Vanilla twilight

The silence isnt so bad,

Till I look at my hands and feel sad,

Cause the spaces between my fingers,

Are right where yours fit perfectly.

Owl City - Vanilla twilight

CPOV

As I sat at the table, surrounded by my crew, I hardly listened to a word being said. I found it hard to concentrate lately, at least on anything other than what to do about Lana. I missed her more than anything, and the ache in my heart was beginning to become unbearable.

The phone call from Jo a couple weeks ago really got to me; I didn't think Lana would go down hill like that. Of course I knew it wouldn't be easy for her, but I did not expect her to go the route she did. It had me very worried. I knew I had to do something, but what? I bit down on my nails as I thought of the conversation I had with Jo.

"Is Lana okay?" I panicked as I answered my phone.

"Not exactly." Jo said slowly.

"Oh my god, no, please god, no.. don't tell me she.." My eyes began to water. The worst possible thoughts running through my head.

"Oh no, no, shes fine, health wise. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Jo laughed slightly.

A rush of relief run through my veins. "Oh thank god!" I sat there for a few seconds, giving my heart a few seconds. "So, whats going on?" I asked her.

"Criss, you gotta do something." She sounded desperate.

"Do what?"

"She's losing it."

"Jo, I told you already, and everyone else. Lana can't be with me." I said.

"Criss you don't understand!"

"Jo! Just leave it alone." I yelled. "We've already talked about this, I can't be with her, she's better off without me, she deserves.."

"Something happened last night." Jo cut me off, making my heart hit the floor.

"What happened?" I gulped.

"I'm not exactly sure, but I tried calling her all night. She wasn't answering, I tried calling this morning, she still wasn't answering, so I went to her house to check on her." She paused.

"She was passed out on the floor." Jo sounded like she was about to cry. "She had a huge gash on her forehead, a concussion and she was passed the f out. She doesn't even remember how it happened. She doesn't remember a thing from last night."

A sudden urge to kill Leto was slowly creeping up on me. Not only was he hanging out with Lana, only god knew with what intentions, but he wasn't even taking care of her. How could he let her do that? How could he let her get that drunk, and then let her get hurt? I closed my eyes and bit down on my lip.

"Okay, what do you want me to do about it?" I asked between gritted teeth. Even though I wanted so badly to fly over there, to find Lana and knock some sense into her, I knew I couldn't. Her seeing me, especially right now, would only make things worse, for both of us.

"She needs you Criss. Last night isn't the worst of it."

"What do you mean? What else is going on?" How could it possibly get any worse than it already was?

"Criss," Jo sighed, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, or be the bad guy, but you're the only one who can stop this."

"Tell me whats been going on." I demanded, getting really tired of her beating around the bush.

"It's a long story." Jo sighed.

I clenched my teeth together. "I've got time." I told her impatiently.

Jo sighed heavily. "She's been drinking a lot lately. Ever since you left. The first few days she locked herself in her house and wouldn't come out, she wouldn't talk to anyone, and from the looks of it, she didn't eat much either, she's lost at least ten pounds."

"When I Finally broke into her house I almost cried myself. She smashed everything she could, glass everywhere, holes in the walls and that wasn't the messiest part. She was a mess, and utter mess. It looked like she hadn't showered or anything since you left, she was balled up in the middle of the living room, surrounded by broken glass, and it took me hours to get her to say one word." She paused and tried to compose herself.

"She hasn't been showing up for work, she's on the verge of losing her job because she's out every night getting drunk. Now she's getting so drunk that she's blacking out every night and not remembering anything the next day. Criss, do something!"

"What do you want me to do Jo?" I yelled. "I can't do anything, I'm in Vegas, I can't just up and leave, I have shows to do every night. And its not like she would listen to me anyways, I'm the reason she's like this." I knew I was being hard on Jo, after all, she was just concerned for her best friend. But what Jo didn't realize, is that it was harder for me to hear about it and not be able to do anything than it was for her.

"You could at least call her, talk to her, try to talk some sense into her. I know you wanted her to move on, but I don't think she's ever going to get over you, and it's only going to get worse." Jo said quietly.

"And say what? Hey, I'm sorry I left you and broke your heart. I know I'm the reason for all of this but could you please stop drinking and move on? I highly doubt that's going to work." I huffed. "Besides, I hear she's doing pretty well when it comes to moving on."

"What are you talking about?" Jo asked.

"I hear she's been hanging out with Jared Leto lately." I sneered.

"Ha!" She laughed. "Last night was the first time she's seen him since the concert. He was with her last night, I don't know where he is now." That surprised me, I figured he started showing up the minute I left.

"And what the hell? Are you jealous or something? You left her, Criss, remember? You wanted her to move on."

"Not with Leto." I told her. "The point to this was to keep her away from the spot light, let her live her life and not mine. Jared Leto isn't much different than Criss Angel."

"Criss, there's nothing going on with her and Jared." she sighed. "And I think her and Jared should be the least of your worries right now. Are you going to do something or not?" She was right. I was all worked up about Lana and Jared, that I didn't really stop to think of anything else. Lana was in big trouble.

"Jo, you and I have talked about this already. I love Lana, I care about her, more than I've ever cared about any other woman, but being with me will just tear her life apart. Me leaving was the best thing for her. She has the chance to live a normal life."

"Don't give me that horse shit!" Jo yelled. "I think you took the easy way out cause you couldn't handle the fact that for once, something wasn't handed to you. You had to actually try to make things work out between you two, and you knew it would be difficult for the both of you, so you bailed."

"That's where you're wrong. I knew it would be hard on us, which ever road we took. I chose this road because I knew the other route would tear Lana away from her family, and I didn't want to make her choose between me and her family." I tried to reason with her.

"You could have at least given her the option." Jo spat. "Shit, she's up. I gotta go." Jo whispered before hanging up.

I hadn't heard back from Jo since, which had me even more worried. If Lana was spiraling down hill that badly, then I screwed up. And if I didn't try to fix it, Id lose her forever, but maybe I didn't have to. Maybe I could bring her home with me. I knew how much she cherished her friends and family, but she could see them whenever she wanted to. I had my own jet. I would let her use it whenever she needed, as long as it meant that she would be with me and I could keep her safe. I didn't know why I hadn't thought of that a long time ago. Now the only problem was, what I had said to her, she was surely convinced I cared nothing about her.

I turned in my chair a little, trying to turn my attention back to the conversation when I caught a glimpse of a calendar on the wall. The date circled was February the 11th. Lanas birthday. My heart sank. I wondered what she would be doing tonight, I wondered if I should call her, wish her happy birthday. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt I needed to. I felt like if I didn't, then she would really think I didn't care about her. But I needed to figure out what I was going to do before I made any contact with her, and make the situation worse.

"Criss?" I snapped my head up at the sound of my name. "What do you think?" JD asked me.

I hadn't been paying attention, and I didn't want to have to sit there for another hour going through it again. "Yea, sounds good. How about we work out the details later?" I said, hoping they wouldn't notice I hadn't heard a word they said.

"You in a hurry to go some where?" JD asked.

"Not really, just got a bit of a headache right now." I lied and rubbed my forehead, attempting to make the lie a little more believable.

"Alright guys, we'll finish things up next week." They all got up, gathered up their papers and headed out of the room. I leaned back in my chair and exhaled, dragging my hands down my face.

"Something wrong Criss?" JD asked, Standing in front of me.

"I told you, I got a headache."

"Bullshit, Whats going on? Don't think I didn't notice how zoned out you were." He sighed and took a seat on the table in front of me, folding his hands across his lap.

"Is it dad?" he asked softly.

"What?" I asked baffled. Dad? I completely forgot. Tomorrow was the anniversary of my fathers death, the day he died in my arms. How could I have forgotten that? Lana, that's how. Never in my life had anything or anyone made me forget that awful day, and yet, somehow, without even being in Lanas presence, she still managed to make me forget. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing, or a bad thing.

"You forgot?" JD asked in utter surprise.

I sighed heavily. "She's got my head so fucking messed up." I mumbled to myself and rubbed my temples.

"Lana?" JD asked, still a bit confused as to what was going through my head. Sad thing was, I didn't even know.

"Come on Criss. Just tell me whats wrong."

"Today's Lanas birthday." I whispered. "And I completely forgot about dad. She's fucking with my head JD!" I snapped and slammed my fist on the table next to JD. JD looked at me fist and quietly got up to lean against the wall in front of me, obviously uncomfortable by my outburst.

"I just don't know what to do." I sighed. JD stayed silent for a moment, studying me, looking for the right thing to say.

"Criss, I think you need to talk to her man." He finally said. I looked at JD, a bit confused. Talk to her? That was his advise? JD hated Lana, and he seemed to think leaving her behind was the best decision I had ever made.

He chuckled at my confusion and folded his arms across his chest. "How about we talk about this later, we've gotta go or we're going to miss our plane."

I closed my eyes and sighed, yet another thing that had slipped my mind, New York. Since dads death, our family had gotten together every year on the anniversary to celebrate his life and remember him. I wasn't too found of these get togethers, considering my father died in my arms, and I had the hardest time getting over his death.

These family dinners always brought back the hurt I felt, and the emptiness in my heart from my fathers absence. But today was a bit different, because since I had met Lana, that emptiness in my heart didn't seem so empty anymore.