So I got to thinking. I said to myself, I said: I need to update more regularly on my stories and keep in better contact with my readers.
THANK YOU Fayte80, Kaoru-chibimaster, Domino-party, TheMysticalQ,Sukaretto Yuki, andAbbykinz813, for your heartfelt reviews! I am honored that people lose sleep over my stuff x33 Ya'll almost made me bawl like a baby!
Dun cry Tie-Me-Up-With-Jackets~ I can give yew moar nao :3 To Madriddler (thanks for the tip about rechecking…might make updates slower so I can let the typos stew in order to see them easier…many apologies _ reread all and it was mortifyinggggg), TheChemistOfAmestris, and those of you who want Xion six feet under already…well let's just say that there are some things far worse than death. Much worse… *sigh*
Let's get back on track though shall we? To clear up any confusion, this tale is being expressed by an older Roxas who is fiddling with a memoire of sorts concerning his high school days. I try to give some hints as to when the jumps occur.
Party scene hyar. Macaroni art masks, booze, angst and the resurrection of Roxy's iPod! Whoop whoop! :3 Warnings abound. Need I say more? Well I suppose just one more thing… Damn you Square Enix…damn you to hash and heck! ...*cough* I mean…
No oen, no sue pureez~ *sparkle(?)*
With everything that's been going on with my health I've decided to focus on one story at a time: this one being first since its my baby like I said before. Next is ASFW, Live and Learn, Kyuubi Strain, and finally Slip Away and Ponderings. Of Sin and Honey is going to fit in here somewhere and I'm reworking Zetsu Ai around so these two will be taken down.
Dualism took her shit down. Broke my heart. I downloaded nook just so I could keep "Surgeon General". So, I have a scene in here that gives her a nod. Because Sora is awesome. Brownie points to those of you who catch it!
But enough about this.
On with it already.
Chapter 23: "He Stuck a feather in his cap and called it… Masquerade?"
Memories don't just come from the mind, they can sew themselves into our blood, infuse into our very muscles. The mind can lag but it isn't always necessary in remembering things, people we've forgotten.
The fact that Axel and I are still together is all the proof I can give. All the proof that even a skeptic like me needs.
Roxas paused.
He'd rolled over this morning, tired and sore from more than just the business party they attended last night. More than just the mind blowing sex. It was that kind of tired where you're too awake to relax and go back to sleep, but too sore to get up and do anything.
Roxas had reached over to rake Axel's spikes over the pillow, admire his flawless pale skin in the grey morning light. Roxas still didn't fully understand why he let Xion have his way for so long back in high school. The pain and loathing shouldn't hurt so much now. They were all adults. But some mistakes stay with you. Some apologies, whether through words or actions will never be enough because wounds run too deep.
With a sleepy murmur Axel had nipped Roxas's palm, had pulled him closer in the way only Axel could pull off with such sloppy perfection. Axel had fallen into a light snooze after, with the gentle patter of rain marking each of his precious heartbeats.
It had been too much for Roxas, so he got up, fled like he always did into his study and pulled up the Word document that had dredged up his beginning.
Here he sat now.
Roxas's love had proved to be enough. He snorted and set his fingers to the keys again.
Even with Axel's memories scattered, his body had still remembered our kisses. Perhaps that's what really saved our relationship. That and Sora's digs. I will forever be in debt for that dumb masquerade—it's what set everything in motion, as Sora so often reminds me when I take him out for coffee every Sunday. Fucker.
Call it selfish, but I want to go out like that one couple from "The Notebook"….Yes, I'm a fag. We've been over this. That's the good thing about being serendipitous. When I do things I don't even expect, it can all be forgiven. I have an excuse to be sappy. So there.
Axel hates it when I make him cuddle and watch movies with me, but I remind him it's better than Leon's Queer as Folk obsession. Or Sora and his Dora… no way. Nuh-uh. I am not going to explain so it's futile to even ask. Some things are beyond my reasoning.
Boots is pretty badass though. That monkey knows how to accessorize. Not gonna lie.
Focus…focus….
I can't help rubbing it into Noah's face that when a car came, Axel didn't die. At this point I usually get whatever extremity he's leaning against bitten. 'They're inside the pretty box Roxas. They can't hear you Roxas. Shut up Roxas.'
Blah, blah, blah.
But I digress. Back to my original thought.
Which was…uhm…
Oh yeah! The Notebook! So, remember the part where they are at the very end and it's the scene where Noah and Allie are sitting down to dinner? How they talk about the story, and she asks how it ends, and who she chose?
Then suddenly Allie's old eyes light up, and she doesn't look lost. She sees her younger self at Noah's door with her belongings, ready to stay for good. She starts crying, realizing that the man in front of her is the man from the story.
They dance and kiss, and he is happy she remembers.
He is content to forget all the pain from being forgotten and it fades away in that rare, glorious moment of remembrance. He is resolved to the fact that sticking by her side was worth it, because there were still moments like these, moments of love that not even disease could take away. She asks about the kids, and tells him to tell them she loves them and that she is sorry for something no one can blame her for.
He says "I love you", and she loses it again, saying she doesn't know him. He tries to touch her and she screams and backs away. With three simple, complicated, words we see Allie's loss of an already tenuous memory again.
Yup, at this point I'm totally bawling all over myself. I mean, I can relate you know?
Tissues. Tissues, and cocoa, and bon-bons, and teary cuddles.
Need I remind you?
F-a-g. And damn proud of it now. Better late than never.
The movie fades, but it's not over. We hear the nurse rush into Noah's room, and apparently he has another heart attack. He's rushed to the hospital, and gets better. Back in the retirement home, Noah creeps to Allie's room. She remembers him as Noah again. She asks him things like if their love can survive anything. What will happen when she loses her memory completely, what will Noah do? They hold hands, and she asks if their love can keep them together forever.
They fall asleep like that; sharing a bed, holding hands. The nurse comes in the next morning to see them in the same pose, since they passed away. Their love let them die together.
Now, no.
I'm not going to say the end to my story is some Nick Cassavetes production. I'd only wish for something like that, but who knows? Its still unwritten. I still say that we could all at least get an A-listing on Logo though.
Hm.
I suppose this is one of those moments where you ask, "So what happened to Xion and the rest? Why the jump? What the fuck is going on!?"
Here's your answer. Buckle up kiddies.
_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_
"You're serious", Roxas groaned. He glared down at the mess spread out on his coffee table.
Yuffie shoved her face in Roxas's with an obnoxious grin.
Roxas glowered up at her then glanced at Demyx's equally happy grin, and Leon's mildly horrified one. Then back down at his coffee table.
"You can't be serious" he groaned again.
Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Roxas! Macaroni art is cool!"
"The fact that you think it's cool just proves how lame you are", Leon muttered.
Roxas glared at the paper plates, scissors, glue, glitter, googly eyes, feathers, and a pile of other stuff that didn't bear dwelling on. Demyx snatched a plate from the table and a pair of scissors, hacking at it with the practiced fervor of a preschooler.
"This is the last time I let you do the shopping."
"Demyx was with me too!"
"Okay…rewind. This is the last time I leave you unsupervised." She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off, "Without a responsible influence. And you", Roxas growled, turning to poke a finger inLeon's chest. "Why didn't you stop her?!"
Leon scratched his chin and appraised the pile of stuff on the table with a mixture of respect and resignation. "Because I was with you eating food and stuff?" He turned to look at Yuffie, eyeing her carefully. "I don't even know how she hauled all that in here. She's such a tiny thing…and there's…so much."
"I'm not a thing. Hello? Where were you people like ten pages ago!? I'm a ninja!"
Leon blinked. "We were chilling in the prologue to escape from you...you and your perk and quirk. Poor Demyx. Tell me, do you use the same methods during sex? Houdini Dem's pants right off?"
Yuffie winked and Roxas gaped.
Demyx ignored them and perched by the coffee table, sticking the tip of his tongue between his teeth and frowning with laughably intense concentration at the halved plate in front of him. He reached for the glue and hesitated for a moment, snatched it up and dribbled a healthy amount in furious patterns all over the surface.
Leon pinched the skin between his eyebrows and fought a smirk with obvious effort.
"Yuffs… I can't decide between the pink or the red glitter. Help meeee" he whined.
Roxas hid his face in his hands.
Leon bent over, shaking and making strange noises as he suppressed his laughter.
Yuffie beamed as if she wasn't about to demolish what little self-respect Demyx had left. "See? It's a totally manly hobby!"
Leon straightened and swiped at his eyes daintily with his pinky. "Demyx isn't exactly what I'd call manly."
Demyx chucked a popsicle stick at him without looking up from his creation-in-progress. Leon dodged and snickered while Yuffie ruffled her fingers through Demyx's mullet.
Roxas tried to step back—and had almost succeeded—until Leon's body stopped his retreat.
"Oh no…" he said darkly. "If I have to do this, I'm taking you with me."
Roxas glanced up at him, his mind working. "You think they'd be insulted if we murdered them and danced on their entrails?"
Leon's face twisted up into a thoughtful expression—as if seriously considering this venture—before he barked out a laugh. "I've always wanted to try the cabbage patch on Yuffie's corpse."
Roxas nodded solemnly. "I call dibs on running man then."
Demyx looked up, some glue smeared on his jaw. "That is both horrifying and surreal. But don't touch my girl."
Yuffie grinned and kissed him then returned to her own plate. With a collective sigh, Roxas and Leon resigned themselves to their fates and joined in.
Five minutes later, Leon cursed when Yuffie accidently sneezed and sputtered glitter into his eyes.
"That stuff is like herpes of the art world. Gets everywhere and never fucking comes off. Ouch, dammit!"
"Sorry! Sorry, just hold still. I'm almost done." Roxas bit his lip.
"Don't you dare laugh."
"I'm not…laughing", Roxas said around abortive little snorts. He gentled his movements as he dabbed at Leon's teary eyes with a warm washcloth. "My offer for double homicide still stands, you know."
"Please don't tempt me."
"Better?"
"Hold on." He used Roxas's shoulder for leverage as he rocketed to his feet, aiming for Yuffie.
The tiny girl squeaked and vaulted up, fleeing to the farthest reaches of Roxas's apartment as Leon coiled a kitchen towel around both knuckles with practiced ease and charged after her.
"It was an accident! I can't control my snoz rockets! Ow! Dammit Squall! Mercyyyy" she howled. They ran out of sight as he chased her back into Roxas's room. More shrieks punctuated three sharp snaps of the towel.
Then…silence.
They both lumbered out a moment later, one looking extremely satisfied and the other gripping her stinging bottom.
The muscles in Roxas's stomach twitched and burned as he laughed. When Yuffie sat back down, Roxas rubbed at his throat and cleared it, giving her his best shit-eating smirk. "Can we please not use my kitchen amenities to abuse each other?"
"It was for a good cause" Leon growled as he shook out a cigarette from his pack.
"And Squally-butt started it."
Roxas's brow arched. "Serves you right for playing with the big boys."
Demyx cleared his throat irritably. "Spanking Yuffie is my job."
Leon rolled his eyes. "You're a sick man Dem."
"Well, at least my pants don't look like ass-less chaps."
"What?" Leon's gaze sharpened. "You want to run that by me again, son?"
"I said" Demyx pronounced more carefully, "Your pants. Look like. Ass-less chaps."
The brunet recoiled his towel and bum rushed Demyx, the latter of which scrambled up and dodged with more success than his woman had. But it still wasn't enough.
Roxas smirked and reached for some string to loop through his cut-out mask.
Yuffie giggled when a hassled looking Demyx flopped his head into her lap and rubbed his stinging bottom.
"And the man returns" Roxas drawled.
Demyx grinned. "So you finally acknowledge my raw, overt masculinity?"
"He was referring to me", Leon mumbled around his unlit cigarette. "Never insult the leather."
"Yeah" Roxas continued. "A mullet and sore ass do not a man make. I think your only redeeming quality is that you have a love of booty shorts. Granted, they may be on Yuffie. But they're still booty shorts."
Demyx made a rude noise as Yuffie traced the outline of his ear in a loving gesture. "Coming from the man who slobbers over cock."
Leon frowned and glanced between the two lovers across the table. "I knew it. Yuffie is the man in the relationship."
"Dem booty shorts. How do you hide it so well, Yuff?", Roxas asked.
"Hide what?"
He pointed at his crotch and grinned wolfishly. "That. We all know you have one. Admit it."
She gave Roxas a bland expression before snorting. "Plenty of tuck-and-tape my friend. Plenty of tuck-and-tape. But enough about my booty shorts."
"So", Demyx said. "We should really figure out what kind of deal this is going to be. I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootinany?"
Leon scowled. "And the difference is...?"
Demyx raised his eyebrows, as if not knowing how to distinguish one event from another was absurd. "Well my ignorant compadre, a gathering calls for mellow song stylings and some brie."
"Like the cheese?"
"Yep."
Yuffie giggled as Roxas rubbed his face to stifle a groan.
"A shindig", he held up an authoritative finger while he continued, "needs dip. Lots of dip, less mellow song stylings, and, perhaps a large amount of a certain malt beverage. And a hootinany?" He shrugged. "A hootinany is chock full of hoot with just a liiiittle bit of nany."
"That is probably the most stupidly brilliant thing to ever come out of your mouth", Roxas said.
Leon nodded in agreement.
Roxas turned to him. "So about the masks, then, what—"
Yuffie suddenly cut him off, shrieking, "Look, a distraction!"
Roxas snapped his head in the direction of her pointing finger before realizing he'd fallen for a stupid trick. A really stupid trick.
And what did he do as a follow-up after falling for this stupid trick?
He looked back. Right into a blinding, sparkly cloud of pink.
"Yuffie! Fuck!" Glitter really did sting dammit.
"That's what you get for calling my sweet baby stupid."
"Stupidly brilliant", Leon clarified.
Roxas swiped at his teary eyes and blinked quickly to try and dispel some of the sharp pain. It didn't help."Leon, sick her!"
Though he couldn't see, he could practically feel the towel once again creak around Leon's knuckles as he prepared to snap it, he heard the indignant squawks of both Yuffie and Demyx as they struggled in vein against Leon's mad skills, and he felt that maybe, just maybe, this hootinany wouldn't be so bad if he had these guys by his side.
_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_
Demyx and Yuffie twined their fingers as they walked, happier than they should have been given those masks. Were they more clever or ridiculous?
In a crass move, they had decided to make matching masks, one half of a heart covering opposite sides of their faces. When they pressed their cheeks together, the heart hugged them on the outside.
Roxas wanted to puke because as sweet as it was…
….
….there was no nice way to finish that thought.
Overnight. Seriously? What was it with some people? They hadn't even known each other for a full day and yet they were drooling all over themselves so shamelessly! Some things happen too fast.
Roxas ignored the tickle of guilt in his gut.
Leon chuckled and ruffled Roxas's hair. Roxas pushed him off and forced a grin as he examined Leon's finished product, a simple black and yellow 'Czar' number. Leon was really skilled with his hands.
Roxas reached up and fiddled with the music note he had pasted on the side of his more sedate 'Elfin' cut. They were all in their casual clothes which was a relief. Roxas didn't feel like dressing up much and the mask was actually welcome.
"Are you alright?"
"Ask me again when the evening is over." Roxas reached up and plucked yet another piece of sparkly crap off his face before flicking it away irritably.
"Roxas…"
"Please Leon, don't 'Roxas' me right now. This is my first…" Roxas choked.
Leon raised an eyebrow. "Your first party?"
Roxas nodded.
Leon's smile softened not with pity but understanding as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, giving Roxas's shoulder a light nudge. "Relax kid. You're among friends."
"Gee, where have I heard that before?" Roxas mumbled bitterly. Burrowing deeper into Axel's jacket and scarf, Roxas pondered what he was getting dragged into.
When Mom was still alive, he hadn't had time for parties. For friends. They'd moved around too much to call any one place home. And now…now he had someplace to start roots. Both Mom and Axel had left him stranded in a new world.
It felt so right it was wrong. It hadn't been more than a couple of months and here he was, walking with a group he would have never foreseen himself with.
Their steps carried them into the fading night.
Roxas's mind slipped into the kind of trance that one succumbs to when taking a car ride. His ears ached for music and he reached up to rub the tip of a lobe absently.
Leon noticed because he said, "Hold out your hand a moment."
Roxas complied without thinking about it. Leon pressed something small and rectangular in his palm. Flabbergasted, Roxas pulled back and gaped at the iPod nestled between his fingers as if his hand had been made to hold it.
The iPod was sleek and silver and beautiful.
Roxas hazarded a glance up at Leon, whose eyes were twinkling behind his mask. Roxas blinked fast and sniffled. "You really didn't have to. Man, this is…"
"I know. Just take it. Yuff and Cid and I all pitched in to get it. Preloaded with some of my personal favorites. Keep them or wipe it and start over. Whatever. Just smile and pull that stick out of your ass tonight, okay? Let's have a good time."
Roxas swallowed and nodded, clutching the precious music player a little tighter to prevent his hand from shaking. Scratch one reason for bitterness. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all. He popped a bud into his ear and reveled in the subdued clicks as he searched for and pressed shuffle.
They kept walking for a while until Demyx spoke up. "Look alive guys."
Roxas halted and gaped at the sprawling complex, gates thrown open to admit the partygoers. "Seriously?"
Steps echoed in the dark all around them, clashing with the thumping beat of music coming from a house that was presumably Sora's. More people materialized and headed toward the beacon of fun.
In Mejiro.
Sora fucking lived in Mejiro! Roxas's stomach turned as they all crossed the street from humble, small dwellings into a neighborhood of subdued opulence.
Mejiro was a high class residential area in the metropolis, one of the more elite residential areas in Tokyo. All the paved streets in the compound were lined with trees so that the tenants could make the most of the different seasons of Japan. The streets were also private property, safe for children, which was a direct opposite to the hovels Roxas called home over the years. The neighborhood was supposed to be quiet but all the houses around seemed unconcerned with the uproar spilling from Sora's home.
"Are his parents American or something?"
Leon rolled one shoulder in a lazy shrug. "Nobody knows. One of them must be because this place is usually reserved for foreigners."
"Why does he go to our school instead of that American facility then?"
"Because he's Sora", Yuffie giggled. "A universally accepted little bundle of awesome."
"The kid's a total freak", Demyx snickered. "When we were in freshman year, we took a fieldtrip to a prison—"
"Who does that?"
"It was for sociology class, shut up!"
"Ah", Roxas said.
"Anyways, the next day I guess the prison called his house. Riku told us they said that somehow, in like, the space of three hours he'd single-handedly converted twelve hardened convicts to various religions, drawn multiple teary confessions from nine criminals, taught four embroidery classes—"
"Sora knows how to embroider?"
"No, which is the funny part. Let me finish! And yeah, even with all that he volunteered in the kitchen and caught the bus home with us on schedule."
"Jesus…" Roxas indulged himself with another flash of blatant envy. Color him green.
"I'm blue, if I were green I would die, if I were green I would die…"
Mood music…goddamn.
"Not Jesus", Yuffie said around a shrug. "Just Sora."
The compound across the way, The Tokugawa Village, comprised of approximately five acres (or six thousand tsubo), and was built on the site of the residence of Marquis Yoshichika Tokugawa—the 19th Head of the Owari Tokugawa Family—who was the biggest and most famous daimyo amongst the relatives of the Tokugawa Shogun. He was like…the Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy. The cheese on the enchilada.
Yoshichika was a boss. And everyone knew it.
Thirty three independent two-storied houses for rent and a women's student dormitory were built within the compound. The houses, dotted amongst trees with sunshine and singing birds—a green oasis in the concrete desert of Tokyo—were all built with wood.
Three thousand years of history showed that due to the high humidity in Japan, wooden houses, rather than stone or concrete ones, were the most comfortable to live in. And thankfully, one day, someone had decided to pull their thumb out of their ass and go in that direction.
Ovens or freezers were no longer the norm.
"Look at the little gardens", Yuffie squealed, tugging on Demyx's arm.
He grinned. "The abodes built by Homat Houses all have gardens."
In Japan that was like…woah. Because you don't even have to turn your head and your nose is already in someone else's armpit.
"While designed exclusively for foreign residents, the houses retain a touch of Japanese taste, and are well equipped with up-to-date facilities. The spacious and economical households have a floor space of 1,926 - 3,339 square feet each (about 53 - 93 tsubo), with three to five bedrooms, and are a type of home not to be found amongst the 'mansions' and apartment houses in the down-town areas of Tokyo", Leon volunteered.
"Thank you, Mr. Home and Garden", Yuffied teased.
"Shut up", Leon snapped. "As I was saying", he pointed across the way, " Over there are the Mejiro residences that are a little flashier and roomier than the norm in the compound. I'd kill to be this close to the Yamanote line. It'd make getting to work easier."
"And school", Roxas added.
"Stop bitching you two", Yuffie said, "You're starting to sound alike."
Roxas and Leon flipped her off simultaneously.
"Sora's a lucky little fucker."
Leon shook his head. "Maybe. Riku lives with him most of the time because his parents are like, super famous photographers. They're always off somewhere."
Roxas cocked his head. "I guess that explains a lot."
Leon snorted. "Right?"
Roxas's laugh was strained. A fresh bout of nervousness erupted again to mix with the swirling jealously in the pit of his stomach. Somewhere in the back of Roxas's mind he heard mom chiding him. "Your music is too loud baby. Just relax. You'll be okay."
Roxas shook his head and turned the music up louder.
Leon pinched Roxas. "Quit."
"Hey!"
"Quit pouting."
Roxas huffed as they trudged up the drive of a white and grey number that had streamers of tinsel everywhere. Demyx snickered as he reached forward to press the doorbell. The door swung open to reveal a very tipsy Sora and a blessedly toasty Riku, who was standing close enough to the other to bring him to heel if needed.
Roxas quirked an eyebrow at the 'Coming Out' butterfly cut of Sora's mask. He grinned and slinked forward to drape himself over the blond with a huffy burp. Roxas grimaced apologetically at Riku—whose face was tightening more by the second behind his 'Debonair' mask—before pushing Sora off him and back into Riku's arms.
"Glad you could make it Roxy poxy oxyyyy", Sora slurred with a bat of his eyelashes.
Roxas rolled his eyes as the group filed into the foyer. A foyer that was bigger than Roxas's entire living room. Seethe, rage, snarl.
"How much have you let him have?", Leon asked.
Riku smirked. "I only let him have 2 beers. It's not my fault he snuck half a bottle of whisky and a couple of ginzo bombs while I wasn't looking."
Yuffie snorted and shrugged off her jacket, the rest of them following suit. "That's our Sora!"
"My Sora" Riku corrected tersely.
Yuffie snorted. "Whatever. You just want to nail him."
Riku smirked but didn't deny it.
"So where's the food? I'm starved!", Yuffie said.
"Come on!" Demyx tugged her hand and led the way through the throng.
"What kind of undies does Axel wear", Sora bawled.
"None", a voice said behind them. They turned as Axel and Xion passed them. "The devil wears nada", Axel called back over his shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows rakishly. The two disappeared into a dark room that buzzed with music and the sparkle of a disco ball.
Sora's head snapped up as the throbbing beat changed from Gaga's Love Games to Daft Punk's Derezzed. "Oh, this is my jam!"
Roxas hadn't realized he'd tensed up until Leon kneaded his shoulders. "Calm down."
Blowing out a deep breath that left him dizzy, Roxas plucked the earbud out and tucked the precious contraption in his pocket. The absence was immediate and left him feeling naked.
Sora tugged Riku's arm and they drifted off to mingle on the dance floor in the other room.
Roxas bit his lip and jumped as a group of giggling girls pushed past him to ogle Leon and bother him for a dance. He put his hands up defensively and tried to get back to Roxas's side but the blond shook his head and smiled at him.
He wasn't the only one with a broken heart and Leon needed to cut loose a little too.
"Go ahead, have fun."
There's a thin border between friendship, sympathy, and love. The more time they spent together, the more that border would blur.
"Roxas, wait!"
Roxas ignored Leon and turned his back, pushing through the crowd. Some people he recognized from school but most he didn't. Sora knew a lot of people.
As he stepped onto the dance floor the music crescendoed.
Roxas felt the rise and dip with his entire being. It started as just bouncing on his toes. But as he closed his eyes, walked past the subwoofers, and felt strobe lights pulsing on his skin, everything melted away.
Suddenly all that mattered was rolling to the bass, circling his hips every time the beat dropped, throwing up his arms in reverence to this unique religion and pushing his sweaty body to meet the hard rhythm.
He lost himself in the pressing sea of bodies; swaying, hopping, dancing to each thump and flicker of the music as it throbbed in everyone's chests like a second heartbeat. It was easy to keep his eyes closed and float on the sweet ether of funk.
Derezzed faded into Uprising. Then into Family Force 5's Numb. The lights flashed; punctuating each sound, each step, each dripping bead of sweat.
Close enough to taste. Bright enough to hear. Loud enough to feel.
The high was indiscernible. Only once did Roxas crack my eyes open. His hips pressed against some guy's front—another blond who he vaguely remember being named Tidus—but that wasn't what he focused on.
In front of him, a little out of the way of the other dancers, Xion and Axel sat together sipping drinks. Xion leaned forward to whisper something in Axel's ear. The redhead threw his head back and laughed like he had the first day Roxas met him.
Roxas felt his eyes darken, closed them, twisted into the arms that pulled him into Tidus's tanned chest. He leaned forward and mouthed the words of the song against Roxas's ear in a hot rush while he led Roxas's wrists to drape around his neck and held them there, their hips scissoring in tandem.
"You half smiled for the first time in ages. The unforgettable genesis of next is beginning. I can't get you out of mind. Drifting alone, please tell me why...But there's no easy answer."
Roxas bucked and rolled with him, pushed and pulled at the temptation and freed himself as the chorus stretched on into insanity. Roxas snaked his fingers through Tidus's flaxen hair, damp with sweat, and yanked his head down, knocking his 'Astral' mask askew.
"Just dance", Roxas growled. A third body pressed behind Tidus's back, yanking him away. Leon.
Roxas stepped back and continued by himself.
"Genesis of next. Please tell me! Is this a test? Hey baby, do you need some help? You are alone... lonely planet…"
Leon pressed closer to Tidus and beckoned Roxas who stepped out of his reach. Always moving. Always spinning.
When a couple of songs passed, Roxas's legs began to sting in that weightless way from exercise that is too addicting to stop. But he stopped anyways. Behind him, Tidus protested as he was tugged from Leon by the brunette girl Roxas remember being by his side last time they'd met.
Roxas's stomach rumbled, so he stepped off the floor and wandered around until he found the kitchen. A foot suddenly stuck out and tripped him. Roxas hit the floor with a curse. Rolling, he wasn't fast enough to regain his feet as Marluxia pressed a foot against his stomach. Xigbar and another guy with choppy silver hair stood behind him, both like caged animals who'd caught the scent of fresh meat.
Roxas gasped and pushed up but couldn't get Marluxia to move.
"Meguriaukagi, Fancy meeting you here", he shouted over the din. Marluxia's smile took on a jagged edge as he slid his foot enough to grind his heel into Roxas's bruised ribs. "They'll just let anyone into these things won't they?"
The other two chuckled behind him.
"Boys, disperse!"
Three heads snapped in the direction of the command that cut through the thump of the muffled music. Cloud stepped forward and pushed Marluxia off.
Roxas ignored his proffered arm as he got to his feet and dusted off.
Marluxia sneered but as Cloud advanced again he back off and drifted into the crowd.
Roxas shrugged away the hand Cloud placed on his shoulder before elbowing his way through the press of bodies until he came to the buffet table in the kitchen. Roxas loaded up a plate with more force than necessary and wandered out onto the balcony to seek some refuge from the suffocation of the party.
Cloud's low voice spoke hesitantly beside him, "Are we cool?"
Roxas chomped down on a cheese cube and propped his chin on his knuckles as he leaned into the banister. Cloud approached.
"Yeah, I think you're just the greatest thing since chunky peanut butter." Sarcasm was indeed the better part of sanity.
Cloud's mouth twisted. "I know you think you hate me but—"
"There is no thinking here Cloud. I do." Roxas practically ripped the little sausage off its toothpick, in what he hoped was a symbolic way. Roxas chewed.
Cloud's throat bobbed with a nervous swallow. Silence stretched between them like an impenetrable wall until Cloud tried again. "They say variety is the spice of life."
"Yeah, and they also say misery loves company, but I didn't ask for this little heart-to-heart now, did I?"
Cloud regarded Roxas sadly for a moment behind his 'Glitter Eyed' mask before his gaze drifted off to study the surrounding area. "You came tonight didn't you? Obviously, your misery doesn't love company. It needs it."
Roxas jutted out his jaw. "And why are you here?"
Cloud shrugged. "Sora's parents wanted him to have a chaperone. I'm a friend of the family. Here I am."
"And…" Roxas paused for dramatics before he pumped as much sarcasm as possible into, "Professor Fair?"
Sheepish, Cloud grunted. "At home grading papers." He smiled then, the purple of his bruise where Roxas had decked him dappling into a healing yellow. "About those boys though. It won't get any easier. They won't stop until you do something. Have you talked to one of your teachers? Zack would help you."
Roxas snorted. "Zack has way more to lose than I do if he's found out. If the school catches wind that he's gay, he'll get canned on the spot. And I've got a big mouth."
A shadow passed over Cloud's features. He looked like he wanted to say something but Roxas beat him to it.
"This isn't America, pretty boy. And I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of bitchy little fags like you who just decide on a whim to barge in on a good relationship and ruin other people's lives. Good people that don't deserve it. So no, I haven't nor will I ever ask Zack for help."
"Hey, Leon and I? We've made our peace. Besides, he seems to have found another blond to play with."
Roxas glared at him as Cloud rolled his eyes. "Not you drama queen. I was talking about Tidus. They're cute together. Look."
Against his better judgement Roxas followed Cloud's pointing finger and peeked inside to watch as Tidus extricated himself from the brunette's side and snuck back over to Leon who was getting a cup of punch. Tidus rose on his toes to whisper in Leon's ear. The taller male grinned and nodded, setting his cup down and grabbing Tidus's arm, dragging him back in the direction of the dance floor.
"So why are you still hung up on it? These things happen. We have the right to be with whoever we want, we have the right to move on."
"Have you ever been lonely? It's an empty, black feeling. You're surrounded by darkness and nothing exists until you find that presence that bathes you with light. Sure, its corney, but the truth often is. It's either that, or ugly, or beautiful. Or indifferent. Whatever..."
"Then you get it?" Cloud's face softened with hope. "Someday I hope you find someone whose presence is enough to soothe your pain—"
"Get it? I hate you. People like you leave people like Leon and me behind. What about us, huh? What about—"
"Ahhh", Cloud sighed triumphantly. "This isn't actually about me at all, is it? There is something bigger here. You're hurting. Tell me why Roxas."
"Why should I?"
Cloud almost opened his mouth to start in on Roxas again but the smaller blond turned to dump his plate in the trash and stomped back inside, through the kitchen.
"Roxas wait…", Cloud called after him.
"This conversation is over."
Roxas lost him again easily enough and fought for purchase against the shuffle or party-goers. This time it was somewhat easier. Roxas hugged the wall and made his way over to the staircase before shooting upstairs.
He tried the first door but pulled back when he stumbled on a pair necking teens. "Sorry", Roxas mumbled before closing the door and shaking his head. He tried the next one.
Which was blessedly empty.
It was dark so he groped along the rough plaster until he found a light switch and clapped it on. Soft light from two bedside lamps flooded the room.
Exhausted, Roxas trudged forward and face-planted on the plush duvet. Done in earth reds and browns and golds, the room was a welcome sanctuary from the blinding glitz downstairs. Roxas sat up and let the toes of his creepers ghost against the carpet, feeling the steady vibration of the music as it pulsed through the rubber soles.
He scowled and bent to rummage in the drawer of the bedside table, emerging triumphant with a small notepad and a pen.
As he'd done the day he wrote Axel the poem, Roxas let his mind slip into the trance unique to all artists. He touched pen to paper and the soft scratch of words filled the silence.
It's funny how when you're alone for a while, it doesn't bother you. That is until some person or persons (respectfully or otherwise) barge their way into your life with reasons they claim are for "your own good".
It's even funnier when, having been alone for so long, you wonder how you ever went without such a friendly presence.
But perhaps the funniest thing of all is that people…no, relationships in general, are like drugs.
They consume us, we crave them, and they drive us insane until we aren't ourselves anymore. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. That difference being we don't realize how much the former sucks until it's too late. It's just a load of cause and effect bullshit that leaves one feeling like a complete and utter jackass.
Roxas scowled at the soothing carpet and let his pen hang loosely between his fingers. He wanted to be part of them so much, these people who laughed and danced without a care in the world. He wanted it with a part of him he never knew existed.
He wanted Leon's fortitude, to move on. He wanted to stay happily marooned in the past. But Axel wasn't there anymore.
Roxas wanted, and wanted, and wanted. His pen wrote two more lines.
Want in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up faster.
Roxas screwed his face up. How can one even begin to contemplate putting pieces back together when they can't see the whole picture?
Maybe Xion was better for Axel, after all. The little twat had been there when Roxas hadn't, both in the past and the present. He had seen…known parts of the boy that Roxas could only wonder about.
That guy…well, girly guy…guy girl? Fuck. Xion! Xion had experienced his fair share of pain too, by the looks of things.
Roxas wondered what was worse: having known the love of family and friends and then having it ripped away, or not having it at all.
Roxas knew that answer and he hated the flare of pity that rose in him for Xion. His fingers stung as he remembered tracing them along Xion's mother's gravestone.
He too, knew loss.
Roxas set the pen and paper down and hunched over so he could hug his knees.
Damn.
Maybe Cloud was right.
Maybe Xion was…
Roxas heard tromping down the hall and voices raised with more than rancor that comes from alcohol. For absolutely no reason at all (why the hell should he hide?), Roxas dove for the far closet and managed to snap the door shut just as the very object of his ruminations got shoved into the room.
Roxas peered through the wooden slats of the door with wide eyes when he saw Marluxia not too far behind. His breath hitches so he clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his rasps.
Both heads whipped in his direction and he waited a breathless moment before they relaxed again, assured of their collective privacy.
Marluxia slid his 'Hostile' mask over his hairline and leveled a glare at Xion. "We had a deal Shio." Marluxia reached forward, snatching the boy's chin between his fingers and squeezing. "You have yet to deliver your side of the bargain."
Xion slapped the older boy's hand away, flicking his blue-black hair out of his eyes and jutting his chin defiantly. "Yeah. We did have a deal. But I'm on the verge of losing everything I ever cared about. I can't let that happen."
Maybe Xion was…
A snarky little prick. That's what he was.
"Know your place! You would chain your heart with false memories? Cast your heart's freedom aside? You turn from the truth because your heart is weak."
"He still hasn't forgotten Roxas. That man you paid to get behind that wheel did a sloppy job. And he damaged parts of Axel that were supposed to remain intact. Axel is in pain every single day because I can't take Roxas's place. No matter what I do. No matter what I say, he still remembers their bond. He just can't name it…yet."
"Tell me what I need to do."
Xion scoffed. "There is nothing more you can do. Believe me, you've done enough."
"You can't just write me off."
One side of the Xion's mouth trembled in a tight smirk. "Some say vengeance is a poison that infiltrates the soul and strips it bare. That it's path only destroys the one who treads it. But to others like me, it's mother's milk. It nourishes, thrives, and festers—giving people like me a reason to survive when we have nothing more to hold us in this world. Defeat does nothing but feed that part of the soul that demands a rematch. So long as there is life, there is hope. So long as there is hope, there is determination. The need for vengeance treads by the side of the defeated, ever a cancerous comrade. What more can you take from me?"
Marluxia blinked. "I thought I was one for convoluted speeches." He opened his jacket and slid out a gun. Faster than a blink he was across the room and shoved Xion into the wall directly opposite of Roxas's hiding place.
The cold butt of his gun lodged beneath Xion's chin. Marluxia thumbed the saftey and the soft click echoed through the room, oddly reminding Roxas of the sound of a broken heart. "Do you know who I work for? Do you know how much you still have that I can take, how much you still have to give?"
Xion turned away but Marluxia fisted a handful of dark hair, wrenching his neck back so they kept eye-contact again. He crushed their bodies together. Xion squirmed, a tiny pained gasp escaping when Marluxia tightened his grip.
"Allow me to show you. You may not be the little girl you used to be but, before my role in this is over, you will cry like one. You will beg my forgiveness for dragging me down into this insipid disease you and all your little friends languish in. I crave you little Xion. And I will have you."
Despite the threat of the gun, Xion's eyes flashed. His fist came up but Marluxia caught it, jerking Xion's entire arm around and pinning it behind his back. Marluxia pressed the gun in the soft space behind Xion's ear and jaw.
Xion panted, pressing himself as close as he could to the wall to escape the crippling pain.
With both their backs to Roxas now, their voices were harder to hear. Roxas strained.
Xion kept his eyes trained on the wall as Marluxia sank his teeth into the younger boy's neck. He ground his teeth over the skin and sucked; bruising, marking. Warning.
Xion jerked but clenched his jaw in a silent cry and breathed in sharply through his nose to prevent from whimpering. It might have succeeded if the older boy hadn't wrenched his wrist.
"I can take your heart", Marluxia spat. "I can take your body and your mind. And the best part?" He dragged his tongue up Xion's neck to his cheek, where he nipped lightly. "You'll beg me to do it. I promise you."
With a soft "oh" Xion arched his spine and threw back his head to ease the pressure of Marluxia's tightening hold.
Roxas swallowed, surprised they couldn't hear the thunder of his heart or the rush of sweat dripping from his temple. At any moment he expected to hear the sickening snap of bone. But it never came.
Marluxia tucked his gun back in his jacket and flipped Xion around, tore off his "Linz" mask, and devoured the younger boy's trembling lips in a violent kiss. Only when Xion squirmed for air did Marluxia pull back. But not before he breathed another vicious promise against the smaller boy's lips. "Mark my words Xion. I won't say them again. I have delivered your Axel to you on a silver platter. I'm about to make short work of Roxas. So you have one option. Give yourself to me, or I will take you by force."
He let Xion slide down his body slowly as he rested his head against the wall. Marluxia stepped back and let his threat smolder in the air as his eyes roved over Xion's quivering form. "I expect your answer soon."
He pulled his mask back down, tugged his clothes into order, and stalked out of the room.
When his footsteps couldn't be heard anymore Xion's whole body erupted with disgusted shudders and he let out a small wounded sound. He reached up and jerked his wrist across his eyes, dashing the tears away angrily.
"No... I'm n-not... The person I was before... wh-at…what have I become?" He choked and curled in on himself. The bed quivered from the force of his stifled sobs and the notepad Roxas had scribbled in earlier plopped on his head.
Roxas cursed under his breath.
Xion sniffled and ground the heels of his hands against his burning sockets before picking up the pad. He calmed down as he read it, then let it slide from his hands. It fell to the carpet with a heavy thump. He scrunched his eyes closed and smacked his head against the wall a couple of times. He reached up and clawed at the smooth plaster; damning Roxas, damning Marluxia and Axel, damning himself.
"I just…I…"
His shoulders shook and he let out another strangled cry, grabbing at his chest. His fingers raked against the bite wound on his neck before they roved over the abused ligaments of his shoulder, kneading slightly. He rolled his arm once, twice. Looked down at the floor with a frown and grit his teeth, the effort of swallowing more tears costing him.
After a moment, he collected himself as he rose on shaking legs. Xion turned so Roxas could see him fully, tucking stray hair behind his ears in that gesture Roxas had come to despise.
In the soft light, Xion seemed to be staring at Roxas, right through him. Roxas looked back knowing Xion couldn't possibly see him from his hiding place. Xion's lips trembled a little.
Then he did the impossible.
He smiled.
Forcing a smile is one of the most painful things you can make yourself do when all you want is to scream and cry—Roxas knew Xion did.
But Xion smiled, and kept smiling, his lips tinged with desperation as he stumbled from the room, mask in hand.
Roxas's muscles cramped as he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He opened the closet door cautiously, wincing at its loud creak, and steadied himself against the nightstand for a moment.
"What…the fuck was that?"
Genesis of Next by Globe. Damn good song from a damn good show. Miss cyborg 009 T^^T Uhm, lol Eiffel 65 xD They have so many subliminal messages in just one song. Gotta discover their secret. As Nirvana once put it, "He's the one who likes all our pretty songs, and he likes to sing along, and he likes to shoot his gun. But he knows not what it means…" MARLUXIA YOU BASTARD! I think I'll have Mama Xem give him some shit. Oops…spoiler alert(?)
Seriously xD I wanted to mince lyrics with this one because it seemed perfect. Dun kill me? Kthx. Oh! And I can haz…praizes? ReviewzZzZz? :3
I'm gonna rewrite it because I forgot I wanted to for this version, but Roxas will end up going to see Axel's dad for express written permission to see Axel while he's still in the hospital because there's a rule that when someone is bad enough only direct family and those they give permission to may see the patient. I was kicking it around in my head and this confrontation between Roxas and Axel's dad has been a long time coming.
Xion will still weasel his way in though at the right moment. And then Roxas will be his standard cowardly self. Whattcha think? LM is a constant work in progress so I hope these changes don't jolt my peeps too much.
Next time: Roxas makes a new friend, sings a pretty song, and the last person he expects ends up on his door step~! o.o
*flies away*