Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.
Chapter 24: Shepard's Choice
Year: 2183CE
Location: Virmire Saren's Base
Shepard stormed through the door into an office with her rifle in her hands, fully expecting another wave of resistance like many she had fought throughout the facility. Geth or krogans, it didn't matter to her. Whatever stood in her way, died.
But what greeted her was not the mechanical click of a Geth or the battle cry of a krogan, but a high-pitched scream of a woman. Shepard held up a hand to halt her team.
"Ah! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" An asari crawled out from underneath a desk. "Please, I just want to get out of here before it's too late."
A civilian? "Who are you?" Shepard demanded.
"Rana Thanoplis. I'm a neurospecialist. And this job isn't worthy dying over. Or worse," said the asari, obviously shaken by the ordeal. "You think the indoctrination only affects prisoners? Sooner or later, Saren will want to dissect my brain, too!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Shepard, lowering her gun. "I thought this was a breeding facility."
The scientist shook her head. "Not this level. We're studying Sovereign's effect on organic minds. At least, that's what I assumed. Saren kept us in the dark as much as possible."
"You helped him and you didn't know why?" asked Garrus incredulously.
"I didn't have the option of negotiating!" Thanoplis said defensively. "This position is a little more... permanent that I'd expected. But I can help you! This elevator behind me goes to Saren's private lab. I can get you in." She went to unlock the elevator. "See? Full access. All of Saren's private files. Are we good? Can I go?"
"I'm going to blow this place to hell and gone," Shepard told her in a voice as cool as it was deadly. "If you want to make it out alive, you'd better start running."
The scientist's eyes widened in pure horror. "What?! You can't... but I'll never... ahh!"
With a hidden smirk, Shepard watched as the asari scrambled and ran out of the facility.
"You enjoyed that, Commander," Garrus observed, giving her a sideways glance.
"Oh yeah, she did," Kaidan agreed. There was more than a hint of amusement in his otherwise calm tone.
"What? I played nice and let her go, didn't I?" She arched an eyebrow at them.
Those two men knew her better than anyone else, Shepard didn't bother to deny any accusation. Instead, she took the time to look around and analyze the situation. Whatever Saren was working on should be in his private lab, but the terminal on Thanoplis' desk shouldn't be overlooked either.
"Wrex, guard the exit. Tali, hack the terminal and see if you can get access to any other systems in the base, then help Wrex with the Geth. Liara, download any useful data from terminal once Tali is done." Shepard turned to Kaidan and Garrus. "You two smart-asses, with me. Let's see what Saren is hiding."
Location: Virmire Saren's Private Lab
"What's that over there?" asked Garrus.
"Be careful. It's another beacon," said Kaidan. "Like the one on Eden Prime."
"Stay here. Don't go near it," Shepard ordered. "I'll check it out."
Shepard approached the communication panel cautiously. Upon activating it, the beacon came to life glowing in an eerie green light. Just like the beacon on Eden Prime, a force emitted from the metallic rod lifted Shepard off her feet, assaulting her mind with flashes of images, visions different from those that had been haunting her for months.
Shepard screamed in pain.
And as fast as the assault had begun, it ended just as abruptly. Shepard was dropped onto the floor, down on her knees, panting hard.
"Aerin!" Both men rushed to her.
"Oh, crap..." Garrus mumbled. "You all right?"
Shaken up from another forced download of those Prothean visions, Shepard could only nod slightly.
"No, you're not," said Kaidan, reaching out to support her. "She was unconscious for eighteen hours after contacting the beacon on Eden Prime."
"Well, she's conscious," Garrus reasoned, "but she's not arguing back, so that's not a good sign."
Shepard took a few controlled breaths to collect herself. "I'll be fine..." She waved off their concern and tried to get back to her feet.
"Hey, easy." Kaidan helped her up. "Don't make me carry you like I did last time."
"Not a chance, Alenko." Ignoring the dizziness, Shepard stepped away from the comfort of Kaidan's arms and approached the console once more.
The console switched on by itself as she stepped close. A holographic image of a bug-like creature glowing in bright red came online. That creature looked awfully familiar...
"You are not Saren," said the holographic image. Its insect-like legs moved with its words.
"What is that?" asked Garrus. "Some kind of VI interface?"
"It looks like that ship we saw on Eden Prime," Kaidan pointed out.
Shepard agreed.
"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh," said the image. "You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding."
"What the hell?" Shepard scowled at the insults.
"I don't think it's a VI..." said Garrus.
"There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign!"
"It is that ship!" said Kaidan.
All the pieces of puzzle clicked inside Shepard's head all at once. For the first time in months, her visions began to make sense. "Sovereign isn't just some ship Saren found. It's an actual Reaper!"
"Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are."
"The Protheans vanished fifty-thousand years ago. You couldn't have been there," said Garrus. "It's impossible!"
"Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident," claimed Sovereign. "Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything."
Trash talk? Really? Shepard sneered at its attempt. "There is an entire galaxy of races united and ready to face you. Whatever your plan is, it's going to fail," said Shepard firmly. "I'll make sure of that!"
"Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken."
"Cycle?" asked Garrus. "What cycle?"
"The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilization rise, evolve, advance. And at the apex of their glory, they are extinguished," said Sovereign. "The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, the legacy of my kind."
Instinctively, she knew exactly that was not a lie. Yet logically, that did not make any sense to her. "Why would you construct the mass relays, then leave them for someone else to find?" Shepard asked.
"Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays, our technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it."
Shepard almost snorted at that ridiculous claim. But somehow that line sounded strangely familiar. Perhaps she had heard of it? No... She knew it as if it was embedded inside her head. Inside her head... It wasn't from her own experience, it was the ancestral memories of the Protheans. She knew it from her nightmare, from her visions.
"They're harvesting us!" said Kaidan, gasping. For once his usual calm composure left him. "Letting us advance to the level they need, then wiping us out!"
Shepard scowled at the creature. "What the hell do you want from us?" she demanded sharply. "Slaves? Resources?"
"My kind transcends your very understanding. We are each a nation. Independent, free of all weakness."
"Nothing is perfect, not even a machine," Shepard countered.
"You cannot even grasp the nature of our existence. We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our number will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom."
Its sheer arrogance was making her furious. "I don't need to know the nature of your existence to destroy you!"
"We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."
"You think that would scare me? Think again! Your logic is flawed. Everything has a beginning. You're just a machine, someone has to build you. All machines can be broken," said Shepard with conviction. "Like everything else, you have weaknesses. I will find them, and I will exploit them!"
"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over."
The hologram terminated, and a sudden huge explosion outside shook the entire room, shattering all the glass in the windows. Shepard stumbled and struggled to maintain balance.
Just then, Joker's voice came through to her radio. "Commander? We got trouble!"
Great, what now? Frowning harshly, Shepard suppressed the fury in her tone. "Hit me, Joker."
"That ship, Sovereign? It's moving," said the pilot. "I don't know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half. It's coming your way, and it's coming hard! You need to wrap things up in there – fast!"
Shepard's eyes narrowed at the news.
"This console is shot," said Kaidan. "Orders, Commander?"
"Let's head to the breeding facility and set the nuke. Joker, meet us there," Shepard ordered, her expression darkened. "I'm done playing nice. Time to blow this place to hell."
Location: Virmire Bomb Site
Twenty kiloton of nuclear bomb – enough to blow up the entire facility and then some – sitting on the ground, waiting to be armed. It certainly wasn't the first time Kaidan armed or disarmed a bomb, but never had he dealt with one this size. Still, the basic principles were the same, only on a larger scale. He could arm it without any problem, but it didn't make it less unsettling to handle a weapon of this level of destruction.
Kaidan took a subtle deep breath. He had to switch off his mind for now and focus only on relatively simple task.
"Bomb is in position, we're all set here," Kaidan informed Captain Kirrahe through the radio.
Ashley's voice came through his earpiece. "Commander, can you read me?"
"The nuke is almost ready. Get the the rendezvous point, Williams!" urged Shepard.
"Negative, Commander," said Ashley. "The Geth have us pinned down on the AA tower. We've taken heavy casualties! We'll never make the rendezvous point in time."
"Damn it..." Shepard patched through to the Normandy immediately. "Joker, get them out of there NOW!"
"Negative," said Ashley. "It's too hot! Can't risk it. We'll hold them off as long as we-"
Oh god. Kaidan shot a glance at Shepard. She was torn, he could tell.
"It's okay, Commander," Kaidan said as calmly as he could. "I need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get them and meet me back here."
Shepard made a quick decision. "Tali, Garrus, stay here with Kaidan."
"They should go with you," Kaidan suggested. "The more friendly guns, the faster you could get to Williams."
Shepard scowled at his suggestion, not in disapproval, he knew, but only concern.
"This area is secured. I'll be fine," he insisted, wanting to give her all the protection and help she needed to rescue Ashley. "Let's not waste any time. The sooner you go, the sooner you'll get back."
Her expression was stern. Yet, when her eyes met his, when he gave her a reassuring nod, her gaze softened. Although it wasn't the first time Kaidan noticed he had this affect on her, it still amazed him. What Shepard saw in him, he might never find out. But he knew he was the luckiest man alive.
The commander nodded. "Arm the bomb. We'll be back soon enough."
"Aye, aye, Commander."
"To the AA tower!" Shepard told her team.
"Hey," he called out quietly, "watch yourself out there."
For a second, just a split second, Shepard gave him a lingering look before she turned and ran through the gate, and be on her way to save the day.
Some people were born to be heroes, Kaidan thought idly as he went to work on the bomb, Shepard was certainly one of them.
Location: Virmire Saren's Base
Shepard ran out as soon as the elevator door opened. The sky suddenly darkened when a ship cast a giant shadow over them.
"Damn. Geth are sending in reinforcements," said Wrex.
"Heads up, L-T." Shepard heard Ashley through her radio. "We just spotted a troop ship headed to your location."
What?! Shepard drew a sharp breath, her eyes widened.
"It's already here," said Kaidan. "There are Geth pouring out all over the bomb site"
No...
"Can you hold them off?" asked Shepard, her heart threatened to jump out of her chest.
"There are too many. I don't think so. I'm activating the bomb."
No!
"Alenko, what the hell are you doing?!"
"I'm just making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what."
"GODDAMMIT! NO!"
"It's done, Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of here."
NO!
Shepard couldn't breath.
"Screw that!" said Ashley. "We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko!"
Shit! Shit! SHIT!
"ENOUGH! Both of you hang in there! That's a freaking order!" Shepard squeezed her eyes shut for a second. She had to make a decision.
And she had to make it now.
"Alenko, protect the bomb. And Hang. In. There." You can't leave me. You can't... "You don't have my permission to die! Do you hear me?!" she ordered firmly, her voice icy cold, masking all the pain inside.
"Understood."
There was no time to waste, Shepard immediately switched her signal to the Normandy. "Normandy, this is Shepard! Do you read?"
"Normandy here," Joker replied.
It felt as if a piece of broken glass had lodged inside her heart, bleeding profusely. "Joker, double back to Alenko. Now!"
"Wha-"
"To Alenko! NOW!"
"Right away."
A hand landed on her shoulder. Shepard looked up and saw Garrus giving her a simple nod, supporting her decision no matter what it was. A simple comforting gesture from a good friend at this particular moment was too much for her to handle, Shepard almost lost it.
Almost.
But she couldn't. Shepard refused to let emotions get in the way.
I am Lieutenant Commander Aerin Shepard of the Alliance Navy. Council Spectre. Captain of the SSV Normandy SR-1. My current mission is to detonate the bomb and destroy the breeding facility. My job is to protect the galaxy at all cost.
At all cost.
Shepard took a sharp breath and shut down all her emotions. She had to a bomb to protect and a facility to destroy. Saren would not get his krogan army, no matter what.
No war was ever won without sacrifices. And this wasn't just a simple war; the galaxy was at stake. Getting stuck between a rock and a hard place, toughest decisions had to be made, it was part of her job. And all she could do was to make sure every sacrifice count by bring down that madman, even if it cost her own life.
"Let's head back to the bomb site." Shepard could only hope she would not be too late.
Location: Virmire Bomb Site
Fifteen years ago, he was a messed up kid who had killed his instructor with his biotics. Now, he was an officer of the Alliance Navy, serving with the first human Spectre whose mission was to save the galaxy. What used to be a curse had now become a blessing, his job gave him plenty of opportunities to put his biotics to good use.
Like right now.
Kaidan lifted a group of Geth up while putting another one in stasis. Switching to his rifle, he first fired at those Geth whose shields and weapons had been overloaded by him a few seconds earlier, then worked his way to the helpless floating ones, and lastly to the one locked in stasis.
It was all done methodically in a calm and cool manner. Among the chaotic battlefield, he had found order.
His shield was still holding when the last Geth fell onto the ground with a loud thump. Against all odds, he managed to hold off the first wave of attack. He was safe.
For now.
Kaidan panted heavily to catch his breath.
Protect the bomb. And hang in there. That was the order Shepard had issued.
He had to protect the bomb and make sure it would go off. If not, Saren would have his krogan army, and Shepard would not be able to defeat him.
Another ship approached. Kaidan swallowed hard and reloaded his rifle, then booted up his omni-tool to ready another series of quick attacks. Overloading the shields and weapons of the first group, biotic attacks on the second, then good old fashioned firepower to finish them in order.
But he was only one man against a group of Geth, even machine-like efficiency would not be enough. How much longer could he last?
It didn't matter. Kaidan knew he only had to last until the explosion.
He had to protect the bomb. He had to protect Shepard.
You don't have my permission to die! Do you hear me?! Her last words rang inside his head. He could hear the panic in her voice despite her effort to conceal it. Kaidan wanted to comfort her, but this time, he couldn't.
Her order was clear, as well as the underlying message. She couldn't lose him, she had told him that. It was a sentiment he shared, but sometimes they couldn't always get what they want, even if what they wanted was simply each other.
I'm sorry, Aerin.
Fifteen years ago, he would have never thought he would have such a good life after the Brain Camp. He had his ups and downs throughout the years, sure, but in the end, he had found his place in the Alliance. And through the Alliance, he had found Shepard. Kaidan had no regrets.
Except for one.
He had never told Shepard he loved her.
Location: Virmire Saren's Base
It was the hardest call she had to make.
"Chief?" Shepard swallowed hard. "Williams? This is Shepard. Do you read?"
"Skipper?" said Ashley. "A little busy here!" There was a series of gunshots.
Shepard winced as she rushed back to the bomb. To Kaidan.
"Down you bastards!" Ashley panted. "You there, Skipper?"
Shepard swallowed again to loosen a lump in her throat before she could answer. "Yeah... I'll secure the bombsite then come back for you."
"You made the right call, Commander. We both know it." The sound of reloading a rifle was in the background. "Protect the bomb from those assholes and make sure it'll go off."
"Ash," Shepard's voice softened, "hang in there. I'll go back and get you."
"You and I both know it's not possible."
Trapped inside the elevator, Shepard repeatedly smashed the button and willed it to move faster. "I've managed the impossible before, Chief," said Shepard, trying her best to maintain a calm tone for the chief's sake. "Don't count me out just yet."
"Yes, ma'am. That's what I admire about you: Never give up. ...What the-! Son of a b-" Another series of gunshots rang loudly in Shepard's earpiece before the connection was cut off.
Shepard squeezed her eyes shut. In her mind, she could see vividly both Ashley and Kaidan under attack by the Geth. If only she could split herself and helped both.
"GOD DAMMIT!" Shepard slapped open her eyes and slammed her fist onto the wall, hard enough to shake the elevator.
She had never felt this helpless before.
Location: Virmire Bomb Site
Kaidan couldn't bring himself to call Shepard one last time. He wouldn't allow himself to distract her. If she heard his voice, she might rush back to him instead, and Ashley would...
No, Shepard should get Williams and get the hell out of this place. Williams had a team of STG soldiers with her, while he was the only one here facing an army of Geth. Shepard would be safer with them.
He could only hope they would be off this planet by the time the bomb went off.
Something trickled down from his nose. Kaidan didn't realize until it reached down to his lips and seeped inside his mouth. Still, he ignored that distinct metallic taste, ignored its implication. Whether it was from massive brain hemorrhage or gunfire, either way he was about to die. No point of holding back his biotics to keep his brain from overexertion. Rationally – and stubbornly – he kept on drawing from his biotic strength, trying his best to ignore the blindingly painful headache.
Four Geth approached, time for another round.
With a coarse grunt as he emptied out all his power to send a biotic kick and swept away the approaching Geth. The splitting headache hurt him enough to blind him. Although his vision had become blurry, Kaidan grabbed his rifle and sprayed at anything that moved. His shield couldn't hold for much longer.
He couldn't hold on for much longer.
Blood dripped nonstop from his nose. Kaidan continued to ignore it. The remaining Geth were closing in. Searching deep within, he reached for the last bit of strength and detonated his remaining biotic shield, annihilated all the Geth around him, leaving him vulnerable to the next wave of attack.
And he could already see another ship coming.
Five more Geth dropped from a shuttle. In a dizzy haze, Kaidan managed to execute an overload program to disable the Geth's shields, buying him whatever advantage he could get. But still, it would not be enough.
Leaning against the ticking bomb, Kaidan reached for his rifle once more and fired the remaining few clips he had.
He had to protect the bomb. He had to protect Shepard.
Bullets flied both ways. Without his shield, one of them pierced through his armor and hit his left shoulder. Kaidan let out a cry.
This is it...
Still, his finger never stopped squeezing the trigger. He had to protect the bomb. He had to protect Shepard until his very last breath.
I'm sorry, Aerin. I can't take you to the winery.
Three down. Two left. And he was down to his last clip.
I can't protect you anymore. But I know you can do this without me.
Maybe, just maybe, he could squeeze one last biotic sphere for five seconds, tops. But after that...
I've never told you this, but...
I love you...
Location: Virmire Saren's Base
Shepard sprinted down the long path towards the bomb site, her team followed at her heels. Any Geth or krogans who dared to stand in her way was shot down mercilessly. There was no time for cover or tactic, her rifle sprayed continuously until her path to Kaidan was clear.
No, her path to the bomb, Shepard corrected herself pointedly. She made this choice not because of Kaidan, but because of the bomb, because of the mission, because of the galaxy.
A tiny yet persisting voice inside her head told her those were not the only reasons.
Shepard silenced that voice by planting bullets into the last krogan warlord guarding the gate that led to the exit.
It was then she heard Ashley's voice again. "Hey, Skipper?"
"I'm here, Ash," Shepard replied immediately. "What's your situation?"
"We got separated from Captain Kirrahe and his group. Only two of us are alive. Barely..." Ashley coughed. "All those flashlight-headed bastards are dead. But they might send more."
"Remember your direct order, Chief: Hang in there. I'll come get you."
"Kiss my ass, Shepard." Ashley chuckled weakly. "Your bossy tactic works for Alenko, but not me. He's sweet on you, you know that, right?"
Shepard kept her eyes on the gate in front of her. With every step she ran, it became bigger. "...I know..."
"If it wasn't for you and Kaidan, I would have been dead on Eden Prime," said Ashley with her voice weakened, her breath labored. "Thanks for giving me a few more months, the best time of my life. Now I have a chance to redeem my family name."
The lump in her throat was suffocating. She swallowed hard to push it away and found her voice. "You are one hell of a soldier, Williams. Your family would be proud of you."
"Thank you, ma'am. It means a lot coming from you."
"I'm proud of you too, Ash"
"Damn it, Skipper! Now you're making me cry." Ashley chuckled with her voice breaking. "I'm not afraid to die. I'll see you in heaven, Aerin. Both you and Kaidan. Wonder if they have a bar up there..."
"Don't say that..." Her throat tightened further as she continued to run towards the gate that separated her from Kaidan. Only a few more meters now.
"Shit! Another ship!" said Ashley.
That stopped her cold in her tracks. "Stay alive, Chief! That's an order!"
She could hear gunshots from both her earpiece and beyond the gate.
Kaidan!
Her stomached dropped. She could not lose both.
No! She refused to lose both! Shepard hurried to open the gate.
"See you on the other side, Skipp-"
"ASH! ASHLEY!"
Then there was nothing but static.
"DAMN IT!"
Out of frustration, she punched the control to open the gate, almost breaking it.
Shepard squeezed in before the gate was completely opened, rushing in with her gun blazing, shooting every Geth dared to stand in her way to her lieutenant.
"Get Kaidan, Aerin! We'll cover you!" said Garrus behind her.
"Bring it!" Wrex let out a battle cry.
The sight in front of her made her blood freeze. Kaidan was injured, leaning against the bomb with a pool of blood forming underneath him. Still, the stubborn man held up a biotic sphere to protect both himself and the bomb from the Geth's fire. But Shepard could see the shield was fading. She had to move fast.
A Geth with a rocket launcher managed to slip past her team and headed for Kaidan. It was then Kaidan's hand dropped and the shield around him dissipated.
No. No. No!
Shepard sprinted towards Kaidan and stopped right in front of him, using herself as a temporary cover for the injured man. Aiming her rifle at its arms, Shepard unloaded her bullets at the Geth, damaging the unit, and most importantly, stopping it from firing the rocket.
But even the Commander Shepard ran out of bullets.
Shepard reached for another clip and reloaded her gun as swiftly as she was trained to do, but that two precious seconds were enough for the badly damaged Geth to regain its balance and aim its rocket launcher right at her.
Kaidan! RUN! She wanted to scream.
Instinct demanded her to dodge, but she didn't. She was the only thing that stood between a rocket and the man she loved. And Shepard stood taller than ever as she began to unload another clip at the synthetic creature, this time aiming squarely at its flashlight head.
Before Shepard could pull her trigger, a familiar ball of biotic energy hit the Geth, lifting it in the air.
Singularity, Shepard breathed a sigh of relief and finished off the floating Geth.
Shepard spared a glance at Liara's direction and nodded her thanks. The doctor gave her a brief smile before she focused back on the battlefield and unleashed another biotic attack.
The gravitational power would trap any Geth approaching her direction for a while, Shepard knew, giving her a perfect shield while retrieving Kaidan to safety.
"Kaidan!" Shepard dropped to her knees next to her lieutenant. "Hey... It's okay. I'm here..."
When he looked up to her, she noticed his nose was bleeding, his eyes barely opened. He had overexerted himself with his biotics.
Shit!
"Hey, hey! Stay with me," she urged him. "Let's get you out of here."
"Aer..." He coughed, blood spilled from the corner of his mouth.
"Tali!" Shepard shouted out. "Guard the bomb!"
"On it!" The young quarian hacked a Geth to attack another before rushing to her new position.
Draping his arm over her shoulders, Shepard hauled Kaidan up and guided him to a safe cover. Gunshots fired around them, Shepard positioned herself to shield him with her body as they headed to the covered area along the side of the building.
More than a few stray bullets hit her armor, but her shield was still holding when they reached the cover. Shepard gently lowered him onto the ground and checked for his injuries. Blood poured from the gunshot wound on his left shoulder, Shepard quickly reached for the medi-gel to stop the bleeding.
Kaidan's eyes struggled to open. Masking her fear and distress, she met his unfocused gaze with a forced smile. "You're gonna be okay..."
"...Ash?" Kaidan asked coarsely.
Shepard froze at that name. A bullet through her heart would probably be less painful than hearing this question. Especially from him. She could feel the trembling inside of her but Shepard refused to break down.
Shepard swallowed hard before she could answer, "We'll get her." She steeled herself then refocused on applying the much needed medi-gel on him.
Despite being severely weakened by his injuries, Kaidan seemed to be able to see through her lies. He looked at her with an expression she had never seen on him. Was it remorse or... hatred?
Shepard felt another stab in her heart.
"Don't lie to me..." His voice might be weak, but she could feel every bit of anger behind it.
Shepard couldn't bring herself to answer. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him. Instead, she concentrated on the torn flesh and the medi-gel in her hands, and stubbornly focused on one single thought inside her head: She had to stop the bleeding until they could send him back to the Normandy for a proper surgery to remove the bullet.
"...Why?" he breathed out one simple word.
That one word was enough to send a sharp jolt down her spine. Shepard bit her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, keeping it from trembling. She couldn't risk looking at him or else the emotion floodgate she had tried so hard to maintain would crumble. But she could feel those once loving eyes on her profile, demanding an answer she couldn't provide.
Shepard couldn't take it anymore.
"Liara!" Shepard called out after sealing the wound.
The doctor lifted three Geth in the air with her biotics for Wrex to shoot before she rushed to Shepard's side. "How's Kaidan?"
Shepard's face was perfectly masked by then. "Biotic overexertion. Gunshot wound on his shoulder. Bleeding is stopped for now," she answered with her tone flat and detached. "Stay with the lieutenant. I'll help them with the Geth."
"Of course."
With her blood-soaked hands, she reached for her rifle once more and rushed back onto the battlefield without sparing a glance back. Shepard didn't need to look back to know that Kaidan had been staring at her retreating form, full of questions, guilt, and perhaps even hatred.
She had enough of guilt and hatred for herself to last a lifetime. She didn't need his.
Not right now.
Shepard couldn't believe her eyes when she spotted a turian on a hover platform, descending from the sky after the last Geth was down.
Saren was here?
Before she could take a closer look to confirm his identity, the turian fired a series of biotic attacks right at her.
Cursing out loud, Shepard barely rolled out of harm's way and leaped into a cover.
She peeked out and unloaded a few rounds at the approaching turian. His shield deflected every single bullet, but during that few seconds of aiming, Shepard noticed something extremely disturbing: Saren appeared to be more than just a turian, he was half-machine, almost Geth-like.
What the hell had he done to himself?
"I applaud you, Shepard," said Saren. "My Geth were utterly convinced the salarians were the real threat. An impressive diversion. Of course, it was all for nothing. I can't let you disrupt what I have accomplished here. You can't possibly understand what's really at stake."
As much as she wanted to murder Saren, Shepard needed answers. Dead people couldn't talk. "Why are you doing this?" Shepard demanded sharply.
"You've seen the vision from the beacons, Shepard. You, of all people, should understand what the Reapers are capable of. They cannot be stopped."
Everything from her recurring nightmares came crashing through, her visions flashed inside her head. The helplessness, the powerlessness, the inevitable doom. Could Saren be right? The Reapers couldn't be stopped?
No... No. Absolutely not.
Everything could be destroyed. There had to be a way.
"Do not mire yourself in pointless revolt," Saren continued. "Do not sacrifice everything for the sake of petty freedoms. The Protheans tried to fight, and they were utterly destroyed."
We are NOT the Protheans, Shepard told herself.
"Trillions dead. But what if they had bowed before the invaders?" asked Saren. "Would the Protheans still exit? Is submission not preferable to extinction?"
"I'd rather die than submit! Do you really believe the Reapers will let us live?"
"Now you see why I never came forward with this to the Council," said Saren. "We organics are driven by emotion instead of logic. We will fight even when we know we cannot win. But if we work with the Reapers – if we make ourselves useful – think how many lives could be spared!"
"And we'd all be slaves!"
"If organic life is to survive, we must also prove we are useful. We must work with the Reapers."
"Over my dead body! I'll never work with the Reapers!"
"You simply don't understand it yet, Shepard," Saren said calmly. "Once I understood this, I joined Sovereign, though I was aware of the... dangers. I had hoped this facility could protect me."
"Sovereign, I met him. Not too impressive," Shepard lied about the last part. As much as she hated that synthetic bastard in holographic form, she had to admit its real form was quite intimidating. But then, according to both Shiala and Benezia, Sovereign's true power lied within its subtle mind-control, not its size. Then the truth suddenly hit her. "You're afraid Sovereign is influencing you. You're afraid he's controlling your thoughts."
"I've studied the effects of indoctrination. The more control Sovereign exerts, the less capable the subject becomes. That is my saving grace."
There it was again, the word 'indoctrination'...
Saren continued, "The Conduit is the key to your destruction and my salvation. Sovereign needs my help to find it. That is the only reason I have not been indoctrinated. My mind is still my own... for now. But the transformation from ally to servant can be subtle. I will not let it happen to me."
Shepard almost wanted to laugh. "It is happening, can't you see? Sovereign's manipulating you and you don't even know it! You're already under its power!"
"No!" Saren denied. "Sovereign needs me. If I find the Conduit, I've been promised a reprieve from the inevitable. This is my only hope!"
You are indoctrinated, you idiot! "If you're not indoctrinated, prove it! Join me. Together we can stop Sovereign!" said Shepard, giving diplomacy one last chance despite every fiber of her being demanded Saren's head. "We don't have to submit to the Reapers. We can beat them!"
"I no longer believe that, Shepard. The visions cannot be denied. The Reapers are too powerful. The only hope of survival is to join them," said Saren. "Sovereign is a machine. It thinks like a machine. If I can prove my value, I become a resource worth maintaining. There is no other logical conclusion!"
"Listen to yourself! If you are a resource, you can be replaced!"
"By whom? You?" asked Saren almost incredulously. "You are still fighting your visions, fighting the inevitable."
"At least I fight to protect the galaxy. You? You broke your vow to defend the galaxy just to save yourself! You were a Spectre, Saren!"
"I'm not doing this for myself! Don't you see? Sovereign will succeed. It is inevitable. My way is the only way any of us will survive!" said Saren. "I'm forging an alliance between us and the Reapers. Between organics and machines. And in doing so, I will save more lives than have ever existed!"
"Bullshit! There has to be another way. You're choosing the easy way out, the only way that would save your own skin! And you are doing it without the permission of every organic you are claiming to save! You might be spared, but what about the rest of us? We don't want to be the indoctrinated mindless slaves of a giant machine!"
"Is that your choice?" asked Saren.
"Yes! I choose freedom and free will any day!"
"You would undo my work, Shepard. You would doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation. And for that, you must die!"
"No, you are dooming us all, you indoctrinated bastard!" Shepard said as she jumped out of cover and fired at Saren. "Take down his shield, now!"
Two overloads executed simultaneously in a satisfying explosion on Saren's shield.
For better or worse, Saren focused his attack solely on Shepard while ignoring her team. He was out for blood.
And so was she.
Saren had to pay for what he had done. To Ashley, to Benezia, to Nihlus, and to everyone he had ever hurt.
"The fuel tanks! Hit those fuel tanks when he's near!" Shepard ordered while she dodge another series of biotic attacks.
While Saren jumped back on his hover platform and reached for his gun, Shepard retaliated and emptied a clip at him, stripping the remaining shield on the former Spectre.
"You want his head, Wrex? Now is a good time!" said Shepard after she had jumped away from Saren's bullets and dodged behind a new cover.
"The kill shot is mine, Shepard!" Garrus reminded her while switching to his sniper rifle.
"I don't freaking care! Just kill him!" Shepard reloaded quickly.
"We'll see who gets him, Vakarian!" said Wrex as he charged towards the rogue Spectre with his shotgun.
Saren floated above the charging krogan, easily dodged the attack. But his rifle suddenly exploded.
"Take that, you bosh'tet!" shouted Tali.
Shepard took that precious second to come out from her cover and fired another clip right at Saren. He should be dead by now, but he wasn't. Instead, his shield seemed to have already regenerated. Whatever upgrades he had gotten from the Geth had made him invincible.
Shepard didn't like this new finding a single bit.
Unfazed by her attack, Saren holstered his rifle and cast a biotic shockwave straight at Shepard. With nowhere else to hide, Shepard was hit by the biotic explosion, stripping her shield down to nothing.
"DAMN IT! Lost shield!" Shepard scrambled to get up before another attack found its way to her.
"Cover Shepard!" Wrex ordered while pumping shots after shots from his shotgun.
Shepard rolled out of the way and dodged behind a cover. Panting heavily, she reloaded her rifle and peeked out from her cover to shoot at Saren, trying to bring down his shield once again. "Overload now!"
Tali's omni-tool lit up, an explosion on Saren's shield was set off almost immediately.
"Take him down, Garrus!" Shepard yelled as she jumped out of her cover, disregarding her lack of shield.
She squeezed her rifle trigger and unloaded a clip at the former Spectre to distract him, buying enough time for Garrus to line up a headshot. Saren, however, fired a biotic blast directly at her, forcing Shepard to cease fire and jump out of the way.
Garrus fired but missed as Saren flew away and headed to Kaidan's direction.
Staying with the lieutenant and guarding him, Liara cast a quick series of biotic attacks at Saren. Yet, the blue energy merely bounced off the turian's armor.
Sheaprd's eyes widened in shock.
Was he really invincible?
Nothing could stop him. The turian headed straight to the asari and injured man, launching another attack from his outreaching hand.
Shepard's breath caught in her throat as she watched in horror.
Glowing as bright as the sky, Liara held up a strong shield around her and the lieutenant just in time to bounce off the incoming attack. But Saren's biotics was shockingly strong, forcing Liara to stumble back and retract her shield.
No. No. No!
Perhaps it was just a trap to lure her out of her cover, Shepard didn't have time to think. She had to stop Saren before he could get to Kaidan. She leaped out of her current cover and dashed towards the turian. Saren fired yet another biotic attack. This time, aiming not at Shepard but at her lieutenant.
That split second wasn't enough to think, only barely enough to react. Shepard jumped right in front of the biotic blast to intercept it. She screamed in pain as it hit her squarely on her chest, sending her flying off before she landed roughly on the ground.
Paralyzed by the searing pain shooting through her body, Shepard couldn't move. She could hardly breathe.
"Aerin!" Liara cried.
The turian jumped down from his platform and approached her. Through her blurry vision, Shepard saw him coming, but her muscles didn't respond to her command.
"Stay away from her!" Liara shouted as she unleashed her own biotics on Saren once again to toss him away from Shepard.
Saren merely stopped for a second when the biotic energy hit his shield. Undaunted, the turian reached down and grabbed Shepard by her neck. Shepard's survival instinct kicked in, her muscles responded. She grabbed onto Saren's wrist in an attempt to free herself from his grasp, but his grip was too strong. With his long arm stretched, Saren effortlessly lifted Shepard high up in the air.
Shepard gasped for precious air. But found none.
"Shepard!" Wrex howled.
Nobody dared to attack when Shepard was at Saren's grasp.
Saren tightened his grip, his talons dug painfully into her skin. Just a little more force and her neck would break. She knew it. He knew it.
No! I can't die!
Shepard tried to pry his hand away and kick his torso.
I can't let you kill everyone!
Dangling above the ground with an iron grip tightening around her neck, everything struggle was futile.
A sudden ear-splitting half-primal, half-mechanical sound coming from above. Saren looked up. Temporarily distracted, his grip was loosened, Shepard balled her fist and landed a right hook right on his face, causing Saren to drop her in surprise.
Shepard could only lie on the ground, gasping for precious air.
Using her biotics, Liara pulled Shepard out of Saren's reach before he could grab her again. With Shepard safely out of range, the team immediately resumed their attack on the former Spectre.
Lying on her back, Shepard could clearly spot what that sound was from, what distracted Saren before he could finish her off.
Floating above the clear blue sky was a giant ship.
It was Sovereign.
As though he was answering his master's call, Saren hopped back onto the hover platform and ascended back to his ship. Getting back on her feet, Shepard picked up her rifle and fired at the retreating turian. But it was too late.
"Damn it! He's getting away!" Garrus pulled the trigger of his sniper rifle with a last attempt to stop Saren. His bullet did hit the other man but it only damaged the shield.
"The bomb! How much time do we have?" asked Tali then checked it herself. "Keelah! We have to get out of here! Where's our ship?!"
With Sovereign gone, the Normandy was finally able to descend for a much needed evacuation.
All the muscles on her body hurt like hell from Saren's attack, but Shepard ignored the pain and rushed back to Kaidan. Leaning against the side of the building, the lieutenant remained unconscious despite the commotion around him. His face was sickly pale, covered with cold sweat, blood dripping from his nose, down to his lips and his chin.
Shepard's heart dropped to her stomach.
"Kaidan," she called out. "Hey, hey... Wake up. It's over."
His eyes struggled to open in response.
Fear almost paralyzed her. She couldn't lose him. She could not! Shepard absolutely refused to let that happen. "Come on, let's get you to Dr. Chakwas."
"Ash..." he murmured through his shallow breaths.
The unseen dagger once again stabbed her heart, its blade twisting.
Both guilt and fear threatened to eat her alive. Shepard swallowed hard and shoved all the unwanted emotions away. Right now, she had to focus on one mission – one man.
Draping Kaidan's arm around her shoulders, Shepard wrapped hers around his waist and lifted him up with a grunt. The pain throughout her body was temporarily forgotten.
I'm sorry, Kaidan. I can never leave you behind.
"Hang in there," she told him softly as she carried him towards the Normandy.
I can't lose you. You know I can't do this without you.
"You can hate me all you want. But don't you dare die on me, Lieutenant. That's an order..."
I've never told you this, but...
I love you...
A/N: Believe it or not, it's very draining to write this chapter. Ow... I've been waiting to post this chapter for a long time. Everything you've read so far – the little details that seem irrelevant, relationship/friendship developments – it is all a foundation for the Virmire chapters and its aftermath. Some of you might have high expectation, hope you like it. If not, well, like Kaidan, I gave it my best shot. Please excuse the typos if any, I've been editing this for four days, my eyes are crossed.
It's very long, but I don't want to cut it in two and break the momentum and the flow.
Thank you for taking the time to review. It's extremely rewarding to know there are people out there enjoying this. Thanks for reading.