This is long overdue, and I do apologise. I am in my last year of University, so work is extremely tough, but I have found my time to write you this next chapter. I wanted to make it longer than the previous chapters as I have missed these characters so much. I wanted to give all of you faithful followers a good chunk to read and enjoy.

Please leave me a review with your honest thoughts, and of course, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

*~To Narnia And Back~*~Chapter Twenty Five~*~What is Logic, or Reason?~*

I hadn't moved from Caspian's cabin. I was stuck in a trance, in some sort of dream state. I must have been in this room for hours. That's what it felt like anyway. My tears had ceased, but my face was still wet with emotion. I had been imagining Caspian's proposal for the past three years now, yet I never once went through a scenario where I would say no. When it came to Caspian, everything seemed right; everything seemed to fit like a puzzle. He is all I ever wanted, and now I know that I am all he ever wanted.
Yet why have I brought this heartache to the both of us? I want to marry him, but my mouth just couldn't say yes. That in itself had crushed my heart.

I approached the window, and rested my forehead against the cool glass pane. The ocean was steady, calm, peaceful. But inside my head, the waves were crashing against the sides of my skull, causing me confusion and pain. What was the right thing to do? Because what I am feeling at the moment, is not right.
I breathed in deeply, feeling the air fill my lungs, and held it for a moment, until my eyes started to feel a little dizzy. I breathed out just as slowly. I felt the lump in my throat arising again, but I swallowed, not letting the tears pour once again.

Looking out towards the blue sky, I tried to imagine me as Queen. The picture was there, but the feeling wasn't. I felt like I had betrayed the King. My King. Could I make up for this mistake? Saying no was a mistake, but abandoning my family was also a mistake.

After lying on the window seat for the majority of the day, I then realised that the sun was setting. My thoughts had been exhausted, and a few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I jumped up, not expecting it. I had been cooped up on my own all day so I had forgotten that the rest of the world existed.

"Alex? Are you in there?"

Lucy.

I rushed to the mirror and checked my appearance. I didn't want her to see evidence of my tears. "Yes, come in, Lucy."

Lucy entered and closed the door behind her. "Where have you been all day? We've missed you up on deck."

"Oh, um…I, I was just…resting." She wasn't convinced. "I just needed some alone time, to collect my thoughts, you know. Things have been very overwhelming lately, so I just needed some time."

That wasn't a lie, and Lucy knew it, so she left that topic alone.

"We have reached Ramandu's Island."

That shocked me. "Really?"

She nodded. "Eustace was brilliant and pulled the ship the whole way. We wouldn't be here without him."

"He really has turned his attitude around since being turned into a scaly creature!" I surprised myself by adding laughter into the sentence. Lucy joined me.

"I knew he would. The crew are preparing the boats to go ashore. We've finally reached the next step on our journey."

I managed a small smile. That was a positive aspect of today. "Are we all going ashore?" The question sounded ridiculous as soon as it came out of my mouth. Lucy noticed this too.

"Yes, of course."

After a moment, I followed her up onto the deck. The crew were still bustling around. My eyes wanted to find Caspian, but I made them stare at the island in front of us.

It was covered in foliage, but there was an aura of death radiating from the land, as though the life had been sucked out of it. It wasn't pleasant.

"…majority of the crew onto the island too, leaving only half a dozen manning the Ship."

My heart lurched so violently that it made me feel physically sick. Caspian's voice hit me like a brick wall. I immediately turned to find him, and all I had to do was look to my right.

He was conversing with Drinian, neither of them looking in my direction. Drinian being Caspian's closest friend, I wondered if he had told him about what happened between us. I hope not. I didn't want anyone knowing until I had set it right.

Caspian looked over at me and caught my eye. He immediately broke the contact, and my heart sunk that tiny bit more. Before I could realise what I was doing, I found my legs carrying me over to him. He seemed to notice this too, but he didn't move away. He wasn't looking at me.

"Caspian…" I choked on my words. The lump in my throat was growing. Caspian didn't move. "Caspian…please don't think that I have never considered the possibility that if someday you were to ask me this wonderful, life-changing question, I would say yes. Because that is what I would say, with no hesitation, if things were simpler." His eyes were gazing into mine by this point. I saw pain. I saw a broken soul. "I have to think about-"

"The boats are ready, My King!" Drinian called over.

Caspian continued to look me in the eye for a moment. He then approached me, and lightly kissed my temple, before heading over to the boats. His action hit me hard. It was unexpected, but revealed so much. It was as though he was refusing to hate me because of all of this. I thought he would keep himself separate from me, at least for a little while. His action showed me how much he does care. I fought back tears and felt my chest get heavier with heartache.

Lucy surprised me by suddenly being in front of me. "Hey, what's wrong?"

I stayed silent.

"Don't shut me out, Alex."

I let out a shaky breath and looked at my little sister, who had worry all over her face. I don't think I could make up any more excuses or put it off for any longer. I was exhausted.

"I'll tell you about it when we return to the ship. Okay?"

Lucy looked like she was about to argue, but Edmund interrupted.

"Lucy, Alex! Time to go!"

Lucy nodded at me in acknowledgment that I would share my silent behaviour with her. She wrapped her arm around me as we walked over to the boats and took our seats.

By the time we stepped onto the island, the sky was a midnight blue. It was beautiful. But being surrounded by dead-spirited foliage, we didn't feel the beauty once we were submerged into the heart of the island. We were struggling to see the path, some of us tripping over loose rocks occasionally. Lucy held onto my hand for support. Once it became near impossible to see, Edmund lit up his torch, and lead the way, Caspian hot on his tail. I kept my distance from Caspian, letting Lucy walk between us once I had let go of her hand.

We walked for quite some time, not finding anything significant. It was all trees, shrubbery, and foliage. Even the deeper we walked into the island, the feeling of death still surrounded us heavily.

Soon, a table was upon us. It was covered with all kinds of food. My mouth watered with want.

"Mmm, food." Tevros announced, and the crew members all reached out to start helping themselves.

Drinian halted them. "Wait!"

Everyone stopped on command, but from the looks of their faces, they wanted that food more than anything. We had been starving for weeks.

Caspian and Edmund were looking around the table, trying to find anything suspicious or out of place. Lucy and I also found our eyes wandering the scene. Edmund shined the torch towards the head of the table, revealing three old men, covered in twigs, branches and roots. I stepped closer and narrowed my gaze. They were so still. It was as though they were frozen, and had turned into a part of the island. I hear the sound of swords leaving their sheathes. I didn't see the danger.

Caspian and Edmund approached the men.

"Lord Revillian." Caspian announced, moving over to the second man. "Lord Mavramorn."

Lucy then walked over and pulled the hair back from the third man's face.

"Lord Argoz." Caspian finalised.

Lucy jumped back in surprise, and I noticed for the first time that the man was breathing. Slowly, but rather loudly. Caspian investigated, moving in closer.

"He's breathing…" He announced in wonder.

"So are they." Edmund said, referring to the other two Lords. "They're under a spell."

Caspian turned around and focused his attention on the food. He scanned the table with frantic eyes. He threw out his hand and shouted,

"It's the food!"

All the crew members dropped the food they had started to feast upon, a mixture of shock and disappointment evident in their features. I didn't understand fully what the message was. Who, or what, was trying to throw us off guard? I couldn't find the link.

"Hey." Edmund pulled everyone's attention. "It's the stone knife. This is Aslan's table."

Caspian grabbed one of the swords, staring at it for a moment. "Their swords! On the table!"

Caspian placed two of the swords on the table, one on top of the other. Lucy and I grabbed three others from the sleeping Lords, and followed Caspian's action. Edmund finished off the task by placing his own sword on top of the others.

"That's six." I announced, looking at the formation of the swords. I was expecting something to happen in that moment; some sort of sign that we are on the right tracks into figuring these swords out and what their power was.

For the first time, Caspian spoke to me. "Still missing one." He looked up at me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but the swords started to glow a brilliant blue, lighting up our surroundings. The atmosphere immediately felt more alive, like the magic of Narnia had surfaced once again. A second strike of blue struck from above us, bringing our attention to the sky. A giant ball of shining blue light was growing in size as it came closer and closer to us. Caspian pointed his sword at the ball, while I instinctively stepped closer to Lucy, putting myself in between her and the blue light. The light gathered speed, and landed in between us, temporarily blinding us as it illuminated brightly.

Once we were able to focus our eyes, we found that the ball had transformed into a young woman, although she was still glowing blue. Caspian lowered his sword.

"Travellers of Narnia, welcome." Everyone, including myself, bowed in respect. "Arise." She looked around at everyone, then at the food that had hardly been touched. "Are you not hungry?"

"Who are you?" Edmund asked. He had a smile on his face, and I could tell that he liked what he was seeing. She was a very beautiful woman.

"I'm Liliandil, daughter of Ramandu. I am your guide."

Caspian stepped closer to her. "You're a Star?"

She smiled at him, and nodded. I felt something stir in my stomach.

At this moment, he was only interested in her. "You are absolutely stunning."

I looked at Caspian, shock all over my face. I felt as though something had just pierced my heart, making me ache with pain.

"If it is a distraction for you, I can change form." Liliandil suggested.

"No." The Kings answered together.

Another pierce. I had turned to look away from the situation, focusing on the swords on the table.

"Please. The food is for you." She continued to speak, and an orange glow contrasted with the blue. I briefly looked over at the table to find she had lit the candles that were situated in the centre of the food. "There is enough for all who are welcome at Aslan's table. Always. Help yourselves."

Before anyone could touch the food, Edmund spoke.

"Wait! What happened to them?" He indicated to the Lords.

"These poor men were half-mad by the time they reached our shores. They were threatening violence upon each other. Violence is forbidden at the table of Aslan. So they were sent to sleep." Liliandil informed us.

I was trying so very hard to focus on her every word, and putting the pieces of this quest together. But I felt as though the ache in my chest was pulling me closer to the ground, and it was becoming unbearable.

"Will they ever wake?" Lucy sounded so close.

"When all is put right. Come…this is little time." Liliandil walked away from the table, and I heard hustle. The crew members must be helping themselves to food.

I gritted my teeth.

Enough.

I turned on my heel, and walked in the direction of the ship. My hand had instinctively grabbed onto the front of my shirt over my heart, and my eyes felt like they were burning with anger. I passed Lucy, who called out after me. I didn't stop. Tears were falling down my cheeks. I wasn't sure if they were out of anger or pain. Probably both. Caspian and Edmund called my name also, but again, I didn't stop. Caspian's voice tore further into my chest. For the first time in three years, I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted home. I wanted Susan, and Peter.

I heard footsteps behind me, but I was in no way prepared to find out who it was.

I had reached the edge of the island.

"Eustace? Eustace!" I called out, my voice breaking a little.

He was in front of me within a few seconds.

"Take me to the ship." He hesitated. "Please."

Eustace wrapped his gigantic feet around my middle, and lifted me into the air, the cold wind hitting my face helped cool me down. Once at the ship, Eustace gently placed me on the dock.

"Thank you." I whispered, touching his foot in a warm-hearted manner. I stole a glance at his face, and he was worried, pained. Something I had never seen in him before.

I went below the deck. By this point, I was fuming, I was upset, I was jealous. This was the moment that everything just got on top of me, and I didn't know how to handle it, what to think, what to do.

I didn't want to be disturbed, so instead of cooping myself away in Caspian's cabin, I went to the lower decks. I didn't care about getting lost in the halls, especially as none of the candles were lit so I couldn't see very well. I didn't want anyone to find me easily.

I settled myself on one of the ledges of the wide, circular windows. The water was licking at the ship, just below the window's glass. I wiped my eyes and cheeks on my sleeves. I had no more energy to cry. So instead of feeling the water travel down my face, I focused on the ocean, being the calmest I had seen it in weeks.

I can't even make sense of my mixed actions. I practically say no to Caspian, the man whom I have loved so deeply for three years. And then I get jealous and angry and upset when I see him look at another woman? That's completely counteracting, and it's not fair on Caspian.

I could not think anymore, as fatigue and exhaustion took over my mind and body, and I soon drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I found myself in Caspian's bed, where Lucy and Gael usually sleep. I was alone. At least, I thought I was, until I noticed that Lucy was sitting on the window seat. I blinked a few times, adjusting my eyes to the rising sun. I sat up in bed and stretched my arms a little. Lucy rushed over and sat on the edge of the bed, engulfing me in a hug.

"What happened last night? You just left, with no warning." I shut my eyes, enjoying the closeness. "We were so worried. We couldn't find you for ages when we got back to the ship."

Lucy parted from me, and took my hands into hers. I didn't know what to say. My mind just had so many thoughts bustling around that I couldn't think of anything. The sickening and heartbreaking feeling was returning to my stomach as I remembered yesterday.

"How did I end up in here?" I managed to ask, with a rather monotonous voice.

"Caspian carried you up here when he found you last night. We wanted to wake you, but he insisted that you needed the sleep."

At the mention of his name, my heart gave a tug.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in." Lucy said.

Caspian entered the cabin. I looked over towards the wall, trying to make my action look subtle. I didn't want a wave of emotion to take over me.

"Lucy, could you give us a minute, please?" He asked pleasantly.

"Of course." I could tell that Lucy knew something was going on between Caspian and me from the look she gave me before she left the room. Caspian shut the door gently behind her. I still couldn't find it in myself to look at him. He didn't say anything or move for a while. The silence was so heavy that I felt extremely self-conscious. What was he thinking right in this moment? What was he going to say, or do?

After what felt like minutes upon minutes, he took a seat on the edge of the bed, just as Lucy had done.

"What was the reason for your actions last night? Why did you leave-"

I got up and walked over to the window, crossing my arms and not answering him.

"Don't ignore this." He said.

I still didn't answer. I was rapidly searching my brain to say the right thing this time, but I couldn't find it. My heart was beating faster and faster.

Caspian made me jump a little when he appeared in front of me, but I turned away again.

"Alex?" He grabbed my arm and I didn't fight him. He leaned close to me. I have to say something, so I just let the words fall out. What more damage could it do?

"I saw the way you looked at her."

"Looked at who?" He replied, which made me stare at him.

"That Star."

Caspian was confused. "In what way did I look at her?"

A spark was ignited inside me. "Oh, Caspian, don't play blindly." I pulled my arm out of his hand and approached the window.

"I was looking at her as I would anyone. She was helping us." I stayed silent. I could feel my chest becoming heavier once again, mimicking yesterday. Caspian spoke softly, and he was close behind me. I could almost feel his breathe. "Was it because I made that comment about her appearance?" I swallowed hard, trying to dismiss the stirring sensation in my stomach. I clutched at my chest, finding it harder to breathe. Caspian stood in front of me, but I continued to stare out of the window, knowing that if I looked at him again, I wouldn't be able to hold it together.

"Just because I didn't give you a 'yes' yesterday, doesn't mean that I don't love you." I was finding it harder and harder to keep my words together. "The way I feel about you is…more powerful…than I…have ever…" I closed my eyes, losing my voice as the lump in my throat caused me to lose my composure. My hands were shaking, my whole body was starting to follow. I looked at the ground, trying to shield my crying eyes from him.

He then shocked me by putting his hands on either side of my face and kissed me with more passion than ever before. I grabbed his waist with urgency, returning his love-filled kiss.

It was a short kiss, but that was all it took. He rested his forehead against mine, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones.

"It's always been you. Always been you." He pulled away to look into my eyes. He spoke slowly, and with heavy emphasis, "It will always be you."

I smiled brighter than I had done for what felt like days. As I looked him in the eye, I reached up and ran my hand through his hair. His smile matched mine.

He then pulled back and grabbed my hand. "Come with me." He didn't give me time to answer; he led me speedily out of the room and down the hall to his study room, where all his books and tapestries were. With Caspian not saying anything, I know that he wanted me to take in my surroundings, to really understand what I was looking at. I somehow felt different standing in this room. There was something very calming, and for the first time in a while, I felt like myself again.

Caspian approached me, and looked me in the eye. He took my hand. "Stay here. Marry me."

Now that our emotions were under control, I was thinking more logistically. "I…I can't."

"Why not?" He wasn't upset; he wanted, needed, to know the reason.

"It's just not practical, it's not logical."

"When is love logical?" He asked, still gazing into my eyes. "If you love me as much as you say you do…"

"I do!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"When has there ever been someone from my world staying in Narnia until they die?"

There is a moment's silence.

"The first King and Queen of Narnia." He announced.

"That's different. Aslan brought them because they were needed."

"You are needed!" He moved his hands to my waist. The desperation and love in his voice was becoming entrancing, and I was being pulled in by his words. "You're my Queen!" The look he was giving me…I wanted to stop this conversation, but we were halfway there.

"But you're already ruling comfortably and successfully."

"Without my Queen at my side."

I didn't ignore his use of the word 'my' instead of 'a'. His words were making me fall further in love with him. I spoke with a softer tone. "Even my brothers and sisters didn't stay."

His tone softened also. "That was by accident, they didn't want to leave. It was their path. They had to leave in order to return with you the next time because that is your path, to be here."

I was losing. I know I was. All the reasons I thought were logical are becoming irrational, and irrelevant. Fear has clouded my judgement by seeping into my mind at the thought of losing the ones that I love.

"But what if that happens to me? What if I vanish like my siblings did?" There is silence. There is no answer for that question, and Caspian knew it. "Could you really carry on living your life if I just suddenly disappear? You wouldn't know what had happened to me."

His dark brown eyes stared deep into my soul. "But I couldn't live if you left again like last time. I can't live without you. You belong in Narnia. With me." I gazed back at him, not knowing what to say. He had captured me. "If you had the same fate as your brothers and sisters, then you would have been brought to Narnia the first time they came here."

My brain was in overload. My family, would I never see them again? I can't abandon them, but I can't live without Caspian. He is my soulmate. But Peter, Susan…How can I see them in the future? Will I be able to? What would Edmund and Lucy say? Something told me that they somehow already know. …Can I do this? Is this my fate? Can I rule? So many thoughts were going through my mind, all contrasting one another.

However, they all had the same conclusion.

Caspian was right.

Once again, he stroked a thumb over my cheek. He whispered,

"My Queen."

His words made my mind stop. Just stop. His tone, his voice, his eyes, his lips. I can't live without him. That is not possible. He has made me see reason.

I stepped backwards and smiled. He seemed confused, but noticed my smile.

"Ask me again." I said, butterflies starting to journey around my stomach and chest.

"What do you mean?" He was confused, but excitedly-so.

"Ask me again." I repeated with more enthusiasm, and subtly indicated to the floor.

We stood there, just looking at each other, me waiting, and Caspian trying to figure me out. Once he came to the realisation, the brightest smile came across his face. He didn't move for a few moments. He was looking into my soul, as I was into his. Now I knew.

I watched him as he sunk onto one knee, and reached into his pocket. He didn't break eye contact. He pulled out a small box, and no words were needed. Even as his lips moved to ask me the question, I didn't hear it; I saw it in his eyes.

"Always." I whispered. I moved my left hand forward and he only broke our eye contact to slide the most beautiful ring onto my finger. As he rose, with his best smile, he lifted me up and spun me around, making me laugh.

This was our moment. We had found our moment. He had helped me through my panic, my doubt, and my fear.

This was right. We were right.