It looks like this book will be a few chapters longer than originally planned 25 chapters, and this chapter ended up being long, double my average chapter length! Please leave a review with your thoughts, they are highly valued! :-D
Chapter Twenty-Five: Recapitulation
Hermione woke up the morning after dinner at the Whites feeling that she could not wait another moment to be with Severus. The night before had been wonderful.
Ginny had absolutely insisted on trying a new hairstyle on Hermione, from the moment she heard that Hermione would be attending a nice dinner party at the White's. Margaret White had gifted her a dress robe, saying that it was too pretty to sit in her closet any longer.
Ginny had gasped when she put it on.
"Merlin, that is a gorgeous vintage robe! Professor White said you could keep it?!"
Hermione nodded.
"She insisted on it, actually."
The dark green robe made Hermione feel romantically glamorous. It was bold and feminine, with a long sweeping black cape and delicate black lace details on the shoulders, around the v-shaped neckline, and halfway down the sleeves, which were fitted until her wrists where they belled out slightly and were lined with more black fabric and lace. The entire thing was made of smooth, thin silk, and it billowed gently when she moved. Hermione would never have picked anything like it for herself, but she had fallen in love with it upon putting it on. The details seemed just right, and not too frilly as she had originally thought.
Ginny had set to work on her hair, and Hermione had levitated a book in front of her face to pass the time. However, Ginny was too much of a talker to let her get away with that for very long.
"Hermione?"
"Mmmm?"
"Do you actually like Draco Malfoy now?"
Hermione flicked her wand at the book and sent it back to its place on her night stand.
"Sure, I like him well enough. He's much improved this year, personality-wise."
Ginny mumbled the sequence of charms over another small section of hair.
"Harry wants to have a proper talk with him soon. Do you think Draco would do that?"
Hermione considered the question.
"Perhaps. I don't really know what he thinks of Harry anymore. He is always at least civil to him when I'm around."
Ginny worked the charms over another section.
"Yeah, it's weird to see them standing in the same room without fighting, let alone to hear them talk to one another as if they're just acquaintances who happen to both be your friends."
"Agreed," said Hermione, "but I like it. I'm so proud of Harry – he hated Draco for years and even this year before we discovered the imposter. Despite the fact that he was right about the fake Draco being up to something, he really had no reason to think so. To everyone else, Draco's imposter just looked depressed."
When it was finally time to meet Severus and Margaret that evening, Hermione realized how nervous she felt. Surely she was not over-dressed, since Margaret had picked out her attire, but she felt quite awkward about walking through the castle in it. She admired the job Ginny had done on her head, and hugged her.
"I don't know that I'll ever have the patience to let you do it again," she said, "but it does look amazing. I can't believe that's me!"
Walking down the last staircase into the main corridor, Hermione had seen Severus before he looked up. He was dressed in black, of course, with a crisp white shirt peeking out at his neck and wrists, his robe long and sweeping with a cape, but in the style of a frock coat with buttons in the front, collared, structured, and well-fitted. It was nice to see him in something other than his traditional black school robe. Hermione admired his tall, dark figure as he finally noticed her, and Margaret White turned around to greet her.
The evening had been a great success for the White's, but also for Hermione, who had met numerous interesting and influential magical folk who were actively supporting muggle-born rights and acceptance post-war. There was still much work to be done for the cause, even though the biggest threat had been removed.
Perhaps the biggest surprise of the evening had been when Hermione was offered a job in a potions research lab. She would take it, of course, as she could imagine no better opportunity for the start of her career after Hogwarts.
The best part of the night had been after the party was over, and they had walked back to the castle, but not before Severus had shown her that secret secluded spot in the forest, not far off the path to the castle. She would have stayed there all night if he would have agreed to it.
Once they had made it back to the castle, Hermione realized she was exhausted. Leaving Severus unwillingly, she returned to her rooms. She walked over to the bed and reached down to pat Crookshanks, who was curled at the bottom of it sleeping. When another, much larger feline head-butted her arm, Hermione jerked her arm away in surprise, heart racing.
"Nettie! What are you doing here? Crookshanks, did you let her in?!"
Nettie purred and jumped off the bed, rubbing against Hermione's legs. Crookshanks meowed and rolled onto his back, staring at the Hermione as if to say, 'Can we keep it?'
Hermione shooed Nettie away and went to the loo to change and wash up before bed. She carefully removed her dress and hung it in her closet.
"Now, you two..." she looked at the enormous lump of black and orange fur at the foot of the bed and sighed.
"... if either one of you attacks my feet tonight, you'll be very sorry!"
Hermione had woken up with Crookshanks laying on her feet, and Nettie stretched out beside her, warming her back, memories from the night before warming her thoughts. It was early, the light coming in the window pale and soft.
"Good morning, bed hogs. Now, out with you, Nettie!" Hermione went over and opened the window.
Crookshanks yowled a complaint as Nettie scampered out and slunk across the roof below.
"Oh, hush, you!" said Hermione, closing the window again, "You know she's not supposed to be in the castle."
Hermione sensed the room grow brighter, and turned back to the window. Severus' bat patronus had just appeared, and was now hanging from the top of the stone window frame.
Meet me in the tunnel after breakfast. We need to pack up the store room for the summer, and see that none of your personal supplies are left behind.
Hermione had been avoiding the task, but knew it must be done now, with the NEWTS at the end of the week, and graduation immediately after. She would be too busy studying and packing to remove all traces of her semester in the potions workroom and leave it clean and empty for whoever might come after her. At least she would have his company to distract her from the bittersweet feelings that would come with preparing to leave the place she had called home since she was eleven years old.
Ginny and Harry were meeting up with some members of the quidditch teams for an all day tournament in which the teams would be mixed houses. Ginny and Harry were leading competing teams this year. Neville and Luna planned to watch. Hermione told them she would come out later in the afternoon, when she was done packing up her lab.
She was glad to have a legitimate reason to avoid watching the games all day. While she enjoyed being a spectator, especially when her friends were on the field, one game was usually the longest she wanted to spend in the stands in one day.
When she arrived in the tunnel, Severus was not there yet. She had seen him disappear into his office with McGonagall earlier, and assumed whatever their meeting was about must have taken longer than expected. She began packing her workstation away, arranging everything carefully inside her suitcase that had been fitted with an undetectable extension charm and weight displacement charms.
It was not long before Hermione felt the reality of the end of the school year weighing on her emotions. Life as she knew it would never be the same, and she was leaving the place where both her best and worst memories had been made, where she had met her best friends, defeated a dark lord, and lately, fallen in love with the most unexpected person she could have imagined. Even though all signs pointed to life getting better once her time at Hogwarts was over, Hermione could not help feeling that a part of her heart would be ripped out when she no longer called Hogwarts her home.
"What is it?"
She had not heard him come in, lost in her thoughts. Severus stood in the doorway, leaning on the frame.
"How long have you been there?"
"Long enough to know that you are feeling quite melancholy about something."
"I was just thinking that I will be sad to leave Hogwarts at last. It has been my only home in the magical world."
He walked over and inspected her work.
"You are nearly finished."
She stood.
"Just those books left, over there."
He waved his wand at the shelves, and the books flew off, neatly stacked themselves and fell into the space she had left for them in the suitcase. Hermione looked up at him, and it was then that she sensed that his own mood was uneasy and tense.
"Even though it means leaving Hogwarts, I can't wait to graduate. Then we can finally... be together."
He ran his hands over her arms, to rest on her shoulders.
"I believe the time has come for us to talk about the future, as it is nearly upon us. Let us go to my lab, where we will be more comfortable."
There was an old sofa in the corner of his work room, where Hermione assumed he slept at times when working on long-brew, tedious potions. They sat down together, and his sober manner began to make Hermione nervous.
"Okay, so... our future."
She could not help smiling at those words. He was facing her with one arm across the back of the sofa, and he his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners before he spoke.
"We must decide what our relationship will entail after graduation. I will, of course, have to stay one week past the students' departure, as all faculty and staff do. Then I will go home, and you will live in London, I presume?"
Hermione nodded.
"Yes. Harry and I will be roommates at Grimmauld Place. Though, he will hardly be there over the summer if he goes straight into auror training as he plans. Ah... where do you live?"
Severus' eyes were guarded.
"My family home in Cokeworth is where I typically spend my summers. Though in recent years past, I spent much of the summer weeks traveling... for Albus, or to Hogwarts to assist him. I believe the time has come to sell the house, as I no longer have use for it. As headmaster, I could make Hogwarts my residence, or live in Hogsmeade. There is an empty residence owned by the school on the outskirts of town, which has often been rented by professors and their families in the past."
"Oh," said Hermione, "So then... your family are not in Cokeworth anymore?"
Severus' eyes seemed to grow darker.
"I have no family to speak of," he said, "my mother died years ago, and I never expect to see my father again. Whether or not he has already drank himself to death in some dark corner of the country, I do not care to know. I never knew my mother's family, but I hear those that were not killed in the first war fled the country and have not been seen since. While they were staunch blood purists, most of them refused to join the dark lord's reign of terror."
Hermione stared at him, occluding her feelings of sadness so as not to overwhelm him with emotion. She wanted to know more about his past.
"Was your father a cruel man? He was a muggle, right?"
His eyes grew flat.
"He was a jealous, petty alcoholic who physically abused my mother, and on occasion myself if I attempted to intervene. Otherwise, he pretended I did not exist."
"Severus... I'm sorry. He must have done a number on your mother before you were born. Did she give up magic?"
She reached out and touched his arm. He closed his eyes.
"Now is not the time to talk about my parents. Instead, a more pleasant topic must be addressed – the how, where, and when of our relationship after your graduation."
His eyes opened again, and he sent such sweet, steadfast anticipation into her mind that she thought she would cry.
"I suppose we shall visit one another, wherever we might be. I don't plan to move from Grimmauld Place until at least the end of the summer since my job doesn't start until the end of July, and Harry's offered to let me stay rent-free until then. After that, I don't know if I will stay. It will depend on Harry and Ginny. I, uh, think they will be engaged soon, probably married before the end of the year."
"Of course," he muttered to himself.
"Until July, though, I expect to have the house to myself quite often. As I said, Harry will be in training late into the evenings, and I expect he will spend a lot of his free time at the burrow or with Ron and George in Diagon Alley. So, you could come to me, if that's uh, preferable to spending time at your home in Cokeworth."
Severus was silent for a moment.
"That would be the best plan, as your residence is in a primarily muggle neighborhood, and there is little chance of us being found out. If you came to the castle or Hogsmeade, we would need to be extremely cautious."
Hermione nodded.
"I agree. Grimmauld Place would be best for now. I suppose... you would not want Harry to know yet that we... are-"
"I do not think anyone should know, yet," he said, "Especially not your friends. While Harry might be able to keep his trap shut, if any of the Weasley's happened to find out..."
"They would all know eventually, and it wouldn't be long before word spread," Hermione finished for him, and sighed, "I know it's too soon, but I hate the idea of sneaking around like criminals or third years hiding from their parents. How long should we wait before we tell anyone? I mean, assuming you want this to last longer than the summer. I suppose we haven't really talked much about... our expectations. Is it too soon?"
He responded by leaning forward and kissing her gently.
"Perhaps it is too soon by any normal measure of a relationship not yet begun, but seeing as you have been privy to my own mind on the matter for a few months, and I yours... I am certain that we both expect this to last far longer than a summer."
He looked into her eyes and let his feelings wash over her, bathing her in a steady, calm, and certain desire that they would be together for years to come. He suddenly closed his eyes and whispered,
"You have changed me in ways I did not think possible. You are my equal in mind and spirit. I do not say that lightly. There is something you must know..."
She could not help stealing another kiss, causing him to pull away and study her seriously.
"You are well aware of the prophecy that made Harry Potter 'the boy-who-lived.' Sybill Trelawney gave another prophecy that night, one that was heard only by Dumbledore, though he later told it to me. I first heard it the summer before Harry came to Hogwarts."
Hermione found herself frowning, wondering nervously what this could have to do with their future relationship. Severus took a breath and closed his eyes once more as he recited the words as if in a trance.
"The Dark Lord's servant will forsake him, the disloyal one will be saved by a woman's innocent sacrifice... she his sworn enemy's companion, she his mind's equal… and through love for her he will thwart his master, but if he be not with her he will be condemned to a traitor's fate… and only if she returns his love can he escape the Dark Lord's curse that binds… the one the Dark Lord trusts will be redeemed by an innocent woman…"
Hermione sat in silence, letting the words sink into her shocked mind. There was a prophecy about Severus, and possibly, probably, in all likelihood, herself. Of course it was about her. It mentioned the curse, and it said that she had saved him from it, just like had happened. He had known this all along. He had tried to take the curse and force her to leave him, knowing that she was the one who could save him.
"I lived my life thinking this prophecy was about someone else, who has been gone for years. I have been certain since last year that it is actually about you."
She felt tears well up in her eyes as he looked at her, and she reached out to bring his face to hers, resting her forehead on his.
"You..." she started, only to chock on the lump in her throat, "you thought if I loved you... I would take the curse and you could escape it. But you wouldn't... you tried to... keep me away... you..."
She looked at him, unable to say more for a few moments.
"But we broke it... with a kiss."
"I knew in that moment you would not leave and were willing to do anything to save me from the curse. That was when I was able to throw off the thing... for good. I loved you for all your stupid, selfless, stubborn tenacity. You were the definition of sacrificial love, doing such a thing after I begged you to leave me and escape the curse yourself.
"The prophecy does not say anything about our future," he said, "I am convinced it referred to a platonic love, rather than romantic... otherwise it does not make sense. Still, out of that love – which I felt it for you from almost the moment you jumped in front of that curse, though I hardly knew what it was at the time – I was able to see you for the beautiful, strong, brilliant woman you had become. I cannot imagine ever wanting anyone but you. Until this year, I did not think such a relationship was possible for me, but with you, who knows my mind so well... I hope to spend many years together. If you think you are up to the challenge of dealing with such a reclusive, sarcastic curmudgeon as myself."
"I think I am," she said smiling, kissing him again. He pulled away, hands on her shoulders.
"Before this is... settled..."
He produced a vial from his robes, full of a silvery substance. Memories.
"Go to my office and use the pensieve that is waiting for you by the desk. After you have seen everything, we can finish our discussion, and you can decide if you want more than a summer with me... if that."
A terrible sense of foreboding laced Hermione's confusion. Why did he not just tell her what the memories contained, or show her? It must be something so sensitive or terrible that he could not bear to witness her reaction to it.
"Before you go, he said, pressing the vial into her hand, "I must tell you that it is because of you that I am no longer haunted by these memories, after years of regret. No matter your answer, I thank you for that."
Eyes wide, she wordlessly kissed his cheek.
"Send your patronus for me when you are ready," he said, "and I will come to you."
Hermione walked to the headmaster's office, shaking, hand in her robe pocket turning the vial in her fingers, wondering what it held. She whispered 'hummingbird' to the gargoyle and ascended the spiral stairs. The door to the office was open, and she could see the pensieve inside. She walked up to it and dumped the memories in, watching them swirl and separate before she took a breath and dove in.
She landed in a small, dingy kitchen. A young boy, about nine or ten years old, sat at a scratched and dented wooden table eating crackers. His black hair was long and stringy, his clothes mismatched and worn. It was Severus as a child. His mother stood in the corner, watching a tiny television, humming absently to herself.
"Mum."
Severus ate his last cracker.
"Mum!"
Eileen Snape turned around, eyes vacant.
"What is it, Severus?"
"Where's Tobias been?"
"I don't know."
"Is he coming back?"
"I don't know! Stop asking that. You had better hope he does soon, as we're out of money."
Severus sighed and narrowed his eyes at her.
"I'm going out to play."
"Be a good boy," she said, turning back to the television, which had gone grainy. She carefully adjusted the rabbit ears that sat on top of it, cursing under her breath.
Severus threw his plate in the sink and ran out of the house, out onto a lonely street that looked like it was not in a nice part of town, the houses run down, his own the worst of them all. He walked slowly down the street, kicking at some trash that littered the sidewalk as he went. He ducked off into a side street and walked a block before coming to a house that looked better kept than most in the area. There were flower beds surrounding it and a few nicely shaped trees. He went around the back of the house and stood looking at a window on the second floor.
After a moment of concentration, a few pebbles rose from the ground nearby and tossed themselves at the window. Severus waited. After a few moments, a face appeared. It was a thin, pale young girl with dark red hair that fell in waves over her shoulders. She grinned and waved, then disappeared. Severus turned and darted away, back from whence he came, past his house, and down to the river next to it, where there was a large willow tree. He walked underneath the thick hanging branches and sat down against the trunk.
Minutes later, the young red-headed girl appeared. She too, was wearing clothes that must have been hand-me-downs, but they were clean, matched, and not horrendously out of style.
"Hey, Severus," she said, sitting cross-legged beside him.
"Hey," he replied glumly.
"What's wrong?"
"Mum thinks Tobias is coming back soon... and she wants him to."
"Oh."
Severus hugged his knees, and had pulled a wand out of his pocket. It looked well-used, and must have been his mother's, Hermione surmised, as she would have been the only witch he knew before Hogwarts.
"Severus! You're not supposed to have that," said the girl disapprovingly, "what if somebody magical finds out and your mum gets in trouble?"
Severus shrugged, "They won't. I use it all the time. Mum thinks she threw it away, just like she thinks she threw all her old spell books away. She'll never know."
"Didn't she tell you wands are dangerous if you don't know how to use them."
"I know how to use it! Do you think I'm an idiot?" said Severus, "Watch."
He pointed it at a tiny yellow flower between them, and whispered a spell. The flower grew until it was the size of his worn brown shoe that was beside it. He whispered another spell, and it shrunk back to it's original size.
"Wow," the girl breathed, her bright, almond-shaped green eyes growing wide, "Tell me how to do it!"
Severus smiled.
"I thought wands were too dangerous?"
"Show me, Severus! Please? If I do get chosen for Hogwarts, I want to know something before I go! You have to teach me!"
"Okay, Lily! Merlin! Repeat after me..."
Hermione gasped as the scene faded and changed. Surely it was not Lily... but of course it was. They had been in the same year at Hogwarts. Severus had been the one responsible for giving the prophecy to Voldemort, ultimately causing her death. Lily was his greatest regret... they had obviously been friends as children, before ever going to Hogwarts. Her heart beat rapidly as she watched the next scene come together.
"James Potter is horrible person, and he should be expelled! I just caught him hexing poor Ferdinand again, to make his robes tighter. He tripped and fell down an entire flight of stairs!" said Lily, appearing under the branches of the willow, but it must have been the willow near the lake at Hogwarts, because she was wearing school robes. She looked a few years older, perhaps thirteen or fourteen.
"And yet, I'm the evil one," said Severus, somewhat snippily. Lily rolled her eyes.
"Merlin, don't start that again. I said the stuff you're reading is evil, not that you are! I still think you should stop... some of it it absolutely vile, Severus! How can you read it and not want to vomit?"
"What if we could get Potter and Black expelled?" said Severus, changing the subject, "School would be fun again, and you wouldn't be scared to talk to me in front of the rest of Gryffindor."
"Severus Snape, I am not scared to talk to you! And I get plenty of grief for it, believe me. James has got everyone in my house on his side, and they all take turns telling me how dangerous you are, and that you're probably using me to get information on them so you can plan your next attack on Gryffindor. Why can't you just leave them alone? It's not helping that you taunt them and hex them in the halls."
"But it's THEM that won't leave ME alone!" he exploded, "I'm just giving them a taste of their own medicine. Or hadn't you noticed? From the day we got here, Potter and his friends have been trying to keep me away from you because I'm in Slytherin and I'm poor!" he spit out the last word bitterly.
"They think we are all evil, just because Malfoy and his idiot followers like to talk about blood laws and dark curses! They don't even know what they're talking about, I've checked! They don't have a clue how half of it even works! When nobody else is around, all they talk about is how much money they've got and where they're going for holiday with their mum and dad."
Lily sat down.
"I'm sorry. I hate James Potter, too, but we can't get him expelled by egging him on, it's wrong. Eventually, he and Sirius will almost kill someone, and then Dumbledore will have to get rid of them. I just don't want that person to be you. Please, try to ignore them... for me."
"I don't know if I can do that, Lily."
The scene faded again, and Hermione's heart was heavy with sadness for the young Severus. She could see now how his life had taken him into the grasp of the dark lord. His muggle father had been abusive, his mother neglectful. He had been tormented by the 'good' people, some of the ones she had known as defenders of the light and equality. His friendship with Lily had been more involved than she could have ever imagined... and she was finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that Lily had eventually married James Potter if he was as bad as he sounded as a student.
The next scene was the memory Harry had once told her about, when he had first realized that his father might not have been the paragon of greatness that everyone – namely Sirius – had made him out to be. She was vaguely aware of tears streaming down her face, of her body trembling over the pensieve as her mind was engulfed in Severus' memories. He called Lily a 'mudblood', obviously regretting it immediately, but that was it for the friendship, it seemed. A few brief memories followed of him cornering her at various times, attempting to apologize, to no avail.
Severus walked down the street past Lily's house, slowing to peer at it stoically as he went by. He appeared to be a young man now, having reached his full height and grown into his hands and feet. His hair was longer and stringier than it had been in previous memories, reminding Hermione of the little nine year old boy eating crackers at the kitchen table.
His head snapped to the side when movement on the front porch caught his eye. He quickened his pace and rounded the corner, hurrying home to an empty house. Opening the door with a key, he stood in the dark doorway, face blank.
"Severus?"
Lily was standing behind him, on the lawn. He did not move, and did not speak.
"I... I heard about your mum. I'm so sorry."
She walked up to stand directly behind him.
"Are you... alone?"
His shoulders fell slightly.
"Tobias is not here, probably won't be back all summer," he said emotionlessly.
"Can I... uh... come in?"
He lit the lights with a flick of his wand and stood aside. She walked in, and hugged her arms to her chest as he closed the door.
"Your hair needs a trim," she said, staring at him, "have you never done it yourself?"
He shrugged.
"I'm sure I can figure it out, just haven't bothered," he said.
"If you want... I could do it," said Lily hesitantly.
He walked into the kitchen and sat down in a rickety-looking dining chair.
"Sure."
Lily followed him.
"Do you have any scissors?"
He lifted his wand and summoned a pair of dull-looking shears from somewhere across the house. They fell loudly onto the table, and Lily reached for them. The yellow light from the dingy ceiling lamp lit Severus' harsh expression from above, and made Lily's skin clash with her red hair. She used her wand to sharpen the edges of the blades carefully, then set to work, the snip-snip of the scissors the only sound in the room for a few minutes.
"Don't worry, I won't cut it too short," she said, "I know you like it longer."
He said nothing for a while.
"Doesn't matter anymore."
She finished her work and gently set the shears down. She hesitated, then quickly ran her fingers through his hair, brushing out the stray pieces and then dusting his shoulders off. He took a sharp breath and grabbed her hand.
"Stop," he hissed, standing abruptly.
She met his irritated gaze with fierce determination.
"Why, Severus?"
His face twisted with emotion.
"Get out, Lily."
"No!"
He wrapped his hand around her wrist and pulled her roughly to him.
"You are cruel to tease me, when you know how I feel... when you have barely spoken a word to me all year and - "
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. He made a pained sound, like a cry, and embraced her.
"Let's get out of this hell hole," she said at last, and apparated them to her bedroom. They fell to her bed and commenced snogging so passionately, that Hermione felt her stomach turn with a tinge of jealousy. She reminded herself that she had not even been born yet, and felt a bit better.
"Oh... stop... stop."
Severus froze and then sat up, a dark silent shape in the moonlight.
"I can't... we can't, Severus. You haven't changed. You won't, not even for me. And I'm just... not ready, anyway."
He was still silent, and got up off the bed, walking to the window. Lily went to stand by him, and opened it to the roof.
"Come out with me. There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight."
He scoffed, "As if we could see any of it in town."
She shrugged and crawled out onto the roof, wrapping a blanket around herself. He finally gave in a joined her.
"I don't care if we can't see the shooting stars, I like looking at the regular ones, too," she said.
He sat beside her, leaving a space between them. They stayed that way, silent, for a long time, neither daring to look at the other.
"Your hair looks better," she said, "I only took off a bit – I do like it long."
"I know," he said, standing, "It looks... all right. Goodbye, Lily."
He apparated home, and sat at the table, turning the scissors in his hands.
Once more, the scene changed, and Hermione wondered how much more there was to the story of Severus and Lily Evans.
Severus was once again returning home at night, unlocking the front door to a darkened, empty house. This time, however, his hair was shorn off, and he was almost unrecognizable. His face was hollow, harsh, and tired. He went inside and sat on a threadbare sofa, running his hand absently over his forearm, brow creased.
There was a knock on the door. Cautiously, he opened it and peered out. Lily was on the other side. She looked more beautiful than ever, Hermione thought.
"I saw you walk by the house," she said, "You always do."
He narrowed his eyes at her.
"What are you doing here, Lily? Shouldn't you be with your family... or perhaps your lover?" he spit the word out with disgust.
"I don't want to talk about James, as I know you won't believe a word I say," she replied, then paused, "Severus, I'm so scared for you. Please tell me you will go into hiding – that evil wizard will not be satisfied until he has you working for him. I've heard that he is ruthlessly recruiting the most talented Slytherins. If you will not join us, please find a safe place far from his reach!"
He stared at her from behind the door.
"Let me in, Severus."
He finally did, pulling the door open and walking inside to sit on the sofa again.
"What on earth have you done to your hair?"
He glared at her.
"It was time for a change."
"I don't like it."
He raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'and'?
"I remember, your hair was long when we first met. We were nine... your mother hadn't trimmed it, and it was so long... "
"Why are you here?"
"I told you. I'm worried about you. I've spent my life worrying about you, Severus, and your fascination with all things dark and forbidden. You've made such a name for yourself that I fear you are on the dark lord's list of most wanted servants. Has he asked for you?"
"Don't worry about me, Lily. You have chosen your path, and I am no longer part of it. You can stop caring about what might happen to Severus Snape, your poor, pathetic neighbor with the shit life. It's likely none of us will live much longer anyway."
"I can't stop caring!" she said angrily, "I will never stop caring! YOU stopped caring what I thought years ago. Maybe you never did."
After a long silence, Severus spoke.
"I might ask you what you've done to your own hair. It was always red, lovely and dark. I suppose Potter prefers strawberry blonde? It's not you. You used to stand out. Now you look like the rest of them."
She gave him a steely glare before looking down at the thick family bible on the coffee table. She laughed.
"I can't believe this old book is still here. I bet it hasn't been touched since we used to look through it, reading all the strange names. Your father might have called himself a catholic, but I doubt he ever read a word of it."
"Our names weren't in there..." Severus muttered, "You were so determined to find yours... I never knew why..."
"No, I was determined NOT to find it. One of my old school friends, Zipporah, told me that her parents picked her name out of the bible, and that meant god thought she was special... I was afraid for a little while that the reason I could do magic was that I had a bible name and would have to go around performing miracles for god."
"Your savior complex started early, then."
"What are you talking about?"
"You are determined to die fighting a hopeless battle against the most powerful wizard in centuries."
Lily was silent, her eyes full of worry.
"Can I show you something?"
She flipped open the bible, and turned to the back pages. Severus suddenly leaned forward and grabbed her hand. Hermione then noticed the beautiful ruby and diamond ring on her left hand finger.
Severus looked at her with such disbelief, pain, and loathing, that Lily recoiled, yanking her hand away.
"Yes, we are engaged. I'm only home now to make the announcement, then back to work on the cause."
"Get out. I can't bear to look at you."
"Severus, stop."
"You would choose to be with James-bloody-Potter for the rest of your life, however long that might be? He will get you killed. He is an impulsive, arrogant fool. I have nothing more to say to you. Leave."
"I'm leaving! I have to go, anyway. But not before I show you this... look!" she pulled a piece of paper out of the book, and opened it.
"I put this here fourth year, I think," she said, "At the time, I had hoped you would notice it, since it's on this particular page, which I used to catch you looking at sometimes."
There in the bible, written in red ink, were their names in a childish hand, 'Severus + Lily". Hermione leaned in to read the paper Lily had pulled from the page, a bit of parchment with slanted, feminine handwriting on it that read, "I love Severus Snape."
Lily folded the paper into her hand after he read it, and stared at the top of his bowed head.
"I might be marrying James Potter, but I loved you first, Severus. You can pretend I was just being a tease all those years, and that's why you never tried to make it work... but it's not the truth. You were too selfish and set on revenge to see what was right in front of your nose."
He stood and stomped to the door.
"Get. Out."
She walked over to him.
"It's not too late to change, Severus. It's never too late. Join us. There could be a place for you."
His eyes narrowed into slits.
"You do not know your own fiance if you believe that to be true. He would sooner kill me than trust me."
He left her at the door and went to the kitchen.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
He had pulled out a loaf of plain white bread and removed a slice.
"Dinner. You may see yourself out anytime."
Before taking a bite, he said, "but first..." and kissed her forcefully, one hand holding the bread, the other cradling her head.
"A little something to remember me by, and just so you know, Lily Evans, I would have changed for you. I begged to be given the chance, after weeks of apologies fell on deaf ears. You cut me out of your life and went running straight into Potter's arms, did you not? How long did you expect me to grovel for your forgiveness?"
"I was completely devastated that day! You promised you would never use that word, and you broke your promise to me in front of half the school. You did what they all said you would – eventually betray me."
"And my humiliation is not to be taken into account?! I suffered far worse that day, Lily, and you gave up on me for attempting to save face in front of Lucius Malfoy, who I might remind you, barely considered me a Slytherin due to our continued friendship. I was a target within even my own house. You should have known I didn't mean it!"
Lily shook her head.
"I can't have this argument again. It was not just that day that made up my mind, it was the last straw after a year of you ignoring my pleas to stop fighting with my house mates and learning magic that scared the bloody hell out of me!"
"Tell me, just how do you and the rest of the Gryffindor imbeciles plan to fight a thing which you don't fully understand?" he asked, mouth twisting into a sneer, "I bet Potter is studying the very same magic right now in preparation, is he not?"
She gave him a look of exasperation.
"Severus, for the last time, listen to me. You could help us. We could hide you from the death eaters. It is not too late to change your mind. You are strong enough to change and forgive, I know it."
"You know nothing!" he said, "You are naïve and sheltered, and Potter is not the man you think he is! I am well aware that the reason you agreed to date the bastard is that he agreed to stop making my life hell. But did you know that James Potter took great pleasure in telling me over and again this past year that if it weren't for your protection, he and Black would have beaten me within an inch of life for 'being pure evil and seducing an innocent girl with dark magic'? Or that he once assured me that if I ended up with the wrong crowd after graduation he would not hesitate to kill me if he got the chance?"
Lily's eyes narrowed.
"Severus, you-"
"Furthermore, unlike you and Potter, I would like to survive the war that is coming... and make no mistake, it is coming soon. If that means I make myself appear weak to avoid notice, so be it, but I will not do anything so foolish as attempt an outright attack, especially not in the company of a few cocky wizards who know nothing of scope of his dark power."
"Can't you run? Others are."
"It is too late for me," he said darkly, "My name has been well-known in his circles for years... Slytherin house is quite inbred."
"What will you do?"
He simply stared at her, eating his slice of bread slowly.
"It is not your concern. Go, marry Potter, and enjoy what time you have left. You likely won't see me again. I'm going to bed."
He turned and stomped up the stairs, leaving a speechless, tearful Lily in the kitchen. He entered a small, sparsely furnished bedroom and sat down on the thin mattress of a narrow bed.
Darkness overtook the scene, and the next memory was black, accompanied by the sound of a man screaming in agony. After minutes had passed, He stopped, gasping and wheezing for breath.
"Please...please...I didn't know!"
The screaming began once again, continued for another minute, and then Hermione heard the voice of Voldemort.
"Now, Severus! It was you he tried to implicate for his actions. Go ahead..."
A long few moments of silence stretched on in the darkness. Then came a soft, hissed 'sectumsempra' and the sound of pained whimpering.
Voldemort laughed.
"Is that all? You are weaker than I ever could have imagined. You have not lived up to your reputation as the boy who knew more dark magic in his first year than the rest of Hogwarts put together. It seems you have not the will or ability to put it into practice. And here I was worried you might eventually challenge me! Let me show you how it's done, boy..."
Screams commenced again, overlaid with the laughter of the dark lord.
"Avada kedavra!"
Silence followed, then Voldemort spoke again.
"Let this pathetic excuse for a traitor be a warning to you, Severus. If you do not soon find a way to make yourself more useful, you will suffer ten times over what he did before I kill you. Do not be foolish. You know too much for me to let you escape, oh no...you are mine until the day you die, but you will chose how soon that day comes."
His voice faded out and a dim scene formed before her eyes.
Severus was standing in a circle of death eaters, one cloaked figure inside the circle with him, and a bound witch at their feet.
"Severus will do it. I need to know I can count on him to carry out my plans...and if I cannot, I shall take great pleasure in showing him what happens to those for whom I no longer have a use."
Severus raised his wand, and Hermione held her breath. He hesitated, then lowered it.
"I have some information that would be of great interest to you, my lord," he said, "you may kill me trying to extract it...or allow me to keep my hands out of such matters, for I could be much more valuable to you as a spy."
He kicked at the witch, turning her to face away from them.
"If I am to infiltrate the other side, it would require a mind free of participation in such acts. Dumbledore is, as you know, a skilled legilimens, second only to you. I will need spotless memories to show him, lest he destroy my mind deciding if he can trust me. I know you have tried to get inside Hogwarts in the past, to no avail. If he could be persuaded to believe I had changed allegiance..."
"Ah, yes, I see that you have thought this through...and I am impressed with you at last, Severus. Perhaps you are not so weak-willed as you seem. Perhaps you may yet find the courage to serve your master."
Hermione then watched various brief scenes, in which Severus revealed the prophecy to Voldemort, the later asked him to spare Lily's life when he discovered it meant Voldemort was going for Harry, and was mocked and given a promise laced with a warning that the dark lord would not be ordered about by his servants. Next, Severus begged Dumbledore for help when he later met with him on a hilltop. Then, a scene where Voldemort praised Severus for finally getting Dumbledore to trust him, with a contract for future employment as a Hogwarts professor.
The last memory took place in the headmaster's office, when Dumbledore revealed the second prophecy to Severus. Hermione's heart ached watching Severus listen to Dumbledore's theory that he had been destined to hand his closest childhood friend to the dark lord, and destined to become a double agent as a result, saved from becoming a dark, bitter, broken man loyal to a dark lord only by the death of Lily. He was in so much pain, and over a prophecy that was not about Lily after all. Had Dumbledore known what he was doing? Or had he truly believed it was about Lily? Part of the exchange between the two wizards made her wonder.
"When a seer comes in contact with something or someone linked to a prophecy, a vision may result," said Dumbledore, "I propose that your presence at the door that night was the catalyst for both prophecies. It seems that you were meant to hear the first, meant to take it to Lord Vold–"
"No," hissed Snape, "do not say that!" He finally met Dumbledore's gaze, his eyes burning, feverish.
"Do not speak to me about fate," he hissed again, "you who are the skeptic!"
Dumbledore was unfazed. He continued in a conversational tone.
"Consider, Severus, Lily's death has indeed saved you. What else could have brought you to me and set you so firmly against Voldemort? What else could have set you irrevocably in the role of the spy and spared you from tasks that would have damaged your soul beyond recognition?"
Hermione wanted to interrupt Dumbledore and explain that Severus had planned to become a spy long before Dumbledore had asked him to become a double agent, or knew that he could be trusted. He had planted the seeds to save himself before he even knew that Harry, and consequently Lily, would become Voldemort's primary targets. Why had he never told Dumbledore? Perhaps because it would cast doubt on his motivations for turning sides, or perhaps Severus was too proud to admit that he was never really been interested in serving the dark lord, but only in his own survival, or was afraid of that fact being voiced aloud for fear Voldemort would discover the truth.
Even Albus Dumbledore may not have truly known Severus Snape... and yet that cunning, cautious man had allowed her access to his thoughts and emotions. Now, he had shared his deepest secrets as well.
Hermione lifted her head from the pensieve, a weight pressing down on her chest. She now knew more about Severus than any other person alive. He had not wanted to show her these parts of his past, and he expected her to be disturbed, perhaps angry with him. He was giving her the chance to run before they started a relationship in earnest.
She lifted her wand and cast her patronus with some difficulty, feeling drained of energy.
"I'm done," she said, sending the hummingbird away.
Moments later, he appeared and came to her side. Hermione practically collapsed in him arms. He glanced up at the wall of portraits, and led her out of the office, halfway down the spiral stairs.
"I'm exhausted," she said.
"A side effect of spending too much time in a pensieve... I brought you some liquid energy. I... I'm sorry."
"It's all right," she said, unstoppering and downing the potion, "I just need – I have to go make an appearance at a quidditch game today or I'll never hear the end of it. I want to talk... perhaps tomorrow would be better? I just need some time- "
"I understand," he said quietly, "Go to your friends. We shall speak no more until tomorrow."