Stay With Me, part I

Three days after the first snap…

She found him standing by the lake and throwing stones into the water. Each of them reached far, bounced off the surface, and then sank. He seemed focused on what he was doing, but Natasha knew it was just a distraction. Lately, even basic tasks had been just a distraction done to free the mind from thinking about what had happened.

Steve turned to look at her, and she stopped a few steps away from him. Despite the years they had spent together, she wasn't able to read the expression on his face at that very moment. She didn't know if he was relieved to see her or wished it had been someone else. She was only one person, and, on top of it, with the dark past. How could she ever replace the people he had lost? How could she ever be enough?

"Anything about Tony?" He asked, his voice cold and calm.

Natasha shook her head, letting the unspeakable truth hang between them in awkward silence. Steve picked up some stones and returned to his distracting activity. Not knowing was the worst.

Tony had gone to space and never came back. No one knew whether he had died with half of the universe or had been personally killed by Thanos or if something else had happened to him. The possibilities were endless, and it made his friends lose their minds.

"We split in a quarrel," Steve spoke when Natasha had begun to think that her presence was the last thing he needed. "I chose Bucky over him. Tony never forgave me, and I never managed to say goodbye to him. I didn't even say goodbye to Sam. He died all alone."

Only now she understood that he didn't try to cut himself off from the rest. He needed help but refused to ask. So Natasha came up to him and grabbed his hand, stopping him from throwing another stone.

"Sam knew how much we cared about him," she assured Steve. "And Tony… he'll be back."

"I hope you're right, Nat." He intertwined his fingers with hers, and tears glistened in his eyes. "Because I don't know what I'm gonna do if he doesn't."

There was so much pain in his eyes, and his voice was so broken... Natasha could barely bear it. She climbed on her toes, kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. Steve, longing for the last dose of light in his life, curled to her with his whole body.

It felt as if he had been hanging over the edge and Natasha had been the only one to keep him steady. He did not want to let her go. Not now. Not ever. He closed his eyes and for the first time in three days, he didn't see Bucky scatter into dust and ash. Natasha's touch brought him relief.

"You're not alone, Steve," she reminded him, and he expressed his gratitude by pulling her closer.

The day of the second snap…

The whole Avengers Facility was overcome with grief. Steve passed Tony and Bruce, who carefully placed all the stones in the gauntlet, and headed to the back of the building. Bruce, during a meeting in the past with someone called the Ancient One, merged with the Hulk and now they were one person. It was beyond Steve's understanding and he did not even want to think about it.

He opened the door and stepped out onto the patio. He knew she would be there and he wasn't wrong. Natasha sat on a bench in the shade of trees. An arrow-shaped necklace hung from her hand. Her engagement and wedding rings shone on her fingers as she looked up and met his gaze.

Steve had never seen Natasha in that state. Even shortly after the snap, she had remained strong, comforting everyone around her and making prudent decisions. Now, however, she could not hide her feelings anymore. Steve wanted to give her some time, but there was not much time to lose.

He hesitated just for a second before he approached her and asked softly, "May I?"

"Of course."

She moved to the right. A little too far, in Steve's opinion. There was still a lot of space between them when he sat down. He hardly restrained himself from putting his arms around her. His gaze fell on her hand as she played with her pendant. Her eyes were red, but there were no more tears. For some reason, the calmness in her voice and on her face was more heartbreaking than if she had fallen to the ground and began sobbing.

"I'm sorry I electrocuted you," she apologized, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm sorry I hit you in the head and… I'm sorry I couldn't save him."

Whether he wanted it or not, the image appeared before his eyes: Clint standing on the edge, taking a step back and disappearing forever. Steve leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees and staring at the plants growing under the windows. Too many people he cared for had died in front of his eyes, and he could only watch it happen and then remember until the end of his life.

"It's not your fault," Natasha whispered. "It's mine. I brought him here. I used his guilt against him so he would help us. He died because I loved him."

"No, Nat, that's not true." Steve looked at her in shock. "Clint knew the risk. He died to save his family and to redeem himself. It hurts, I know, but he made his choice and we should respect that."

"What about my redemption?"

"Oh, honey." He put his hand on hers. "You wiped out the red from your ledger a long time ago."

Her eyes rested on their hands. Steve couldn't get rid of the impression that even though they were sitting right next to each other, there was a wall between them difficult to be demolished. For a painfully long moment Natasha seemed indifferent to his words, and then, breaking his heart once again, she slowly took her hand from under his palm.

She stood up and her necklace fell to the ground. Neither of them noticed it. Natasha put her hands on her waist and began to walk around the patio, stubbornly avoiding eye contact. She fought with herself. She fought with what she felt and with what she thought was right.

"The snap brought us closer, Steve. We found shelter in each other. You have become my shield and I'm your anchor. We've built something beautiful on a huge tragedy. Many times I felt guilty about it. Well, it shouldn't matter anymore, should it? They'll all be back soon. They'll let us be happy."

"Natasha," he started, standing up.

"Just let me say it, Steve." She extended her hand to him, forbidding him to come closer. The whole situation frustrated him more and more. "My best friend is dead, do you understand? He is dead, and I cannot stop wondering what would have happened if you had been the one to fall off that cliff. If I had woken up in that lake to find out that I would never see you again… " Her voice trembled. "It's not okay. We made a promise and it… it… it didn't mean anything."

Tears flowed down her face. Steve reacted automatically. He came to her and she struggled in his embrace for a moment to let go eventually. He cupped her face in his hands, kissing her wet skin. She finally dared to look at him; the fear and despair in Natasha's eyes were unbearable. He leaned his forehead against hers, inhaling her familiar scent.

"It's okay to love someone so much that you would rather set the world on fire than lose them," he spoke in a whisper, caressing her hair. "I know that now. I also know that we will get through this. We'll save our friends and we will have a wonderful future. We deserve it, Nat. After everything we've been through, together or not, we deserve it."

Natasha nodded, letting those sweet lies daze her. She was so absorbed in her feelings and Steve's soothing presence that she did not hear anyone open the door.

It was Scott who peeked at them quite embarrassed and said, "Umm, guys, sorry to interrupt this intimate moment, but… you know… It's time."

They stood around the gauntlet that was laying on the table. Each of them wore their suits, ready for an immediate reaction if something went wrong. There was too big of a chance that something could go wrong.

"So," Rhodey broke the silence, "who's gonna be the unlucky bastard to save the world?"

They exchanged glances. The options were clearly limited, although no one pointed it out aloud. Natasha moved from one foot to the second. She would not handle another loss.

"I shall try," Thor decided. "I'm a god. The infinity stones won't kill me."

Rocket looked up at him skeptically, "This huge confidence of yours will lead you to the grave someday."

Bruce left the line and approached the table. He was now both a man and the Hulk, but his voice remained familiar and very human. Natasha watched him closely, remembering their last conversation about him accepting his other side.

"It should be me," he said, taking the gauntlet in his hands. "I think the Ancient One made me who I am for a reason. Perhaps she foresaw this moment. I have to do it."

"Be careful." Natasha smiled faintly at him.

Everyone except Bruce stepped back. Scott and Rhodey put on their helmets. Tony created a nano-shield and ordered Friday to shelter the whole building. Thor stood before Nebula and Rocket as if he wanted to protect them. He seemed genuinely disturbed by the heroic act of his friend. Steve noticed he had two hammers but decided to ignore it. He stood by Natasha and raised his shield. Only Vision did not react at all.

When all the windows got shuttered, darkness prevailed. The only lights came from the stones and Stark's shield. Bruce began to put on the gauntlet. Natasha couldn't help but feel as if she had been watching it in slow motion. The stones glowed with a blinding light. Bruce started screaming in pain as the gauntlet touched his skin.

"Bruce!" Thor shouted. "Take it off!"

"No!" Steve looked at Banner. "You okay, Bruce?"

Bruce's green face twisted with pain. Natasha covered her mouth with her hand, barely restraining herself from running up to him.

"I... I'm fine."

Bruce groaned as he raised his hand. Everyone held their breaths when he snapped his fingers.

The light blinded Natasha for a moment. She heard Bruce scream as he fell to the floor, dropping the gauntlet. Steve ran up to him immediately, just like Thor. They bent over their friend who curled up in pain; his right arm looked completely destroyed. Tony cooled it down. At the same moment, the windows got uncovered and the sunrays lighted the room.

"I shall inform Loki and Valkyrie," Thor said. "They'll arrive with my army."

Making sure his friend would be alright, he went out the back door. Scott and Rhodey came to the window, waiting for some obvious changes. Natasha sat next to Bruce and touched his healthy arm. He was slowly recovering. On the other side of the wounded man remained Steve, who glanced at Natasha briefly. Nebula carefully lifted the gauntlet, and Rocket prepared his weapon.

Tony looked around the room, but his words were directed to Bruce, "You did great, buddy."

Banner closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, his sad gaze fell on Natasha.

"I tried to bring him back," he confessed. "Clint. I tried to bring him back but I couldn't."

Her hand instinctively went to her neck, where she didn't find her necklace; she must have lost it. Natasha sighed heavily and touched Bruce on the shoulder. She was grateful to him, but she could not put it into words.

"Did it work?" Steve formed the question that might have been present in everyone's minds.

To Natasha's surprise, Vision knew the answer and delivered it without any emotion, "It did work, Captain. I can feel her. I can feel Wanda."

The relief that flooded Steve could be compared to the feeling of rain on the skin after a long-lasting drought. They exchanged glances with Natasha. Wanda. It meant that the others came back too. They lived. They were somewhere there. They would all reunite soon. He almost laughed as Tony patted him on the back.

Then the phone rang. It disturbed Natasha so much that it took her some time to realize that it was her phone. She took it out of her pocket and held her breath as she saw the name on the screen. Tears formed in her eyes, but they did not flow.

Her hand was shaking as she pressed the green button and put the phone to her ear, "Nick?"

"Natasha, thank god! What the hell did just happen?"

At the sound of that familiar voice, she barely refrained from a cheerful exclamation. She raised her head to look at Steve, whose whole face emanated hope. But before she got the chance to explain everything to Fury, she heard Scott make a horrifying sound.

"GET DOWN!"

In the next second two missiles fell on the building and destroyed the whole Avengers Facility.