Sorry it took a little longer than normal, I've had tests and coursework that needed finishing but it's done now and here's Chapter 25. Also, sorry it's a little shorter, it's only a filler chapter really the next one will be a lot longer. Anyway, thank you all so much for the reviews from everyone, I can't always reply but I will try I promise. Your kind words mean the world to me and light up my day, I really appreciate everything!
Anyway, chapter 25, here you go and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, only the plot!
Chapter 25: Broken
"That was then, it's not like that now," Damon shouted back. "You should be sorry you even met me," he spoke just above a whisper, Elena only just about hearing him.
Elena huffed in frustration. "You're so stubborn, don't you see I care. I'll always fucking care, Damon and even if you don't like it I'll carry on caring, you can't control that and you can't control how I feel. And, no, I'm not sorry that you came into myself or that I met you. I'm not sorry about anything that's happened and I'd never take back a moment we've shared together-" Damon immediately cut her off.
"You shouldn't hold onto that stuff, don't hold onto it. Don't have hope because I'll let you down, like I've let everyone down, I don't want people to expect things of me, I don't want to have to live up to make people happy. So why the hell do you still hold something for me?" he demanded, his voice now loud and harsh.
"Because I'm fucking in love with you!" she screamed out and immediately brought her hand to her mouth, not being able to believe the words she'd just spoken.
Damon stood, frozen, not being able to move. His eyebrows raised and eyes wide, had he heard right?
Damon stood frozen, unable to move or speak a word. He couldn't believe what she'd just said. Elena had told him she was in love with him, am I dreaming? Staring blankly at her, Damon realised Elena had her hand covering her mouth; obviously not being able to believe what she had just admitted to him. Before the death of his mother, Damon knew he was falling for the beautiful and amazing person who was Elena Gilbert however, after receiving that call from Giuseppe, he'd shut everything away, locked it up not wanting to deal with emotions when all he could feel was pain. Slowly, he couldn't handle that grief and pain either so he pushed that aside, praying he'd make it through this but the moment he saw Elena again after two months, in the Grill; everything suddenly came rushing to the surface and right now; he couldn't handle that.
Both Damon and Elena stared into each other's eyes. Both stood frozen as if their feet had been cemented to the ground. Neither knew what to say next, so they remained silently staring, reflecting over the last five minutes of their conversation.
Damon broke the silence, his velvet voice causing Elena to jump slightly as it penetrated her ear drums. "No," he spoke in a low tone; only by a strain of her ears was Elena able to hear him. "No," he repeated however much louder this time. "No, you don't Elena; you're in love with the idea of being with me, not me." Damon knew he was lying but he couldn't let her love him when he was incapable of giving it back, at this time.
Elena was drawn out of her shock and scoffed once hearing Damon's words. "Who are you to tell me what I feel? I know my emotions and feelings better than anyone and I know how I feel right now. I love you, Damon and there is nothing you can do that'll change my mind. There's nothing anyone could do to break that love, not yet. It is the most real thing I've ever felt in my entire life, you're all I want," she quietened towards the end of her words; shifting her eyes to her hands, fiddling with them nervously.
"Well, guess what?" he paused waiting for Elena to look up at him again; when she did he continued. "I've had to go through the pain of losing the most inspirational and important person in my life; the only person who's really understood me." He stepped forward, narrowing his eyes with intimidation. It was working because Elena began even more nervous than before, she didn't know what he was planning. "Loving someone so much hurts; it feels great at first but losing them sucks, its hell. So, now, I've blocked it out, I don't feel anything and frankly, I don't want to. I want to move on with the least amount of emotion I can muster, and right now, I'm managing quite well..." he trailed off, staring intently into her eyes. His eyes were an intense azure, not holding the warmth they used to. He seemed cut off from everything; including his emotions.
"Where are you going with this?" Elena asked, feeling the tingling in her eyes as she knew tears was being to arise.
Damon chuckled emotionlessly, glancing to one side then back at Elena. He stepped closer to her, almost pressing his chest against hers. "What I'm saying, Elena is..." he began, his face blank and eyes unreadable, Elena had no idea what Damon was about to say. "I don't love you."
And with those words, Elena could feel her self control tearing away and she knew she'd break down soon; she needed to get away from him; she needed to breathe. Swallowing thickly, she side stepped him; turning around and began to walk away without another word. As she continued to walk back to the Grill, the salted solution of her tears ran over her cheeks like a waterfall running along the razor rocks. That was it that was the end. Damon didn't love her, and she knew her heart had just broken into a million pieces.
As Damon's eyes followed Elena walking away, he felt the pain of lose once again in his heart. He knew what he'd done was harsh, and may have been untrue however; Elena needed someone who would give her everything she wanted; not some broken, unredeemable, ex-player. Elena deserved happiness and with him out of the picture that's what she'd get. So why did it feel as though Damon had just lost the last bit of happiness his life may have had?
"Oh, Elena," Caroline sighed sympathetically as she pulled her broken friend into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry that happened, we'd never have had you go over there if this was what was going to happen," Caroline sounded as though she was about to cry and Elena didn't need that. She didn't need pity. She'd cried enough and now it was time to try and move on; but why is it easily said than done.
"It's okay, Caroline, I'm fine," Elena assured, pulling away from her friend. Yes, the 'I'm fine' was a lie however Elena couldn't deal with people feeling sorry for her, it would make it harder to move on. If moving on was even possible.
Caroline stared intently into her eyes, reading them, trying to figure out what was going on inside her head. "Don't lie to us, Elena, you're not okay," her voice and eyes were full of sincerity. Seeing that look on her friends face made Elena want to cry again. But she wouldn't, she couldn't. She'd promised herself.
"You don't have to hide from us, Elena," Bonnie moved towards her, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. "We're always here for you, like you've been for us."
Elena felt as though she couldn't breathe, she felt smothered. Abruptly, Elena moved away from both Caroline and Bonnie, standing up and closing her eyes to take deep breaths. This was everything she wanted to avoid. Once she'd calmed down and managed to hold back her emotions she turned back to them. Both gazing at her with sympathetic eyes; Elena wanted to scream at them but they were only trying to help. "What do you want me to say?" she asked them, unable to keep herself together anymore. "That I'm heartbroken, well yes, yes I am," she inhaled, halting the tears that were about to fall. "Do you want to know that over the last two months that I've been alone I pretended to be okay but when I go home at night I cry myself to sleep?" A single tear escaped, cascading down her cheek, she wiped it away quickly not wanting anymore to fall, she was sick of crying. "Do you want to hear how I'm barely coping, that he is the only person on my mind every single day?" She paused to take a breath and that was when she couldn't prevent the tears, they fell like a waterfall after a rain storm. "Do you want to know that I feel physically sick every day because I miss having him around me? Do you want to hear that I have nightmares every night about what's happened? That I'm scared I might never be able to get over this." Her words came out in whimpers and sobs, but she didn't stop, she couldn't know. "I use to watch my phone hoping that he'd text or call me. I'd be on edge every time I'd hear my phone believing it was him and then feeling so stupid that I thought it would ever be him calling me," inhaling deeply, Elena paused, staring at her friends with puffy, bloodshot eyes and mascara stained cheeks. "Do you really want to hear that I'm completely, utterly and stupidly in love with him? Do you really want to hear me say how I've lost the first person I've ever truly loved and I'll never have him back," Elena finished, falling to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably and clutching onto her chest.
Bonnie and Caroline, slowly and hesitantly, moved towards her lowering themselves to the ground and gently holding her in their arms as she let out every emotion she'd held in since Damon had left. They hushed her, rubbing soothing circles on her back with their hands.
"I love him," Elena sobbed; "I love him so much..." she choked on her words, more tears running from her eyes.
"It's okay, it'll all be okay," Bonnie cooed in her ear, rocking her back and forth soothingly.
Elena shook her head violently. "No," she disagreed, continuing to cry. "Nothing will ever be okay again," she sobbed, burring her head in the crook of Bonnie's neck.
Caroline and Bonnie's eyes connected, "what are we going to do?" Caroline mouthed. Bonnie held Elena tighter, "talk to Damon," she mouthed back. Both girls held their best friend in their arms as she sobbed into their shoulders. They'd never seen Elena like this before, they didn't know what to say to sooth her; neither of them wanted to say the wrong this and make everything worse for her. However, they were sure there was one thing to do. Talk to Damon.
"Damon!" Bonnie shouted as her fist pounded at the wooden door. "Damon, I know you're in there, open the door!" She shouted and continued to punch the door. "Open the god damn door Damon!"
At that the door swung open, revealing Damon. His raven his was tousled and a complete mess; as though he had just woken up. There were black circles under his eyes and he smelled slightly of alcohol. "What do you want?" he growled harshly, not appreciating the intrusion.
"We need to talk," Bonnie stated bluntly, barging through the door and pushing past Damon into the house.
Damon sighed, rolling his eyes. "Oh come on in," he said sarcastically, "what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from little Bonnie Bennett?" he asked in a mock friendly tone.
Bonnie huffed, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes at him. This wasn't the time for Damon's stupid arrogant attitude. "Like I said, we need to talk," she informed again, her voice stern and cold.
Damon crossed his arms over his chest, not at all happy that she was here. "Are you breaking up with me Bonnie?" he joked with his trademark smirk present of his face.
"Urgh," Bonnie groaned and immediately strode towards him, holding up her hand and slapping him across the face.
Damon's head snapped to the side from the sheer force of the contact that was unexpected. "What the...?" he growled rubbing his cheek. "What the fuck was that for?" he asked, his anger evident in his eyes the way he glared at her.
Bonnie re-crossed her arms, the stern glare in her eyes; completely unfazed by Damon's glare, "Just listen."
Damon stood, glaring in silence for a moment before gesturing with his hand for Bonnie to follow him into the parlour. He walked towards a wooden cabinet, taking out a glass tumbler and bottle of bourbon. "Want one?" he asked as he finished pouring his own. Bonnie shook her head dismissingly, sitting down on the leather couch; Damon followed sitting on the couch opposite waiting for Bonnie to begin. When she didn't Damon grew frustrated. "You wanted to talk," he stated coldly.
Bonnie inhaled deeply, the stern glare never leaving her eyes before beginning. "It's Elena," she started and Damon sat back, pretending not to care however the sound of her name caught his attention without showing. "She's been down since we were at the Grill yesterday, she's been down for two months but today's a lot worse, I've never seen her like this before," Bonnie dropped her gaze to the coffee table between them and the look in her eyes was full of hurt and sorrow for her friend.
Damon sighed, sitting forward slightly. He was acting as though he didn't care but inside all he wanted to do was comfort her; this was his doing after all. "So, what are you telling me for?" he asked nonchalantly.
Bonnie's eyes shot back up, darting towards Damon in anger. "You know exactly why, it's your fault and I understand why you weren't here for two months that I do understand but telling Elena bluntly that you don't love her after she spilled her heart out to you, that was low." She shook her head in disbelief. Bonnie knew when Elena had told her what Damon had said it was a lie, she knew Damon loved Elena but the truth was that Damon feared hurting her. He's hurt himself and he doesn't want to put Elena through it too. But keeping away from her and acting the way he is, is just hurting her more.
Damon sighed in frustration running his hands over his face and through his hair. "I couldn't lie to her, I told the truth, I would be leading her on if I'd said anything else and that would've made everything worse," he stood up abruptly and began to pace in front of the couch.
Bonnie laughed humourlessly. "Bullshit, Damon, you lied by saying you didn't love her and you know you did. Why didn't you just tell the truth?"
"Because I can't okay?" he cut in rapidly, his voice raising. "I'm not the guy I use to be, I'm not the person she deserves," he sat back down silently placing his head in his palms.
Sighing, Bonnie stood up and walked around the coffee table to sit beside him. "I'm not a big fan of yours, Damon. I never have been and I know you know that," she admitted. "But when Elena was with you, she was happy, happier than I've ever seen her. This is the second time you've hurt her, you told her before that when you kissed her it was a mistake and why, because you didn't think you deserved her and you're doing it again. You deserve to be happy too Damon everyone does and I know being with Elena made you happy to because I honestly saw a change in you when you two were together," her hand came up and settled on Damon's shoulder comfortingly. "Don't let go just yet, give yourself a chance, make things right before it's too late," Bonnie rubbed his arm and stood up, walking towards the door. She turned to Damon one last time, seeing how broken he was. She knew Elena could help him through this; she was the only one who could, and with that she left Damon alone.
Damon sat with his head in his hands for several moments after hearing Bonnie leave. He inhaled deeply sitting up and staring blankly at the wall ahead, musing over Bonnie's words. "You deserve to be happy too, Damon... Don't let go just yet, give yourself a chance, make thing right before it's too late." The words continued to repeat in his head. Don't give up, he thought to himself, make things right.
So that was chapter 25, I hoped you enjoyed it, review and let me know. I won't take as long to update next time; I've already planned out Chapter 26 it's just writing it. The next chapter will definitely be longer, may have a cliff-hanger and you may hate me by the end of it but everything is done for a reason... what's Delena without angst anyway. Also, sorry for lack of Delena interaction, there will be more in the next chapters.
I haven't planned how long I want this story to last, I roughly know the amount of chapters however they don't go into their senior year. I think I may do a sequel of their senior year onwards. It's just an idea for now.
Anyway, chapter 26 will be up next week, thank you all for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it!