It's been a while, I've been busy (usual spiel) this has been written for a while, but I've already written the next one and am determined to finish this once and for all! It is shorter than usual, and more of a filler chapter, but we're about 3 chapters from end (!) Btw you can also read this story on A03 (same name)
"It went well then?" Aline said, ambushing him as soon as he came through the door. The door to the kitchen was suspiciously shut (it was never shut unless Aline had messed up while cooking – which usually meant re-painting over the burnt walls.)
"It went fine…" Alec said, eyeing the door as Aline hurriedly tried to herd him onto the sofa.
"Good!" Her eyes were wide, "Good! That's great."
"Yeah, yeah it is…" Alec said, shrugging his coat of his shoulders before making a move to go hang it up.
"Let me get that!" Aline hurriedly said, placing her body between Alec and the kitchen door.
"Okay Al-" Alec said, placing his hands on her shoulders, "what did you do now?"
"Kittens?" Alec said, his eyebrows raised as Helen carried them both through into the living room.
"Well we just went to look…" Helen said, Aline pressing against her side, holding her hand.
"You never just look at kittens Hel- you know that."
"Well that's what happened." Aline said, letting go of Helen's hand to pick one of the kittens up, a tiny little black one, bleating quietly. "This one's Pixie," she said, handing a somewhat unawares Alec the wriggling little animal, "and that one," she pointed to the one trying to crawl up Helen's arm, "is her brother Caspar."
"Aline," Alec raised his eyebrow, "don't you think you should have told me?"
"Maybe," she said, "but just look at her!"
Alec looked down at the tiny little kitten in his hand, rubbing her cheek softly against the palm of his hand, barely bigger than his hand itself. Aline was right, there was no way to be mad when he held a small piece of perfection.
"Fine," he rolled his eyes, "damn lesbians."
Aline swatted his arm laughing, "Thanks dad."
Alec stared into the light of the fridge. Outside the wind was howling, rustling through the trees, shaking and swatting, as if restlessly pacing. There was a buzz in the air that night, as if nothing outside could quite rest. The moon was a sliver, a muted sort of silver, just barely visible through the window pane. Alec's eyes scanned over the products in the fridge. Two apples. One head of lettuce. Half eaten Thai curry, half a yogurt (Aline got bored easily.) He sighed, settling on just a glass of orange juice. He jumped onto the counter, back against the window pane, legs crossed, left leg over the sink. As if like magic, Aline appeared in the doorway.
"Need some company buddy?"
Alec smiled, "how do you always know?"
"Intuition." Alec raised his eyebrows, "Also you're super loud."
"Sorry" Alec said, shifting over to allow just enough room in the corner for Aline to sit, (they were experienced in this.)
Aline pressed her back against the kitchen tile, letting her legs dangle over the wooden cupboards (that were starting to chip.)
"So how did it go then, back in the old country?" she smiled, digging her elbow into Alec's rib, "I know we didn't really get time to talk before," Alec raised her eyebrows, and Aline grinned, "my bad, I know, I got distracted."
"It's fine." Alec smiled, feeling Aline rest her head on his shoulder. "It went okay, I got to see Max and mum and I really connected, Izzy even invited her to the wedding! So that should be fun." Alec said, his voice tightening a little in a way that suggested that he didn't really believe what he was saying.
"Oh." Aline said, squeezing his hand.
"And what about your dad?" Aline could feel Alec tense,
"Same." He said, pausing, "He's trying, I can tell, it's just –"he shook his head, "no never mind."
"No, go on." Aline encouraged,
"It's just, he's so much better with Max you know, he talks to him and plays with him and cares about his day." Alec took a deep breath, "And of course I'm glad, I couldn't bare it before when I thought Max might be struggling the same way I was, and I'm beyond glad that he's got this great father figure. It's just-"he broke off,
"It's just hard to equate that same father figure with the one you knew right?"
"Exactly, it feels so selfish, oh god I'm terrible."
"No!"
"I just wish it was me you know, I wish it was me he could be like that with me, it just feels like, like – like I'm the son he never wanted, and he's replaced me with Max –" Alec felt himself starting to tear up, and Aline sat up, carefully wiping away his tears,
"Listen to me, you're worthy, you're special –" she laughed, "you're a pain in the ass, and you're disorganised and messy and always late –" Alec started to laugh, a rainbow, "but I love you," she grinned, "and so does Magnus and Helen and Izzy and Max and Jace and Simon and Clary and so many other people," she moved forward to half-hug him in their awkward position, trying not to knock him into the sink. "Okay?"
"Okay." Alec said, grinning through his sniffles.
"I'm just worried – because now he's coming to the wedding, and I really just wanted to be able to enjoy it you know, to go with Mag and be out and proud and there for Izzy, and- and, now I know I'll be on edge the whole time, that I won't be able to be myself – I'll be stuck in that same place I was when I was twelve" he leaned down, placing his head in his hands, and Aline wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "I just don't want to be stuck inside a lie, inside a maze of you're not right."
"I know it's easier said than done." Aline took a breath, "Believe me I know," she laughed, and Alec was reminded of the big, dark void that was Aline's parents, and he squeezed her hand tighter through the darkness. He sometimes forgot about the all-too-familiar parallels in his and Aline's pasts. What had tied them together in the first place, two lost souls on the breeze. "But you have to put yourself first, forget about their opinions, and be yourself, and if they care they can deal with it themselves, you're still loved and supported, and to be yourself is the best thing you can be."
Aline's eyes shone beneath the moonlight, big and bright, "I love you so much Al, you know that?" Alec grinned, moving his head so it rested against her forehead.
"I know," she smirked, and Alec only shook his head, "I love you too you big goof."
"Good." They held hands, turning their backs back against the wall.
"So what about you and Helen huh?" Alec said, feeling a small draft through their (cheap) windows creep over his cheek. "She not here tonight?"
"She has a teacher thing tomorrow, some kind of assessment." Aline said, and Alec tried to hide a smirk through the darkness. Who knew Helen could be such a convincing liar? He knew for sure she had no teaching assessment, he knew what she'd really be doing was organising. She'd told him a week ago as Aline slept soundly above, every single plan for her proposal. It'd be any day now, Alec would wager.
"Oh yeah?" Alec smiled, "You've been making a lot of steps recently," Alec said softly, "the kittens, Helen moving in,"
Aline smiled, "it doesn't quite seem fast enough to me, I just love her so much, you know?"
Alec smiled, feeling the soft warm air run over his face. "I know." He said. And he did know, he saw it in small moments every day, the hands lingering slightly too long when making breakfast, Aline fallen asleep in Helen's lap, her hands softly moving through her hair, the way Aline's face lit up when Helen got back from work.
"I'm thinking of proposing," she said, turning to look up at Alec, a nervous look in her eyes. She felt Alec's hand stiffen, moving his head away from hers a little too fast, and hitting his head on one of the low-hanging cupboards in the process. There was a moment of silence between them, Alec looking incredulously down at Aline. If he hadn't been in shock, it might have been amusing, images of the two of them kneeling down at the same time, always on the exact same wavelength. But all that Alec could think was; oh shit, should I tell her?
"You think it's a terrible idea. It's too fast right?" Aline said softly, looking down and avoiding Alec's stare.
"No! No! It's great I'm so happy for you!" Alec said, trying to shake off the shock like dust, desperately trying to force an expression of happiness onto his face.
"Then why do you look like you've just watched several children be hit by a large bus?" Aline said, tentatively turning her head to look at him.
"Shock, shock that's all," he moved to place his arms around Aline, "I'm happy for you, so happy for you I promise!"
Aline smiled, "Thanks Alec, it means a lot."
Alec rested his chin on Aline's shoulder; what to do now?
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