Thank you so much for the reviews(and I'm sure poor Chase appreciated the hugs).
Sorry for the delay in updating. I didn't get the time this weekend I'd thought I'd have, then yesterday I have no excuse except that I was really really tired(still tired today actually, but I have to be on campus and I'm doing nothing for an hour and a half…after this I am so going back to bed.)so I just went to bed last night instead of finishing this chapter…grr.
Nope. Don't own House.
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He didn't know how he wanted to say what he had to say, but now that he was there, the simplest seemed best. "Thanks."
House almost looked up. "For what? I seem to remember you saying you'd be fine."
Chase looked down, more than a little sheepish.
"You're welcome." A pause while he turned the page on his newspaper. "Bet you've got a bitch of a headache."
Chase nodded, slowly.
"You could sleep in the lounge, but you didn't hear it from me."
"House, listen I-"
"Greg, do you have a minute?" Stacy. Perfect. Just when he thought he might have had the nerve to have an actual conversation, this had to happen.
House looked at him, expectant. "Wombat here was-"
"No, it's ok. I'll see you later." She really did ruin everything.
HHHHHHHHH
(Deception)
"Have you talked to Chase?"
"Just told him to go run a test on the patient."
"No, I mean talking, an actual, meaningful conversation."
"Jimmy! I'm shocked! The patient doesn't mean anything to you?"
Wilson shook his head, hands falling to his hips.
"Uh-oh. Annoyed Wilson. I'm in trouble."
"You're ridiculous. You're just gonna let this happen? Let him think you don't give a damn?"
"Maybe I don't give a damn."
"Bullshit."
House sighed. "Ok, so I do give a damn. But he knows that."
"Does he?" Wilson shoved some files to the side and leaned back against House's desk. "Did you apologize for not telling him about his dad?"
A stiff nod.
"And…"
"Wasn't good enough." Nothing I do ever is.
"House, he's upset. His father just died, and the person he's in love with is chasing after somebody else. He has more than enough license to snap. Everyone does, every now and then. I'm sure he was just angry."
Silence.
"He'll forgive you."
"It doesn't matter."
"I'd say it does."
House spun around in his chair slowly, like a bored kid. Maybe he could distract Wilson from the fact that he was upset by pretending that he wasn't. It worked on everybody else. Everybody but Wilson. And sometimes Stacy. An d Chase. That one was no fun to think about, and he swallowed hard. "He thinks I've already chosen Stacy."
"Have you?"
"I can't-"
"Right, I forgot. You don't know how to be a human being, so those feelings take lots of deciphering for you." Wilson stood up, rubbing his forehead. "This…You're maddening. You drive me nuts. I can imagine what being in a relationship with you must be like." He almost left, but just had one more thing to add as he reached the door. "By the way, I know you're almost out of Vicodin. You've used up that bottle way too fast. Funny, the timing, isn't it?"
HHHHHHHHH
"So. You tried to get the bone marrow sample for my anyway."
Chase rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter. I didn't even make it in the room." He didn't want to have this discussion right now. Or any, really. Since they day he had been interrupted by Stacy they hadn't talked other than about the patient. He wasn't sure he was up to what this conversation might turn into.
"But you tried. Even though you said you wouldn't."
Saying he wouldn't had been more for show than anything else. Show, and residual anger. Frustration. Maybe he wasn't really sure. "Are you thanking me or are you going to tell me I'm an idiot? Either way, it's late. I'm heading home."
House toyed with his cane.
"Or is there something else you want me to do?" He had the sinking feeling that there was.
"No. You'd just screw it up. Take care of it myself."
And apparently, he trusted Chase to stay silent. That, at least, meant something. Maybe…
"But…I could use some more Vicodin. Almost out. And I don't think Wilson's feeling…Generous."
Immidiatly, so quickly it surprised even him, his concern for House washed away the frustration. "Have you been in more pain?"
Slowly, House nodded, though he wouldn't look at him. "Yeah."
"Did you ask him for more? Maybe something's going on maybe-"
"Look, it's nothing abnormal. Sometimes I go through them faster. Just…It's bad recently. It'll pass. But I need the pills."
He looked desperate, so needy that Chase found himself pulling out his pad before he could think better of it. Maybe he was lying, but he doubted it. Even if it was for his own good, Chase couldn't bear the thought of him being in pain. "Here." House took it just as quickly as he expected. "But…Don't let him know I gave you that."
"Obviously."
"Right." If this had been before, Chase would have hugged him then, even if House resisted. He would have given in, let him hold him, kiss him, take his mind off the pain. He forced himself to snap out of his thoughts. He couldn't do any of that anymore.
"I'm leaving for Baltimore Tuesday. Legal trip."
"Legal trip." Of course, he brought this up after he got his drugs. Ensure his connection, then give Chase the news he didn't want to hear.
A nod.
"With…Stacy." Why, why did he feel the need to tell him this?
He was looking out the window, the snow drifting down past the parking lot lights. "Chase…"
"It doesn't matter." He smiled, so forced and he knew House knew it. "If you…Work things out with her…You'll be happy." He left before House could say anything else. He didn't want to hear him say it was true.
HHHHHHHHH
(Failure To Communicate)
It had seemed like, for awhile there, nothing was going to happen. Different flights. She didn't want to spend any time with him. Then, seeing her there…
He had turned off his phone then. If they thought he was unreachable, maybe they'd just deal with it themselves. And he could deal with his problem. Stacy. And maybe, maybe doing something would show him exactly what he wanted. He could, at least, think that it might. Nothing else had. His last conversation with Chase stuck in his head, the look on his face…He had almost kissed him, then, but he hadn't been sure how he would respond. And that was the problem now. Chase thought he was just not choosing him. He just wasn't choosing. Then there was Chase's father. Everything. Maybe too much.
But with Stacy, things were getting better. Maybe for one to get better the other had to get worse. She was having trouble with Mark, more trouble even than before. Now it wasn't just no sex, it was no sex and fighting over mail delivery. Interesting. He had been glad, until she cried. Seeing her cry…He had never been able to bear that. Especially because he never knew exactly what to do. He could always hold her, let her cry, but he didn't know how to fix it and that bothered him. He wanted to fix everything. Especially for her. She put up with enough crap from him, he knew, things that he couldn't ever change. He was who he was. She had put up with that for a long time. She had loved him for a long time.
And that, the back of his mind said, was what should have put her before Chase. They had five years together. She loved him. He had chased her away. It seemed right that they patch things up, get back together. She said he was the one. Maybe they were meant for each other, if that sort of things actually was true. Maybe she was the perfect one for him.
But that was only one part of his brain. Other thoughts weren't so clear cut. They kept getting interrupted by things like memories of kissing Chase in his office, watching him cook dinner, that really amusing sigh of defeat when he made him watch a hockey game. The look in his eyes when he had said he loved him that time on the roof, just after he had gotten him off right there, where any number of people could have found them. Chase hadn't cared, and neither had he. Passion, intensity, compatibility, humor…love? At least, Chase loved him. Or said he did. Loving him wasn't as easy and clear cut as loving other(normal)people. He wasn't at all sure Chase knew that. Wasn't at all sure that he did love him for him, thought that maybe instead Chase thought he loved him. That would certainly make picking Stacy easier.
But if it was real…Best not to think about it. Besides, he had more important things to think about…Like the fact that they were announcing that he everyone was going to be in the airport overnight. Beautiful.
HHHHHHHHH
Bounce, thud.
I couldn't tackle the bear. They took my stain.
Bounce, thud.
What the hell does that mean?
Bounce, thud.
Our relationship is like an addiction.
Bounce, thud.
It's like…Vindaloo curry.
Bounce, thud.
Then you wake up one morning and think…God, I really miss curry.
Bounce, thud.
She tasted just like he remembered. He would know, because he had dreamed about her for the last five years. Kissing her again had been so good. She was right. It was a high. An incredible high. He had been ready to make love to her, more than ready, but then…Of course he cared about the patient. He couldn't very well let the guy die because he wasn't in town. But it was more than that. On some level, he just knew he would't have been able to go through with what he had been planning. Not with that Australian accent still ringing in his ears. He threw the ball against the wall with more force.
Damn it. They had been so close. Stacy wanted him, loved him. He had it. Everything he had wanted, he had it. And he had just given it up, all because of some idiot with aphasia and Chase's damn accent.
As much as he didn't want to, it really made him wonder if it was what he had wanted after all.
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Confusion...one of many things House hates.
And...Need To Know...::sigh::