I use them for fun, and not for profit.

Chapter 25

Perfectly Imperfect

"You're not perfect," I said. He didn't answer. I wiggled his foot and repeated myself. "You're not perfect. You have a lump on the top of your left foot."

"Babe."

"No, seriously," I said. My head was lying atop his shin, and I was looking at his right foot. There was no lump. I rolled and rested my weight on my elbows. His hand cupped my ass at the exact time I realized that if my head was at his feet, then my butt was aimed right at his...I quickly swung around and slid into his embrace.

I couldn't let it drop. "In the past, when Lula and Connie would ask me about you I'd just say you were perfect. But you're not. Your feet are asymmetrical. You have a lump on one."

"I broke it," he said, "and then I broke it again in the same place during my airborne training. I jumped out of a plane and landed wrong." As his words sunk in, I looked at my casted hand. I'd broken it twice in the same place.

"Will I have a lump?" I asked.

"Maybe." He rolled over on top of me and kissed me. That was the end of our pillow talk for a while. After he'd met me outside the hospital, he'd taken me to his apartment. There was no chance for talk, as we'd come together as soon as we were past the prying lens of the security cameras. It was, at once, new and familiar. Ranger and I had been lovers from time to time in the past so our bodies weren't uncharted territory with one another, but it was different now.

Now, each time we made love I knew there'd be a next time. It was not less passionate than before, but maybe less frenzied. When I was between times with Joe, there was always the thought that this time with Ranger might be the last time. That eventually Joe would come to his senses and he and I would walk off into the sunset. Joe was part of my past now, I was certain. When I'd first contemplated a relationship with Ranger, I'd thought of it in much the same terms as I'd thought about a relationship with Joe. But Ranger was not Joe.

I'd always thought Ranger couldn't do a relationship, until the night he'd told me he wouldn't do a relationship. Ranger and I were thinking along parallel lines—the kind of lines that never cross one another. I wanted the ring, the dress and the ceremony, because it's what I'd expected from Joe. He wanted no ring, no dress (or tuxedo) and no ceremony. Now, that was okay with me. I'd take what I could get.

I became aware of a finger trailing down between my breasts and realized I'd mentally drifted into a place far removed from the bed where I was lying, tangled around Ranger.

"Hey," I said lazily. "You can't want more all ready?"

He smiled. "I can, but I was just trying to get your attention. You were miles away."

"Not so far away," I said. "I was thinking about a few weeks ago. When I told you I couldn't do casual sex." I felt Ranger stiffen slightly beside me, and I curled in closer to him. I continued. "The thing is, I don't think this is casual sex."

"No," he said. "It's not casual."

"Well, I can do this, Ranger." I climbed on top of him and kissed him with such emotion and passion that I surprised myself, and almost derailed myself from what I needed to say. "You said you don't do relationships, but we're already doing one. It's not traditional but neither am I, and certainly, you're not!"

"So, you'll settle for this?" Ranger asked me. There was something about the tone of his voice, about the grittiness of his gaze. I felt a moment's fear, as though I was being led into a trap, but I answered honestly.

"I'm not settling. I need you in my life. I have since I first met you. And you are in my life. Even when I was with Joe, you were there in the background, helping me when I needed it and giving me space to do my own work when I didn't need your help. I don't want that to change."

"So, you are content to work for me, be my friend and occasionally spend the day in bed with me?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. No hesitation.

"And you have no regrets?" He was persistent in his questioning. I knew I was probably missing some finer point, but I answered the question.

"No regrets, at least about us."

"Regrets about what, then?"

"My hand, "I said, and I saw an eyebrow raise in surprise. "I wanted so badly to help Chroma. I remembered the way you looked at my hands, and I thought they needed to look like they'd been in a fight, you know, to throw off Brian and Eddie. I wanted them to think I was guilty. And it worked, sort of. Joe regained consciousness early the next morning and told them the truth."

"You broke your hand for Chroma?" Ranger asked.

"Not really," I said. "The break part was an accident. But now Brian thinks I was trying to do…exactly what I was trying to do. He says if they don't find Chroma I will be charged as an accessory, because I tried to mislead them."

"They won't find Chroma," Ranger said. "And you won't be charged with anything. Simon can say what he wants, but he can't prove anything."

"Everything will be fine," I said. "Except I'll be left with a lumpy hand."

"The lump will be your badge of honor," Ranger said. I grinned at him and began working my way down his body with my lips. They lingered over the scar on his chest where the bullet from Scrog had penetrated the vest. And suddenly, it came to me.

"I was wrong," I said. "You are perfect. Your body just wears many badges."

"Babe."

Later, we dressed and ate an early dinner, compliments of Ella. Ranger was quiet most of the meal and so was I. He'd said he'd take me home after dinner. I don't know what I was expecting. Well, that was a lie. I'd been expecting, or at least hoping, he'd ask me to stay.

The food was, as always when Ella prepared it, delicious. Beef Bourguignon with homemade rolls and a crisp green salad. I ate everything. At the end of the meal Ranger topped off my wine glass and lifted his glass toward mine. I raised my glass and, as the crystal goblets clinked, he offered a toast.

"To us." His eyes fell to the table and mine followed. There was a small blue velvet ring box sitting next to my dinner plate.

The question was clear in my eyes as I looked across the table at him. He reached across and lifted the little box. He flipped the lid open and held it out to me. Nestled inside was a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring. The setting was platinum, I thought, and it looked very old.

"It was my grandmother's," he said. "She was important to me, and so are you, so it seems right that you should have it." He took the ring and slipped it onto my uninjured left ring finger. It fit perfectly.

"I don't understand," I said hesitantly. "Is it an engagement ring?"

"Do you want it to be?" he asked.

I shook my head slightly. "I don't know."

"Let's call it our relationship ring, for now," he said. "Wear it as an acknowledgement by both of us, that there is something real between us. I don't know if it will ever be an engagement ring, but I don't know that it won't be one. Can you live with that?"

I had no words and my eyes were filling with tears. I nodded emphatically, and somehow he was around the table and I was being pulled from my chair into his embrace.

Later we were sitting side-by-side on his sofa. He reached out and ran his hand over the smooth center of the sapphire of my ring. "This represents a change for you, doesn't it?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"Why?" I asked. "What made you change how you feel?"

"I haven't changed how I feel," he said. "I know I'm not good at relationships, but I'm willing to reexamine my past failures and try for a better outcome in the future…and you are the reason why, Babe."

"That sounds nice," I said, "but I wasn't reason enough a few weeks ago." I may have been pushing my luck, but I wasn't going to let him off the hook.

He was quiet for a moment and I knew he was weighing his words. Ranger was far from verbose, so he made his words count. "When you said you were through with Joe, totally, finally I knew you believed it to be true. But you'd believed it many times before and gone back to him. When you decided to help Chroma at the expense of Joe, I knew it was over between the two of you."

I should have been angry, except for one thing. He was right. Time after time I'd gone back to Joe. Illene Jefferies, the ER doctor the night I first broke my hand, had commented on it. Joe and I had become Burg entertainment, and neither one of us deserved that. It was normal that Ranger would suspect this time was the same, even if I knew in my heart it wasn't.

"We became partners in bounty hunting a long time ago," Ranger said. "I want to make you a partner in all areas of my life. We might take a traditional route or we might not. All I really know is I want you in all parts of my life. Can you live with an indefinite future?"

"Yes, I can. I don't exactly know what I want either. I've never been traditional. What if you want marriage and a family, and I can't commit? Can you live with an indefinite future?"

"As long as we live it together, Babe."

We sat close together not speaking. I felt different, as if our conversation had somehow been a vow. I was at peace, or mostly so. His use of the word partner had made me think of Chroma and I couldn't shake her from my mind.

He truly had ESP. He touched my ear with his lips and whispered, "She's safe. She's getting some help and she has good support."

"Where is she?" I asked.

"I can't say. I trust you, but this is something you shouldn't know, especially with Brian Simon nosing around. Trust me?"

"Yes."

He stood from the sofa and held out a hand to pull me up. "C'mon. I'll take you to your apartment and give you a half hour."

"A half hour?" I asked.

"To gather only the essentials. You're moving in here and I don't want to wait all night on you. I've got other things planned." His look was knowing, and I blushed.

Early the next morning, before sunrise, I felt Ranger slide from the bed. I knew he exercised every morning, and I assumed he was getting ready to go down to the gym. Chroma had become an integral part of the early morning workouts for Ranger and his men. I wondered how their routines had changed since she'd been gone.

I slipped from the bed and made my way to the bathroom for a necessary visit. Instead of heading back to bed, I went into the dressing room. Ranger was dressed in sweats and athletic shoes. "Are you going down to work out?" I asked.

"I'm going to run today," he said. "It's supposed to be a nice spring day, and I think we're through with the rain for a while. It should be a good morning to log a few miles."

"Could I come?" I asked. He stared at me, surprise evident in his face. It was widely known I hated to exercise and I never volunteered for it…at least not before I met Chroma. "I know I can't run as far as you," I said, "or as fast either. But I would like to keep up what I started, with Chroma."

"That would make her happy," he said.

"You think so?" I asked

"Yes."

I ran with Ranger that morning, and the next. On the third day I slept in, but I met with Lula and Val to run later in the morning. They had both found a new trainer at the gym where Chroma had previously worked. There was speculation as to why she'd left so suddenly, but no one at the gym knew the true story. I wasn't even sure if I knew the true story, but it probably wasn't important whether I did or not. What was important was that I remembered the friend she'd been and what she taught me.

Over the next few weeks my endurance grew, and I wished there was some way I could tell Chroma what a lasting impression she'd made on me. And on Lula and Val. I tried to share my thoughts on Chroma with Ranger, but he was unrelenting in his decision not to share information about her.

I wanted to tell her more than the fact I was running. I wanted to say I was sorry for the cruel way I'd acted in the Bookem bar after our color run. And I wanted to tell her I hoped she'd find happiness, the kind I'd found with Ranger. I couldn't say any of that, so instead, I ran. Every day.