Chapter 25: Therapy
Sosuke Aizen had left the Soul Society for a very specific reason. Having reached the pinnacle of Shinigami power, he had gone to harness the powers of the Void, the soul-devouring Hollows, and make their emptiness his strength. With this darkness, he would then dethrone the king of the Soul Society and claim that power, too. Then, as the perfect amalgamation of Shinigami and Hollow, he would reign over all the souls of the world, Whole and Hollow alike, and with that rulership become an immortal and invincible god.
At least, he had thought that was his reason. It had never occurred to him until now, but he was beginning to wonder if, deep down in his subconscious, he hadn't really defected from the Shinigami for the simple reason that he wanted to get away from the Shinigami.
It wasn't as though the assorted battle maniacs, children that weren't children, and just general madness hadn't given him plenty of reasons over the years. And as he looked over the crushed, alternately burning and frozen ruins of what had once been a very impressive fortress indeed, and managed to consistently remain just far enough behind Yachiru to have a pretty good idea where she was but not catch her, he really, truly began to believe that perhaps that might be the case. Maybe, he thought, Maybe in my heart of hearts, godhood is just a convenient excuse. Maybe all the experiments, and depravities, and heartless murders, and plots… maybe it was all just a pretense to allow me to finally ditch those goddamn lunatics.
It was a hard pill to swallow, honestly. Even if it was only a theory, he wouldn't have thought himself capable of being so very petty. But now, looking as everything he had spent so long building was either frozen, on fire, or somehow both, all due to the actions of two children? He was beginning to think that he was even pettier than that.
"When I find that little brat," he murmured to nobody in particular. "I am going to murder the hell out of her, and I'm going to do it just because it makes me feel better. How is that for petty?!"
"So, Toshiro. I was wondering something." Gin said as the group progressed through Las Noches.
"Shut up, Gin." Hitsugaya said.
"What's it like knowing that, deep down, your closest childhood friend still likes the man who tried to murder her more than she likes you?"
"Punch him in the kidney, Ikkaku." Hitsugaya ordered Ikkaku, the man closest to Gin in their formation.
"Yes, sir."
"OW! Oh, God, OUCH! It was just a question!"
"Well, then, maybe you shouldn't ask questions." Hitsugaya told him.
"What am I supposed to do, then? This is boring. It's not as though there's any real need for me to be your guide, here. Yachiru could be anywhere, and everyone in the fortress is too busy whimpering in the corner to actually attack you." Gin said bluntly.
"… Well, then, I guess I have no reason not to kill you." Hitsugaya said coldly.
"Rip his heart out!" Halibel cheered. "Your perfect form bathed in the blood of your opponents is the one light in my existence!"
"… okay, wow, I just found a reason not to kill Gin. That's a first." Hitsugaya said, eyes wide with fear as he looked at Halibel's rapt expression. Turning back to Gin, he continued, "But in any event, you are sort of correct. You've been utterly useless thus far. You must have some idea where someone like Yachiru would go, you used to know her. Think, man! That's supposed to be what you're good at!"
"Hmmm… well, if she hasn't changed from the hyperactive little numbskull I remember…" Gin began.
"She hasn't."
"Then I would have to say that she's probably headed to the Yumichika your face looks like it was kicked in by a donkey." Gin said smoothly.
Several things happened then.
Ayasegawa, a mad look in his eyes, drew his sword and charged his own allies, screaming at the top of his lungs of his dedication to the Arrancar Cause.
Gin turned and ran for the nearest window.
Halibel frowned (not that anyone could see it).
"Yumichika! What the hell?!" Ikkaku shouted as his friend tried to murder him, and without even giving him a fair challenge first.
Gin made a flying leap for the window.
"Ayasegawa! Nice skin! And your hair is so shiny and soft!" Matsumoto said.
"Wh… where am I?" Ayasegawa said.
"Ulf!" Gin said as he hit the floor after being tackled by a white, tan, and blonde blur.
Halibel, sitting on top of Gin, cheerfully said "Lord Hitsugaya! I've recaptured your prisoner!"
"Dammit, Halibel!" Gin said.
Hitsugaya looked between everyone present at least three times. The entire exchange had taken, at most, three seconds. "What… what just happened?" He asked, sounding utterly perplexed.
"We probably should have helped Shunsui by now." Ukitake admitted. "It's been sort of a long time."
"I'm surprised by how long both of them have lasted. Such an intense beating is certain to drain Captain Soi Fon's stamina, and her battle strategy has always focused more on speed. She's not built for such prolonged mauling… I mean, encounters." Yamamoto observed.
In point of fact, Soi Fon truly did not look all that tired. Kyoraku didn't either, but that was just because it was hard to tell what expression he was wearing through all the bruises. He was, against all odds, still conscious, however. He probably wished he wasn't.
Finally, there it was.
Soi Fon lifted her right leg high into the air, intending to bring her foot down onto Kyoraku's face with bone-crushing force. For several fatal seconds, she was perched on only one foot.
Ukitake and Yamamoto moved. In a blur of motion, they leapt into the fray, swords drawn, preparing to take down their oppressor in a single brilliant blow.
There was a crash of intense wind blasting through the room. Ukitake and Yamamoto slid to a halt after their high-speed charge, having blasted right through their target. Both of them, however, had identical confused expressions on their faces, and vaguely wondered why they felt different than they had when they'd first attacked.
Then they looked at their empty hands, and figured it out.
Soi Fon, holding both of their zanpakuto, did not look amused.
"… … how?!" Ukitake wondered.
Ichigo flicked his sword once, letting the blood fly off it. He looked around the shattered ruins of the castle, observing the twisted, broken bodies of the Bounts. "We haven't… even started… our evil plan yet!" Kariya protested, before losing consciousness.
Ichigo sighed sadly. "Well, that wasn't really much of a diversion after all."
"All right. Now we have a problem here." Hitsugaya said bluntly. "We need Gin to guide us through this unnaturally large castle, so we can't just murder him and dump his body in a ditch, however much we might want to. However much he deserves it. However thoroughly we would enjoy such…"
"I get the picture!" Gin said.
"But we also clearly can't allow him to speak, because Ayasegawa over there is a complete and total goddamned moron."
"Hey!" Ayasegawa protested.
"Now personally, I'm willing to just call the whole thing off, kill them both, and head back to Soul Society without Yachiru." Hitsugaya proposed in what he probably assumed was a reasonable tone.
"Kill them both?!" Ayasegawa protested much more vigorously.
"I don't have nearly as many problems with that thought as I probably should." Matsumoto said. "But we probably should still save Yachiru, you know?"
"Rangiku, later we're going to sit down, have a little chat, and figure out exactly when you became the one telling me to work more. But for now, if we're genuinely going ahead with 'Operation: Make My Life Worse', I'm going to need some strategies."
"Let's ask Captain Aizen for help." Momo said.
"… It's sort of sad that I'm almost willing to consider that." Hitsugaya said. "All right, anything better?"
Halibel sighed dreamily. "I think you should kill all who oppose you and feast on their hearts."
"Okay. Wow. And here I was thinking 'what is my life missing?' and it turns out the answer is 'mind numbing terror'. So really, thank you for filling that void in my existence. Really, thanks." Hitsugaya said with a deeply, deeply disturbed look in his eyes.
"You're welcome." Halibel said, in a completely sincere tone.
"Look, when you said 'kill them both', you meant Gin and the Arrancar girl, right?" Yumichika asked nervously. "… right?!"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Ayasegawa. But if push comes to shove, she's just a tiny bit more likable than you right now." Hitsugaya said, patting him on the should consolingly. "I know, it's weird! A few hours ago, I would have suggested that the damned Hollow was the one I didn't want around, as opposed to one of my fellow Shinigami. But here she is, being creepy and helpful; and here you are, being utterly useless and flipping in and out of insanity just because someone said you were ugly…"
"YEARGHABLE!" Yumichika screamed, leaping forward and attempting to throttle Hitsugaya.
"Oh, come on!" Hitsugaya said, trying to keep the hands from clamping around his throat. "I wasn't saying you were ugly, I was saying that someone else was saying it! How much more indirect can I be?!"
Matsumoto rubbed her forehead. "Sir, how do you not see these things coming?"
Gin smiled. "It's like he does it to himself on purpose." He stopped smiling when his subtle attempts to inch away from the group during the distraction were halted by Halibel's arm on his shoulder. "You know, my least favorite Arrancar used to be Aaroniero, just because of that absurd name. But you're rapidly heading for the top of the list." He said glumly.
"Now, Captain Soi Fon, there's really no reason for violence. I'm sure we can talk about this." Ukitake said calmly.
"I tried to be merciful. I thought that it was enough to simply have you imprisoned. 'True, they committed treason against Lady Yoruichi, but she would want me to be merciful. A mere lifetime in prison is enough'. That is what I, in my foolish naiveté, thought when I finally arrested you for your crimes."
"… Treason against who? She doesn't even live here anymore!" Yamamoto asked.
"But now I see the truth. Yes, imprisonment is too good for the likes of you… you vile lowlifes who spit on the generous mercy of Her Majesty. No only the cold embrace of death is a suitable punishment for the injustices you have committed." Soi Fon said, advancing on them with menace in her eyes.
Ukitake sighed. "I don't suppose it would be worth my time to point out that Yoruichi Shihouin does not, in fact, have ANY sort of official political position in ANY government, anywhere, and as a result it is quite literally impossible to commit treason against her?"
"Oh-HO!" Soi Fon said. "So, you're saying that not only have you committed treason against Her Royal Imperial Highness, but you're challenging her very right to the throne?"
"She doesn't have a throne!"
"And still you continue! You are rapidly approaching a level of evil that I can scarcely even comprehend, much less effectively punish, Former Captain Ukitake. I may have to discover some way to kill you twice."
"… well, I will admit that it's very difficult to argue with your logic." Ukitake said. "Not because it's actually correct in any way, but just because I'm beginning to suspect that you, in spite of hearing the things I say to you, are not actually listening to them."
"You. You and your words. Former Captain Ukitake, you were always so very clever with all. Your. WORDS." Soi Fon said. "Well, I know words too, Former Captain Ukitake. Words that define my existence, words that give me purpose, words that protect my willpower from being infected by your mind games.Words like loyalty. Words like commitment. Words like Lady Yoruichi."
"Not terribly familiar with the words 'subtlety', 'just tell the woman you have crush on her', or 'mad with power', I see." Ukitake muttered.
"I do not have a…"
"Yes! Yes, you do! You are in love with Yoruichi Shihouin! And don't you dare give me some bull about 'oh, no, I just admire her' or something like that, because I've been around for a couple of millennia now, and I can recognize a schoolgirl crush when I see one! It's blatantly, completely obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes! Although given the general quality of your work as chief of Intelligence, I suppose it's fitting that the only one who hasn't noticed this is you!
"But because you can't tell how you, yourself is feeling, we have to put up with you!You see, because you're an awful spy, you may not have noticed the fact that your unhappy personal life has made you unreasonable, unapproachable, and just generally unlikable. You consider all crimes equal, you refuse to admit the possibility that you might be wrong about anything, and you're generally just as awful as Captain-Commander Yamamoto!"
"Jushiro, was that really…" Yamamoto began.
"NOT FINISHED YET!" Ukitake roared.
"… … …"
"Better. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Actually, no, you're not just as bad as Old Man Genocide over here. You're worse. You see, at least he genuinely believes that he's doing the right thing, most of the time. You're just a horrible woman taking out her unhappiness on everyone around her because she seems to actively hate joy. Thanks to you I've been in and out of jail cells all freakin' day, my home is in shambles, my country is in covered with ninjas of poor debating skill, I'm dressed as a woman, and I'm about to be killed with my own sword! And you know what? I'm done with that, and I'm done with you. I'm utterly sick of your unrequited crush that you refuse to admit you have, and I'm even sicker of how it's making you such a bitch! I don't care if you confess your feelings or not, I really don't, but either way it's long past time that you stopped using them as an excuse to be a bloody *#$!ing PSYCHO!" Ukitake snapped.
Captain Soi Fon became very, very quiet.
So did everything else. Even the dust in the air stopped moving.
Yamamoto took several steps away from Ukitake. "It was nice knowing you, Jushiro."
"You're… you're…" Soi Fon growled, the anger in her voice making it sound like the snarling of a jungle cat.
Ukitake gulped.
"… you're right." Soi Fon said in a small, quiet voice.
"… … … … … wait, what?"
"I have been… dishonest… concerning my true feelings. Perhaps I felt that such base emotions were an insult to Lady Yoruichi. Perhaps I just didn't want to admit that I was so weak. Either way, it is past time that I let her know how I truly feel." Soi Fon admitted.
"Oh. Um. Well. That's… that's great. I'm glad you've reached this turning point in your life, and I hope that we can help you as you move forward into…" Ukitake began.
"And I can think of no better way to do so than by making her supreme ruler of the Soul Society and delivering her your head on a platter!" Soi Fon proclaimed.
"WHAT?!"
"Thank you, Former Captain Ukitake. You made me truly realize something I've been denying for so many years. It's not enough for me to worship Lady Yoruichi from afar… I want her to see me with the same affection I feel for her, to look upon me with adoration in her eyes! Obviously, to begin such a courtship properly, I need to give her an exceptional gift. What could be more exceptional than the afterlife itself, decorated with the blood of those who disrespect her?"
"So… and I just wish to make sure I understand this… you've had a life-changing epiphany that has convinced you to keep doing exactly what you were doing before." Ukitake said in a dull, dead sort of voice.
"Yes, but I'm doing it for much more selfish reasons now." Soi Fon agreed.
"… … … how wonderful."
"Well done, Jushiro. Truly, you've accomplished a wonderful thing here. You should consider a career as a psychologist." Yamamoto said dryly.
"HAMTARO!" Soi Fon snapped. Hanataro, his face a mask of fear, sadness, and exasperation, poked his head into the room.
"Yes, my la… dy?" He said, looking at the scene in confusion. It was, after all, a rather confusing scene. "Um… milady, why are you threatening Captain-Commander Yamamoto and Captain Ukitake? And why is that pile of hamburger on the… oh my God, is that a person?! What's going on in…" Hanataro asked.
"Hamtaro. I have been executing these traitors, but it occurs to me that as Lady Yoruichi's supreme general and future bride, I should…"
"Wait, what was that second one?"
"… Not be directly intervening with such menial matters." Soi Fon continued as if the medic had not spoken. "Please kill the heretics, if you don't mind."
"Heretics?" Yamamoto muttered. "How are we heretics?"
"Would you really put it past her to have started her own religion at this point, sir?" Ukitake questioned.
"Honestly, we've reached the point where I would not be surprised if she tore her own face off and revealed herself to be my dead mother wearing a very clever disguise."
"Silence, heretics! Those about to die should be praying for forgiveness, not mocking their betters!" Soi Fon snapped. "Now, Hamtaro, it is finally time to prove your ultimate loyalty! Draw your sword and slay these men!"
"I can't." Hanataro said.
"What? If you're too squeamish…"
"No, I mean that literally. My sword is for healing. It can't hurt people until I've healed a bunch of wounds first." Hanataro said.
"… … that is the lamest thing I've ever heard." Soi Fon said with a slightly disgusted look on her face.
"I keep telling you, I'm supposed to be a medic!"
"Fine, fine. If your sword can't do it, I'll hold them still while you strangle them to death." Soi Fon said indulgently. "We'll have to get you a better zanpakuto if you're going to be my chief executioner…"
"… dammit all, I am a doctor! I'm not going to strangle anyone!" Hanataro protested.
Soi Fon looked at the swords she was holding in her hands with a slightly bored air. "Hmmmm… I wonder which of these would be best for chopping into a medic?"
"Right then. Let's get strangling!" Hanataro said enthusiastically.
The two Shinigami ran through the night.
They had been attacked many times by servants of the new guard. Fortunately, all of their assailants had been Stealth Force ninjas, and not terribly good at either stealth or force. Still, they were wounded, tired, and frightened. In spite of this, they maintained their loyalty to the true leadership of the Seireitei, refusing to serve the new military dictatorship. No, they were staunch supporters of the old military dictatorship.
Finally, they found what they had fought through mud, fire, and the blades of their foes to find. The last possible reinforcement for the failing forces that stood against the tyrant Soi Fon.
Nearly collapsing from exhaustion, they limped up to the elaborate door and knocked on it as loudly as they could manage with their tired limbs.
The door opened, and white light flooded out. Light of hope. The wind blew delicately, scattering cherry blossoms as it did.
"Yes?" Captain Kuchiki said.
"Sir… the Seireitei has fallen. Captain Soi Fon has betrayed us all! Please, sir, only you can possibly save the Soul Society!" One of the two messengers gasped.
Byakuya looked thoughtful, as if preparing to take on a grave responsibility.
He gazed at the two Shinigami, desperately seeking his aid.
"Nothing," he said, "is happening."
Then he slammed the door in their faces and went back to continue drinking tea with Rukia and Orihime, assuring them as he did that nothing was happening outside. They both agreed, with only the slightest hints of denial in their voices.
The two Shinigami stood in silence for several seconds.
"I told you we should have just sounded the alarm." One of them said.
"Do not start…"
Aizen smiled, as cold and enigmatic as ever.
"Oh, you've done well. Better than I ever gave you credit for. Indeed, when I was in the Soul Society, I never once gave you a second glance. I thought you simple, childish, a fool. I never for an instant believed you to be this dangerous. So truly, from the bottom of my heart, I congratulate your efforts.
"Now, as you prepare for death at my hands, I will offer you this one sign of respect. If you've any last words, I will deliver them to your loved ones after I destroy you. Well? Have you anything to say? Any final thoughts to bring out, any last confessions, and heartfelt messages before I consign you to a brief moment of anguish followed by an eternity of oblivion?"
Yachiru, sitting in the rubble of Aizen's very own throne, thought about that for a second.
"Have we met?" She asked.