25
"We have still almost 5 hours until Stonefruit Tail has his next session. You want to come?" She tugged at his sleeve.
He looked down at himself and the crumpled shirt he was wearing. "I need a shower," he groaned and got up. He gazed down at Sarah for a moment and then slouched to the door, a host of conflicting emotions on the rampage in his head. Sarah followed him to his quarters but when they reached the door he made no move to invite her in, on the contrary, he turned to face her, nervously fiddling about with his sleeve.
Sarah could guess what that was all about. "I have no intention to follow you to your bathroom, Doctor."
He relaxed visibly. "Well, that sounds...erm...good. Sorry. But I feel that is a bit more private than I'd like it right now. I'm glad you understand."
"No, it's fine. I can wait here."
"Ah, you are sure you want to do that," he stammered and inched backwards, audibly blowing out a breath.
"What is it?"
"How about you do whatever you like best and I'll find you when I'm finished," he laboriously suggested, stuffing his hands into his trouser pockets.
"But you will come," Sarah hesitantly asked him, realizing that he was simply uneasy at the thought of her sitting in front of his door, waiting for him. But still part of her dreaded the idea that he might just use this as an excuse to once more lock himself up or disappear.
He faltered. Promises made him uncomfortable but he made an effort to recollect himself. "Yes. Yes I will," he replied rather shakily.
"Okay. I'll go and see if Teria and Jegor like to play Badminton."
"Mmh," he muttered, anxiously scanning her face for clues thatf she was feeling ditched, if there was a danger that she'd hold it against him. But the only thing he saw was an insecurity that very much mirrored his own feelings.
"So, see you then," Sarah replied, her glance wandering to her abandoned chair and bag. She wavered. Was it a good idea to leave him alone? She couldn't help but admit that she had felt a tiny little pang of rejection when he hadn't invited her in. But on the other hand he would definitely feel patronized and beset if she tried to stick around. She assumed a smile and hoped that it passed for confident.
"See you," he muttered. " And thanks for cooking," he added after a moment.
"You're welcome."
She watched the door shut behind him, the thud that indicated that she was alone giving her a jolt in the stomach. Lost in her thoughts she roamed the corridors and ended up in the music room where she practiced on the guitar for a while. But she could hardly concentrate. She made up her mind and walked up to the console room to see what the scanner could tell her about Teria and Jegor's whereabouts. Shortly later she joined them in the med bay lab.
"Hello Sarah," Jegor greeted her, idly playing with a spare lens of the scanner "So you've given up on your plan?"
"What plan? Oh, well, no. I have talked to him, I think he has come to his senses. We both have."
Teria looked up from her work at the microscope.
"Now that's good news." She replied quite relieved and put the sample aside. "I've started to worry."
"Sorry. Usually he is not like that, not at all," she protected him, excusing his behaviour. "I've suggested that later we could play badminton and he promised to come."
"You mean the odd sport with the net and the rackets?"
"Yes. The one we played at the beach. What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I was having a look at the cell structure of the native life of this planet."
"I've never been the biology type," Sarah mused. "At school I was so glad when I could drop it and concentrate on literature and languages. So what is it?"
"It's the organelles and biochemical composition of the cells. It's so amazing. Where we used to work the only alien life forms we encountered were nasty alien germs and the occasional parasite. When I was young I applied for xenobiology. But I didn't have the grades so I had to do med school instead and have spent my life as a company medical officer, because it was the closest I could get to xenobiology" she sighed, her eyes going all melancholic at the thought. "But on the up side I met Jegor there and we could retire at 55 with a good pay-off. And now we have met you two... Well, then. Badminton it is. What a strange name!"
Actually it's named after the country mansion of an earth nobleman who invented it," Sarah explained, genuinely sorry for her friend who hadn't been able to make her career aspirations come true.
"You mean, it's something that is played on earth?" Jegor interrupted.
"Mmh," Sarah agreed. "Though I don't know if they still play it now, I'm not from this time period, remember?"
"How splendid! A sport from earth's past! I wish you would have told us when you showed us how to play it back on New Polynesia!" Teria exclaimed.
Sarah grinned mischieviously. "Back then I could hardly tell you. So what is more interesting? Those cell cultures or Badminton?"
"Well, certainly they are both interesting. But I think I could do with a break, what do you think, oh my loyal husband," she joked.
"Definitely," Jegor replied with visible relief. His interest in cell cultures, even alien ones had it's limits. The task of his wife's lab assistant had started to bore him stiff. He was much more interested in the Doctor's ship but when he had asked him about it, back in his sick bay days he had just laughed and thrown some completely unintelligible explanations at him . He had no idea whether he hadn't understood it because it was completely beyond him or because their Timelord host was telling him some mumbo jumbo to make fun of him. Anyway, the message was clear, the Doctor didn't want him to know and a few careful attempts to find something like an engine room had just lead him to nearly getting lost while inspecting what felt like every broom closet on this ship. If it hadn't been completely ridiculous he could have sworn that the Tardis was making fun of him, deliberately switching rooms.
"Then I get the racket and net. I think the meadow outside will work just fine," Sarah suggested.
"I guess we will find something suitable to wear in the wardrobe, particularly shoes," Jegor replied, looking down at his light sandals.
"Go ahead. I'll get everything else we need."
"I'll come with you, Sarah," Teria suggested and a moment later they were on their way to one particular store room.
"So you said that he is a bit more, how to say, rational now?"
"Yes. It seems he is," Sarah agreed.
"Well, then let's just hope for the best," Together they fetched rackets, net, shuttlecocks and posts from the outdoor and holiday equipment store room. On the way to the console room they met Jegor in his newly acquired shorts and sports shoes. Together they proceeded to the meadow and had had some fun erecting the poles and fastening the net
"Now we just need the Doctor for a double," Teria stated, looking at the net with some satisfaction while a little flock of curious natives settled in some nearby fern trees to watch the strange behaviour of their alien guests..
"Yeah," Sarah quietly sighed to herself, her optimism wavering.
"I've brought something that will make waiting more comfortable," Jegor declared walking over to where he had left his bag. He pulled a blanket from it and just started to spread it in the shade of a small palm tree when Sarah's heart made a leap in her chest. There was a faint creak that umistakeably came from the Tardis doors! She whirled around and watched the Doctor plod down the little slope, hands deeply buried in his trouser pockets. Transfixed Sarah stared up at him until he stood right in front of her.
"You thought I wouldn't come," he quietly assessed, considering her face for a moment, ruffling his hair with a hand.
"No, it's... erm...I...," she stammered. She took a moment to observe that the stubbles had vanished from his chin but his eyes were, albeit looking less tired, still melancholic pools of blue.
His gaze wandered up to the net. "Badminton then," he commented it, stepped past her to where the rackets lay, for a fleeting moment brushing her shoulder with his hand.
"Hello Teria," he cheerily addressed the physician, " I guess you haven't been missing me after, well, lately." He grinned sheepishly, scratching his chin. "I'm really, honestly sorry."
"Mmh. Judging by the show you put up in the library I definitely believe that," she replied crisply, but with a friendly twinkle in her eyes. With some satisfaction she watched the Doctor cringed at the mention, patted his arm and bent down to pick up the rackets.
Me and Sarah against my husband and you, she declared and handed the Doctor one of the rackets.
The physical activity did the job. The tension quickly loosened, some light exercise was just the right thing for the two convalescents and having fun with his friends considerably lightened up the the Doctor's mood.
They were just about to take a break when Stonefruit Tail's party arrived. "Where is the matriarch," Sarah demanded to know.
The Doctor, who had been rather glad about that fact dutifully inquired about her whereabouts.
"She and the other elders have gathered to prepare the ceremonies, Sarah," he reported after a short conversation with Stonefruit Tail and his wife.
"You look like you are relieved about that," she remarked as the little group headed back to the Tardis.
"Am I," the Doctor dismissed her, opening the Tardis doors for his friends, wishing for the thousandth time that Sarah didn't have such an instinct for his sensitivities.
Sarah gently got a hold of his arm and held him back when Teria and the Shama made their way to the med bay. "Thank you for coming." She took him by his hand. "It does mean a lot to me. But I want you to know that I'm fine if you need more time on your own."
"I guess, your patience is more than I deserve, after, well, all that..." He nervously clenched and unclenched his hands. "I don't know what I need, Sarah. It's like reliving the time when the plan to run away formed in my mind. It took me years to make that decision but there are still times when I'm still not entirely sure about it," he admitted. She gazed up in his eyes and got lost in the azure pools of sadness. She wanted to lean into him to bridge the light years that seemed to stretch between them, but she couldn't tell if for him that wasn't too intimate right now so she didn't dare. Instead they walked down to the med bay side by side.
"So what's this ceremony all about," she asked him in an attempt to start a conversation.
Distracted from his own gloomy thoughts he mulled over the information their hosts had given him. "Not sure," he muttered. "They call it the Song of Change. I guess we'll see." They stepped through the door of the treatment room and watched how Stonefruit Tail managed a little hop out of the palanquin and crawled to the spot under the tissue regenerator.
Sarah enthusiastically nudged the Doctor's arm. "Look, he is getting better!"
"Indeed," he muttered quite happily and joined Teria at the control panel.
Sarah felt a bit like the fifth wheel while Teria and the Doctor monitored the procedure, so she sought out a little chat with Jegor to pass the time. In the end she was glad when about half an hour later they were done and on the way back to the console room.
A lone Shama was sitting on the top of the wooden console, waiting for them. `Greetings to our honourable guests from afar,` the visitor addressed the Doctor formally and with a courteous wriggle, watching Stonefruit Tail and his wife taking their leave.
`Greetings,` the Doctor replied with a bow, recognizing the Shama as one of the matriarch's assistants and grabbed his coat from the railing.
`As her magnificence invited you all to the ceremonies I was sent here to make sure that you undertake the necessary preparations.`
`And that would be...` the Doctor, who didn't have all that much interest in religious affairs inquired.
`Firstly, from tomorrow morning onwards you are requested to to eat only plant products to make an effort to show your respect to any form of sentient life. Then after a morning meal that you can take together, if this is according to your customs everyone has to retreat to a solitary place. Alone. There you reflect about everything that troubles your soul and make a serious aspiration to come to terms with it. Then, and only then you are invited into the Holy Communion that will take place in the full moon night.`
The Doctor sensed something that he interpreted as barely veiled reluctance in their visitor's mind.
`You seem not to agree with our presence there,` the Doctor cautiously pointed out.
`I would never dare to disagree with her magnificence,` the Shama evaded.
`Well, we don't insist to take part in it, but why do you feel we shouldn't?`
`Some of us think that children of the lesser races shouldn't be invited into the Holy Communion,` he dryly replied. `We can't know if in the end you aren't just as bad as the ones that came and abducted our people,` he voiced his suspicions of their space travelling guests. `Our elders know for a long time that there are other sentient cultures out there, living among the stars, but the dream walkers tell us that most of them are lesser races that are slaves to the path of the ore. Can we hope that you ever understand our most sacred rituals?`
The Doctor's jaw dropped. As much as he had always despised the ways of his people, he, a Timelord of Gallifrey, being called of a lesser race! `Well, if you are referring to religion, god, indeed most of my people don't think much of it, him, whatever. In all my travels, I've never met god. But I respect the traditions of other cultures,` he replied.
The Shama contemplated the answer for a moment. `It's not my decision to make, anyway,` he decided. `So, you engage in the preparations and then one of us is going to pick you up some time before the sun touches the horizon, the day after tomorrow. Since you can't fly you won't be able to take part in the procession up to the crater, where the ceremony will take place.`
`Thank you for your considerations. It's appreciated. But are these preparations really necessary, I mean, we are just honorary guests anyway,` the Doctor asked, a bit uncomfortable about the suggested two days of ascetic meditations about the more unpleasant sides of life.
`Yes. It is,` the visitor insisted and the Doctor began to regret that he still had an obligation on this planet. The Shama matriarch was definitely telepathic enough to tell how he had spent those two days. He seriously considered giving his human companions a lift if they wished to attend these ceremonies and then pass up the invitation himself. `All right,` he gave in, deciding he could still work out what to do later, keeping these musings all to himself behind a firm telepathic wall. `What about Stonefruit Tail and his treatments?`
`The next two days there won't be any treatment sessions. It's a time of contemplation. To heal the mind, not the body.`
`Is that all,` the Doctor asked him.
`Yes it is.` he tersely replied. `And we request you to take these instructions seriously. You should be aware what an honour it is to be invited.` He performed another courteous wriggle and then soared off, leaving the Doctor dumbfounded.
His human companions gathered around him."What did you talk about? Did he bring bad news," Sarah inquired.
"What? No. What makes you think that?"
"The look on your face was too obvious, wasn't it, Sarah?" Teria interposed.
"So what did the Shama say?" Sarah expectantly stuck out her chin.
The Doctor slid into his jacket and then explained what was expected of them.
"Well, that does not sound like a relaxing holiday activity," Jegor pointed out. "With telepathy and all, the matriarch will know if any of us is cheating, will she?"
"Mmh," the Doctor agreed unhappily.
"What exactly is this ritual good for," Sarah inquired.
He felt quite unable to admit that agnostic as he was he hadn't even bothered to ask. "As I understood it, the ceremony is about processing grief and other emotions."
"But then, maybe it's a good idea to join into their communion or how they call it. I feel we could all do with some grief processing," Teria replied and Sarah nodded in agreement, giving the Doctor a grave look.
The Doctor shot her a pointy glance. "Sarah, religion. Gods and all. In all my years of travelling I've met many mysterious forces but I have never encountered god. Or gods. Just alien life forms. You don't want to tell me that you believe what priests all over the universe tell people to comfort their fears of death?"
"Now you talk like those Marxists who think religion is just opium for the people," Sarah retorted. "People like me don't happen to get a second, third, whatever life if for some reason this body won't do anymore! So stop insulting our coping mechanisms. In some cases they happen to help."
"Okay, okay. Sorry," he backpedaled, realizing how inappropriate his lecturing had been and painfully reminded of Sarah's fleeting lifetime.
"Whatever this is all about, the matriarch has been very kind to me. I don't have a problem showing some respect to her customs," Sarah replied, "and I wish you would do the same because I want to attend these ceremonies, and I prefer to do it together with you," she softly added, training her best puppy dog look at him. Feeling a bit guilty for this act of shameless manipulation and watched his reserve and pride wither.
"What about you," he asked Teria and Jegor.
"Oh, I won't have so many chances to see some alien native ceremonies. I'm not overly religious but I'm definitely curious," he stated. "As long as they don't sacrifice us to their gods of course," he added with a chuckle.
"Well, I'm religious and fasting and reflection is not unfamiliar to me, and I definitely sympathise with the Shama," Teria stated matter of factly.
"I don't think that these ceremonies will end in a sacrificial death for any of us," the Doctor thoughtfully replied. "Okay, you all seem to be determined. The Tardis is quite big, it shouldn't be too hard to avoid each other for a day or two." He pulled a crumpled sheet of paper from his coat pocket, started to scribble a time table for the kitchen and a map to the Renaissance themed spare bedroom, then they made all the necessary preparations for Jegor to move there.
When that was done Sarah and the Doctor walked back to the console room, giving the elderly couple some space to mind their own business for a while.
"Doctor," Sarah addressed her friend, "I don't like the idea that you spend two days sitting in that appartment of yours, brooding over , well, us and everything."
"But you said you want to attend these ceremonies together with me."
"Yes. I do. But this aspect of it makes me worry."
"You think I'm unable to spend two days on my own?"
"No, I don't think that you are generally unable to spend two days on your own, I think at the moment, in your current state you shouldn't stay two days on your own." the softly replied. "Because I know exactly how it is going to end. We will both be sitting in our rooms and crying our eyes out. In your case possibly with some added regressive fits of rage. I'm quite sure about myself that I won't do anything stupid, I've been through love sickness before. But with you I'm not so sure. You are a bit... erm... excessive and extreme in everything you do."
"Me! Excessive!" he exclaimed.
"Mmh. You are," Sarah confirmed very gravely, stabbing him in his belly with her index finger. The concernon her face was just too much for him and his attitude crumpled up. "You worry? For me," he breathlessly replied.
"That's what you do when you love someone," Sarah admitted.
"But..but...I'm a Timelord," he stuttered and came to a halt.
"So what?"
Irritation flashed up on his face and once more that tormented look took hold in his eyes.
"Someone caring for you, that's something you are still not used to, are you?" She cautiously took his hand in hers. "They taught you to be all self-reliant and superior on Gallifrey, didn't they, and then a human comes along and ditches you in the depths of helplessness. And it scares you."
A hot spark of anger flared up in his mind! Who was she to pass judgement on him! His gaze fell on her face and the the spark of rage died down, quenched by the gentle honestness he found there. A nervous little nod was all he managed.
"Well, there is a saying that fear is the dragon that keeps our biggest treasures." She graced him with a soulful little smile that made his insides quiver, he drew a rattled breath and lowered his gaze to his shoes. She took his hand in both of hers. "Please, don't do something stupid. If you don't manage it's better we both don't attend these ceremonies."
Touched he lifted his free hand up to her face and carefully, cautiously ran the tip of his finger over her cheek. "My sweet Sarah," he muttered and took a step backwards, suppressing a snivel.
"So, what do you think," she softly insisted.
"I'll manage," he muttered.