Disclaimer: Be careful what you say, you could be surrounded by reporters.

Is it Better to Have Loved and Lost?

"Hey mum?"

"What is it, Dennis?"

"Do you know where dad is?" Dennis asked. "We need his help with something."

"Still need uncle Hannibal's help with that dark wizard?"

"No mum, he's a good dark wizard. Doesn't want to hurt Harry Potter like the last one."

"Harry's so lucky to have you boys looking after him like this," she mused. "I think your father is in the den. What do you need him for?"

"The Dark Wizard Jeremy has hired us to work on his dark mark… that's the symbol of terror dark wizards leave at the scene of their attacks," he added when he noticed his mother's confused look.

"That's nice dear."

"Thanks mum," Dennis replied as he went off in search of his father.

IIIIIIIIII

"Bob, are you really going to go through with this?"

The Auror in question looked at his friend, and answered seriously, "Joe, I have to do this. You can't work with someone for fifteen years and not feel at least obligated. I admit, he can be hard to work with, but I respect him. And I like to think there's some friendship between us."

"I feel the same way, but to do this? This is way over the call of duty."

"If I didn't try, I don't think I could look at myself in the mirror."

"Good luck, my friend. If I'm ever in trouble, I hope I have someone like you to help me out."

"We're family, Joe: the brotherhood of Aurors. You know I have you back if you ever need it."

"Is that it?" Joe asked, pointing at the barnacle encrusted anchor.

"Yes. Not long now." He knocked on the door in the dungeon of the Department of Magical Law enforcement, then unlocked it. He dropped the anchor. He spoke into the dark beyond the door.

"It should activate in about a minute. Remember, just be yourself. And if she still rejects you, know that if she can't see what a great, er, guy you are, that's her problem, not yours. Whatever happens, I'll see you at the beach near Hogwarts."

A tentacle came out of the darkness, wrapped around the anchor/portkey, and suddenly disappeared.

"Think the squid will make up with him?" Joe asked.

"I hope so. After that thing with Snape, the tentacle monster just doesn't seem to have any self confidence."

IIIIIIIIII

"Hey dad," Dennis announced himself. "Can I get your help on something?"

"What is it son?"

"The Dark Wizard Jeremy has hired us to make a floating dark mark using that new magic we showed you."

"Sounds great, so what's the problem?"

"We don't have any theme music," Dennis replied. "And since you have that band we were hoping… "

"I'd love to help you son," he replied. "Did you have any ideas?"

"Something like bow chicka bow wow."

"Sounds like seventies era porn music," his father said thoughtfully.

"Thanks dad," Dennis said. "That's what we were going for."

"My sons are making a porn?"

"Not sure yet, but judging by what the Dark Wizard Jeremy has done in the past…"

"I'm so proud."

IIIIIIIIII

"Got the plans to the Ministry building?" Harry whispered to his source.

"Got the money?" The man retorted.

"Right here," Harry agreed.

"Then you're under arrest," the undercover Auror said with a grin. "Put your hands…"

"Wait," Harry said. "Why are you arresting me?"

"Because you're attempting to get classified government documents," the Auror replied. "Now put your hands…"

"You do know who I am don't you?" Harry asked oddly.

"We'll find that out at the station, now put your hands…"

"I'm Harry bloody Potter, and if you'd check with Madame Bones then I'm sure she'd tell you that I have access to these plans." Harry sighed. "And if you'll check the bag then you'll find that I just put in enough to cover copying costs… why else would I ask an Auror to get me plans to the Ministry building?"

"You know I'm an Auror?'

"Your badge shows every time you bend over and I can see it with my mage sight," Harry replied. "You thought I didn't know you were an Auror?"

"I'm supposed to be undercover," the man admitted with a frown.

"Oh… sorry about the misunderstanding," Harry said with a blush. "I didn't realise… I didn't break your cover by coming to you did I?"

"Most criminals aren't as good as you are Mr. Potter," the Auror said quickly. "But thanks, I'll be sure to fix my robes so they don't show my badge. As to breaking my cover, I think we can still salvage this. I've got some illegal ward breaking tools and a few how to books on ward breaking and that sort of thing. I'll be sure to conceal the ward map and architectural diagram in one of those books."

"Thanks," Harry whispered. "And sorry again, I sometimes forget that most people don't know any spells that let them see magic."

"I feel the same way with my family spells sometimes," the Auror whispered back with a smile.

"So how do we do this?"

"I'll give you these plans now," the Auror said. "But don't pay attention to them. They've only got as much detail as they have to in order to be convincing fakes. Meet me in that alley later."

"Right."

"If you don't mind my asking…"

"Go ahead."

"Why do you need plans to the Ministry, and why come to me rather then go to Madame Bones?"

"I took a glance at the Ministry building the other day and I was rather… surprised to see how weak the wards are. I'm hoping that I'm missing something, if I'm not then I'm going to suggest to Madame Bones that your office do a through sweep for missing items and illegal monitoring charms." Harry paused. "As for the other thing… well, if the wards are as bad as I think they are then I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the Fox and the Hound have monitoring charms in Madame Bones' office."

"Don't want to tip them off huh?"

"And can't think of a way to have Madame Bones have a meeting with me right before getting a copy of the wards and plans," Harry agreed.

"Good thinking lad."

IIIIIIIIII

"Hello Auror. Is there anything I can do for you?" Dumbledore was taking an afternoon stroll around the grounds of the castle. He had reached the beach and found an Auror stationed by the water. He was pondering what to do about his potions master. Every time he went to Saint Mungo's to inquire about Severus, the nurses would tell him they would keep him informed if there was any news, give him a sweet, and send him on his way. He liked the sweets, and truth be told, he had stopped by a few times just to get them. He especially liked the ones on little sticks. He hadn't had lollipops in decades.

"Hello, Headmaster. I'm just waiting for a, er, friend."

"Really? Anyone I know?"

"I don't know. He usually works in the lowest levels of the DMLE. Sewage cleanup, things like that."

"Can't say I've been down there."

The conversation was interrupted by a tentacle slithering out of the water, carrying what looked like a chunk of raw meat.

"Oh, no!" Bob gasped.

"What's the problem?" Dumbledore asked the obviously distressed man.

"Have you ever made yourself vulnerable to someone and have them take advantage of your trust? Ever bare you soul to someone and have them tear out your heart and hand it to you?"

"I've had my share of rejection when I was younger. Great Merlin! What's that?"

"She tore out his heart and handed it to him."

"I thought you were speaking metaphorically."

The rest of the tentacle monster was dragging itself up on the beach.

"No, there's no metaphor for what he's been through. My poor friend."

"How is it still alive if that's its heart?"

"He has more than one, and they regenerate, but the physical pain is the least of it."

"Well bugger this, it's a tentacle monster."

Bob yelled to his friend, "He didn't mean it!" But it was all too futile. Tentacle monsters really don't understand metaphor, and expletives are completely foreign to them.

Afterwards, he and the tentacle monster portkeyed back to the dungeon while Madam Pomfrey took the headmaster back to the castle to sooth his, er, pains.

IIIIIIIIII

"Hello again Snivellus, are you ready to talk about what happened to you as a child?"

"I'm ready," Snape agreed. "It all started when…" Over the next two hours, Snape wove a tale of abuse and perversion. He talked about his father, he talked about his mother, he talked about his unrequited love affair with James Potter. In short, he told the Healer what he thought the other man wanted to hear. At this point he was ready to do anything to get out of this place.

"I think we're making real progress Snivellus," the Healer said. "Good job."

"When did you start molesting the Headmaster?" The Healer continued.

"Well…" Snape wove another elaborate lie. "And that's what happened."

"I see, tell me about your feelings for Harry Potter."

"Those rosy lips, those emerald eyes, who could resist?" Snape said.

"Very good, Snivellus."

"Thank you, I…"

"The next step is to tell this all to a real Healer," the man said as he packed up his camera and dictation quill.

"Wait, real Healer?"

"Yes, I'm afraid that I'm just a reporter that disguised himself to look like a healer to break the story about you. But don't worry, I think you just completed a very important step in the recovery process."

"WHY YOU." Snape began foaming at the mouth as he began struggling to break the restraints that held him to the chair. "I'll kill you. I'll kill your family. I'll kill your pets…"

"ORDERLY," the Reporter yelled. "Take our friend here down to sector three and give him yogurt until it comes out his ears."

"Yes, Healer."

"Use the large applicator," the reporter said after a moment of thought. "Then I want you to suspend him from the ceiling with his feet up and spin him for no less then four hours."

"Yes Healer," the men agreed. "Do you want us to report to you when we're done?"

"I probably won't be here," the reporter replied. "I've got other things to take care of."

IIIIIIIIII

"How'd it go?" Hermione asked as Harry returned to their apartment.

"Undercover Auror tried to arrest me," Harry said as he flopped onto the bed next to his friend. "But I managed to talk my way out of it. Speaking of which, don't let me forget to put a bunch of monitoring charms in while we rob the place."

"Any reason why?"

"I explained that the reason I went to a man I knew was an Auror was because I was afraid that Madame Bones' office was bugged," Harry said. "Said I hadn't realised that he was undercover."

"And he fell for that?"

"Yep, even gave me a bunch of new ward breaking tools and books."

IIIIIIIIII

"No, no, no," Gretchen growled. "It's step, heal, pivot, step, step. Not step, pivot, step, step, heal."

"Sorry, Dark Mistress number two, but…"

"I prefer Second Dark Mistress," Gretchen interrupted.

"Sorry, Second Dark Mistress," the new recruit corrected herself. "But they didn't cover sauntering in school."

"I know," Gretchen's voice softened. "But look at it this way, if we don't look good when we march behind Master then Master doesn't look good."

"I know," the girl said glumly. "I'm just too clumsy to ever get this right."

"Don't say that," Gretchen said. "How about this, we'll take you in to talk with Master for a little while… maybe get him to use THAT spell on you a few times."

"Really?"

"Really, and if you do it good then I'll ask master to reward you with THAT spell or ask him to do things the old fashion way."

"Thank you Gretchen, you're the best."

IIIIIIIIII

"Hello again, Snivellus," the Healer began. "Are you ready for our session?"

"Go to hell," Snape growled. "I'm not telling you a thing."

"Why not?"

"You aren't a real Healer," Snape growled. "You're an undercover reporter and you're hear to ferret out my secrets so that you can print them in the Daily Prophet or some other rag. One of your colleagues already tried that trick on me earlier today and it won't work again."

"I see… and how long have I been a reporter?"

"How should I know?" Snape demanded. "Now get the hell out of here."

"Hmmm." The Healer rose from his seat and motioned towards someone outside the door. "This is Healer Andrews," the Healer began. "Is he a reporter too?"

"If he isn't then he's in cahoots with you," Snape snarled.

"I… see."

"Excuse us a minute," Healer Andrews said. "While I speak with this… reporter you said?"

"Yes," Snape snapped.

"What do you think?"

"Classic case of a persecution complex," could be a sign that he's coming around.

"Or it could be a sign that he's getting worse," the Healer said glumly. "What do you think?"

"I don't want to cater to his delusions…"

"But it may be best to keep him away from me," the Healer said with a nod. "Who knows what he could do next."

"We'll see what happens next," Healer Andrews mused. "It'll be interesting to see what he does next."

"Quite." The Healer made a couple notes. "Any idea what brought this on?"

"The Prophet is running a series of articles on his early childhood," Healer Andrews replied. "They've found out about his relationship with Headmaster Dumbledore and they've decided to devote several issues to the story."

"I guess one of the Orderlies must have mentioned it to him," the Healer said slowly. "Which explains how this delusion got started."

"Now to work on all the others," Healer Andrews agreed. "Be sure all the interns have a chance to read the Prophet articles, I want everyone to comb them to try to get an insight on this disturbed man's past."

"I'll be sure they do that," the Healer said. "Might also be a good idea to let Ms. Brown go over the transcripts of our sessions with Mr. Snape."

"She does have potential," Healer Andrews said. "Do it."

AN: The ongoing list of people that contributed to this fic without whom, it would not have been nearly as good . . . one might go so far as to say it would be quite bad: Ed Becerra, ausfinbar, David Wangen, neil.reynolds, dogbertcarroll, hattenjc, the caitiff, AlanP, Lone Wolf, meteoricshipyards, Shawn Pickett, Morris Rague, luinlothana, Treck, Drake, Marneus Calgar, Goblin214, Chris LeBron, and everyone else on my yahoo group. They gave me scenes, ideas, and all sorts of other things. Tell me if I missed you so I can add to this list.