Eli
Eli three and Eden have been around for three months now and it's been an adjustment. I didn't know just how much I was used to sleeping and having quiet time. Now with two crying babies in this place again things are hectic. Clare claims Eli two and Hope were way worse but you couldn't prove that by me. Maybe I only think that because I wasn't really there when they were this age. Clare and I were having that rough patch then but now I'm here and I see that helping is damn hard. I'm up to my ears in dirty diapers and I'm down to my last spit up free shirt but… I'm happy. The babies were down for a nap so I sat beside Clare on the couch. She was typing away.
"Eli don't even think about it. I don't have the energy to fight you on this sneak peek thing."
"Me? Try to cop a peek?"
"Yes you… Babies still sleeping?"
"Like little logs"
"That's good. I'm glad you're here Eli."
"Why?"
"Because you are my husband and I like you being around!"
"I know that but I wanted to hear it from your mouth. Sometimes I get insecure and I need to know that you still want me."
"You? Insecure? I just had another set of twins! I don't have the body of a twenty six year old anymore! I'll never lose this weight and my tits hurt!"
"Clare your stomach is perfectly flat. Would you like me to massage your breasts?"
"No because you'll just make me spring a leak."
We laughed hard and she fell into my arms. We sat there tired but happy. I looked down after a few minutes and I noticed she'd fallen asleep. I saved her work, closed her laptop and I covered her up on the couch. She needs the rest.
Hope
I've been reexamining my life and I want to be the nice person everybody loved again. I don't want to be the girl everybody hates. I just want to get back to my old self. The first place I started was with Juno. I saw her go into the bathroom so I went in too and I stood in front of the stall she was in. She came out and she jumped when she saw me.
"Juno we need to talk."
"About what?"
"I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I said that to you. I had no right. I know we probably won't ever be friends but I can only hope you can forgive me."
"Okay."
"Great."
I left the bathroom while mentally checking one person off of my apology list. Next I went to two of the best friends I've ever had. Sarah and Heather were in the hallway chatting. I approached them and they looked at me a little shocked. I've been blowing them off lately.
"Hope."
"Sarah and Heather. I need to apologize to you guys. You have been my best friends since forever and you've always been there for me. I'm sorry for letting our friendship become background noise. Forgive me you guys?"
"Sure…why not."
"Thanks Heather."
"I guess so."
"Sarah thanks."
I hugged my two best friends before spotting my brother in the hallway. He looked like he was thinking about something important. My dad gets that same look when he's thinking about something important.
"Jr."
"What?"
"Well don't be rude about it. I'm trying to apologize."
"I'm listening."
"I'm sorry for being mean to you."
"And…"
"And hitting you."
"And?"
"And being mean to Juno. Are we cool?"
"I guess so. What do you want?"
"Nothing brother just forgiveness."
"Okay now skedaddle."
"Fine…where's Luke?"
"I don't know."
"He's your best friend."
"Not really anymore. He's your boyfriend."
I walked around the school looking for Luke. I finally found him selling drugs in one of the empty hallways. I approached him as he was completing the deal. The guy walked off and I was just standing there with Luke.
"Hope? What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you."
"Well you found me. What do you want?"
"I thought you stopped selling drugs?"
"I started back."
"You told me you stopped Luke. You lied."
"Yes…I lied. It's not like you are giving me any incentive to stop."
"What?"
"Hope you slept with Chucky after half a fucking summer. The end of the year is here and I still haven't gotten to have sex with you."
"I don't want to rush it Luke. I thought you understood."
"Well understand this Hope… either you and I hook up or I don't know if this relationship will last."
"You don't mean that do you?"
"Try me."
I miss the old sweet Luke who was shy around me. I miss the Luke that loved me and liked to be around me and talk to me. I miss the way we used to kiss. There used to be passion and comfort in it but now there's not. I wish he'd try to find his old self again too. I don't want to let him go though. I just…care too much for him. He started to walk away and I grabbed him by the arm. He turned around to look at me.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'll do it."
"Let's go to my place."
The ride to Luke's house was silent but I think he'd rather have it that way. He doesn't really like to talk to me anymore. Maybe after this he will act the way he used to around me. I just want him to love me again.
We got into the house. Mr. Fitzgerald doesn't usually get home until night so we had a few hours. We went up to Luke's bedroom. After I walked in he closed and locked the door. He undressed briskly but I took my time, hoping he'd change his mind about this.
"Hurry up... I'm hard."
I took off my underwear and I got on the bed. Luke slipped on a condom and he entered me. His head stayed by my shoulder the entire time and I was glad of it. That way he couldn't see me crying. I always imagine this moment different. I imagined sex with Luke being passionate and sensual. Instead it was boring, rough and unpleasant. I pretended to be somewhere else in order to stop my crying.
When he finished and got off me I felt an odd sense of relief. I got dressed feeling somewhat ashamed and sad. When I'd slipped my shoes back on I looked to see Luke smoking a joint.
"I want to go home."
"I'm high so I can't drive you now….but hey, you've got two legs."
"Yeah… I do. Goodbye. I love you."
"Yeah… I know. Goodbye."
I started walking home but I didn't get that far before it started to rain like crazy. I didn't care that I was getting wet. I probably deserve to get wet like this. I probably deserve to be struck by lightning. Maybe Luke is right to be treating me this way. I deserve it.
I didn't feel like walking all the way home so I just went to my grandparents' house. I knocked on the door and Bullfrog came to the door. His eyes widened and he pulled me into the house.
"Kid what happened to you."
"I just took a walk in the rain grandpa."
"Well you sure picked a fine time to visit in the middle of a severe thunderstorm. Go on and get dried off and warmed up. Your granny's setting the table."
"Okay."
I showered to get the smell of Luke off of me and I changed into a pair of my dad's ancient pajama pants and one of his shirts. I wonder have these been washed since all of those decades ago. Who cares? Right now they are comfy and warm. When I was done changing Cece knocked on the door.
"Come in."
"I called your mom and told her you're staying here tonight."
"Thanks grandma."
"So why are you here?"
"I missed you guys."
"If I could see past your dad's world class lies what makes you think I can't see past yours?"
I fell to pieces crying and she hugged me and rubbed my hair back.
"What's the matter baby?"
"It's Luke."
"What about him? Did he die?"
"No. I…we… I didn't want to but I did."
"That huh? Does he know you didn't really want to?"
"Yes… he gave me an ultimatum."
"Well honey I don't know what to say except…. Dump him. If he's gotten so selfish that he won't even consider your feelings over his own then it's time to let that relationship go and spare yourself the extra heartache."
"But I love him. He was sweet and funny an…"
"Yes he was but he isn't anymore. Hope, a relationship is not something you can experience through the past. It's a present type of thing and in the present…it either functions or it doesn't. See what I mean?"
"Yes."
"Well I'll bring you up a plate. I know you are tired."
"Thanks grandma."
I ate the food and I cried myself to sleep. I know what I have to do now but I have no idea how I'm going to do it. Even though every day I spend with Luke is one more day of heartache I just don't know how to break it off with him.
Please leave a review. Thanks! =)