A/N: The final chapter of Hidden Bitter Darkness. How will it end? Read to find out. Thanks for sticking with me all of this time. I appreciate every review. I hope you enjoy this last chapter!

Chapter 25: Survivor

Willow

Sometime during the slaughter on screen, I lose awareness of everything else around me. I stop hearing the easily manipulated crowd. I stop seeing Caesar's overly animated face. I stop feeling the pain in my palms as I grip the edges of my seat too tightly.

Every sense is concentrated on one thing: watching the girl that is apparently me kill in cold blood.

The girl on screen is not a human. She is a practiced hunter. A lethal assassin born for the games. She kills without mercy or thought. She moves on instinct. She doesn't flinch when the blood splashes on her face or at the screams of protest. She is blank. She is numb.

I wish I could be as numb as her right now. Because the feeling in my chest is all consuming. It burns up my insides and makes it hard to breathe. It lights up my nerves, causing my whole body to shake. My jaw is unhinged. My eyes are as wide as they can go. But no matter how hard I look, I cannot unsee this.

Now I know why I was kept alive. Why they didn't just let Jasper win. They wanted to see my face when I find out. They wanted this. They wanted the whole world to see me break.

And the worst part is: they do.

As soon as I am aware of Caesar speaking at me, I lunge at him, going for his throat. They want a killer? Fine. I'll show them exactly what the games have made me. I screech insults and curse words at him but I don't really know what I'm saying. I might as well be snarling like the animal I am.

I feel arms around me, pulling me back, restraining my own from clawing. I kick and struggle as hard as I can but the person holding me is too strong. My size has always been my downfall. But I don't let that temper me.

"I'm sorry," my captor whispers. "I'm sorry Willow." His voice is soft but it's the first thing that reaches me in my rage. Jasper. "I tried to tell you. I tried to keep you from seeing."

That's right, he did. He thought when he stabbed me in the heart he would save me from ever knowing. But the game makers beat him. They beat both of us.

My struggling lessens. I hear footsteps nearbye and become aware of a hand on my shoulder. "Calm down, Willow." Katniss mutters. "We're going to get you out of here. Just stay calm."

"Apologies." I hear Haymitch from close by. "She's clearly sick, you know? All the medicine they're giving her for the new heart. Its messing with her. She just needs time." My vision is blurry as I look up but I see people with guns on the stage. They were thinking of shooting me.

'Let them,' I want to say. 'Just let them.'

"We'll take care of her." Haymitch says. "We promise." He turns toward us and points at Jasper, who has not let me go. "Come with us. Don't let her go."

"I won't." Jasper murmurs.

I let them drag me from the stage, still in an uproar. It looks like I've canceled the broadcast. They'll have to reschedule the crowning. This disrupt in the capitol's plan gives me some satisfaction, but it is overweighed by self-hatred.

"I am a monster. I am an animal."

They move me into the elevator and all the way up to the top floor. The district 12 room. When the door closes, Jasper releases me and I sink to the floor.

"You should have let them kill me." I mumble. "You should have let them shoot me and be done with it."

"No. I shouldn't have." Haymitch says. "Because you won the damn games and you have to live with that like the rest of us do. You'll hate it but you have no choice."

"You saw what I did…"

"I don't care what you did, sweetheart!" Haymitch says. "I don't care. Yeah, maybe it would have been better if Jasper's plan had worked and you had died without knowing but you know now and there's nothing you can do about it! We all watched people die, Willow. We all killed. We all lost. Inside the games and out. And for the last few decades I've been sending child after child into that arena and watching them die!"

I shake my head. "You don't understand… you don't understand."

"Haymitch." Katniss murmurs. "You can't reason with her right now. Look at her. She's in shock. She needs something to put her to sleep."

"Something to put me to sleep forever," I think.

"Fine." Haymitch says. "We'll get her some morphine and some more medicine for her heart. It should knock her out for a while."

"I'll stay with her." Jasper says. "Until you get back."

"Thank you." Katniss rests a hand on his shoulder. "For everything." She looks at me. "We'll be back soon, Willow."

Why don't you kill me? Can't you see what I am? I'm a monster. I could kill you all.

"Damn, ice queen." Jasper rubs his shin. "You got a real good kick in there. I'm gonna have a bruise from this." His mouth twitches upward into a smirk but I see that its all forced. I realize now as I look at him that I am staring at a boy who's sister I murdered in her sleep. A boy who loved my sister and protected her while I was gone and I returned the favor with a knife to Jade's throat. And yet he smiles at me. He tried save me in the arena. He tried to save me tonight. He apologized to me.

"I'm… sorry." I whisper.

"Nah, it doesn't hurt that bad." Jasper shrugs. "I'll get over it."

Liar.

"I'm sorry." I repeat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry." My head dips and I pull my knees up to my chest as I begin to sob, repeating the words over and over again. Each time the words leave my mouth my guilt only burns hotter. Because no words can ever heal this.

"Hey," I hear Jasper murmur. "Its going to be okay."

No it isn't. That's what it means to live in Panem. To live in a world where the Hunger Games exist.

Nothing will ever be okay.

Katniss

As soon as we are in the elevator, I punch the wall so hard that the skin on my knuckles split and blood wells to the surface.

"Sweetheart, what are you trying to do?" Haymitch grabs my hand and examines the injury.

"I don't know." I give a hollow laugh. "I wanted to strangle Caesar just like Willow in that moment. I wanted to strangle the whole Capitol. But…" I shake my head, smiling bitterly. "But I can't. It's like punching a building, Haymitch. Like punching a machine. They'll never die. We'll never beat them."

"No." Haymitch agrees.

"Who really wants to win the games anyway?" I ask. "The ones who live are worse off."

"None of us are really living." Haymitch sighs. "We're surviving. By whatever means we can."

"Yeah." I glance upward. Above me, Willow is in her room breaking apart. And I wish I could take a tenth of her pain right now to make it easier for her. But I can't. "And some of us don't even want to do that."

"But we will. You, me and Willow. We're all going to survive."

"Okay."

"You hear me Katniss? All of us."

I look at him and nod once. "I hear you."

"Promise me?"

"Promise."

Willow

At some point I reach a comfortable point of numbness. It's the only way I'm able to make it through the rest of the ceremonies without snapping. I look the president dead in the eye when he rests the crown upon my head and thank him properly, though I'd rather run a knife through his throat.

The train ride home should relieve me but it fills me with dread. What will the others in District 12 see when I step off the train? A killer. My mother and brother will never look at me the same way again. My schoolmates will fear me almost as much as I fear myself.

I watch the trees rush by my window, praying that the train will derail and kill us all.

"Hey, ice queen."

I don't have to turn around to know who it is.

"How'd you get back here?" I ask. "Didn't anyone try to stop you?"

"Granite did." Jasper says. "Then I held a knife to his throat. So here I am." He sits beside me on the bench. "This train feels so empty now."

"Its missing twenty two people." I reply.

"Sure is."

"Including our sisters."

"…Yeah."

I look at him for the first time. "Why are you talking to me? Why would you want to be in the same room as me… after what I did?"

Jasper shifts in his seat, looking down at his lap. "It'd be easy to hate you I guess. But I killed your sister to."

"It was an accident," I say. "You didn't want to. I wanted to."

"No you didn't." Jasper says. "If you wanted to, why would your mind block it out?" He glances at me. "You still don't remember, do you?"

"I remember what I saw on the screen. But I don't remember being in my body when I did it." I pick at my nails. "But still…"

"We all kill in the games." Jasper says.

"Not like I did."

"Maybe not. But there's nothing we can do about it now."

"No." I lean my head against the window. "I think District 1 is coming up."

"Yeah." Jasper stands. "Listen, Willow." I look at him. "I want to see you for the victory tour. In six months." He takes a step back. "Survive for that long. You're good at that."

I don't reply. Because I really don't want to make that promise.

"And if you won't do it for me." Jasper shrugs. "Do it for Holly." He waves a hand in farewell. "See you soon Ice queen."

"Yeah," I reply, before I think about it. "I'll… I'll see you soon."

Survive for six months. It feels like a challenge of sorts. It's not much but it's a goal.

The games strip us of everything. For the other competitors, the games take their lives, but for the victors… we are stripped of our humanity. We are unable to call ourselves normal again. That's why we're given our own village in our district.

Maybe the games have made me into a monster and maybe the Capitol succeeded at everything. But monsters can still survive.

Maybe… if I survive long enough… I can become a monster to more than just myself. One day the Capitol might look at me and tremble to see the beast they created.

One day… they will regret keeping me alive. And that thought is enough to keep my lungs working and my steel heart beating.

That thought, Jasper's words and Holly's smile… make the six months ahead of me possible. Besides... I promised my sister I would try to win.

I will survive, Holly.

I promise.

A/N: This is a little open ended because I MIGHT eventually write a sequel. Originally that was not going to happen because both Jasper and Willow living is a recent development. (Originally, only Willow lived) The sequel won't come out for awhile, but keep your eyes peeled and you might see it someday.

Again, thanks for all the reviews and feedback. Leave one last review and tell me a few things. 1) What did you think of the final chapter. 2) What did you think of the fic as a whole. And 3) Who is your favorite OC? Is it Willow? Holly? Jasper? Jade? Or someone else? Let me know in your reviews. May the odds be ever in your favor ;)