Author's Note: Please comment! :)

Unspoken Wishes

Chapter Twenty Five

"A Lull"

She woke up to his face buried in her hair, his arm slung around her possessively.

Her life wasn't the same anymore.

She woke up to the enjoyable prospect of cooking for him, making the eggs just the way he liked them, before he joined her in the kitchen, brewing them both warm, dark coffee.

She started to anticipate every kiss, every shared affection. For the first many days they spent their time together, going out together, watching the sun dip behind the clouds in the evenings.

She made him install a television set soon thereafter. She was surprised when he knew what it was.

"I lived in a Muggle house," he said, as he tried to make sense of all the wires and circuits. "But I didn't really enjoy watching it,"

"You're not going to make me adjust too much to wizarding ways, are you?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't expect you to," he said seriously. "All you'll have to adjust to is me,"

She laughed, "And you to me,"

Sometimes an entire afternoon would go by and they'd have done nothing except lounge around at home, perhaps snogged a little, and then spent their time reading or taking a nap.

And then one day this carefree routine changed.

"I'll be back in the evening," Severus kissed her on the cheek and headed for the door.

"What? Where are you going?" Petunia was confused, her hand stilling over her breakfast.

"To the apothecary. I've finally gotten a regular position. It's a decent job, for now,"

"A...job ?"

Well, wasn't it what husbands did?

"Yes. You didn't think I'd spend all day doing nothing, did you? I'm not going to be like that. I have to support you—us,"

"But…" Petunia hesitated. She was proud of Severus for wanting to earn but what would she do all day then? She had grown so used to his constant company. That was what marriage had meant. Constant togetherness. "But what will I do?"

He looked at her with concern. "Well...whatever you want to,"

Petunia didn't say anything and later, when he had left for the apothecary, sat down heavily on the living room sofa. Just yesterday she had been so glad to have him to herself all day...and now she was alone, with an entire day to fill.

She could do chores; cleaning, cooking, the groceries… They were things she enjoyed doing, and was good at.

But Severus had already taken care of so much. All he did was swipe his wand and the clothes were washed and folded, the rooms were swept, and the food was cooking on the stove.

She had very little to do.

How can I be a proper wife if I don't have anything to do? she worried. She had to contribute somehow. Severus was being too kind to her. She felt useless.

She stood up and walked towards their bedroom. She felt a twinge of resentment as she surveyed the carefully made-up sheets, the immaculate positioning of the pillows and blankets. Severus was so lucky to have a wand.

She sat on the bed, feeling restless. She scavenged through the drawer, looking for something to distract herself, and found an old picture, hidden under several parchments, caked with dust.

It was of him and Lily.

The picture tell to the floor. She tried to steady herself as horrible waves of insecurity washed over her.

She hated being a Muggle. She wasn't good enough for him. She could have helped so much more if only she wasn't so ordinary.

Don't be thick. Those days are over. I'm not going to think like that anymore. Severus loves me, and that's enough.

She wandered out of the room, and down the corridor. There were a few more rooms, but they hadn't known what to do with it. She flushed as she had an idea, but pushed it aside. She was so fanciful sometimes.

Petunia went back downstairs and strolled towards Severus's well-stocked bookshelf. She took out one of the volumes and settled down on the sofa. Well...it would do for now.

XXX

"Petunia," He said, as she threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek. "How was your day?"

"How was yours?" Petunia didn't want to tell him about how insignificant she had felt all day. "How was work?"

"It was good. I missed you," He said as the door was closed behind him and they walked further inside.

"I missed you, too. I've made you something good today,"

"I'm not hungry just yet," Severus said honestly. His hand reached for hers and pulled her close to him. "Let's go upstairs,"

She felt her cheeks warm. "Are you sure? You should have your supper,"

"I'd like something else a lot more," He said, kissing her ear.

"You're a tease," she blushed furiously, as she pushed at him.

"Alright then," he said, smirking. "Forget I said anything. What did you make?"

Petunia's mouth was left agape. She couldn't believe him—dropping the subject like that! Feeling a little nettled, she led him to the kitchen.

She opened the oven and brought the meal to the table.

"Shepherd's Pie," Severus said eagerly, his voice carrying a tinge of longing. "Thank you,"

"No problem,"

Petunia brought the plates to the table, and then the pie. She started to reach for a knife, when Severus, unable to wait, snatched out his wand and sectioned some of the pie into two equal parts. One piece landed gently onto her plate.

Petunia's eyes were wide as he started to eat his own slice.

"This is wonderful," he was saying. "Better than Hogwarts, I swear,"

Petunia sat down, quiet. She began to eat too. She didn't listen to much of Severus talking until—

"...I met Lily in Diagon Alley. She was asking how things were. I told her they were good,"

"You met Lily?"

"And she asked how you were too. I said you were happy. You are happy, aren't you?" Severus looked at her for reassurance, smiling. But Petunia had known him for very long now. She could see the hesitation and fear in his dark eyes.

"I am," she said, but a part of her wanted to tell him of her predicament. She wanted so badly to do something for him, but her capabilities were so limited.

He looked relieved. "I was wondering if you felt cooped up in here,"

"We go out often,"

"If there's anything you need…You just need to ask, alright?"

"Yes, I know," she said. She continued eating and polished her plate. She stood up, just as Severus helped himself to another slice. She took her plate to the sink and started to wash. A few minutes later, she felt Severus put his arms around her and bury his face in her shoulder.

"Severus?"

"Do you sometimes feel like...whatever you do for someone, isn't enough?"

Petunia was startled. "What?"

"You deserve so much more. I'm doing all I can think of, but it still doesn't seem to be enough,"

"It is enough. There is nothing more you could give me. You're enough for me,"

"Come upstairs," he insisted.

"After I wash up," she said.

She felt him reach for something and started to protest, "No—"

But it was too late. Severus had already twitched his wand and the plates, glasses and cutlery on the table all flew to the sink, were washed and scrubbed within seconds and then deposited carefully in the cupboards.

Petunia felt upset, almost on the verge of snapping. No, this was all wrong. She wasn't supposed to feel like this anymore. She had finally accepted magic. Now she felt she was back on square one.

Severus didn't notice her anger. He thought he had helped; He tried to steer her out the kitchen and up the stairs.

But Petunia was miffed. Even as they approached their bedroom and even when they were inside, with the door closed behind them.

They eventually found themselves on the bed. "Missed you," Severus murmured against her lips.

She kissed back, then made a noise of surprise as he pushed her against the headboard.

She didn't quite feel in the mood. She didn't react when he kissed her neck. Her blouse was unbuttoned. He was reaching for the back of her bra.

She waited for him to unhook it, but he never did. Instead, after a few moments, Severus withdrew his hands and backed away from her, the warmth of his body disappearing. She looked at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?" He asked seriously.

"N-nothing," she said. "What did I do?"

"No avoiding the question. I can tell when you're upset,"

"I'm not," she protested. "I'm completely fine,"

"I know you better than that. Are you unhappy? With me? With anything? Did I do something wrong?" He looked at her with hurt and accusation.

"Gods, Severus, no! I'm not unhappy with you! I'm unhappy with myself," She snapped. She suddenly felt awful. She had just snapped off to him. She was the worst, most undesirable wife in the world.

Severus was pale. They sat in silence for a little while.

"I'm sorry, Severus," Petunia said. "I'm sorry for speaking to you that way. I didn't mean to shout at you,"

"Don't apologise. Just elaborate," he said quietly. "Why are you upset?"

Petunia bit her lip. Could she really tell him? Would he understand? Would she sound ungrateful and stupid?

"I'm a bad wife," she whispered. "You're so brilliant, Severus, your magic is so powerful. You don't need me. I can't even cook or clean, because you have everything covered. You tell me I don't have to do anything for you but I do. I can't find myself of any use. Why are you saddled with me anyway?"

There was a little silence as Severus gazed at her pure bewilderment. Petunia felt her cheeks warming up in humiliation.

"That," he said softly. "Is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Petunia, you do enough. The only thing I could think about all day was coming back home to you. You make me happy. Isn't that enough?"

She started to say something but he hushed her. "You put up with me. You do your best to take care of me. What more can I ask of you? You shouldn't feel like this. I promise I feel indebted to you enough,"

"Oh, Severus," her voice was thick.

She reached forwards and hugged him, "I love you,"

He kissed her cheek in response.

"Won't you say it too?" She whined.

"I love you, too,"

Petunia relaxed, relieved.

XXX

Severus woke up most mornings feeling a little bereft. Her slim arms would not be curled around his neck, nor would her head be resting on his chest. She'd be gone and the bed would be cold.

He'd dress and find her in the kitchen and enjoy the breakfast she never failed to cook for him.

And then he'd leave, reluctantly leaving her alone, receiving her goodbye kiss and blue, adoring eyes, and heading out.

As he brewed and chopped and stirred in the apothecary, he kept wondering about his new life. How he had gotten so lucky. What he had done to deserve such contentment.

When, tired and hungry, he returned home in the evenings, it took only one look at her sweet, welcoming smile to revitalise him.

"Severus," she said.

And every time when he kissed her deeply, trying to communicate his feelings, he felt it wasn't enough. He felt like his long hours weren't nearly adequate for the blissful dinner she made for him, and then her slim form scrubbing his dishes and asking how she could relax him.

Some evenings she would work the tension out of his shoulders with her fingers, massaging.

"Better?"

"Lots," he would murmur.

And other evenings they'd sit on the sofa and watch TV, and then suddenly, instead of leaning against his shoulder, she'd be moving into his lap, and kissing him.

And he quite liked her in his lap. They'd kiss for what seemed like hours.

Meanwhile, news from the Dark Lord started to pour in. He had killed these many people, he had tortured these many more...someone he used to know was dead, another one had been in a duel with some Death Eaters…

He spent long hours training. He spent time reading up on spells, and trying them out. Severus wanted to keep his wife safe. He found these steps necessary.

He started to ward the house even more, and sometimes he and Lily practised together, trying out new hexes, discussing the recent casualties.

Once Potter offered to train with him as well.

"I don't know," Severus looked at him with mistrust.

"Come on, Snape. We've moved past that. Heck, you're even married,"

"Just this once, then," Severus conceded, hoping the man wouldn't pull any tricks on him.

And so, he felt his rocky feelings towards Potter stabilising, getting better. He was almost surprised to find himself making small talk with him sometimes.

"How's your wife?"

"She's well. How's your fiancé?" Severus would smirk, and Potter would tell him that Lily was doing fine as well.

"What are you going to do about this war?"

Severus looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

"You're planning to fight alongside us, aren't you? On the Light side,"

"Of course,"

"Then join the Order,"

Severus flinched. "The Order of the Phoenix?"

"Yes. We'd like your help. It's like they say...strength in numbers,"

"I'll have to pass,"

"Why?"

"There'll be a racket if a Slytherin joins. Let's face it, I won't fit in with you Gryffindors. I'm not welcome there,"

"You're on our side,"

"But I am not in your circle. I'll think about it when the lot of you learn to be a little less immature,"

XXX

Mid August, 1979

Petunia wiped her lips, trembling and straightening her back.

She had been feeling awful all week and recently had started feeling nauseous. She felt gotten sick about four times today.

Petunia also felt awfully weak, uncharacteristically frail. Severus wasn't home either. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to worry him but she did think she'd come down with a horrible flu.

Drinking small sips of water, Petunia wondered if she dared rummage through Severus's potions drawers to find a cure.

"You'll poison yourself," he had once told her. "You don't know what they do. Just ask me for them if you need it,"

She didn't want to risk making herself feel worse. She thought for a minute and then suddenly had a thought.

XXX

"Petunia!" Lily hugged her so tight she could hardly breathe. The redhead pulled back and inspected her.

"What the heck happened to you?"

"I'm a little sick," Petunia murmured. She had just been to the local grocery store, and back, and had then found herself compelled to run over to her old house. "Can I sit down?"

Lily hurriedly led her to a sofa. She levitated some refreshments from the kitchen onto the coffee table.

"I missed you," Lily said, sitting down next to her. "You should visit more often,"

"I'm sorry, I was just so busy in the new routine...How are things then?"

"Things are just fine. But tell me, how are things with Severus, Petunia? Does he treat you well?"

"Severus is wonderful," Petunia said, taking deep breaths. "He's ever so caring, Lily. In fact…" she paused, fighting down a blush.

"Are you okay? You seem pale…"

"No," Petunia admitted. "I've been sick a lot this past week. And I've even felt light-headed once or twice,"

Lily looked at her with a look Petunia couldn't understand. "Why didn't you go to a doctor?"

"I didn't think I needed to. Um, Lily...I have...I have something rather startling to tell you,"

"...Yes?" Lily looked concerned. "I hope everything's okay,"

Petunia took a long, cleansing breath. "I went to the grocery store today and bought myself a test,"

"A … test?"

"A pregnancy test," she murmured, feeling she cheeks light up again.

Lily went white. "Oh Merlin. Don't tell me. What did it say?"

"Erm...well…"

"Petunia!"

"...It came out positive," Petunia whispered, feeling extremely overwhelmed.

Lily let out a shriek and stood up. She was panicking. "Merlin, Petunia! Don't tell me! Really? You and Severus…" she went red. "You two are having a baby?"

"Calm down, Lily, it's honestly not helping with my nerves,"

"Do you want a baby?"

"Yes," Petunia said. "More than anything. I really wanted this but I'm so scared. And I'm also scared about telling Severus,"

"Did he want it?"

"I...He told me he didn't mind having a family," Petunia said.

Lily, meanwhile, could scarcely believe her old friend Severus Snape had managed to get her sister pregnant. It was absolutely unbelievable!

"This is going to be amazing," Lily told Petunia supportively. "Severus's reaction will be priceless,"

XXX

Petunia waited restlessly on Lily's couch, unable to keep still. Her sister was pacing around, looking deep in thought.

"So…what are you going to name the baby?"

"Lily! I don't know. I can't even believe this...this is happening," Petunia felt her eyes prick with tears.

"Don't be scared. You'll get through it. Everyone does,"

"But...but...what if…" What if something bad happened? What if it was too good to be true? What if Severus was taken aback and felt he wasn't ready?

There was a knock on the door, abrupt and panicked.

Lily rushed to open it, and Petunia buried her face in her hands. She was so, so scared.

There were footsteps and Petunia looked up. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Severus, looking at her anxiously, black hair windswept, clad in dark clothing as usual.

"Petunia," he walked towards her. "Are you okay? I was so worried when you weren't home,"

"I left a note on the fridge,"

"I was still worried. What's wrong?"

She swallowed hard. "Oh, Severus. I don't know how to tell you," She had no idea how he'd take the news. She wanted it to be good news, a celebration. But what if he was unhappy?

"Tell me what?" His voice held an edge.

"I…" Her mouth went dry. Behind them, Lily looked at her encouragingly, flushed for some reason.

Severus was started to look a little nettled, his brows knitted. "Petunia, tell me,"

Petunia looked at Severus with as much courage as she could muster. His dark eyes were as unreadable as ever but Petunia was close enough to not be intimidated by that anymore.

"I think...I think I'm having a baby,"

His face lost all colour. For a few seconds, he could hardly speak, his eyes widened. Petunia felt her heart thump wildly.

Eventually, Severus sat on the sofa next to her silently and gently took hold of her hand.

"How do you know?" he asked softly.

"I bought a test from the grocery store,"

"Petunia...I…I didn't realise it would happen so soon,"

She looked at him with horror. "You...you don't…"

"No," he said. "Of course I do. It's just that... I'm just so surprised. I don't know what to say. I can't imagine it,"

"Nor can I," it was finally hitting her. Being a mother. A child with Severus. A baby. It was everything she had ever, ever wanted!

She curled up against him, trying not to cry.

She could hear him ask if she was doing alright but she could do nothing but struggle to keep her emotions under check.

"Congratulations, you two," Lily said softly. She went towards Severus and shook his hand.

"Thank you," Severus was saying, his voice still in shock. Petunia stood up and dusted her dress.

"Thank you so much for everything, Lily. We'll come back tomorrow to tell mum and dad too. But I must be getting home now,"

"You guys could stay for dinner," Lily offered.

"No, I honestly think I need some time on my own for now, Lily," Petunia laughed.

Lily hugged her. "I'm here for you. And I'm also very, very happy for you,"

XXX

Severus was still dazed as they got ready for bed.

She was clutching a pillow to her stomach, staring at the wall. Severus felt his heart wrench. He loved Petunia so much. A family with her was just so … unrealistic. He couldn't believe he was going to be a father. He felt extremely young and inexperienced. He was only nineteen. Petunia was only an year and a half older, and she was very young too. He didn't want to mess up.

When he got into bed, he looked at Petunia huddled up on her side. Pushing his hair out of his eyes, he leant down and kissed her cheek. "Petunia...stop tensing. It'll be fine. You should be happy. This is what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but...Am I going to be a good mother?"

"You're going to be better than good," he said. "Now stop being a thick Muggle and get some rest," his tone was half teasing.

Petunia turned around, arching an eyebrow at him as her long blonde hair spilled onto the bed. "Muggle, huh? Well, wizard, I'll stop being so "thick"'as you say and just go to sleep,"

"I was only joking,"

"Hmph,"

He laughed, and she sat up and glared at him. "I have a right mind to kick you out of here,"

"Why are you being so moody? Doesn't that usually happen when you're more further along?"

Her face flushed and she grabbed her pillow to throw it him. Severus grabbed the object out of her grasp, leant his face sideways and kissed her.

Her eyebrows, which were knitted in anger, relaxed slightly. She pulled away after a moment, her breathing erratic.

"I'm just so...unprepared,"

"So am I,"

"It'll be, won't it, Severus?"

"It will,"

"And...we'll be happy?"

"We already are,"

"I love you, Severus,"

"I know. Stop crying. This instant,"

"Aren't you being bossy today?" She muttered, wiping at her eyes. She settled down into her pillow, pushing down feelings of anxiety and trying to believe him.

Things really had changed for her.

XXX

Lily and Potter's wedding was imminent. Some days it was all Petunia could talk about. When he came home from a long day of stirring and brewing, she would give him his meal and describe the different flowers she had helped Lily pick out.

"Did you know the flowers all symbolise something? We had to be extra careful picking the bo–"

Severus tried to be invested in the talks, but he often found himself spacing out.

Once when they were sitting together on the sofa, watching a game show that Severus could not make head or tail of, she murmured something about the wedding hall and Potter's rather extravagant menu.

"They're ordering all kinds of things, Severus. Lily was horrified at the total bill but Potter said it wasn't a problem…"

"Mm,"

"The wedding is this October. Honestly, things are moving forward so quickly. Lily is getting married! And as for me," she looked at him. "I'm already married,"

"It's hard to believe sometimes," he admitted.

She kissed his cheek, his slight bristle scratching at her.

When Severus scarcely reacted, Petunia grabbed his face gently and turned it towards her, kissing his lips. Her own lips were soft and insistent.

Severus pushed her gently backwards, so her head was resting on the arm of the sofa. He held both her hands in one of his and kissed her jaw, then her neck. She made a noise, and writhed slightly.

"Missed this. We barely...we barely do anything anymore,"

It was true. Most evenings when he returned home he was absolutely tired out. From sharing at least a few kisses every day, it went to much less often.

"I'm sorry. Work and … just stress from everything that's been happening has made me so busy," Severus didn't want to tell Petunia that most days he even spent studying, learning spells and practicing them.

"Excuses," she said, though her tone was mirthful. He released both of her hands and slowly unbuttoned her blouse.

He sucked hard at her neck, eliciting another noise. Petunia threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer towards her.

"Sev'rus," she said huskily.

It never got old for him. People said feelings slowed down in intensity after you got married, but he was still as attracted to her as he had been when they had been only dating.

Her grey-blue eyes were glittering. He knew what she wanted. His hands roamed to her skirt. He grabbed the edge of it but didn't do anything further.

Her eyes flashed. "Severus," she said again, more clearly, causing him to smirk. "Please,"

Severus pulled the hem of her skirt upwards slightly. He leaned forward and whispered something in her ear that had her entire face glowing.

XXX

Later, breathing hard, they sat back up on the sofa. Petunia had pulled her skirt back up and smoothed her clothing by the time Severus had returned from getting them both a drink. He sat down as she curled up against him.

"Love you so much," she mumbled. "Sometimes I feel I love you too much," She looked at him. "I bet, much, much more than you do,"

"That's not true," he replied in a quiet tone, his hand gently carding through her hair so she arched into him even closer. "Petunia...I care for you so much it drives me to distraction. I didn't know I'd feel for you that way. For anyone that way. It scares me

sometimes,"

She blushed, still not used to such compliments. "Oh, Severus,"

He looked at her, his eyes looking a little

searchingly at her face. They fell to her now buttoned blouse, her flat stomach.

"You're really...you know...aren't you?"

"What, pregnant?"

"Hmm,"

"No," she rolled her eyes. "It was all a joke,"

"I still can't believe it,"

"You can't? That's absurd. It would have happened by now, you know,"

His cheeks lit up. "Perhaps," he smirked. "Are you tired?"

"Very,"

"Let's go to bed,"

Petunia complied. Honestly, her life had settled into such a beautiful, peaceful pattern.