Bangkok, Thailand

The air felt heavy and oppressive around Lucy's head as she sat on the hotel bed, her knees to her chest. Every time she took a breath it felt as though the weight of it would crush her. Bucky had the water running in the shower and the sounds coming from the television almost drowned out his humming to some ridiculous pop song that had been stuck in his head the past day and a half.

Her eyes were taking in the images on the screen, but her mind wasn't paying attention. A weatherman in a raincoat was reporting on the tropical storm passing by a few hundred miles east of where she and Bucky were.

Lucy's mind, however, could only focus on one thing. It had been nearly a week since her encounter with the black haired HYDRA agent at the airport, but his words had never been far from her mind in the days since. She still hadn't told Bucky about it; she didn't know how, or what she would say. But now she was beginning to question how long she could keep going like this. The weight of it festering inside was drowning her, and she knew that soon Bucky would crack through her façade. He had a knack for doing that.

"You get to choose who you are now. They don't get a say any more." She said quietly to herself, repeating the words Bucky always used to tell her. They used to be a comfort, but now the words just echoed hollowly in her ears. Her ability to convince herself of that fact was now gone, and as much as she wished they didn't, the black haired man's words resonated within her. They fit. She was a monster, then and now. It didn't matter what anyone said any more, she had killed a man without even hesitating, and nothing was going to change that. The thought crossed her mind that one day she could get so lost in herself that she ended up harming Bucky or someone else close to her. Her stomach twisted and she curled her arm around her head, trying to forget the images her brain had just concocted.

She vowed to herself she would never let that happen, and she only saw one way of ensuring it wouldn't. Side stepping off the bed she padded to where her duffel bag was set against the wall and quickly stuffed everything in and zipped it shut. Walking in front of the TV she clicked the volume up a few notches before slipping quietly into her shoes.

Her hand was shaking as she laid it on the cool metal of the door handle. She turned back and glanced over the room, asking herself if she was really doing this—if she could really do this. Bucky didn't deserve to be up and left like this with no explanation, he was better than that. But he also didn't deserve to be continuously put at risk just for being with her. And what was she anyway? An ex-HYDRA weapon halfway out of her mind with a countdown to self-destructing? No, Bucky didn't deserve that, and she knew this was the way it had to be.

Taking a deep breath she silently pulled open the door and proceeded into the hallway, and carefully latched it behind her, making sure it didn't make a sound. Reaching the lobby she was surprised to find a tear had escaped its hold and was now falling across her cheek. Hurriedly she brushed it away with her sleeve. She was committed to this now and she couldn't allow herself to go back on her decision. Walking swiftly around the corner of the building she hurried into the cover of the parking garage across the street, thankful to be out of the wind courtesy of the nearby tropical storm. Knowing she didn't have long before Bucky would be out of the shower and would discover her absence, she picked up her pace.

Taking the stairs she headed for their temporary rental car parked on the third floor. It was an old fashioned yellow VW bug and Bucky had vowed never to enter the thing when the man had handed them the keys at the lot. "Like hell I am!" He had said incredulously when she had tossed the keys at him with a smile, telling him to drive. "Why do they even have this, it's ridiculous." He had protested, but Lucy had eventually won the battle and he was soon begrudgingly behind the wheel as they puttered down the road. "It's incredibly impractical you do realize. It doesn't exactly blend in that well."

"Well I think it's charming." Lucy had replied in a victorious grin.

Stifling her emotions and stuffing them down, she slid the key into the lock of the trunk. When she went to turn it, however, she was met with resistance and the key wouldn't budge. She let out an exasperated sigh, knowing Bucky would realize she was missing any minute.

"I was thinking we could go to that Thai place on the corner for dinner." Bucky said as he stepped out of the bathroom, still drying his hair with the towel. "I mean, we haven't really gone out to eat somewhere in a long time, it might be nice. Besides, I'm fairly certain it's a sin to go to Thailand and not get authentic Thai food." Bucky waited for a reply, but all he received was the chattering of the commercials on TV. "Lou?" He asked, rounding the corner to find the room empty. He furrowed his brows, wondering if she had gone down to the lobby for something. When his eyes landed on the empty floor space where her duffel had been and the car keys missing from the desk, however, his heart dropped to his stomach. "Shit, Lou." He muttered with a shake of his head before tossing the towel aside and hurriedly pulled the nearest shirt over his head and stumbled out the door.

Ascending the final flight of stairs he let out a long pent up breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. Lucy was still at the car, fighting with the jammed trunk lock. She hadn't left yet; he had made it in time. "I told you we should've gotten a better car." He said in stride across the sparsely filled garage towards her.

"Just let me go, Bucky." She said angrily as she yanked the key out and opted for the back seat. This time, the lock opened without problem and she heaved the duffel bag inside. "This isn't about you."

"Right, because my partner spontaneously ditching me without so much as a word of explanation has nothing at all to do with me." He said once he was just a few feet away. His shirt was still partially caught up on itself and it made Lucy wonder how fast he had dashed out of the room.

"It's not." She reiterated, shaking her head. "It's about me, and something I need to do."

"And what would that be?" He asked, his hands on his hips. "Where are you going to go? What could you possibly have to do that you had to so suddenly leave without a trace? What's so important that I can't even go with you?" He finished with a chuckle.

"I'm turning myself into HYDRA." She said plainly.

Bucky busted into laughter until he realized she wasn't smiling, and she wasn't kidding either. "You're not serious, Lou. Do I really have to explain to you why that idea is absolutely insane?" He said, wondering what on earth had gotten into her head and made her think that was even an option.

"I am serious, Buck." She said with conviction. "I don't expect you to understand. It was something the informant said at the airport just before he died."

"Don't tell me this is that prick again." Bucky breathed, raising his hand to his forehead in frustration. "He's HYDRA, Lucy. HYDRA lies, that's what they do. Whatever he said to you was just him trying to get under your skin and mess with your head." He said emphatically.

Lucy was shaking her head. "He wasn't, he was telling the truth. They know about us, they know all about me and Little Fox. They're never going to stop until they have me, and I can't stand the thought of something happening to you simply because they were trying to get to me." Lucy closed the car door and stood her ground across from Bucky.

"So that means you should just waltz back in there and give them exactly what they want?" He said incredulously. "Come on, I know you have to see the crazy in this. You know what they'll do to you the instant you walk through those doors. Everything will be gone, the entire life you've built will be gone. It will be straight back to the chair and you'll be their empty killing machine again."

"At least I won't have to remember it." She stated, and Bucky was taken slightly aback by the sincerity in her eyes. "So what if I become their puppet again. They'll just wipe it away and I'll never have to think about it again. I won't have to live with it because I won't remember it!"

Bucky rubbed his face, not believing what he was hearing. "You would let them make you into something abominable just so you could forget?"

"I already am!" She stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I killed not just one man, but two—something I swore to you I would never do again. And I didn't even hesitate, Buck. I just did it because it felt normal, it was natural." She looked down at the keys in her hands. "There's no telling what I'll do next time, it could be you on the other side of that bullet, and I won't have that. HYDRA won't have to remake me into the killer they had before, because I never changed. I'm still that same killer, the only difference is that I have to live with that every single day, and I can't do it, not anymore."

"I could give you a thousand reasons why this is a bad idea and why your plan is entirely illogical, but you're not going to listen to any of them, are you?" Bucky asked finally, out of pure frustration.

"I've already decided, this is what I'm doing." She said with conviction. Keys in hand, she turned to open the driver's side door.

"Then I'm coming with you." Bucky said matter of fact.

Lucy let out a huff and turned back around to face him. "Why?" She asked simply, shaking her head. "Why would you come with me? After everything that has happened. I treat you like dirt half the time even though I know you don't deserve it, and the other half I'm screwing things up and half out of my head. Just let me have this one last crazy thing and I won't ask you for anything else ever again, I promise. Besides, why do you bother trying to save me anyway? I'm not worth saving, Buck, I—"

Lucy's fast paced words were suddenly cut off by the presence of Bucky's lips pressed against hers. He lingered only a moment before pulling back. She stared at him in motionless shock, her brain unable to process what had just transpired.

"That's why, Lou. It always has been, and I've been waiting for the day you would tell me the same, but I'm done waiting. If it takes chasing you straight into a HYDRA facility to prove to you that I'm serious about this then I will, no hesitation. I love you, Lou. And I'm sorry if that was out of line, but I just couldn't—"

This time it was her turn to quiet his lips with her own, and it only took him a moment to get over the surprise of it and quickly relaxed, pulling her closer to him. Suddenly everything that had been plaguing her mind seemed to vanish, the thoughts feeling foreign. This was where she belonged, and this was what felt right. Somehow HYDRA didn't seem appealing anymore.

Slowly they both parted, their noses nearly touching. "Does this mean you'll stay?" He asked softly.

"I suppose HYDRA can wait a while." She said with a smile before reaching up to kiss him again. They shuffled backwards until Lucy's back was pressed against the side of the car and her heart seemed to skip a beat. Suddenly she was wondering why they hadn't done this earlier. How long had he been waiting for this? Since S.H.I.E.L.D.? Since Russia? Since the night she stayed with him on his bunk floor? The questions all blurred together in her head and she didn't bother going after them when they drifted away.