking, "Who does Maria love more?"
"Lila."
"Got it babe. That's why you wear the tights in this relationship."
"Shut up Lila."
"Okay sweetie. Just one thing before we sleep."
Steve sounded hesitant as he replied, "Yeah?"
"Can we visit Texas this weekend? I really miss it, and I want to see Dallas one time before we get married. It seems like the right time to go back, and I want you there with me."
Steve didn't pause in answering, "Of course. I know I'd look amazing in leather chaps- not the ass-less kind, obviously, but I could be a cowboy."
Lila groaned, and explained for what felt like the millionth time, "I came from a rich county with zero crime rate, high populations, and absolutely no cowboys. Get over your fantasy before you're disappointed, city boy."
Steve simply tucked Lila into his arms, whispering into her ear, "Yeehaw."
Steve POV:
Texas was big. Yeah, he came from the City of all American Cities, but Texas just seemed to expand with every mile they drove further in it. They had landed at DFW Airport Friday morning at 10 AM, having taken an obscenely early flight around 1 AM. Lila wanted to spend as much of her weekend visiting as she could, so they immediately had had Jarvis book tickets the morning after their bedtime discussion.
Watching Lila pack her fancy pink suitcase was funny- she pondered over three pairs of jeans for 20 minutes, eventually giving in and neatly folding each inside of the case.
He, on the other hand, knew how to pack light- Army training taught a man that. One duffel bag stuffed with: a few casual tee shirts, two formal button downs with jackets, and multiple pants. Also: underwear, socks, shoes, and personal hygiene products, as well as his sketchpad and pencil bag.
At the airport Steve felt some trepidation- it was such a public place, and people were bound to recognize him as Captain America. As they sat in the waiting area, sipping coffee before their flight, Steve hunched behind a newspaper, feeling silly in his baseball cap in the middle of the night. It was a few minutes before Steve realized that no one was looking at him, something that he wasn't used to. Lila must have realized that something was wrong with her fiancé because she wrapped an arm around him, and reassuringly whispered "See why I booked this early flight? We're completely incognito right now, especially since only 5 other people are on this plane. Benefits of using Stark Industry Airways- I can make sure that we have a comfortable ride."
Steve looked at Lila's face; the same perky nose, big brown eyes, and kissable mouth currently smeared with powder from a cheap donut she'd bought from the airport coffee shop.
"I'm glad you're my girl; I have literally no idea what I would do without you."
They had called their flight then, and from there it was smooth sailing- flying.
Lila had rented a car beforehand, a giant SUV that was entirely too big for just the two of them.
"Lila, do we need such a giant car? I know you packed a lot but we really shouldn't waste this gas-"
"Steve. This is Texas, and I'm going to be on the highway here for the first time in 6 years. I will be surrounded by friendly, genuine, warm Texans in huge pickup trucks and SUVs- and did I mention that Texan drivers are homicidal? Unintentionally of course, but it's in our nature. Why do you think I walk around so much back home?"
He shut up, allowing Lila to turn on some awful radio station she'd listened to in high school, laughing as she sang along to some pop-teen hit that sounded atrocious.
Lila pointed out all the tourist landmarks, like the Reunion Tower and the Dallas Zoo. She sounded more animated and giddy than she had in a while- it reminded Steve of the teenage Lila he'd once known, who danced while baking and boxed because she was angry.
They arrived at their hotel by 12 PM, checking in and going up to their room.
As Steve slid the room card through the slot, Lila suddenly gripped his arm, following him into the room where he sat her down on the bed.
"Lila… what is it?"
"I don't know why I came here. I mean, yeah, closure sounds easy but let's get real… There is literally no one alive here who I really care to meet. They all died… and now, here I am? I want to connect with them somehow but I can't obviously."
She sounded way too conflicted for those issues to have come up randomly- Lila had had those demons lurking in her brain for a long time.
Steve didn't want to say the wrong thing but he hadn't the foggiest as to how to help his love.
He tried, of course.
"Lila, this is your home. You love it here, right?"
She nodded, curling up on the bed.
"Well, if you want to see something you love, isn't that normal? You lost something huge here, and it's natural for you to want to regain or replace it somehow."
"That kind of makes sense, go on."
"Well that's the thing- missing something you've lost is a convoluted thing. You want something from returning to the place where the hurt began, a kind of compensation or closure, but it's not so simple as spending a weekend. You'll feel hurt, but you'll also remember happy joyful things. I went back to my old neighborhood in Brooklyn and visited after I woke up the first time- I walked and walked. Things had obviously changed, but I could still reach my memories and find happiness just by being there and seeing things as they were- as well as what they had become."
Lila looked up at him, watery eyed but smiling. "You know how to make me feel less batshit insane, and I love that about you. Thanks for getting me perfectly, supersoldier. Now kiss me."
Steve obliged, leaning down to press his lips to hers before getting up to put their suitcases away, while Lila got up to take a shower. They had made plans to visit the neighborhood where Lila had grown up, and afterwards to explore her suburb before dinner.
Steve checked his phone (only slightly having trouble with the code) to find a text from Tony, which read, in all caps, of course "DON'T KNOCK HER UP ON YOUR WEIRD PRE-WEDDING VACATION. YOUR PERSONAL PRIVATE DOCTOR REPORTS CAME IN WHICH I READ AND THEY SAY YOU HAVE EXCEPTIONALLY STRONG SUPER SPERM. OVER AND OUT."
Panic. That was the first sensation which swam through Steve's mind- before he remembered that he and Lila didn't plan on sleeping together till their wedding night. He was looking forward to that night a LOT. Pregnancy was easily avoided for them- but then he wondered about whether or not modern condoms were enough for his super serum-ed up sperm.
Lila didn't let him continue with that train of thought, as she stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in her towel.
"I forgot my bodywash in my bag, sorry!" She lightly stepped back into the bathroom, leaving the door just barely open.
Steve sat heavily on the bed, forgetting the phone and pondering the implications of it all.
He hadn't realized it, but he had actually been worried about babies. Steve knew he'd changed from the serum and from his second big sleep; he'd wondered if children were even a possibility in his future.
Knowing that he could give Lila the babies she so desperately wanted (He'd seen her hold Maria- the woman wanted a baby badly).
Relief washed over him, and he lay back on the bed, grinning.
Babies. With Lila…
It sounded amazing.
Lila POV:
Her house was the same. It had been owned by a lovely Taiwanese family for the past 3 years; a swing hung from the giant oak tree she remembered so well. It made her happy to see signs of life- flowers planted by the mailbox, a welcome mat at the doorstep. She took Steve to her old neighborhood playground- renovated recently, but still similar.
The weeping willow tree where she and her brothers would play pretend was gone- in its place was a new bench. Still, Lila could never resist an empty swing set, and so she pumped her legs back and forth, going as high as she could without flipping over the set.
She felt like she was soaring, barely noticing when Steve joined her on the next swing, and quickly he overtook her with his long legs. Lila eventually tired, slowing to a gentle swaying. Steve adjusted himself to her speed, and Lila twisted her chains, spinning around and around, catching glimpses of Steve doing the same before she staggered off the swing, dizzy and laughing.
"That was what I'd do with my brothers- we'd play spider, or race- I remember watching them jump off the swing into the air, fearlessly. I could never do it. I'm glad that they got to do that."
Steve smiled, unsteadily hugging her from behind before running to the nearby monkey bars.
They then went by Lila's high school- near her house, same as ever. The fountains gushed water, and new ducks swam about the pond where Lila used to eat lunch with her friends.
Steve and she toured the school grounds, since they were closed for summer. Lila told him about her classes, her successes and her struggles. She stopped only once, before a single marble pillar marked with a plaque-
"IN MEMORY OF THE CLASS OF 2010: GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN."
That was when Lila abruptly turned around and stormed towards the SUV, ignoring Steve's protests.
In the car, she turned furiously to him and said "This was not a smart idea, and I'm supposed to be fucking smart. Right now I feel awful for being alive while literally a thousand of my peers and friends and family are underground or ashes. I feel like shit. It's all my fault!"
"No it's not- survivors' guilt is NORMAL and you know that what you are feeling is okay- it IS NOT irrational to feel this way Lila! Stop beating yourself up for a tragedy you didn't cause!"
Lila started the car. "I know I didn't plant that bomb Steve. I didn't kill them all, but I could've died with them. Now, I'm the girl who made it because she was a know it all pain in the ass. I was Valedictorian, sure, and see what it got me? I lost everyone and I feel responsible for earning that ridiculous title –and surviving. I just have to live with it, and that's all I have to say about it."
Steve tried to discuss it further but Lila shut him out, knowing full well that she was being rude and annoying.
So what? She had pent up all that insanity for years; someone had to see it- who better than her future husband?
At that thought, and with a glance at her amazing engagement ring, Lila felt bad for snapping at Steve.
"I'm sorry. I know you're right, but I'm an idiot and I take time to understand things like this."
Steve smiled at her, understandingly squeezing her free hand as she pulled out of the parking lot towards her favorite Tex-Mex restaurant.
The rest of the trip passed uneventfully, with visits to a few remaining friends who hadn't been at Lila's graduation. They went to the cemetery, with Lila placing roses on the graves of every victim she could find. At her family's plot, she broke down, and Steve sat next to her mother's grave on the grass, talking to her while Lila stood further away, sobbing.
It was heartbreaking, but cathartic. As they left the graveyard, Lila kissed Steve more passionately than she had on their entire trip; when he asked why, she replied, "Because now I know that you're good for me, and plus my mom approves. You talked to my dead mother, Steve; you're fucking amazing."
They ate, slept, walked, and shopped. Monday morning they were back in New York, feeling secure in their relationship and in their future.
As if a good omen, Lila's wedding dress was delivered to their apartment that evening, packed in a huge box, which Lila insisted on hiding in a trunk- she was a little superstitious.
Before going to bed that night, Lila reached out to Steve and stroked his cheek. Quietly she murmured, "I love you. You're my moon. I'm sorry we don't have sex yet, but I promise that'll be amazing too- it's with you, of course it'll be amazing. But I know how much you work to help me feel better and I appreciate it."
A half asleep Steve grinned before falling into slumber, loosely hugging her to his chest.
Lila felt safe and warm.
It was good.