Disclaimer: Not mine.

I Need to Breathe

Chapter 25

The Fight

Hermione could not help watching the clock. Ever since she had heard that he had returned, she had worried her lip until it bled and anxiously waited for lunch hour. She was nervous, and happy, sad and worried all at the same time. She wanted to laugh but knew she was close to breaking down in tears and blamed it on her hormones. No matter what his response she had played out the scenario in her head, imagining the best and the worse. Her stomach was in knots, and although morning sickness had not hit her yet, she felt like she was going to vomit.

He would be taking a lunch tray in his office, as was his habit, and she could ask him how he had done at the conference and then bring up how she missed him, and… she closed her eyes and sighed, this would not be easy. She nervously tapped her quill on the desk as the students finished up their written class work, wishing she had thought to make the quiz shorter.

As the clock hit eleven thirty, she nearly jumped from her chair and stood by the door, instructing the fifth years to leave the parchments on the front desks of each row as they left. She was ready to scream at them, thinking this was the longest it had ever taken them to exit her classroom, then glared at them as if they did it on purpose. When the last student walked past her, she all but shoved her out of the way, slammed the door shut and began to run down the hall. Rounding the last corner, before heading up the circular staircase she came face to face with Lucius Malfoy.

He blocked the stairs from her, bowing deeply, and stood in front of her, smugly reaching for her hand. Hermione took a step back, glancing over his shoulder, looking up the stairs for Severus, and clasping her hands behind her back.

"Mrs. Snape," he greeted her with a smirk.

"Mr. Malfoy."

"I am surprised you have made it here as long as you have. I am working to correct that," he looked down at her, arrogantly lifting his lip as his eyes travelled down her body. "However, with the number of complaints I now have amassed on my desk things may change more quickly than even I had hoped for."

"What kind of complaints could you possibly have after only a week into term?"

"Many parents object to your teaching methods. However, it is the complaints based on your morals that have necessitated my visit today."

Not knowing how to respond, and only wanting to get to the stairs, she stood silently.

He leaned closer to her, his voice intimate and friendly, "I hear my … son … has been doing well here. I wanted to thank you personally for making his time here … more … enjoyable."

"Get the fuck out," she spat.

"Now, now, Mrs. Snape, whatever will the students think if they hear that kind of language?"

"They will think I am correct once again, and you sir, are an arse."

"Poor language in front of children is in itself, grounds for dismissal."

"Get out of my way, Mr. Malfoy." She looked up the stairs for Severus again, wanting to call to him, scared to be alone with Lucius. "My husband may be interested in your threats once I talk to him about your son."

"Of course my dear," he purred as he stepped to the side and grandly bowed, sweeping his arm at the staircase. "Please, do so. It may prove enlightening."

She all but flew up the stairs, rushing into Severus' office and running to throw her arms around him.

"I missed you," she sighed, as she held on to him. "That was an awful long week and there is so much I want to tell you. Things I couldn't put with an owl."

"This is inappropriate when the students are in residence," he muttered as he pulled her arms from around his neck.

"You could ward the doors," she smiled. "No? Then, tell me about the conference. Tell me how impressed they were with you, how they held on to every word, how they want you back."

She sat down on the windowsill and smiled up at him, wiggling to get comfortable. "Now, tell me how smart everyone thought you were. Did they understand? Were the charts understandable, I worried about them, and the…"

"It started well, before certain factors came into play."

"Oh, Severus, I'm sorry. What sections did they have problems understanding? If you do the revisions, I will make the copies and send them out at once. Was it the sections on moulds? I worried about that."

"They are close to the acceptance of the text, but my appointment will be withheld if I read the panel correctly."

"How can they do that? How could they possibly see and hear the results and not think you have merit?"

"Tell me Hermione, did you understand what Lydia explained to you about the importance of one's family, primarily one's wife being acceptable? Do you understand their reluctance to accept anyone they perceive as bringing bad publicity to their membership?"

"Why else did I consent to go through that horrid training, which yes I finished with Lydia. She said we were expected to entertain and join certain committees, but there should be plenty of time to do that. I have a list she gave me on charities that I find quite interesting. There are a couple I would like to look into. Even if it were not for the committee we should help the one …"

"Then why would you sleep with Potter? Don't you think you could have waited to fuck him until the conference was over?"

"What?" she whispered, not believing she had heard him correctly.

"Is it also true you had lunch with Mr. Longbottom yesterday?"

"Yes, I was going to tell…"

"When? After I found out myself?"

"Of course not you oaf. I haven't seen you since last week. Who said I was …"

"Not now," he spat at her. "The two of you were seen together."

"By some old biddy I am sure who had nothing else to gossip about. You know I do the shopping on Sundays now, and you know Neville feels compelled to meet me for lunch after he visits his parents. We have always taken lunch together, you have even joined us. That time I…"

"Where were you last night?"

"I was in the library until …"

"You were not there when Professor Malfoy had need of you. One of the first years had a crisis, and he needed a female to deal with her. You were nowhere to be found."

"Right, Professor Malfoy, I know what he was looking for!"

"Answer me!"

"I left around ten, so he must have looked after that or before seven when I got there. What is wrong with you? You come home after a week, more than a week. I could accuse you of the same thing you know." She stood up and glowered at him, setting her jaw and frowning at him.

"I have accused you of nothing," he spat. "I am asking you to either confirm or deny letters that I have received."

"What's wrong, Severus?" She tried to keep her voice level, only a clipped crispness belying her anger. "I had expected a better hello than this. I haven't seen you for a week. I thought you would be … if not pleased to see me at least not angry."

He reached out and traced her jaw with his thumb, frowning as he did, and looking into her eyes. "I had thought better of you. This is not the first time I have been sorely disappointed in your actions."

"Better?" She automatically turned her head into his hand and kissed his palm. "Better how?"

"Where have you been sleeping?"

"Sleeping?" She looked at him confused. "Don't …oh. You heard of Ginny? I sent you an owl about the baby. Poor thing, she is worried to death."

"Answer my question and don't use Potter's failure to contain his sperm as an excuse."

"I was at Harry's. I helped him get the house ready while she…" she stammered, feeling she had been slapped.

"All night?"

"All week. Is that what this is all about? That I stayed with Harry? Good grief, I lived with them for..."

"I waited for you Monday night until I received your owl, only to find out that you were well enough to see Mr. Potter while his wife was confined at the Burrow."

"I couldn't put it in an owl," she felt the now familiar sting of tears and cursed herself. "Severus, something happened with Draco, I couldn't put it in an owl. After dinner, we can talk about it, it's nothing we should get into now, not when we only have lunch hour."

"Mrs Potter experienced her difficulties on Wednesday. Did she not?"

"No, she received bad news from the Healer on Monday. I… Severus, I went there because of Draco. That's what I still need to tell you, but it would be best to wait until you have time. And I did send you a second owl. On Tuesday, I explained about Ginny."

He flung down his ring on his desk. "Our rings carry charms Hermione. They send off a signal if the fidelity is broken. Imagine my surprise when mine signalled me you had removed yours."

"I lost mine, it… it came off. Draco … he pulled it off." She felt bile in her throat and fought to remain calm. "You cannot seriously think I have done anything to hurt you or our marriage. Is this what Malfoy was here for? It was Monday, it came off when… really Severus, can we talk later? I don't feel good."

"I think we need to consider our options, Hermione." He walked to his desk and sat down stiffly. "It is obvious this marriage is not working."

"Obvious? What are you talking about? One summer is all…"

"Lucius brought me a pensieve. Do you care to view it?"

"A pensieve?" She looked around and saw a small bowl on his desk. "Severus, what the bloody hell is going on? I thought things were fine when you left, now you come home and … and…I don't know what is happening."

"Imagine my reaction watching you and Draco."

"Then you already know what he did?"

"He? Yes, and you seemed willing enough."

She spun to look at the pensive shaking her head. "No, that's not right. He tried to rape me. You…"

"Don't, Hermione. Don't lie about this as well."

"Lie?" She walked over to the pensive and looked down at the shimmering surface. "I didn't lie and if this shows something else it is the lie."

She leaned down and put her face in the liquid, feeling the pull and fell into the memory. She found herself not in the dungeon hallway, but in a large bedroom, a couple on the bed engaged in intercourse. She reddened and looked away when she heard Draco's voice call her name. Snapping her head back to the bed, she saw that she was the witch. Falling on her knees, she closed her eyes, and put her hands over her ears until she felt the memory had ended and she found herself back in the Headmaster's office.

"It never happened," she gasped, holding on to the desk to keep from falling. "It never happened. Severus, please you must believe me. You must. You promised you would trust me, I told you it was all I demanded."

"I spent the first half of my life giving my trust away. I shall not do it again and have it thrown back in my face."

"I … don't understand." She looked at him then back to the shimmering bowl. "Don't say it, Severus. Please. Don't say it out loud. Not now, not today and not before you tell me exactly what Lucius said. How did he do this? You cannot believe this…this thing…this… it's not true. It's not!"

"We were wrong to think this could work, even if this had not happened. You are far too young to…"

"Stop it!" she yelled at him, pulling herself up, and fisting her hands. "Stop telling me I am too young to understand, too young to love you, too young … come back here, don't you dare walk away…" She ran after him.

He turned back from the doorway and looked at her coldly. "Mrs. Snape, you will conduct yourself as a member of the staff. You will not carry on in front of the students. You will complete this term and when your contract is up if you care to continue your employment you may request a continuance at that time."

"That's it?" she said incredulously. "You believe Malfoy over me? You trust one of your old Death Eater buddies instead of your wife? You son of a bitch! How dare you? How dare you think I am capable of this."

"No, only the son of a witch too weak to get out of a bad marriage. Something I have always hoped never to do."

"It's a lie," she choked. "It's a lie. I never … Severus, you know me… you know I couldn't … I don't know how he did this. Think about it. Think about why Lucius would have that memory, if it were true do you think Draco would give it to him?"

He closed the door and walked over to her, pulling her to him and studying her face. "It does not matter how he got it, but that he did. Hermione, it is only a matter of time, we both know that. Lust does not keep a marriage together. I am gone just a few days and you run to Potter, and Longbottom?"

"Severus," she fisted his robes. "It's not. I love you. I only stayed at the Potter's because I was scared to come back. Ask Harry. Use your magic, look into my mind. That will prove it."

His eyes flickered to her face. Knowing there was so much more than just this they needed to overcome, and not sure that they could, he did not want to believe that she would have gone to Draco, not his godson. He lifted his wand to her forehead and listened to her pleas, then lowered it and tipped her chin up to study her face.

"No, if I can't trust you I don't want you as a wife. If I do this, if I search your mind because I do not trust you, it will always be between us. You know things have not been good, do not make them worse."

"I told you, …no, it has been good. Tell me … give me one thing other than that damned memory … it's a lie…"

He put his fingers over her mouth. "Then you have nothing to fear, but don't lie to me. Do you understand? I can let you walk away, and I will, but never lie to me and expect me to forgive you."

She heard the threat in his voice and was suddenly afraid. He had never talked to her like this, and never even hinted that he would harm her. She knew she would never feel physical pain from him, but also knew that if what she felt now was only the beginning, his mistrust of her would be beyond what she could stand.

"So tonight?" She asked. "We will have dinner and talk?"

"No, I have to take the results of the conference to the Ministry. I won't be home until late."

"I … I'll wait up. I don't have lessons tomorrow, so it won't matter how late you are."

"I will have Millie move my things into my old chambers."

"You can't be serious! I know when you left you thought I was avoiding you, but if you just stop this we can talk about it."

"You need to rest, and as I will be up at all hours until this is solved, and I am done with the committee I think it best."

"You think it best to have me out of your bed?"

"You avoided it before I left and seeing the pensieve, I don't want you there now."

"I love you, I thought you loved me," she whispered, then turned and fled his office before he could answer.

It was almost midnight as she sat in her bedroom watching the magical window, waiting for him to return. The room was empty, his personal belongings already having been removed. Millie had come, under direct orders not to speak to her Mistress, and had spent the time groaning and crying. Hermione had not responded, choosing instead not to give Millie any information to take back to Severus as she knew the elf would. She heard the Apparation before she saw him striding toward the castle, and with a sigh went to met him.

"Severus?" She greeted him at the bottom of the circular stairs. "This will only take a moment."

"You saved me the trouble of coming to you so it would seem." He handed her a Ministry sealed envelope.

She broke the seal and read the short dismissal letter, then turned her eyes back to him. "What now?"

"You are free to stay here."

"I see, since I have little choice in the matter I will have to do so until…" She lowered her head unable to talk.

"This is not my doing, Hermione. You have to know that."

She turned away from him and started toward the doors, then put her hand out to support herself. "What happened? Why has everything gone so badly? Now I am not even qualified for Muggle Studies?"

He walked up behind her and stood until he could not stop his arms from wrapping around her waist and pulling her back to him.

"Oh my gods," she sobbed and leaned her head back to rest on his chest. "You're saying goodbye."

"I'm sorry Hermione, but I met with Draco and unbeknownst to him, watched his memories. I had full access and … just please, be truthful. We can work on it if you can just be truthful."

She turned to face him, trying to read more than his words had said. "You couldn't have. You would have found it. You would have seen what he did."

He pulled his wand against her temple, and in that action told her not only did he need to see, but that any trust in her was gone. "If you bring it forward, and think of it, this will not be painful. If you make me search, I will find it, if you try to hide it..."

She tipped up her chin and closed her eyes, seeing Draco as he had looked when he stepped in front of her. She felt Severus holding her up, and walking beside her in the hallway. She felt Draco grab her and heard the rendering of the dress she had bought only for her husband's eyes. She felt Severus pull her tight and wrap his free hand around her waist and as Draco yelled in pain, she felt Severus' lips find her's as he left her mind.

She clung to him, sobbing, as the night of Draco's assault was brought front and centre. Again, she felt the terror she had felt then, but this time he was here to hold her and to tell her she was safe.

"I love you," she sobbed. "Please believe me. I pensieve is wrong."

He tipped up her chin and frowned at her. "I saw his memories, Hermione. He does not have this one."

"He's changed it then. You saw for yourself what happened."

"I saw someone who wanted you to believe it was Draco."

"What did he show you?"

"I saw a very willing witch, the same as the pensieve," his voice cracked as he locked his eyes on hers.

"You thought it was me?" she breathed. "But if his memory was different … how … I don't understand."

"He is very skilled, as is his father. Both would be able to alter a memory enough to hide the truth. It is something I did from time to time with the Dark Lord. However, he did not know I was there to see into his mind, nor did he have time to prepare."

"You'll come back with me now. You'll stop this nonsense and come back. You can't believe that, please Severus, no."

"We need to take a few days and think about it, both of us," he scowled at her. "Even before I left you were pushing me away. You need to make sure this is still what you want, as do I. I will not lie, Hermione, if you demand an answer now I will send you away."

"You mean it? You don't trust me... you don't…"

He stepped back and released her. "Yes. I will not lie to you Hermione, if we made a mistake we have to correct it before it goes any further. If I could believe you, if I could trust you, it would solve everything, but I cannot. I am sorry. If it were just the pensieve I could try to explain it away, but it is not."

"Will you try? Will you try to find out why and how he is doing this? Please?"

His mind went to the pensieve and back to what he had seen in her mind. He had felt the fear radiate off her, the same way lust had radiated in the pensieve. He wanted to believe her, he wanted to trust her.

"I am sorry, Hermione," he looked down at her.

She clamped her hand over her mouth and ran as a wave of nausea hit her.