Disclaimer: I don't own anything of the Lord of the Rings.
Note: Thanks for the reviews. If anybody has any ideas then please send them, Let's begin. Drama up ahead, This is AU warning by the way.
"You do not understand me so do not claim to tell me what to do! You are not even my real father." Estel screamed while Elrond stood frozen to the ground. The healer knew about pain and how to treat it but how to help a child who has just lost a parent and was angry and hurt, that he did not know how to cure.
"Leave me alone!" The young teenager hissed to Elladan as the elf reached out to touch him. "None of you know the pain…" He hiccupped before turning around and fleeing the room.
Elladan looked at his younger brother's retreating form with an unreadable expression on his face while Elrohir asked. "Ada?"
The younger twin went towards the elven lord as Elrond's eyes shifted to his son. There was such pain in them that for a moment Elrohir considered stepping back. "Yes, Elrohir?" Elrond asked, his voice weighted down by years.
"Estel did not mean it, Ada. He is just confused and hurt…" The younger twin began as Elrond held up his hand.
"He meant it, Elrohir but he just does not realize how wrong he is. I know this pain because I too have lost my parents. I hate that I cannot tell him I do understand. I just wish I could make it a little better for him. To make the pain go away," Elrond could not stop the tears that fell down his cheeks as Elrohir embraced him.
"It will be alright, Atar. Estel will come around and he will apologize and everything will be well again." The younger elf said soothingly.
"Nay, Ro, it will not be alright for Estel. He has lost his mother today and no matter what we give him, he cannot get her back. He has lost a part of his legacy today without even knowing what that legacy was." Elrond gently released Elrohir.
"But Estel should not be so angry…" Elladan spoke up for the first time. "He shouts at father and then he storms off. This is unacceptable."
"And how did you react when your mother sailed West? You were angry as well, Elladan. You cannot forget that Estel is young and has been through much. Losing a parent is always hurtful, no matter the relationship between you." Elrond answered softly as Glorfindel answered.
The warrior took in the scene as he said. "I just watched Estel shoot past me with a horse. He looked to be grief stricken. I do not know what happened but I think he needs his family now."
The three elves stood still as Elrohir looked to the floor, unsure of what to do. "Word came that Gilrean died." Elrond said softly as Glorfindel's gaze shifted to his own as the elven lord continued. "He did not take the news as well as we hoped. He screamed when I tried to console him and ran away. He said that I could not tell him what to do because I was not his real father."
Glorfindel looked to the two younger elves but both refused to meet his gaze as the seneschal stepped forward to grasp Elrond's hand. "Estel has much love and respect for you, Elrond. He needs you now, no matter what words he has spoken in hurt and anger. Go to him."
"We shall go as well…." Elladan said immediately as Elrond shook his head sadly, smiling at his eldest. "I think I need to do this alone, Elladan. I need to speak to my son without there being anybody else present."
"But what if Estel says those things to you again or worse things even. We cannot allow you to do this on your own, Ada." The eldest twin said a bit heated.
"Then it shall be so. Estel is confused and lonely and if he lashed out at me then I will bear it willingly. You have said worse things to me, Elladan and Estel is right, I am not his real father." Elrond gently pressed Elladan's hand.
"But you have been like a father to Estel and now he repays you by saying this…"Elladan wanted to continue as Elrond said. "Enough! Estel is not himself now because he is consumed with grief. I alone will go to him and if need be I will send for you, do I make myself clear?" There was a cold edge to Elrond's tone as the lord finally lost all of his patients and Elladan nodded, swallowing thickly as with quick strides Elrond left the room.
The elven lord walking with more confident then he felt as he felt doubt stir in his heart. What if Elladan was right and Estel would call him something worse then not saying Elrond was not his real father? He reminded himself Estel was confused and hoped he needed his father. He walked towards the stables and soon found his horse, a beautiful white stallion.
"I have a task for you, Mellon Nin and it is a task of great urgency. I need to find my son who is out in this weather and find a way to bring him home. Help me, please?" A gentle nudge was all his received from the horse as he smiled and opened the stable to flung himself on the broad back, not caring to ride with a saddle.
"Ride swiftly, Mellon nin, for me." He whispered, holding onto the manes as the horse sat off at a fast pace.
The woods rushed by at a neck breaking speed as Elrond used all his skills to find Estel. He wondered if the youngster had crossed the river because then he would not be able to find Estel any longer since it was the boarder of his lands and his power.
He opened his mind to Vilya and allowed the powerful ring to send out a stronger call to find Estel. He was not aware of his own body anymore as the ring moved in time with his own heartbeat in calling his child home.
A few moments later he heard a soft cry and he realized Estel was crying out to him, even when he was no consciously doing so. He stopped his horse and closed his mind, allowing himself to get back into his body. Breathing in deeply he dismounting, a bit shakily as Vilya kept humming wildly. He firmly told the ring to obey him and then turned his mind from it.
He walked through the underbrush, towards the river and soon he heard a gentle song reach his ears. Sung with a new sad undertone as a young teenager sang it while normally it would have reflected the sorrow of the elves, but now it reflected the broken heart of a young child just wanted his parents, whatever parents those were.
His breathing hitched in his throat as he stepped forward, finally coming to stand next to Estel. The boy did not acknowledge his presence but finished the song, the tears on his face brought Elrond close to weeping himself. "How many others are there hiding in this wood? Does it bring them sadness to see a mortal weeping?"
"It always brings us sadness, Estel. Even when we see the decline of our own race and the dying of things that should blossom, But especially if one so young has so much grief that I would want nothing more then to take it away. I would take you in my lap and rock you in my arms as I did when you were a small child and you were hurt, but it is not enough now." Elrond looked down at the bowed head beside him.
"And that is why you will not do it?" Estel's voice broke as he asked the next question.
"I would do it in an instance, Estel. But I am not sure if it is welcome." Elrond answered as he lowered himself to sit beside the youngster. "If I could somehow lessen your grief with kind words or an embrace, I would do so. But I thought you wanted to be alone because I could not understand the pain you are feeling."
"I do not know what can lesson it, Ada. It feels like I am drowning and I am not sure what might help me." The young male hiccupped, trying to keep the sobs inside.
Carefully placing one arm around Estel's shoulders, Elrond drew him against him. "I too have lost my parents. It was over 4000 years ago and I was still young then, younger then you are now. I know I will see them again one day because they choice to live as the elves. They live in Valinor and my father sails the night skies each day so all I have to do is look up to be comforted. You look in the mirror and you see your father resembled in your face. Your mother's courage in your soul and more, you are more like your parents then you think."
"How do you know?" Estel sniffled, his voice hoarse from keeping the sobs inside.
"Because I knew them and I know you. I see them in you every day and I know they are proud, wherever they are." Elrond answered soothingly, smiling.
"But Naneth did not wish to see me, even when she was alive. How do you know that she was proud of me when she could not stand to look upon me?" There was a hard edge to Estel's voice and Elrond drew his child against him more firmly.
"Because it hurt her to see beloved husband in you, Estel, Sometimes it hurts too much and she could not stand it. So she did the one thing that she could do, even when her heart broke, she left. She was fading from when she lost him and now I think she is reunited with him." Elrond swallowed thickly.
"But why could she not remain with me? I need her as well." Estel lost all composure then. Thick tears fell from his eyes as he finally gave way to the consuming grief. His shoulders shook and his breathing came in shorter gasp as the sobs overcame him.
Undoing his robe with one hand, Elrond dropped it around Estel to draw the young male against him. "I do not know why people die, Estel. But it was not her choice to die; it is hardly every anybodies choice to die." Elrond rocked a little, hoping to console Estel in this way.
"I did…not mean…what I …said…Ada…" Estel hiccupped as Elrond answered. "Hush, do not try to speak. Just let it out, ion nin."
He held fast to his father as Elrond rocked him, allowing him to let the grief out. No words were spoken as Elrond found his own tears falling in time with Estel's as the boy sought to escape the pain he was feeling.
It was irony to hold a child, a descendent of his brother Elros when Elrond had cried the same tears Estel was crying over the death of his twin. To know his beloved brother had passed utterly beyond his grasp and he would never see him again until the world ended.
But it also hurt to know that one day this child would pass utterly beyond his grasp and perhaps one of his other children as well when they made the choice to become mortal. He knew that he hoped he would not have to be here to see that day come because he might follow them and then he would never see his wife again.
When that day ever came, Elrond knew there was no comfort for him but he could do his best to comfort Estel for now. Knowing the boy would always carry the grief with him through it would lessen with time and the next days would be hard for all of them.
It was sure to be expected that Estel would lash out at them and in return the twins would be angry and there would be fights in his family. But he also knew that there would be nights when the twins would join Estel in his bed as the buy cried for his mother. He knew he would stand in the doorway and look at them as they had all fallen asleep on the same bed and he would smile in relief before tucking all of his children in.
And as Elrond rocked Estel once more, he also knew when they would come out of this; their bond would only be stronger because of it.
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