Phantom paced back and forth in the grand ballroom, making agitated grunts and groans like a lynched pig. Alan, meanwhile, was sitting calmly on a nearby sofa, flipping through various emails on his phone without much interest. He looked up every now and then, trying to decide whether to comfort his friend or tell him to man the fuck up. He decided that he'd better try a mix of the two approaches, and stood up to speak with him.

"Hey, buddy. You okay?" he asked cautiously.

"NO, I AM NOT OKAY!" Phantom spat, "Raoul is going to arrive in fifteen minutes, maybe less! He's always early, that goddamn Boy Scout!"

Alan put his hands on Phantom's shoulders.

"Deep breaths, man. Deep breaths. What did I tell you this morning?"

Phantom blinked.

"I don't remember. Did we even have a conversation? I don't remember seeing you at breakfast."

Alan twisted his mouth.

"Okay, it's possible that I forgot to tell you. Regardless, if I had remembered, I would have said that this is no big deal. People meet up with their rivals and enemies every day. You just have to be polite about it and deal with your negative emotions on the inside. This is normal. It's a part of life. People do it all the time, and they survive."

Phantom frowned.

"Yes, but they don't have to deal with Raoul. He's like a disease! If cancer was overly-polite, they'd call it 'Raoul'."

Alan raised his eyebrow.

"You're exaggerating."

"Not at all!" Phantom exclaimed, "He's a plague on mankind. He's the ear-zit of modern society. He's worse than Jar Jar Binks."

Alan nodded.

"Okay, you are definitely exaggerating."

Phantom sputtered indignantly.

"Just you wait and see! He's a total ass, and nobody ever seems to notice. He always gets a free pass because he's young and rich and charming."

Alan sighed.

"I dunno. I think you're worried about nothing."

Phantom narrowed his eyes.

"Just watch. He'll strut in here and make a scene. Then he'll say something completely inappropriate! It will be so awkward that you'll want to crawl into a hole and die."

He fell silent as the doors parted, revealing a blonde man in a black suit. His coif was tidy and his teeth were as white as bleached ivory. His face appeared to have been recently shaved, allowing his skin to shine with a smooth luster. He strutted into the room with a pleasant smile and held out his hand for Phantom to shake.

"Hello. It's been a while, hasn't it?" he beamed.

"You smell funny and probably have a small dick," Phantom blurted.

Raoul froze in place, unable to respond. His hand hovered in midair like the branch of a tree. The three men didn't move for a very long time. Finally, Alan hummed and turned to leave.

"Yeah, that was pretty awkward."