Chapter 18: Unattainable Desires
Katyusha sat on Nonna's shoulders on the sidelines, observing the result. She was unwilling to believe what she was seeing.
"Th…this can't be happening…" Katyusha said, nearly falling off. "This was supposed to be the year we really beat Black Forest!"
"I believe the others, the Commander in particular, feel the same way," Nonna said.
In most cases, Katyusha would have considered sending anyone responsible for the loss of the flag tank to "Siberia" until they graduated. But this time, she realized that not only had she not been around to protect the flag tank, but punishment would be superfluous for those who most keenly felt responsible for their defeat.
"I might have an ego as wide as the Siberian plain, but I don't always assume we're going to win," Katyusha thought. "And while I threaten to send failures to Siberia, it's no more malicious than Kyouko writing on Suzu's forehead, and a far cry from how Black Forest punishes failures. I may not win the tournaments, but I'll never do things their way."
At the concluding ceremonies, Black Forest and Pravda's teams stood before each other and exchanged bows.
"That was a good match," Hiroe said. Although disappointed to have lost against Black Forest, and noticing that Kinue was trying to hide how upset she was, Hiroe had enjoyed the match while it lasted. Maho was good enough to make things last long enough to be interesting, even if Hiroe believed that it ended with the wrong side's flag tank being taken out.
"Yes, it was, thank you," Maho said.
Hiroe glanced at the three top-ranking Black Forest officers. Erika had an arrogant smirk on her face. Teru's face was blank, as if she was observing something that was supposed to happen anyway. Maho's brow was furrowed with concern, though, and she kept glancing around.
"You could at least look a little happy," Hiroe said to Maho. "I could understand people being down if they lost, but you won, didn't you?"
"Yes, I know," Maho said. "But what about you?"
"I'd hoped to win this one," Hiroe said, "but it's been fun while it lasted and I don't blame any of my teammates for it."
"Oh, really?" Erika said skeptically, with a hint of smugness.
"Don't you dare think of lumping me in with you people," Hiroe said indignantly. "I've never scapegoated any of my teammates for my losses; I'm not about to start with my sister."
Hiroe's belief was born out of a mixture of pride and compassion for those under her command. She believed that she had the potential to do almost anything, and believed that if she was defeated, it was because she did not do well enough. She trusted her teammates, understood that they were trying their best, and felt the same disappointment that they did when they lost. And she thought that if anyone could lead her subordinates to victory, while compensating for any mistakes they made on the way, it was her.
"It seems that both you and the Commander have that trait in common," Erika said, reminded of the one area in which she openly criticized Maho. "The Commander refused to hold her sister, the former vice-captain accountable for the fiasco last year."
Maho shot a disapproving glance at Erika, before turning back to Hiroe.
"Taking responsibility for your own decisions, especially when they end in failure or impact others, is part of a commander's duty," Maho said. "That's all there is to it; I think you understand this principle well enough."
Hiroe nodded, but then rolled her eyes. For her, the pieces seemed to be falling into place regarding Maho, from her uncharacteristic hesitation in the battle to her odd reactions whenever Miho was brought up. Like a jigsaw puzzle that was mostly complete, she understood where each piece belonged, and while there were holes here and there, was starting to see the picture well enough to fill in the blanks herself.
"Right, right," Hiroe said. "I don't want to you to have to confirm or deny anything in front of your two sidekicks, but if I'm correct about your real motive, I don't think you need to deny it or hide behind excuses, especially not as far as she is concerned."
Teru nodded, as Hiroe first glanced back to Kinue, then to Hiroko.
Hiroe stepped forward and offered her hand to Maho.
"In any case, you won, yet again," Hiroe said graciously. "Congratulations."
Maho took Hiroe's hand and shook it.
"Thank you," Maho said, still holding onto Hiroe's hand. "And I hope you believe me when I say that you fought well this time... as you did last year."
Hiroe sighed, unsure of how to take Maho's praise.
"I hardly call winning by taking advantage of an enemy tank crew's lives being in actual danger good fighting- more like luck," Hiroe said.
"The Nishizumis do not believe in luck," Maho said, "only in opportunities and whether one can take full advantage of them. Many of our opponents fought long and hard for a chance like that- and only you were able to take advantage of it."
Hiroe glanced to Erika, who frowned in slight disapproval of how the Nishizumi school's logic was used to praise an enemy.
"So we might have won anyway? Is that what you're saying?" Hiroe said. "It seems to me that it might be convenient for you to believe that, because if it's true, it means a certain someone isn't to blame for the loss."
Maho remained silent.
"So you can't say anything that's in accordance with the Nishizumi line this time, Maho?" Hiroe thought.
Hiroe, releasing the handshake, pulled out a card and a pen, furtively wrote on it and pressed it into Maho's hand. Maho briefly glanced at it.
If you want to talk "off the record"- give me a call.
On the other side, Maho noticed it was a business card, indicating Hiroe's number as Pravda's commander.
"But it's not as though I'm not grateful," Hiroe said. "Thanks for saying that and feel free to quote me!"
The Black Forest commanders walked away. Erika smirked in triumph over her victory, Teru stared off into the distance, and Maho was lost in thought.
"I've accomplished what I set out to do and fulfilled the expectations Mother had for me," Maho thought. "But why do I have the same feeling I have when I'm rushing headlong into a trap?"
With the concluding ceremonies finished, Pravda was left with nothing to do but reflect on their defeat. Most of them started walking off to begin the trip back, or privately reflect on their defeat.
Suzu walked in silence along with Kyouko. Eventually, Suzu spoke once she found the silence too awkward.
"Um, Suehara-senpai... aren't you forgetting something?" Suzu said.
"The pen?" Kyouko said. "Well, you did get a hit on the flag tank, if not a disabling one, and..." Kyouko trailed off and let off a sigh of frustration. "Oh, to hell with it. I'm really not in the mood to doodle on anything but the Black Forest flag tank commander's face."
Suzu weakly chuckled in agreement, amused at the comment but still disappointed.
"I kind of wish they'd get angry with me for failing to take out the flag tank," Suzu thought. "Even if it's not like the commander or Suehara-senpai to punish us over something like this, I still feel as though it should naturally happen, or else I'll only feel more guilty. I wonder if Kinue feels the same way."
As the Atago sisters and their cousin remained behind, Kinue's resolve, which had been keeping her emotions in check for the sake of propriety, faltered.
"O…Onee…chan…" Hiroe said, as tears started to roll down her cheeks. "I'm so- so sorry!" She then flung herself into Hiroe's arms.
Hiroe embraced Kinue, wrapping her arms around her sister and patting her on the head.
"There, there, Kinue…" Hiroe said. "It's not your fault; I should have pushed harder, shot straighter and taken down the Black Forest flag tank more quickly. If I'd just done a little better, we'd have won."
Hiroe then turned to Hiroko.
"Hiroko?" Hiroe said. "Could you get in touch with Mom and tell her we'll need a minute?"
"Certainly," Hiroko said, taking out her cell phone and moving a few feet away, hoping that Kinue's crying would not get picked up- as a tear rolled down her cheeks, she realized that she hoped the same would apply to her own. She dialed her aunt's number and pressed the call button.
Shiho, watching the end of the match, gave the slightest hint of a smile.
Pravda was the school that was most comparable to Black Forest in many regards. Both had strong tanks, many experienced tankers, and large and strong tankery teams. The most relevant differences, to Shiho, were in each school's determination and commitment to winning.
Shiho believed that not just anyone could succeed at tankery; talent was required to make something of oneself in tankery, as it was in every other field. But Shiho believed that all of those who were successful had the will to better themselves, not make compromises, and settle for nothing less than success.
Shiho had made many sacrifices in the pursuit of tankery success. She had sacrificed what might be considered a normal childhood in exchange for becoming a master of tankery. Some of her peers were jealous of her success, at least in her mind, and others disliked her for her ruthless determination to success, as well as her lack of tolerance for those who were not as committed as she was.
But she had succeeded. Her family's school remained the foremost tankery school in the nation. Any time anyone questioned her methods, she could point to her winning record. Winning was not only the ultimate goal to Shiho, but victories were an easily quantifiable measurement of success, and the test of capabilities between the opposing sides. To Shiho, the Nishizumi School's winning record was proof that the Nishizumis and their disciples were the best at tankery, and the most committed to success.
Of course, others measured success in other ways, which Shiho dismissed as the excuses that losers make, and criticized Shiho for having lost sight of what matters most. When Shiho did not find her critics suggesting that others things were more important to be foolishly sentimental, she believed such things were difficult to measure or correlate with their methods.
Those close to Shiho had similar determination. Her parents had raised her the same way, much like her own mother had been raised. Her husband had married in the family knowing what she had expected of him and of any children they might have, and had committed himself to it in his own way, standing by whatever she deemed to be for the good of the Nishizumi School. And she had similar expectations for her elder daughter.
Perhaps Maho had faltered early in the battle. Perhaps her victory was more narrow than Shiho would have liked. But Maho, in the end, knew what had to be done and committed herself to doing it. By contrast, Miho had gone after a fallen tank that should have been left to the rescue teams, or her own teammates, forgetting her own importance to the match. The Atagos had always fallen just short of the effort needed to win, and, in Shiho's mind, had too much trust for relative neophytes, and too much faith in the under-performers. Shiho believed that Miho and the Atagos had talent, but not the determination to go to any length in order to win. As such, Shiho believed that they could only win when the circumstances allowed it, and could not be relied on to uphold a tradition.
Shiho did not particularly care if, in her mind, the Atagos, their students and their subordinates, chose to settle for mediocrity; it might be good if their family's school was a place where the weak-willed and less talented could train. But she believed Miho could go farther- it was something she owed to herself for her own sake, and it was her duty to the family. Miho failed to understand either point, not realizing the success that she could attain, nor her obligation to help her family.
And yet, things had not always been so clear to Shiho. There was a time when, while she was young, she did tankery practice because it was what her mother expected of her. Back then, her mother realized that understanding her motives was too much to ask for her, and she could only ask for her obedience. But what was Shiho to do now that Miho, now almost an adult, did not understand or follow the Nishizumi School's teachings?
Shiho came to an epiphany. Perhaps the stakes were too abstract for Miho, and by making them more concrete, Miho would understand what she had to do. Miho could win against Anzio and St. Gloriana, even if her halfhearted determination would not carry her to victory against Saunders or Black Forest. Either Miho would learn the lessons she needed to become a first-rate tanker, or she would no longer be the Nishizumi family's problem. Shiho believed such a plan was ideal, and wondered why the Atagos never thought of it that way.
"Let's see how you deal with your daughters' defeat, Atago Masae," Shiho thought. "Even that younger daughter of yours might have the potential to present a challenge to us- if she's properly motivated, that is, and you don't coddle her after her failure."
Masae and Masaki sat on the stands, having seen the outcome of the match.
"That last shot was so close," Masaki said. "It must be hard on the gunner, as well as Kinue."
"I'd imagine," Masae said. "I also imagine that Nishizumi Shiho is gloating about her victory somewhere, or at least having a look of smug superiority on her face. Her school may have a winning record, but it's blinded her to everything that's more important than victory."
Masae, having turned on her cell phone after the match, picked it up almost immediately as she heard it ringing, recognizing "Hiroko" in the caller ID.
"Hello?" Masae said.
"Aunt Masae, this is Hiroko," Hiroko said. "I suppose you and Mom saw... the outcome of the match."
"I did, Hiroko," Masae said. "I'll discuss it more in detail later, but for the moment, let me say this- you did your best."
"Thank you, but Hiroe and Kinue will be over shortly; they need a minute," Hiroko said.
"Or better said, I believe it's likely Kinue in particular needs the minute," Masae said. "I imagine the outcome was hard on her."
"Wha-how did you know?" Hiroko said.
"Simply put, not only did I see the match, but I know both of my daughters quite well, just as your own mother knows you," Masae said.
Silence followed. Hiroe heard a faint "Do you want to say anything to Hiroko, Masaki?" from Masae, and a "Yes, please let me speak with her, Nee-san," from Masaki.
"Hiroko?" Masaki said. "This is your mother. My sister told me about what had happened. You did well making it this far, and did the best you could."
"Thanks, Mom," Hiroko said.
"Come over when you're ready," Masaki said. "And know this- the three of you, as well as the rest of your team, did your best."
"Thank you, Mom, Aunt Masae," Hiroko said, wiping away her tears. "I'll see you in a little bit." Hiroko hung up, and turned back to Hiroko and Kinue. "Your mom says to come when you're ready and… not to blame yourselves."
Kinue sniffled, but forced a smile.
"Thank you... all of you..." she said. "I won't let you down next time."
Hiroe nodded. She inwardly wished that she could stay an extra year at high school, but realized that the time had come for her to graduate. She wondered if she could get held back for a moment, but remembered the grade point average requirements for doing tankery, as well as how she, near the top of her class, did not have to worry about them.
Of course, Hiroe preferred not to remind Kinue of how many people had lost their last chance at a tournament win this year.
"That's good to hear," Hiroe said. "A lot of people never gave up trying to win the tournament, even when it seemed as though Black Forest could not be defeated. All they really expect of you is to keep on trying as long and as hard as you can."
Kinue nodded.
"Speaking of which, where's Onjouji-senpai?" Kinue said. "She was fairly invested in this as well."
"Toki?" Hiroko said. "She and the others headed back to the ship already."
As Hiroko's team left her behind to head back to the ship, Toki and Ryuuka looked up on the deck, from the boat that was taking some of the students back to the Pravda school ship.
"Can you see them from here, Toki?" Ryuuka said. "The lights of the buildings on our school ship."
"Faintly, but yes," Toki said. "I imagine it would be easier to see them all in a plane or something of the sort."
"I always thought of each of those lights as representing someone who cheered for our team in the tournament," Ryuuka said. "Not everyone could make it, but many of them are still watching us, nevertheless."
"Some of them are just streetlights, though," Toki said.
"Yeah, but people are walking around at night," Ryuuka said, mildly annoyed at Toki's snarkiness ruining the image she was trying to share. "And some turned off their lights because they're not at home tonight- they turned out for our match."
Toki nodded.
"But honestly, I get what you mean, Ryuuka," Toki said. "There are a lot of people watching us, and hoping we can win. I wonder what they're thinking right now, although it probably won't be long before I can check online and find out."
Sera walked up to the two of them.
"Ah, Sera, where were you?" Ryuuka said.
"Below decks," Sera said. "I checked the school forums, and found something you might want to see."
Sera produced a tablet computer, and showed a few tabs in the browser, each containing a separate discussion thread Sera had opened.
"Great shot, Comrade Onjouji!" was posted after Toki's shot landed on Teru's tank.
"Miyanaga Teru- Finally defeated!"
"We Almost did it- good attempt, everyone!"
Toki's mouth gaped open in shock.
A part of her suspected that there were threads flaming Black Forest, and that the moderators had swiftly dealt with them, but she was pleased. In her first year, she had concluded that very few people made the team, and simply concluded that those who did were more talented than she was, on an entirely separate tier of tankery skill. In her second, she had never thought she would advance onto the main team, or be of any use to her friends. Now, people were talking about her, praising her, and she had done what she could.
"Wow.. really?" Toki said.
"Yeah," Sera said. "You really have come a long way in three years, Toki. To Instructor Atago, that, more than a tournament victory, is a true success story in tankery."
Toki smiled, but it turned melancholy as she thought of another person out there whose feelings were far from hers. Kinue had a similar goal, albeit for the sake of her sister and her cousin instead of two of her closest friends, but her results had fallen far short of Toki's.
"So has Kinue, since last year," Toki said. "And I hope she hasn't fallen into despair over the result."
"FunaQ's spending a bit of time with her family, and then she'll catch up with us," Sera said. "Kinue's in good hands."
As the boat docked, and Toki and her companions made their way up to the deck, Toki looked at the lights. It was her last year at Pravda, and her final tournament had ended. In mere months, she would be saying goodbye to the school, and likely, to a large portion of her friends.
But she realized one thing- while people were often talking about the talented newcomers each year, rather than the possibility of her catching up and getting onto the team, she realized that talented people came each year. All the second-years whom she had believed outstripped her soon after she arrived were the school's future, as were the promising first-years who had arrived, and there were likely many others like her, who were working hard to earn their spots on the team and do their best for the school.
"Defeat has never been a final deterrent for us," Toki thought. "If persisting this long gave me the chance to fight along my friends that I've always hoped for, then maybe, just maybe, we'll win the tournament again someday. Kinue, I believe you'll do your best for us next year."
Toki and her friends then returned home to rest before preparing themselves for whatever awaited them in the future, eagerly awaiting how their school would rise to greater heights in spite of their defeat.
"Are you feeling better, Kinue?" Masae said, as she met with Hiroe, Hiroko and Kinue near the entrance to the seating area, accompanied by Masaki.
"Somewhat, Mom," Kinue said. "But I still can't help feeling as though I let my sister and everyone else down."
"If you feel as though you did, then you should learn from this defeat, and put all your effort into getting better," Masae said. "Our way believes that everyone has room for improvement, and that failure can be an essential part of learning your weaknesses and what you need to work on. Hiroe and Hiroko improved after their past losses to the Nishizumis, and I believe you will as well."
"Speaking of the Nishizumis…" Hiroe said, "The younger daughter wasn't present, but the older sister didn't say much about what had happened. I wonder if she was thrown under the bus by her family for her failure, as we initially thought."
"That seems like something Instructor Nishizumi would do," Masae said. "But to think her elder daughter would stand for her younger sister being treated that way…" Masae subconsciously glanced over at Masaki while speaking.
"I'm actually no longer so sure she does," Hiroe said. "Maho has always been a difficult to read, but she seems less happy than she was with Miho at her side, somewhat like how I enjoyed this more with Kinue around. One of her two underlings told me that Maho didn't want to punish Miho, something that Maho was hesitant to admit but didn't deny."
"Really?" Masae said, amazed.
"Yes, and she seems different from me- you're a big influence on me, Mom, but I've also chosen to follow this for my own reasons," Hiroe said. "When Maho speaks, it's like she's reciting the Nishizumi line, and when she expresses her own opinions or feelings, the words she uses don't always seem to be her own. Maho doesn't seem to be doing this for her own sake, but is she doing it for the Nishizumi school's sake? I'm not sure."
"You may be right, Hiroe," Masae said. "I had assumed that Instructor Nishizumi molded her daughters into her own image, much like she did her students, but Miho's actions in the last tournament, as well as in this one, seem to put the lie to that idea. I wonder if it's possible that Maho's adherence to the ideology is only skin deep."
"Perhaps," Kinue said. "Parents aren't always the biggest influence on their kids- I got into tankery because of my sister, rather than because of you, Mom- and I at least would like to think that Maho-san is, in her own way, looking out for Miho-chan. I think you'd do the same for me, Onee-chan."
"That's right, Kinue," Hiroe said, smiling warmly. "Of course, the Nishizumi school is a different kind of family from the Atagos, or the Funakubo side. As much as keeping my emotions inside seems nearly impossible, as would keeping you at a distance, I wonder if I would end up being forced to do that if I were the heiress."
"Sadly, that seems to be a plausible theory, Hiroe," Masae said. "But will Maho, by doing whatever her mother asks of her, including defeating us, truly be able to accomplish her goals?"
"I guess only Maho would know," Hiroe said. "But maybe she's not sure. Maybe that's why she was hesitant before. I only hope that if we didn't get the victory we wanted, she managed to accomplish something important to her, especially if I'm right and she's doing all this for her sister. After all, the reason why I'm able to beat everyone else in the tournaments without regret is the belief that they will be able to learn something from their defeats, just as I did."
Shiho met with Maho in the living room of the Nishizumi house.
"While you got off to a less than optimal start, which I will discuss in more detail later, you ultimately fulfilled your expectations and won," Shiho said. "You have proven that the upstart Atagos cannot compare to us with their level of commitment, and what you can accomplish without Miho around. Indeed, you never needed her to succeed, and I wonder if we ever did."
Maho paled in horror. She had suspected that this might happen, but what was the alternative? Losing to the Atagos would have damaged her own standing as Nishizumi heiress while doing nothing to help Miho- Shiho was still convinced that the Atagos could have been defeated last year, and that Miho's decision had doomed Black Forest to defeat.
"Miho has accomplished a great deal on her own, Mother," Maho said. "She has defeated Anzio and St. Gloriana with unfavorable odds."
"Both of them are schools that no Nishizumi should naturally lose against, which is why she could defeat them halfheartedly," Shiho said dismissively. "Two victories against weak opponents do not erase the shame of defeat, even against a relatively strong one."
"Is it that unreasonable that Atago Hiroe could have defeated me last year?" Maho said. "She's possibly the strongest opponent I've ever faced in tankery."
"She and her family have talent, but they lack the resolve that the Nishizumis do, not unlike Miho," Shiho said. "It may not be my business how that woman raises her children, but I will not settle for halfhearted commitment from Miho."
Maho remained silent, dreading what Shiho would say next.
"I have reached a decision," Shiho said. "Should Miho fail to defeat Saunders in the next round, she will be cast out of the family."
Maho gasped in shock. She could not, in her present position, argue any more in favor of Miho's approach to tankery. But Shiho saying, in all seriousness that she was seriously considering disowning Miho was something she did not expect, even if Shiho never said anything she did not seriously intend. Why would Shiho do so now if she had not considered this option in the wake of the incident in the last tournament?
"But why?" Maho said. "Why would you go so far, Mother?"
"Miho does not understand how her actions affect others, beyond the immediate and easily visible consequences," Shiho said. "Her decision to jump in and save the tank rather than leave it to the rescue crews shows that she lost sight of her goal and acted based on shortsighted impulse, while forgetting the importance of what she was doing for her team. She does not understand the value of adhering to principles or upholding tradition. None of these are acceptable attitudes for a Nishizumi. The only solution is to make it so that her own interests are on the line, so that she can learn how to act. She's too old to be subject to that sort of discipline, but it seems to be the only way that will work, at least until she falls in line. And if all else fails, we will be able to wash our hands of this embarrassment."
Maho realized there was nothing more she could say to dissuade her mother at this point, but there was no way she could accept what Shiho had just decided.
"Don't you understand, Mother?" Maho thought. "There are things Miho values more than winning, and even more than her membership in this family. Even if Miho's way of tankery is unacceptable, even if Miho is nothing more than a back-up plan in case I am unable to inherit the school, I doubt you would be better off going through with this threat."
As Oarai finished watching the match, Miho was completely oblivious to what her parents had decided in her absence.
"So my sister won again," Miho said. "She seemed to be in dire straits for a while, whatever the reason for her uncertainty was, but she was able to turn it around."
"You still have no idea what was troubling your sister, Miho?" Hisa said.
"Unfortunately, no," Miho said. "Still, she's quite talented, and I wonder how she'd fare if she was in my place."
"Well, most of the big-name schools have an advantage with their superior tanks, but they don't win solely because of them," Hisa said. "Then again, I'd estimate that some of our crews might be better than some of Black Forest's at this point. If we play our cards right, we'll have a chance."
"Yes, that's true," Miho said.
Miho pondered her present situation. She believed that, as strict as Shiho was with her, she would have suffered far harsher repercussions for her decision in the last tournament if she had been the heiress, and in such a case, there would have been no chance that Shiho would have allowed her to switch schools.
"Onee-chan, you might not realize this, but I am truly grateful for how far you are going for me," Miho thought. "Let me show you what I can accomplish on my own, my own way."
Meanwhile, Nodoka stepped out to call Saki, reaching her at her home phone.
"Hello, Nodoka-chan," Saki said.
"Hello, Saki-san," Nodoka said. "I'm calling to let you know that Black Forest won."
Saki immediately understood Nodoka's point.
"So my sister's going on to the finals," Saki said.
"If I may ask, Saki-san, why are you unwilling to watch her?" Nodoka said.
Saki shrugged, although Nodoka could not see her do so. When she finally answered, her tone was noncommittal.
"It's probably related to my fear that if I see my sister again, nothing will have changed," Saki said. "As such, when I see her, I wonder if she's no longer thinking about me, and imagine that she will turn me away yet again if I face her."
"I see," Nodoka said. "I understand the fear of getting to the end and having your efforts amount to nothing. I can only do what I've done thus far- stand beside you and lend my efforts to your goal."
"Thank you, Nodoka-chan; I hope that we make it to the finals, too," Saki said, "and that when I face my sister again, I will be ready to face her."
Author's Notes
The conversation Ryuuka and Toki have about the lights is inspired by a scene in the Achiga-hen anime, when Toki, going to the Nationals for the first time, talks with Ryuuka about how Cera saw the lights when going home after her defeat last year.
This version of Miho being threatened with disowning comes from the manga, specifically Chapter 10. I find it makes somewhat more sense than the anime, particularly in why Shiho does nothing after the match with Pravda.
It's interesting to cut back to a character who's oblivious to recent developments and see their thoughts. It's similar to how, after the scene in Saki in which Teru tells Sumire that she doesn't have a sister, Saki is happily playing in the pool and hoping to see Teru again.