Christine honestly hadn't been planning to do a ton of shopping, but one onesie led to another and they left with a crib, changing table, play pen and basically anything and everything a baby needs. "Jesus Christ you almost need a job like I have to have a kid." Erik was skimming through the receipt, and he was just amazed such tiny people manage to cost so much.

"How much did we spend?"

"Minus your bras and butt stuff, like twenty five hundred."

"That's not awful. We have all his furniture, enough clothes to get us through a week with no laundry being done, diapers, pumps, bottles, and ejmore but the baby stuff is starting to blend together."

"Good I'm not the only one having that problem." Erik had seen enough onesies with animals on the butt to last him many… many years. "So what color do you want to paint the room?"

"I'm thinking blue. It's calm and simple." Christine unlocked the car, and opened the trunk for Erik who was carrying most of the bags. In her defense, he wouldn't let her carry more than four in total.

"That works for me. When do you want to pick paint out?"

"How about tomorrow, then over the weekend we get the room put together? Before we know it he's going to be here, so it's better to get it done sooner rather than later."

"No that works for me. After work or during lunch?" Erik set his bags in the trunk, and sighed in relief. He was getting out of shape.

"After work. God only knows how long it'll take to get a color picked." Christine shut the trunk then gave Erik the keys, and she walked around to the passenger side to get in.

"You have an excellent point." She slowly lowered herself in, and Erik watched since she was still refusing help. "You should start letting me help you one day before you hurt yourself."

"I'm fine." He shook his head, and Christine sighed and put her head back against the seat once she was in. "See. I'm still able to sit down by myself."

"You're pregnant, accept the help or potentially hurt you and the baby. I'd prefer you not hurt yourself or him if it can be avoided."

"I'll think about it. Let's go home my feet and back are killing me." She put her seatbelt on, and Erik shook his head while putting the car in reverse.

. x .

"Don't do it." Christine could feel Erik trying his hardest not to roll paint on her back. Must of been a new mom skill. She wasn't sure, but she liked having it.

"Do what?" He put his roller back in the paint tray before she turned around, and when she glanced back at him he smiled.

"You know what." She bent over and rolled more paint onto her's, and just as she stood up, she felt Erik's roller go over her butt. She gasped and turned with her roller in hand, which flicked paint across the flooring. "Erik!"

"What?" He snickered, and he moved back when she tried painting his shirt. "I was just painting! You can't blame me for that."

"Yes I can!" They both laughed when she got his neck as he got her arm, and she went for another swipe when he grabbed her arm and pulled her up to him. He bent down and kissed her, and she went to cup his cheek, but stopped when she remembered they weren't supposed to be doing that. "Erik, friends."

"I'm claiming my one exception you promised me." Erik moved her back up to the wall, and he dropped his roller onto the floor so he could grab her hips. She shut her eyes when his lips claimed hers, and she sighed at how comfortable she felt in his arms.r

"You are getting paint everywhere."

"I'll replace the flooring. I don't care." She smiled as he took a break from the kiss, and she decided she'd allow the exception.

"If we're going to have sex I want to do it on a bed to give my feet a break." Erik picked her up, and she giggled as he nibbled at her neck. She was going to have to allow for exceptions more often.

. x .

Thirty weeks, and kicking was beginning to really disrupt her sleep which wasn't fun for anyone. "Hey, can I get today off? I didn't sleep very well because he was kicking all night." Christine walked up to Erik, who was cooking them breakfast.

"Of course. I'm sorry you didn't sleep well."

"Thank you, and it's okay. He's probably sleeping right now since he's not kicking anymore. I guess keeping me up really pooped him out." Erik chuckled at her irritation, and she sat down at the bar while considering if breakfast was even worth risking the kid waking up before she could take a nap.

Ffffkkgptt

"That's how it goes. Go take a nap, breakfast will be here when you wake up."

"You sure?" She wasn't sure how he knew what she was thinking almost all the time.

"Yeah I'm super sure the breakfast won't grow legs and run away before you wake up."

"Smartass." She stood up from the bar and yawned. "Wake me up before you leave."

"Okay. I'll see you in a little while."

"See ya." Christine walked down the bedroom for a good nap.

. x .

"Erik." Christine woke up that night to pee, and something felt wrong. She hadn't felt a single kick all day, and she hated to be that parent, but she wanted to go to the emergency room and make sure he was okay. She shook Erik's shoulder when just calling his name didn't cut it, and he finally sat up like he was rising from a coffin. "Wake up, something's wrong."

"Huh? What's wrong?" Erik did his best to wake up but he was just exhausted.

"He hasn't kicked at all since last night. I need to go to the ER and make sure he's okay or I won't sleep at all until my next appointment."

"Okay let me get dressed." He kicked the covers back and climbed out of bed, and she sat down and started stress balling his comforter. "You're sure he hasn't kicked? You did sleep some, right?"

"Maybe half an hour, but I don't think he selectively picked to kick during the half hour I was asleep, and light enough to not wake me up. Just trust me on this."

"I am I'm just keeping you talking so you don't get too stressed out." He sat down next to her with his socks and shoes, and had it been different circumstances she would've enjoyed that he was in jeans, but she was working on not throwing up so it was pretty irrelevant, sadly. Erik stood up when his shoes were on, and he grabbed his phone off his charger, then his wallet and keys off his dresser. "Come on, let's get going." Erik offered her his hand, and once she was up she didn't let go. "Hey it'll be okay. He's okay and you're okay, don't get too stressed out." He put his arm around her shoulder as they left the room and went towards the front door.

"You don't know if we're okay. I appreciate it but this is one thing I won't feel any reassurance until I get an ultrasound and there's a heartbeat." She laid her head against his side as they walked down the hallway, and when they got to the elevator she pressed the button so Erik's didn't have to move his arms.

. x .

She held onto his hand the entire drive, and once the were sitting down in the sitting room she still didn't let go. "Have you felt him kick since we've gotten here?"

"No. Nothing." She rubbed her stomach, and even Erik was starting to grow nervous.

"Christine Daae?" She and Erik looked over at the nurse who was looking for her, and they stood up and walked over to the nurse. "You're Christine?"

"Yeah."

"Okay so if you'll follow me we'll go back and see what's going on. You haven't felt your baby kick for about a day now?"

"That's right. I hate to seem like that mom, but I'm just really worried. He's usually really kicky."

"It's alright, the first door on the right, please." Christine was glad she got a nice older woman and not a bitchy older woman. She couldn't handle bitchy. Christine realized it was the room where she was weighed and they got all her vitals, she gave Erik her purse. "Step on the scale." Christine did as she asked, and when the number popped up to one twenty three, she was ready to celebrate! She'd was trying to gain weight, so the baby was helping her out tremendously. "Okay you're one twenty three, and you're-" the nurse raised the Measuring Stick o' Doom as Christine liked to call it, and she almost got excited when there was another inch than usual, but remembered her shoes had a little height to them. "And you're at five foot three. Step down and I'll take you to a room."

They left the vitals room, and they stopped at an empty bed where Christine happily sat down. Her back was really starting to hurt from the awful chairs in the waiting room. But she was met with disappointment when it felt like a cardboard covered in a bed sheet. "Nothing is comfortable in this hospital. Absolutely nothing."

"We could use some updates, but the hospital's main backer is thinking about pulling funding, so we can't do much until the smoke clears. I'll be back, I'm going to go grab an ultrasound cart." The woman shut the curtain, and Christine found Erik's hand. She was so close to finding out what was going on, but she didn't want to at the same time. There was a chance something was wrong, and she wasn't sure if she could mentally handle it. The curtain moved back, and she felt her stomach jump up into her throat. "Okay here we go." The woman made sure the curtain was completely closed before moving next to Christine.

"Erik I'm scared." Her chest felt like it was just punched with a brass knuckle, the stress cramps were indescribable and she could barely breathe.

"I know, but I'm here no matter what happens." He kissed her, he figured it wasn't the time or place to just be a friend. "I love you."

"I love you too." She shut her eyes as her shirt was rolled up, and she squeezed Erik's hand as the usual goo was squeezed onto her stomach, and the next ten seconds felt like it happened in slow motion. The paddle was pressed against her stomach, and when no sound came, she hoped at first the volume wasn't up or there wasn't any volume on theirs. "Do you guys have volume?"

"Uh yes."

"Is it up?"

There was a pause, followed by the word she didn't want to hear, and apparently the nurse didn't want to say it. The woman was quiet enough to not wake a sleeping baby. "Yes. This is an ultrasound and Doppler. There isn't any movement." Christine opened her eyes, and her eyes swelled up when she looked at the monitor and she wasn't lying. No heartbeat, no squirming or kicking… He was just there. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh god." She choked on her tears as she covered her mouth, and she couldn't stop looking at the monitor. "Why? Why is he? What did I do?" She felt herself starting to hyperventilate from gasping between the sobs, and Erik put his face against her shoulder. Mostly to help comfort her, he was just numb so he figured he'd be most helpful comforting.

"It's almost impossible to say with situations like these. How far along are you?"

"Almost thirty one weeks." She wiped her cheeks despite new tears replacing the ones that were wiped away, and she held onto Erik's head as he kissed the side of her neck.

"Okay. I'll leave you two alone for a little while to process, but after that we need to get you into a room upstairs, and I'm going to call your doctor. What's the name of the Doctor who was going to deliver him?"

"Melany Hemms. Why am I being put in a room upstairs?" Christine glanced back at the monitor and hiccuped.

"Because he needs to be delivered. You'll be induced, and you'll give birth to him. You'll get to hold him if you want to, we'll get pictures and then we'll take him, and take care of him from there."

"I have to push him out? Like you guys can't just cut him out?" She didn't want to lay in an uncomfortable bed knowing she was pushing out a dead baby.

"Unless it's extreme circumstances they usually don't do that." The nurse took the paddle off, wiped off then handed Christine a paper towel. "I'll get ahold of Melany and get her over here." The nurse took the cart and left the curtained off room, and Christine finally started ugly crying. She cried out as if someone had just murdered Erik in front of her, and Erik wrapped his free arm around her chest.

"I'm so sorry, Christine." He felt himself tearing up, and she grabbed his shirt as she started shaking. "We'll get through this, and once we do I'm taking you somewhere where we can just mourn, regroup and just take a deep breath."

"I fucked up so badly and I don't even know what I did." She grabbed the back of his neck, and Erik moved so he could sit down on the bed next to her, and he sniffed before hugging her. He couldn't say anything to make her feel better, so all he could do was hug her. "I'm a horrible mom, he knew it and he escaped me before he had to deal with me."

"Are you suggesting our unborn child killed himself because of his ability to see the future?" Erik wiped her cheeks off with his thumbs, and she nodded despite knowing how insane it sounded. "I'll just let you hold onto it for a few hours, but after that we're gonna need to recognize how insane that sounds."

"I know it's insane but what else makes sense? He was fine and now he's gone." She tried to stop crying when her throat was starting to hurt, but it became obvious that wasn't happening anytime soon very quickly.

"That it just happened. Things happen, but I don't think he killed himself to get away from you. We'll ask Mel when she gets here though."

Christine didn't feel like talking anymore, she said enough, she just wanted to cry and hug Erik.

. x .

She cried for a solid hour, including the trip up to a room on the maternity ward. It was just so disheartening knowing she was so close to having him, and maybe he could've been fine, but he passed away before she could. After an hour of crying, she stopped when she fell asleep while being held by Erik. His hand found a spot on her stomach, and he laid there as she cried and slept, just hoping to feel a kick of wiggle, but nothing ever happened.

Christine woke up when Mel came into the room, and she was carrying a card. "It's four am so this is all I could get. I'll get something better in the morning." She held the card out, and Christine showed no interest in taking it, so Erik thanked her before taking it.

"Christine, read the card." He opened the envelope, then set the card in front of Christine.

"I just want to go home and cry in private." She opened the card, and as she expected, she didn't feel any better. "Thank you, Mel."

"You're welcome. So the doctor on call has updated me on what's happening, and he induced you, and you've got the morphine to help with the contractions since we don't… Have to worry about the baby. Anyway, your vitals are good, and I ran blood tests and I'm not seeing anything that would point it towards it being something because of you. Obviously with situations like this, it's almost always impossible to tell, but there's exceptions. I hope we can find out to help bring you two some closure, but I can't promise anything. How are you two doing?"

"I'm really tired." Christine was numb, emotionally and physically. She loved morphine.

"Well I'd get some sleep, it'll make pushing easier. I'll be back in a little while to see where you're at, but until then take a nap, Erik you too. You both need it." Mel set her hand on Christine's ankle, squeezed, then left them alone to do whatever. She had a feeling Christine was going to sleep since she couldn't move.

"See, it wasn't you." Erik moved her bangs out of her face.

"Hmm." He realized she was way too high to do much besides sleep or lay there, which she probably meant to do. He couldn't blame her, he was starting to feel the pain the longer it was reality. Their family was ripped away from them, and he wasn't able to fix it or make it better. Helplessness wasn't something he liked to feel. "This is what I get for originally thinking about aborting him." Christine sounded like a drunk idiot, and she was struggling to stay awake, but it was worth it.

"I don't think that caused this either."

"Whatever. I'm sleeping." She let her eyes shut as they rolled to the back of her head. Erik started rubbing her stomach gently, and he couldn't decide if he wanted to sleep or not.

. x .

Christine woke up, and every single time she did she was hoping it'd all been a bad dream. But every time she woke up, she was in the damned hospital. Her eyes still puffy, and Erik laying behind her, his arm wrapped around her still. She grabbed for the morphine controller, and she lowered the amount she was getting since she needed to be functioning for a little while. "Erik." She put her hand on top of his, and she felt his breathing quicken.

"Hm?"

"I'm so sorry… How are you doing?"

"And I'm sorry. We both lost our son, but I'm okay. I've had better days… Don't think I've had worse honestly."

"Maybe the day my parents died was worse than this, but like not by much. This is probably worse though." She wiped at her eyes before she could start crying. "Much worse actually."

"I can imagine." He was going to miss rubbing her stomach. "Let's think of a name. He deserves a name."

"Yeah he does." She was grateful she had somewhat of a distraction so she didn't lose it again. "How about Alexander? It means defender of men… And who knows maybe he'll be our guardian angel." Erik was taken back when Christine was talking religious ideas.

"I thought you don't believe in religion, but either way that name is perfect." He liked the name, and ultimately if it brought her comfort that's what mattered.

"I don't, but I can hope he's not just gone, y'know? Like he's somewhere happy and we'll get to meet him one day." Her throat tightened, and Christine put her face in the pillow to work on gathering herself. Erik held her closer when her body shook from a sob, and it quickly became apparent to her that she wasn't gathering herself. No it was quite the opposite, she became a sobbing mess instantly, and all she could do was be held by Erik. It helped some, but nothing in the end could cure the meteor sized hole her heart.

Erik looked over at the door as Mel walked in, and she came in with her usual clipboard. "Christine, Mel is here."

"I don't care!" She just wanted to be left alone!

"I can come back after she's ready to check her progress."

"Christine c'mon. The sooner we're done here the sooner we can go home and cry in private." Erik got out of the bed, and Christine rolled over onto her back despite wanting to still have her face in the pillow. She was at the point where she just wanted him to be out of her so she could hold him and cry, then go home and cry.

She watched as Mel washed her hands and put gloves on, then came over to the bed and moved the sheet out of the way. The rest she wasn't sure what happened because she couldn't feel or see a thing. "Okay so you're almost there. You're at nine centimeters."

"How long to I have to stay in the hospital?"

"Until tomorrow. Well assuming you give birth today and it all goes perfectly."

"Fuck I want to go home immediately."

"I know and I'm sorry, but despite the outcome, it's still childbirth." Mel brought her hand back into view and pulled her gloves off. "I'll be back in fifteen or twenty minutes since you've been progressing at a rather consistent speed."

"Okay." Christine looked at the clock, and it was only five am. The biggest chunk of their visit to the hospital thus far had been the two hours sitting in the ER waiting room. She was going to probably have a baby in less time than it took for them to be seen in the ER, and that annoyed her. She was definitely going to be complaining about that. "Where were you thinking about going to when you said last night we'd go somewhere after this was done?" Christine just wanted to go somewhere far away where she could breathe and work through everything at her pace. "How long can you be gone?"

"Wherever you want to go, and I can be gone as long as I want to be. Nadir is trained to do what I do in case I ever decide to step down. So he can fill my shoes for two years if I needed him to, just say the word."

"That's great to hear." Christine looked over in the corner of the room as she pushed herself up, and she noticed two bags. "Where'd those bags come from?"

"I ran home and got us some clothes, and grabbed a few of his onesies in case you wanted to dress him once he was here."

"Oh thank you. Bring me his onesies, I want to look at them." Because for some reason, she was willingly doing something that was going to make her cry again. Erik walked over to the bags, and he brought over the smaller of the two that had Christine clothes and Alexander's. He brought the bag over and unzipped it, and Christine reached in, and grabbed the first onesie she felt. She teared up as she held it up letting it unfold. "He would look so handsome in this one." It was a plain green and white long sleeved, striped onesie, but it was fitting she thought. "This one. Is this okay with you? This is your thing too." She sniffed as she set the onesie down on her lap, and she looked over at Erik.

"That's a nice one. It'll be good for pictures… I do want pictures of him with us. This is the one picture I'll willingly take." Erik started rubbing her upper back, and Christine's face scrunched up to help keep the tears at bay.

"I want them too." He kissed her temple when he heard the shake in her voice, and she appreciated his attempts at trying to comfort her. "You like Alexander, right? You're not just saying you like it because I'm crying a lot?"

"I love the name." He was happily indifferent. He didn't have any better ideas, and it was a solid name so he was happy with it. "I was thinking we could donate everything to charity. Keep a couple outfits, some things to remember him by but the rest can go to someone who needs it."

"Good idea… But I want to wait a little bit before we get rid of everything."

"Well yeah. I meant once we're ready." Christine nodded and looked back into the bag, and she pulled out a pair of white socks and a hat.

"I want these on too. Or maybe not the hat so we can see his hair and face."

"We can take the hat off for a photo, and keep it on for another."

"Okay." She was suddenly dealing with chest pains when she tried figuring out how they could get his hands and feet in the photos. She wanted to be able to remember everything about him. She looked over at Erik, and she saw a couple tears roll off his cheek. "Just let it out. I know you're holding it in because of me. I can handle you being sad about your son dying. He's as much yours as he is mine." Christine watched as he put his head back and took a deep breath, then he let the breath out, and it came out rather shaky. "Erik, just cry already."

"I need to take my mask off to cry." Erik wiped his eyes off, and Christine sighed before pulling him over and taking his mask off.

"Now," she pulled his head up to her shoulder, and Erik found the position rather uncomfortable. So he sat down on the edge of the bed. "cry before you get angry. Anger won't help this situation nor will holding everything in."

"You make crying sound so easy." She wrapped her arms around him, and Christine was ready to thwap his head. "This is really awkward." He was more of a natural cryer, not a forced cryer.

"Oh my god fine. I was trying to hide your face so you could comfortably display some emotion in this situation but never mind." She crossed her arms and looked straight ahead, and Erik realized he fucked up. "Just keep it pent up, I don't care."

Erik was about to start apologizing when someone knocked on the door, so he quickly grabbed his mask and secured it back on his face. When it was Mel Christine was hopeful she was able to push soon. She just wanted it all to be over. "Hey, so I just wanted to come in and talk to you guys, and make sure I know what you guys want to do before it all starts. Do you want to hold him?"

"Yeah. I wanna clean him off and maybe put some clothes on him. Then I want to take a couple pictures of him so we have something to remember him with."

"Okay. We can also do an ink stamp of his feet and hands. Would you guys want that?"

Christine nodded as she felt the tears coming back. "Please. We named him… His name is Alexander." Christine covered her face as the sobs returned, and Erik went back to rubbing her back.

"That's an amazing name. Good pick you two… So you might not be able to dress him depending on his condition. I just want to prepare you for that possibility, but either way cleaning him off will happen, and if he's too fragile we can wrap him in a blanket."

"Whatever we can do we want to do." Erik hated seeing Christine crying.

"Okay. I'm going to check and see if she's completely dilated. Let's hope she is so we can get this done. I can only imagine it feels like it's dragging along."

"Just a little bit." Erik watched Christine while Mel did her hand washing thing, and he only turned his attention away when there was potential news. Mel moved her hand up under the sheet, and Christine spread her legs so Mel could get done what she needed to get done.

Which didn't take long thankfully. "So good news. You're fully dilated, and we can get this moving now. I'm going to go get everything I need, and I'll be back soon." Christine took a deep breath, mostly to keep herself calm. It was almost over, she was almost able to go home and deal with everything by herself in her soft bed, and not the cardboard bed she was on at that God forsaken hospital.