I have been absent from this site for nearly three weeks now. I am suffering from withdrawal as much as you are, I assure you. I am so sorry I couldn't get chapter 25 up 2 weeks ago when it should have been, and even sorrier that this is all I have to give you. But it is back; I am continuing it! Life has just gotten in the way lately and I haven't had time to write at all.

So here's chapter 25. I really hope you enjoy it.

"Mother!" I gasped, leaping away from Tamaki and blushing furiously, folding my hands nervously behind my back. What are you doing here?! I mean – I thought you were supposed to be in Taiwan still…"

I trailed off when she approached me, her expression of fury transforming into a look of passive indifference. I was scared of that look. She was at her most terrifying now, when she did not look angry but exuded an aura of pure, unadulterated rage. "Mother?" I breathed. It came out sounding more like a whimper.

He hand whipped across my face before I knew what was happening and my cheek stung from the vicious slap. I let out a gasp and clasped my hand against my cheek, flinching when she drew her hand back again. She held it frozen in the air for a moment and then slowly let it fall back to her side. Tears clouded my vision.

Diary excerpt

She had never hit me before. Never. No matter how much she hated me for stealing her other daughter from her or how bitter she was that I looked so much like her dead husband, she never laid a hand on me. There were so many times I thought she would, but she never did. It was like she was almost afraid to touch me. Like touching me would acknowledge I was real. Like it would confirm that I was some… phantom, or monster or something.

"Suicide," she snarled. "One of the most important business ventures of my career and I receive a call that tells me my worthless daughter—" I cringed. "—has attempted to kill herself! Production delayed and the newspapers after me at every street corner looking for my explanations! All because my daughter decided to do something irresponsible and selfish!"

I stared at her blankly. She was beyond reasoning now. Nothing I said would change the fact that I had inhibited the newest chapter in her career. Nothing would change the fact that it looked like I had tried to off myself. She would never see reason. All I could do was stand there and take it.

My chest hurt so badly that I couldn't breathe, like someone was crushing my heart. She didn't check to make sure I was okay. She didn't even ask why I did it (though I didn't, of course). She was just mad that I did something to put a dent in her career.

I love my mother. After everything, I still love her.

But in that moment, I also hated her more than I have ever hated another person. Even Raito, though that passed after a few moments. Raito was still the most vile, evilest person I'd ever had the misfortune to encounter.

We stared at each other for an eternity; blank stare meeting furious glower. I refused to speak. My sole objective was to endure, take the punishment I did not deserve, and find a way to retrieve my last hidden blade and slice into my arm to alleviate some of this horrible pain in my chest. Maybe my legs, too.

Maybe I really would try to kill myself.

She finally began to speak, and the words chilled my blood. "You are not my daughter."

I was numb. I couldn't feel my body. Only the crushing pain in my chest. If there were ever a time I didn't want her to care, it was now. The moment she starts caring about what I do is the one moment I wish she wouldn't. "Mom… please… you don't mean that!" I choked out. It was all I could manage – my throat was closing up.

"I want you out of this house."

"Mom!"

"I'm done, Samayu. When you decide you want to be my daughter again, give me a call. I'm flying back to Taiwan tonight. Your father and I will discuss what to do with you later."

"He's not my father," I whispered reflexively.

"I'm done, Samayu. Get out of this house." And leaving me those as her parting words, she stormed back out the door.

The floor rose up to meet me. At first I was so disoriented I didn't understand. The floor should be stable, shouldn't it? Why was it moving? Someone wrapped their arms around me. Oh, that was right. Tamaki was still here, wasn't he? I'd forgotten. Mom hadn't even mentioned him. I realized that the floor hadn't moved up; my knees had buckled. Tamaki caught me before I hit the floor.

"Damn it," I gasped, holding back tears. "What am I going to do now? I don't… Damn it!" I repeated, wiping at my eyes. I couldn't breathe.

"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?" Tamaki asked me. He sounded much too calm. The world was ending, wasn't it? It had to be. It wouldn't stop shaking. "You'll just have to come stay with me for a while."

If that wasn't both the nicest and strangest offer ever made to me in my entire life, I didn't know what was. Then it occurred to me that it would make Tamaki's life much easier if I was living in the second Suoh mansion with him; it would be only too easy to keep an eye on me. But even though I could see something selfish in his offer, I knew that really he was just being nice. He was so giving. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know. And it was the only option I had. Sniffling, I whispered, "Okay."

I would miss a few things about my mansion. Some of the servants were really nice. My artwork had to be left behind in my studio, save for the painting I had just done, which I was gifting to Tamaki. He was excited about it, too – he claimed it was going to be framed and hung on the wall in his bedroom the minute we arrived. I left behind most of my clothes, since Tamaki assured me the guest room I'd slept in before still had a closet stocked with things I could wear. I'd thrown three pairs of my ratty old sweats, a stack of books from my personal library of fiction, a few of my favorite films, my sketchbook, and my journal into a duffel bag. That sat in the back next to the painting and the pillow from my bed. Curled up in the front seat, I was clutching two stuffed animals to my chest: Nimblefoot (my favorite, whom I have mentioned before) and Pepper, a Dalmatian stuffed animal that I've had since I was three years old.

I had left the only razor I had left in my room, still taped to the inside of my dictionary. I was going to miss that more than anything.

"Are you okay?" Tamaki asked as we approached his mansion.

It took me a while to even register that he had spoken and longer for the words to make sense to my addled brain. "I'm just… numb," I finally responded quietly. "I can't feel anything at all. I feel so empty." Except for my chest. It still felt like someone was smashing my heart to a pulp inside of my ribcage.

We pulled up to the front of his house. Tamaki got out of the car and walked around the front to my side, opening the door for me. I fumbled with my seatbelt, unable to get a firm grip on the clasp of it with my shaking hands before I managed to undo it and clumsily clambered out. Servants came out of the mansion and removed my things from the backseat.

I had forgotten that I was still kind of sick. I could see my breath transforming into fog in the cold air outside, but I didn't feel the frigid bite of winter like I was supposed to. I was sure if I just got a good night's sleep I'd be fine.

Tamaki led me inside the mansion – and I was almost knocked off my feet as something large and furry with four legs barreled into mine. I let out a yelp and staggered backwards as the dog, tail wagging rapidly, began to try jumping on my, trying to bestow upon me kisses of the canine persuasion.

"Antoinette!" Tamaki exclaimed, grinning as he saw the expression of mute shock on my face. "Come here, girl!" he called her, kneeling. She bounded over to him at once, licking his face. I cringed. Dog slobber. He got her to calm down a little, getting her to lie down, and then said to me, "Sorry about that. I haven't seen her for a while. One of my maids likes to take Antoinette home with her when I can't be here a lot to play with her. Her kids love you, don't they, Antoinette?" he crooned, scratching the dog's ears.

Slowly, I knelt down and ran my hands along Antoinette's back. A part of me began to calm down a little bit, which surprised me. I'd read before that pets were therapeutic; I just had never believed it until now.

Tamaki stood up and Antoinette scrambled to her feet. I stood up too. "Do you want anything?" Tamaki asked. "You haven't eaten in a while, right?"

"I'm not hungry," I said truthfully. My stomach didn't hurt anymore. It was completely fine. It was only the fact that I had a lingering fever that I was concerned about. To be honest, I still didn't feel like talking very much, not when I had so much to sort out in my head. "Why don't we finish Lord of the Rings?" I suggested.

His eyes lit up and I knew I was going to get my way. We were in the living room with the movie's title screen rolling in five minutes. I was curled up on an end of the couch hugging my stuffed animals, childishly relying on them for comfort. Antoinette, surprisingly, curled up next to me and I stroked her absentmindedly while half watching the movie, half thinking. How was I going to prove that I hadn't tried to kill myself and get off this stupid suicide watch? How would I stay sane without my painting? And most importantly, how would I get my hands on a new razorblade?

My mind was swimming with unreciprocated questions that I saw no possible way to find answer, and before I knew it I was lost in dreams rather than thoughts.

It was Tamaki who woke me up as the movie's end credits were rolling. "I can't believe you missed that," he informed me. "It was amazing. I need to watch those again."

I yawned. "What, the spider didn't scare you?"

His face blanched. "Please do not mention the spider."

I laughed. "I don't blame you. That was pretty freaky."

"Only the understatement of the year," he mumbled. "Anyway, how about some dinner? What do you say?"

I still wasn't hungry, but I agreed because I didn't want him to worry that I was ill or trying to starve myself or something. We had elaborately arranged French cuisine that tasted as though God himself had prepared it for us, though I picked at my food and hid a decent amount beneath my napkin rather than eating much of what was on my plate. When Tamaki was satisfied that I had eaten enough – I gathered dinner had been more for my sake than his – I wanted nothing more than sleep.

It was irritating, knowing he was sitting in the chair in the room I'd be staying in for however long I was here as I took a shower and got dressed in a pair of my sweats and a tank top from the closet. I shaved my legs with more of the same hair-dissolving cream that had been in the shower for me the last time I was here. I was beginning to worry that I'd never see a blade again. While I was brushing my teeth, a maid came into the bathroom and gathered my discarded clothes into a laundry basket. I expected her to leave me alone, but she stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, watching me.

I looked at her using the mirror, using my eyes to ask for an explanation. She told me Tamaki had gone to prepare for bed and he had enlisted her to keep an eye on me until he got back. She seemed embarrassed by this, as though she suspected that when Tamaki came back we were going to do a whole lot more than sleep. I sighed and spat toothpaste into the sink, wondering if this would be my routine every night while I was here.

I was in bed and half-asleep when I heard Tamaki come back in and release the maid. She was only too happy to leave. "Good night," I mumbled groggily.

I could hear him settling into the armchair again and the rustling pages of a book. He was going to read for a while, I supposed. It was still early as far as the night went, and while I was dead tired I didn't expect him to be. "Good night, Samayu," he replied.

I burrowed under the covers, clutching my stuffed animals, and let sleep take me. I wanted dreams more than anything else. Even a nightmare. So long as I could escape from reality for a while. Raito had tried to kill me. My mom had written me off as her daughter.

And I had school tomorrow.

Done! I know where I'm going with this story now, all the way to the end! I'm anticipating about 10 more chapters before this story reaches its end. Will you be sad to see it go? I will be. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you read the manga, or if you just watch the anime? Tell me in reviews! Also, if any of you are reading and waiting for updates on my Sweeney Todd or Van Helsing fics, I'm working on it! I really am!

So, review? =3 I'll see you all in chapter 26!
Phantom, out!